All is silent. Your fingertips itch to find the keys of your computer at the dark hour of two am with your second glass of wine waiting patiently on your desk. Working night shift at the hospital has left you with many nights alone with nothing but the moon, wine, and whatever’s on your mind. You sit down and let the bitter red touch your lips for a moment, enjoying the taste, before remembering a kpop group your best friend, Nikki, won’t shut up about – BTS.
What does that even mean, anyway?
Your fingertips finally get what they crave as the keys click away beneath them. Inquiring minds want to know.
Bulletproof Boyscouts, huh? You find your mouth forming a smile which has been an unusual occurrence lately. Cute.
Your first encounter with kpop was BLACKPINK’s “Playing With Fire.” The four girls have undeniable talent. Initially, you were hesitant to listen because their songs aren’t in English, but you soon discovered after a few forays that it doesn’t matter what language a song is in. It’s something you feel. In your heart. In your soul. You see the names of the seven members listed along with their photos and study each one, remembering everyone says that’s how it begins and wondering if it’s true. You take another sip of wine as moonlight glimmers on your glass. Finding yourself drawn to the 2017 AMA performance, you click on the video and let fate take hold. You become immersed in the energy and expression as they perform “DNA,” the ease with which they sing and dance simultaneously, and how they hold the audience in the palms of their hands. The screen goes black, and you realize they had you in the palms of their hands, too. Eyes wide, jaw slack, and absolutely hypnotized. As much as you were embarrassed to admit it, there was one member you couldn’t keep your eyes off of. You return to the site that listed the members and search.
The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
Jeon Jungkook.
Is this what a…bias… is?
• • •
You stare up at the ceiling with a raw nagging in the pit of your stomach. Somewhere between getting railroaded by the healthcare system and being called a “healthcare hero,” you lost your zeal for clocking into a multi-million dollar corporation under the guise of helping. You swipe your ID badge off your nightstand and study it for a moment, feeling the plastic edges press into your hand.
Jasmine Law
ICU RN
You see a bright-eyed past self flashing a full smile, fresh off the high of passing the licensure exam.
What a sweet summer child. She has no idea what she’s about to walk into. The last few years haven’t been easy, and now you’re three years deep into being a Medical ICU nurse. Growing up, it wasn’t what you’d pictured for your life, but it’s what your parents wanted. Not much else really mattered.
You roll out of bed, hunt for a clean pair of scrubs, and autopilot through your pre-work routine: shower, eat, pack a lunch, and try to ignore the creeping dread. Turning analytical eyes to the mirror, the forest green scrubs are clean but wrinkled, and dark circles take up residence under your eyes. You tie your hair back with a scrunchie in a low ponytail (too high would cause a headache and hair not secured risks falling into unmentionable horrors). At 25 you feel as if you should exude more vitality and confidence, but you just feel empty and drained.
Grabbing your lunch box and work bag, you head to your car. Inside, you pause to pick the music, using the last few moments of freedom before you're expected to be everything for everyone. You've been hooked on BTS ever since your curiosity won over and researched them that night. Their music is laced with the panacea for wounds you didn’t know you had, and you can’t get enough. You hit play and let the sound waves melt into you before starting the engine. “You Never Walk Alone” begins bringing tears that sting your eyes as you pull out and maneuver to the main road. A weak smile spreads across your lips, the first smile that's touched your face all day.
A voice inside you wells up and whispers, “It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay.”