Inside the stadium, a staff member loads your suitcase and backpack into a golf cart as Eunji takes the passenger seat. Footsteps and conversations bounce off of the reflective concrete floors and vaulted ceilings with exposed pipes. You sit in the back of the golf cart, and it lurches forward. You pass by walls lined with amps and other production equipment, watching who you suspect to be members of the production crew and band rushing around with their own tasks. There are gaps in the walls with ramps to the stadium floor, and you catch glimpses of the cavernous performance area with the stage already assembled.
The cart stops at metal double doors, and Eunji gets out. You follow suit, grabbing your luggage from the golf cart and slipping your backpack on. She holds one of the doors open for you as you pull your suitcase through into another corridor with rooms on each side. “You can store your suitcase here,” Eunji says, signaling to Beom-Seuk. He opens one of the doors with a key, revealing a small storage space. You roll your luggage in, and Beom-Seuk locks it again.
“Thanks,” you say to both of them.
“Just remind me after the show so I don’t forget to unlock it for you,” Beom-Seuk says. “Glad you’re here, kid.” Without waiting for a response, he walks out of the dressing room corridor.
“This is the medical staff’s room,” Eunji says, opening the door labeled 3. The layout is of a standard dressing room with other bags and personal items stored there. “You can leave your belongings here and change into your uniform. Meet me back in the center of the stadium.”
Alone in the dressing room away from the commotion, you get a chance to hear your own thoughts.
With shaky hands, you set your backpack in a corner and tear off your shirt. You pull on the MEDICAL STAFF one Eunji gave you. Looking in the mirror, you twist so you can see the white text across the back of the shirt. Tears spring to your eyes, and you fight them.
If I start crying, everyone will notice, and they’ll think I’m some obsessed fangirl they found off the street.
Which I am.
But I have to pretend that I’m not until it becomes true. If it ever will.
You take a few deep breaths until your emotions settle. Leaving the corridor, you hear a squeal echo through the stadium. A young woman crashes into you, wrapping you in a hug.
“You must be Jasmine!” She steps back. “I thought it was so cool how brave you were at the airport. I’m Kim Arahae.” Her long, softly curled hair is dyed a warm reddish-brown that brings out the pink in her skin. Her makeup is simple but impactful, playing with soft pinks and browns.
“It’s nothing, really,” you say, becoming shy. “But thanks. You’re part of the medical staff, too, right?”
“Yep!” She smiles brightly. “I’m so glad they finally hired someone to keep Jungkook in line.”
Your heart quickens, body tense.
She cocks her head to the side. “You didn’t know?” She laughs. “Oops. Well, whatever! You’d find out eventually.”
“Find out what?”
“They’re assigning you to Jungkook!”
Feeling lightheaded, you think back to the interview and fine print in your contract. “No, that can’t be right... No one said anything about that in my interview.”
“Well, it’s true! They’ve been looking for the right person for a while now.”
The right person?
“Come on, I’ll introduce you to Doyun,” Arahae says, walking off.
You have to jog to catch up with her and see Eunji standing along the stadium wall by open double doors leading to scaffolding underneath the stage. A young man is with her.
“I see you’ve met Arahae already,” Eunji says. Arahae smiles in response. Eunji motions to the young man next to her. “This is Jee Doyun.”
He’s tall and slender with black hair that’s carefully disheveled. He tosses his hair as his eyes drift over you.
“Hi, I’m Jasmine Law,” you say, forcing a smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”
He stares back at you.
“Jeez, where are your manners, Doyun!” Arahae says.
“Nice to meet you,” Doyun says.
“You’ll be training with Arahae today. Please let me know if you have any questions,” Eunji says.
Oh, I have questions. So many questions.
You’re burning to ask if she plans to assign you to Jungkook, but don’t want to look like a stalker (especially if it isn’t true).
“I’ll give you a tour!” Arahae says. You pace quickens to match hers as she returns to the dressing room corridor. “And don’t mind Doyun. Alright,” she says, clasping her hands together, “so a lot of stadiums and concert venues have similar layouts. The medical staff always takes dressing room three and BTS takes room four. That way, we’re always close. Sometimes we travel with BTS and sometimes we travel separately. That’s all up to Chin-Hwa, and we stay in the same hotel as BTS. Any questions so far?”
“So…we always have to be with them?”
“It depends. We’re usually there for dance practices, performances, and filming. When they have busy schedules, we’re with them a lot.” You must be making a face because she laughs as she pushes open one of the metal doors to leave the dressing room corridor. You follow. “Don’t worry. You’ll get used to it! I felt overwhelmed at first, too.”
She leads you to the scaffolding under the stage. Silver beams zigzag everywhere around you, but there’s a clear path to the center. “This is where BTS starts their show.” You remember BTS materializing in thick smoke at the Fort Worth concert. “The platform above us lowers so they can get on and be lifted up to center stage on cue. We’ll be here with them.” You nod, your mind sluggish taking in all the new information.
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“What else to tell you…” Arahae says. “Oh! I’ll show you how to do our focused health assessment on the members.”
Your mouth dries. You knew you’d have to do this eventually, but everything’s happening all at once. “Right now?”
“Yeah! They won’t mind,” she says.
“Do we do this every show?” you ask, keeping a casual tone.
“Nope, just when we need to,” she says, relief flooding you. “Like during emergencies.”
When you’re back in the long hallway, Arahae turns to you. “Did you bring your stethoscope?” she asks.
“Yeah, it’s in my carry on bag.”
“Okay, perfect! You’ll need it,” she says. You follow Arahae into room 3. Rummaging through your backpack, you fish the pastel purple stethoscope out of a front pocket. Arahae grabs her rose gold one from a table nearby.
You sling the stethoscope around your neck, the weight of it feeling new. Usually, the heaviness of the cool metal and rubber feels like an albatross. Now, it seems lighter and unfamiliar.
Your heart pounds as you follow Arahae across the hall into room 4, pressing down against your emotions and hoping it’s more effective than last time. You find the seven members lounging in casual attire. Jimin sees you first.
“Jasmine!”
The other members turn to face you, and you notice Jungkook’s surprise before he’s able to hide it. Smiling back at Jimin, you greet him. His warmth puts you a little more at ease.
“You made it,” Yoongi says, feigning mild disinterest.
“It’s Jasmine’s first day,” Arahae announces, “so everyone be nice!”
“Who said we wouldn’t be nice?” Taehyung asks, a corner of his mouth pulled upward.
Arahae points a finger at him. “Especially you, Tae.” He gives a mischievous grin.
Jungkook stays silent, watching you.
“How was your flight?” Jin asks.
“It was good. I’ve never seen so many skyscrapers before,” you say.
“Is this your first time in New York?” Namjoon asks.
“Yeah.”
“Oh, we’ll have to take you out after the show,” Jimin says, “to celebrate!”
“That’s a great idea!” Arahae says, beaming. “This is why I love meeting people. You get to experience all the fun things you love with someone new.”
“Oh...well…okay,” you say.
Yoongi clicks his tongue. “I don’t think you have much choice. Not when these two are involved,” he says, indicating Arahae and Jimin.
You laugh. “Then I guess I’m going.”
“We can make plans later,” Arahae says. “Since it’s her first day, I have to run through the focused physical assessment. Jimin, I’ll borrow you,” she says, beckoning him. “Jungkook,” Arahae says, making eye contact with him. “I need you, too. It’ll only take a few minutes.”
Jimin and Jungkook get up, and Arahae leads the three of you into an empty dressing room marked 6. She has Jungkook and Jimin stand side by side. With Arahae standing in front of Jimin, your only option is facing Jungkook. He stares back at you with the same mysterious glow in his dark eyes, and heat spreads across your cheeks.
“Okay, so,” Arahae says, removing her stethoscope from around her neck. “I’m sure you already know how to do all of this, but, technically, I have to show you. Eunji’s orders! And I do not want to piss her off.” The thought of making Eunji angry scares you a little, so you don’t protest.
“First, you want to listen to heart and lung sounds,” she says, taking the diaphragm of the stethoscope and placing it on Jimin’s chest.
With sweaty palms, you push the ear pieces in and place the diaphragm on Jungkook’s right chest, directly over his aortic valve. The lub-dub is faint on this side but strong and healthy.
You try to avoid touching him as you glide the diaphragm to his left chest to listen to his pulmonary valve, but your fingers inadvertently graze his shirt. A fire ignites in you feeling the firm slopes of his chest.
The steady, deep thumping of his heart is loud in your ears, overwhelming your senses. The rhythmic pounding fills your body as if it were your own, as if you’re attuning to an ancient secret within the fabric of space and time.
You slide the diaphragm hastily over his tricuspid and mitral valves, the thumping making a mess of your thoughts.
Listening to his lung sounds on the left and right, you scramble to regain your focus before anyone notices.
“See, I knew this would be meaningless.” Arahae says, shrugging. “Anyway, next we check radial pulses.” She demonstrates on Jimin, her touch lingering.
Jungkook holds his forearms in front of him, turning his palms up. Placing your pointer and middle fingers in the groove below his thumb between the radius bone and the taut tendons running down his forearm, you press firmly. You find his pulse, a distant reiteration of the same heartbeat, his eyes searing into you.
You meet his gaze, a hint of a smile on his lips.
I’ll never get over him. Never be able to do this job.
“And last,” Arahae says, “is the carotid pulse.” She finds Jimin’s pulse on his neck as her eyes trace his face.
Jungkook slightly tilts his head to the side, exposing his neck. You place your two fingers on the tender skin beneath his jaw just like you did at the airport in September, his pulse pushing against you.
His eyes slide down to you.
“Sound check!” Namjoon calls from the other room, causing you to tear your fingers away.
“See you later,” Jungkook says. He leaves.
“You did great! I’m sure you did that all the time at the hospital,” Arahae says.
“I donno, it seems like she learned a lot to me,” Jimin says, turning to walk away.
“Wait,” you say, “it’s not like that!”
“Sure,” Jimin says as he laughs, disappearing into the hallway.
You stare at Arahae. “It’s really not,” you say.
“Don’t feel bad,” she says. “It’s hard not to catch feelings being around them all the time. There’s really no one like them…”
Arahae brushes her hair over her shoulder, avoiding your eyes. “Focus on your tasks. It makes it easier.”
• • •
Eunji stands next to the entrance to the scaffolding beneath the stage with headset as fans scream and pre-concert footage plays. “Arahae, you have Jimin, Hoseok, and Yoongi. Doyun, you have Namjoon, Jin, and Teahyung. Jasmine, you have Jungkook.”
Your heart drops into the pit of your stomach as you try to conceal your emotions.
Arahae leans over and winks. “Told you.”
Eunji continues, “Keep them hydrated and cool. We don’t need any more press about heat exhaustion.”
The seven members of BTS arrive in a flurry of makeup artists and hair stylists doing last minute touch ups. They glittered the same way they did when you saw them in Fort Worth, almost making you forget your dreaded assignment until you notice Arahae and Doyun checking in with the other members.
You approach Jungkook and offer him a bottle of water. He accepts. Finding courage in the moment, you say, “Hey, I need to talk to you about something.” He raises his eyebrows. You wish you hadn’t said it, but you did. Now, you have no choice but to follow through.
The other members and staff make their way into the darkness under the stage, so you and Jungkook follow.
“If what happened at the airport weirded you out, I get it,” you say as you walk in stride with Jungkook to the lowered platform at center stage, metal beams and small lights all around. “I understand if you want to work with someone else.” A weight you didn’t know was there left your shoulders and chest.
“No, that’s not it at all.” You’re relieved but so confused. He’s hardly said a word to you and seems to be avoiding you. He smiles, handing the water back to you. “I saw how easy it was to fluster you.”
He laughs softly, stepping on to the center stage platform with the other members.
“Making you nervous is fun.”