Standing in line for sound check, you hardly feel your feet connecting with the earth. Other fans are chatting happily around you as people ahead of you are allowed into the arena a few at a time. Everything seems dream-like, your head swimming as you try to make sense of everything that’s happened. You recall the flowers, the card, and the seven unique signatures on it. A part of you wonders how much it would sell for and stifle a conspiratorial giggle.

Your mind drifts to a memory you can’t stop replaying. You saw it as you were falling asleep. When you woke up.

Every time you close your eyes, you see Jungkook looking up at you with his doe eyes, a mystery hidden within them.

It’s as if he was…taking you in.

No.

You push against the thoughts and worry you’re being completely swept away by fantasy.

That’s ridiculous. I did what anyone else with a medical background would’ve done in that situation. Nothing more, nothing less. I was just…lucky.

Lucky. Really, really lucky.

Muted shrieks ring out of the arena that send shivers down your spine, shocking you into the present moment. Demons from another life rear their ugly heads, and you refuse to let their hauntings ruin even a second of this.

They’re the sounds of excited fans. Not grieving. Not death.

You shake your head to free yourself of their whispers and take in a cleansing breath. You repeat the grounding exercise you read about online to help with times like these:

Today is September 15th, 2018. It’s 3pm. I’m in Fort Worth, Texas outside the Convention Center with Nikki. I am safe.

The threatening, suffocating tendrils draw back just enough to give some relief.

The method was a mixed bag. Sometimes it works, and sometimes you end up having a full-blown panic attack. It’s not pretty. Sometimes you wake up screaming in the middle of the night, terror blazing like wildfire through your body, not remembering where you are. These events started shortly after your parents divorce, and your experiences at work weren’t helping, either.

I am safe.

The shadows inside dissolve a little more.

Nikki hasn’t said much since you received the flowers at the hotel. It seems she’s having equal difficulty wrapping her head around things, too. The only time she opened her mouth was to convince you to wear your Cooky headband to the concert right before leaving. She was insistent on following through with the coordinated outfits.

As you look over at her, her eyes are glazed over as she stares at nothing in particular, and you both stand in the line in silence.

Nikki turns to you. “BTS sent you flowers.”

“Yep.”

“Because of yesterday.”

“Yep.”

She turns back. You’re relieved she’s grappling with reality as much as you are, a small smile forming.

She deserves this. As much as she comes off bubbly and fun, you know there’s a darkness in her, too. She’s always worked hard. Made the grades, graduated as valedictorian, and went to college on a full ride scholarship. Now, she’s in her third year of pharmacy school. You often wonder why she pushes herself so much.

The shrieks crescendo as you edge closer to the arena entrance. As you stand at the front of the line, a cool air-conditioned breeze rolls through the entrance doors. You and Nikki show your wristbands, and the staff wave you through.

The cold air blows over you as you enter the large, bright arena. Center stage holds a giant BTS symbol that makes your stomach flip. Rows of stadium seats encircle the stage with a spacious concrete floor area for GA.

There’s enough room that you don’t have to cram in, so you and Nikki stick to the back to have more space. Taking in the venue, the air crackles with anticipation. Fans are chatting as few wild, girlish squeals escape sporadically.

“We’re about to see them,” you say to Nikki.

“For sound check.” she responds.

“Are we dreaming?”

“If we are, I hope we never wake up.”

A few rows form behind you as the rest of the fans fill in.

Screams erupt from the mid-sized crowd as BTS casually walks onto the stage, and the crowd surges forward. You aren’t ready to have a repeat of yesterday, so you and Nikki hang back. People hold up signs, send finger hearts, and wave as the seven members stroll across the stage taking the crowd in.

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

Your eyes hurt from taking in the radiance that are the seven members of BTS. Right there. Their star power is apparent even without a large production, makeup, and costume changes.

Namjoon stands tall with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. The dimples are more pronounced here than at the airport. You can’t explain it, but somehow his dimples are absolution from the drudgery of life.

Jin beams, his angelic face looking even more unearthly. His charm is even more impactful in person as he sends a heart, and you witness his power as he flusters an entire crowd.

Yoongi carries the same cool aura you saw at the airport onto the stage. As if you would expect any less, his authenticity expressed in every cell of his body.

Hobi is dressed immaculately, his bright aura edged with darkness posing a question that begs an answer.

Jimin’s duality of cute and sexy smacks you in the face, and his deceiving innocence makes him harder to resist.

Taehyung’s dark eyes peek out from under his hair, and his reserved shyness endears him to you even more.

Then, there’s Jungkook. His undeniable magnetism enters your bloodstream as an unknowable force draws you in, intoxicating you. There was something about him that made you want to be shameless. Your eyes greedily drink in every detail, committing him to memory. The bruise on his right crown is a wisp of what it once was; the makeup artist did an excellent job concealing it.

They’re dressed comfortably in a combination of joggers, sweats, and jeans with oversized shirts in muted colors. Each member flashes their own gorgeous smile as they greet the fans.

As if it’s all become too much to handle, Nikki releases a scream as she jumps and waves which makes you laugh.

Jimin’s eyes follow the source of the outburst to her, his eyes becoming crescents as he notices her enthusiasm.

Then they fall on you, and the unexpected attention makes you feel laid bare.

His eyes become curious as you see something strange in them.

Recognition.

“He smiled at me!” Nikki grabs your forearm with a death grip. “Holy shit, I think he remembers you from yesterday!”

Not knowing what else to do, you return Jimin’s gaze, giving him a smile with a finger heart and praying he doesn’t think you’re some sasaeng.

“Park Jimin, what are we?” Nikki says in disbelief. She sends him a giant heart over her head.

Namjoon speaks into his mic, “ARMY, it’s great to see you again!” He motions to an unseen staff member behind him and DNA starts to play.

Hobi puts an arm in the air. “Let’s go!”

Jimin breaks away from observing you to sing his part. His voice is sweet and lithe like the first blooms of spring.

As soon as he’s done, he mazes his way through the energetic members until he gets to Jungkook.

He leans in and whispers something in Jungkook’s ear, Jungkook’s eyes sliding over to you.

You, in your stupid Cooky headband and stupid JUNGKOOK shirt.

Your unruly heart pounds as you feel a desperation lurch within.

Jimin breaks away from him with a subtle smile. Jungkook gives a small nod your way, and you die a little inside. Heat floods your face, the focus too much to bear.

Before any fans can catch on, Jimin and Jungkook link arms and give aegyo to the crowd as a cute distraction. It’s very effective.

“They definitely remember you!” Nikki says over the screaming fans, eyes wide. “We’ve officially peaked.” She throws her hands up. “Straight to the top,”

You stand in awe, no words coming to you. Maybe Nikki was right. Maybe this is what peaking feels like.

It’s all downhill from here.

For the rest of the sound check, you’re in a daze. You become so lost in the moment and music that you almost forget about the last 24 hours, your eyes traitorously lingering on Jungkook.

Until -

It was so quick, you could convince yourself it didn’t happen.

But it did.

Jungkook snuck another glance at you.

You know it happened because you were looking at him, too. As soon as he noticed, his eyes cut away.

Your heart rises into your throat, feeling a twinge of panic and excitement. No one tells you what to do in these situations. Hell, most people aren’t in these situations.

DNA changes into Fake Love, and they make their way to the main stage to perform the choreography. Fans’ cheers grow louder at the realization.

Their bodies move fluidly in sync as they perform the first verse and chorus.

Gaining ground between you and Jungkook is a relief from having to look at him too closely. From risking him looking at you again.

The music fades.

“Love you ARMY! See you soon!” Taehyung says as the group walks off, fans screaming and holding up finger hearts.

Jimin turns around to wave one last time to ARMY.

Then, they’re gone.

• • •

You and Nikki file in for the concert. Your legs and feet ache after a long day of standing in lines, but you’re willing to let them go completely numb for this.

Nikki seems to have perked up after sound check because she won’t stop talking about how hot Namjoon looked. Not that you would stop her — you agree.

You already know seeing them so stunning and casual will be a special memory you can keep in your back pocket to pull out on your worst days, a soothing antidote for the aches and pains of living.

The most you can give her are short responses in return. You’re overloaded, and mentioning the secret glance Jungkook stole might make you combust.

How you caught him looking. The embers in your blood threaten to catch fire at the memory.

You and Nikki return to the hard concrete floor designated for GA. Again, you both make the joint decision to stay a healthy distance away from pockets of a few over-eager guests.

Fans begin to fill the stadium, feeling more like a pilgrimage to a sacred site. One of unbridled joy; a celebration of love.

Sounds of elation that begin as a rushing river become a deafening roar, and the white glow of ARMY Bombs twinkle across the arena, illuminating the space like divine moonlight.

This is what magic feels like.

The pre-concert footage begins as the lights dim. The screams of ARMY fill every space in your body, reverberating through your bones. One last time to see them on a screen before they’re real again. In the flesh.

The video fades to black.

A base drop rings out as the BTS logo separates, emitting a pink-purple light. The crowd’s sounds compress and roll through you as a thick smoke spreads across the stage.

A white light flashes.