Dammit, Ramirex! She didn't clean this place up one bit!

As Philomena led Xavian Darrd into the dirty lobby, she sensed his disgust expanding like a red giant behind her back. Looming up, rising over her, swelling so large its gravity crushed her as flat as paper. After a few paces, it grew so massive she couldn't ignore it any longer. She spun around so quickly Darrd almost ran into her chest.

Of course, she wouldn't have minded his meaty pecs squashing her breasts flat and his stout six-pack digging into her midriff—

Focus, Philomena!

She threw her arms out and gestured to the lobby.

"Here we are! Um, it's a little dusty at the moment, but we're, um, doing a bit of fixing up … at the moment."

He kept up his pleasant smile. "Is that so?"

"Yep! Let me give you the tour. Umm …"

She turned to the left, but there was nothing worth seeing over there.

"Umm …"

Then she turned to right, but again there was nothing worth seeing.

"Umm …"

She turned to the back wall, where the 'SwiftShip' logo once hung.

"Umm … Aha!"

She raced towards a spot on the ground near the hallway, turned to Darrd with a smile, and pointed at the floor.

"You see this spot right here? This spot, this is where I was standing when I thought, 'Why are we called "executives" if we can't execute people for their failure?'"

She beamed at the hunk standing halfway across the lobby, whose own smile was a lot dimmer.

"I-I-It was a very important day in the history of this company," she said.

He nodded politely. "I see."

Philomena gulped.

"Well, I think that's about it for the tour. So …"

She clapped her hands and rubbed them together as she strode back to him.

"… any questions?"

"Yes." The smile slipped off his face as he consulted his omnitablet. "This is a commercial shipping unit with a starship hangar, correct? What exactly is it you do here, Ms. Kestrel?"

"We, um …"

Ever since an incident with GeoForce Resource Solutions, she had learned to keep quiet about what her business really did.

"… mani-fracture. Yes, that's right. We mani-fracture."

He peered closely at her. "Your business is named Kestrel Mining … yet you're in the manufacturing business?"

Philomena blinked six times in one second.

"We all have to wear different pants!" she blurted out. She held her hands up and gestured to the left. "You start out wearing your mining pants …" She moved her hands in a big sweeping arc over her head until she was gesturing to the right. "… then one day you need to take those off and put on your mani-fracturing pants!" She swung her hands up in a 'you know how it is' shrug. "Ha haaa, that's just the way it goes, am I right?!"

You got this, Philomena! You're the grestest executive ever!

Lesser people might say 'grestest' and think they made a slip of the tongue, but not you! You don't make mistakes! That's just your inner genius coming to light! You're the greatest and the bestest, so you're the grestest! The grestest in galaxic history!

"I see," he said. "So, what do you manufacture?"

Philomena stared at him, the smile weighing heavily on her face and threatening to slip off like a crashed starship perched at the edge of a cliff.

"I'm sorry?" she asked.

"What is it that your business makes?"

"Umm … we make … umm …"

Her eyes flicked around the room, hunting for a clue. She looked past Darrd and spied Ramirex standing at the edge of the hallway, waving her arms furiously over her head.

"We make …"

Now that she'd flagged Philomena's attention, Ramirex leaned forward and mouthed something at her. Her eyes were wide and wild. Her short, slight body was wired with energy, like she had guzzled her own weight in energy drinks.

What is she saying?! Philomena thought. She's trying to tell me something, but what?!

"Um, we make …"

The other woman's lips curled and snapped open. Her neck muscles stood out as she silently shot that word across the lobby with all the strength she could muster. She cupped her hands around her mouth, and added the tiniest bit of sound the next time she opened her lips.

It almost sounds like—!

Philomena whipped her head towards Xavian Darrd and shouted, "FIRE!"

Blinking in surprise, his head snapped back like a startled bird.

She raised her forefinger up to her eye level, pointed at the ceiling, and then thrust it at him. "We make fire," she said.

As she grabbed hold of the brilliant lie, it turned into a pair of reins that let her take control. She felt herself calm down and get bolder. Slipped back into the poise of a natural executive.

He frowned, his brow furrowed. "You make fire?"

With a confident nod, she hummed, "Mhmm."

He cocked his head, his eyes narrowing. "The … chemical combustion of matter?"

She thought that over for a second.

"No," she said. "We don't make that. Only fire."

Ramirex was still trying to flag her down.

"Just a second," Philomena said, holding her finger up.

As she slipped past him, she thought, My business skills dazzled him speechless, so I'll give him a minute to bask in my glory.

She walked stiffly over to Ramirex, and the two of them stood at the edge of the hallway facing each other.

"What is it?" Philomena asked.

"Fire!" Ramirex spat, twitching.

"Yes, thank you. But even though you came through for me, that doesn't change the fact that you didn't do your job—!"

Ramirex whipped her arms around. "Forget about that! You know how you told me to clean all that gunk off those pipes? Well, it turns out that gunk was the only thing holding the pipes together. Now the whole warehouse is on fire!"

"'On fire'?"

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"Yes!"

Although Ramirex grabbed her forearm and tried to drag her down the hall, Philomena pulled away from the tiny woman long enough to pop her head around the corner.

"Just a minute!" she called to Darrd.

After a pause, he nodded at her. Although he smiled, his eyebrows were arched very high indeed. Then he buried his nose in his tablet again.

Chewing her lip, she thought, I don't like the way he's touching that screen.

Then Ramirex tugged her forearm insistently, and she let herself be steered away from the stud in the lobby and deeper into the office.

"This better be important, Ramirex!" she snapped.

The woman hustled her up to one of the warehouse doors. Staring right into Philomena's eyes, she jabbed the intrapanel and opened the door. Inside, a roaring blaze danced between the shelves and filled the room with hellish light. Flutters of flaming paper swirled in the hot air. Ramirex thrust her finger at the blaze while keeping her eyes glued to Philomena's face.

After studying it, Philomena turned to the tiny woman.

"Well, have you tried putting it out?!"

"The fire suppression system isn't going off! Nobody's done any maintenance down here since the day the station opened, probably!"

Next to them, the fire continued to rage and it didn't look like it was going to cool down anytime soon. The door slid shut automatically, putting the fire out of sight, but — unfortunately for her — not out of mind.

"I looked everywhere for a fire extinguisher, and the only one I found …"

She bent down to scoop an empty extinguisher off the ground and then held it up so Philomena could see her waving it around.

"… was in your room, and it was totally empty!"

Is she accusing me …?!

Philomena's lip curled, and she let out an outraged scoff.

"Well …!"

Ramirex's mouth gaped at her. "'Well' what?!"

"Well …!"

I doubt she can enjoy the finer things in life the way we executives do, but—!

"… Galactic Swirlies are supposed to be served chilled!" Philomena insisted. "I'm not some kind of savage who drinks warm cocktails."

"Guh—? Guh—?"

"Yes! After dealing with my idiot employees all day, I need a nice, soothing, sugary cocktail to relax my incredible brain. There's no refrigerator here, so I did the best with what I had. That's how a real executive deals with problems!"

Ramirex's eyes shrank to the size of dots. She tried to say something but it came out as a strangled gagging.

I need a Galactic Swirlie! Philomena thought, rubbing her forehead.

"We have to call the station's fire service," Ramirex croaked.

"Absolutely not," Philomena snapped. "If they find out about this, they'll slap us with all sorts of fines. I'm not about to start wasting money on this place now!"

"Then do we do?!"

"Better think of something, Ramirex. Otherwise, it's your head on the line."

"My head? I'm a starship engineer, not a firefighter!"

"You can fix starship engines, but you can't fix a little problem like this?!"

Ramirex swung her hands up, clapped them against her face, and dug her palms in deep as she wiped all the sweat away. Then, she brought them around and slapped her cheeks three times.

"Aha!" she said, lighting up.

She darted into the warehouse, rushed to the shower, threw the curtain aside, and stood on tiptoe to pull the showerhead down.

"We'll use the shower to put it out!"

"No!" Philomena shouted, lunging forward and pulling the other woman away. "We can't use the shower!"

"I know using water on a chemical fire will probably make things worse, but we're out of—!"

"No, that's not it!" Philomena snapped.

"Huh?"

"That's what the inspection is about! They said we're not supposed to use a chemical burn shower like a normal shower! If we use any more water, we'll get slapped with a bunch of fines!"

Philomena dragged her back to the door while the fire raged and spread further. Once they were back in the hallway, the stains on Ramirex's white T-shirt caught Philomena's eye.

"This is all your fault, anyway! They wouldn't need to inspect the place if you didn't use up so much water!"

Voice cracking, Ramirex asked, "You spend four times as long as I do in the shower! How is this my fault?!"

"I … am an executive! I need to be my freshest so I can stun people and run this company. But you … you're an engineer! You're greasy all the time, and it takes way more water to clean that off."

"That doesn't change how much water comes out of a showerhead!"

"Oh, excuses, excuses!"

Philomena spotted wisps of smoke coming from the corner behind Ramirex. Brushing past the tiny woman, she peered down the turn.

"Hm, that's a problem."

Down the hall, another door that led into the warehouse. Curls of smoke seeped around it and rose up towards the ceiling.

Ramirex leaned around her, stared down the hallway, and gasped.

"My … my room is over there!"

She bolted down the hallway and ran past the smoky door.

"I need to save them! They're in danger!"

Keeping her voice low so it didn't carry to the lobby, Philomena barked, "When did you start keeping pets?!"

Ramirex called over her shoulder, "These aren't pets! They're much more precious!"

She disappeared into her room.

Ten seconds later, she burst back out with dozens of manga volumes stacked in her arms. Hugging them tight to her chest, she raced past the smoking door. But one volume slipped off the top and thumped to the carpet near the smoky door. She twisted around with a gasp.

"Ay caray!" she yelped. "Not volume 6!"

Planting her hands on her hips, Philomena gave her employee the iciest glare she could manage, but it was ignored.

Ramirex swung back, knelt down, and twisted her forearm to try and snag the fallen book with her forefingers without spilling the rest of them. But she accidentally jostled the stack with her knee, sending most of the books raining onto the floor.

"Ah, ah, ah!" she gasped, like she herself was being burnt alive.

Sobbing, she threw herself to the ground and started scooping all the fallen books away from the smoking door and towards her chest.

"My yuri!" Ramirex wailed. "My yuri!"

Face-down on the floor, Ramirex had her ass stuck up in the air. It was such a tempting target, and giving her a swift kick in the back would make Philomena feel so good. But — even though Ramirex totally deserved it — Philomena was above such things.

Even if it was very tempting …

She barked, "I'm going to go keep Darrd busy. This better be fixed by the time I get back, got it?! Or it's right out the airlock with you, got it?! Right out the airlock!"

She spun around and stomped down the hall to the lobby. When she reached the corner, she held back to straighten her hair and clothes. Then, sticking a huge beaming smile on her face, she strolled calmly around the corner.

"Mr. Darrd," she said. "So, so sorry for the delay."

"That's quite all right," he said. "Is anything the matter …?"

"Ha ha haa! Oh, no, of course not!" She strutted across the lobby, giving her hips and shoulders a seductive sway to try and tempt him. "Just a little business I needed to take care of. But it's all done now, and we can get back to the …" She stopped right in front of him and smiled coyly. "… big business." She reached out, curled her fingers around his tie, and slowly straightened it out. "Have I mentioned, I really like men in three-piece suits that show off just how … big … their business is?"

Smiling, he plucked his tie and lifted it out of her grasp.

"I believe I mentioned I'm married … and gay?"

"Oh, of course."

Philomena stepped back, her hands clasped behind her hips. She arched her back and sneakily thrust her breasts forward, trying to tempt him with her stellar figure.

His eyes remained on her face.

She rocked on her feet, trying to get the girls to bounce in her bra high enough to catch his eye.

"May we start the inspection, please?" he asked.

Dammit! she thought. Why can't he just be playing hard to get?!

"Sure," she said, clapping her hands and then rubbing them. "Let's start … at the beginning."

"Alright."

"Umm … Our universe began when a mommy universe and a daddy universe came together in a Big Bang. And then, umm … here we are!"

She threw her arms out and swept them around.

"Ms. Kestrel, I don't have all day."

"Oh, Mr. Darrd, please. There's always time to squeeze in a little Big Bang!" she said with a wink.

His smile slowly lost its luster and began flipping into a frown.

"Let's begin the inspection, shall we?!" She gestured down the hallway opposite the one that led to the warehouse. "Right this way."