An hour later, the two of us have relocated to one of the tables as I can’t trust Alana not to slip off a stool. Heh. Lightweight talked big but four mugs were enough to put her down. I’m on my seventh and I feel perfectly fine.

“Lou.” Geneva grabs my wrist. “You’re about to drink salt.”

I blink. Oh. Not my cup.

I put down the saltshaker and reach for my mug, the succubus snickering in the background. So, maybe I’m not completely unscathed. After all, I faced Alana fairly with only my human constitution and this fleshy form has its limits.

Across the table, Alana groans and raises her head from the table. Her blue eyes are narrowed and unfocused as she looks at me. “I lost.”

I bet I look smug right now. “Yep.”

Her forehead hits the table again and a muffled “Degenerate,” reaches me. Hey, now. What is that supposed to mean? I am an upstanding citizen, at least these days. The degenerate is my wife.

“I tried to warn you.”

She raises her head again. I have to exercise some serious self-control to not laugh and spew drink in her face at the exaggerated pout. Saints witness! If only I could capture this moment to show her later. The stoic knight-to-be would cringe so hard she’d fold in two.

“Cheater.”

“No cheating. Just skills.”

“Debauched pleasure-hound. Scumbag. Immoral swine.”

My smile slips a bit. I know she’s drunk but this is kind of hurtful. Then again, if I was consigned to extra training with Kierra, I’d want to hurt someone too. I should be understanding now.

Or I could rub it in.

“And you’re going to be an elf’s punching bag, hehe.”

With a shout, she jumps to her feet, sending her chair sprawling. She wobbles as a hand grabs the hilt of her sword. “We will settle this with a duel!”

“Whoa!” I get to my feet with a lot less haste and finish my drink. Probably shouldn’t be my highest priority but I wouldn’t waste it like some cultureless heathen. “I’m really more of a lover than a fighter.” That’s why I’m a summoner.

Alana manages to pull her sword free and immediately fumbles it. The weight ruins her balance and the sword slips from her fingers as she pitches forward. Seeing her stumble, I throw my arms out to catch her.

Ugh. Not sure how but me trying to catch her ends up with the two of us crashing through the table, Alana landing on top of me atop a pile of broken furniture. A situation I’d normally rejoice in but pieces of wood are digging into my back and the extra weight isn’t helping.

“You’re paying for that!” Howie shouts with more amusement than anger. I ignore him, anyway.

Groaning, I wrap my arms around my friend and roll us off the pile of splinters.

I end up on my back again. No, no, it’s not a preference or anything. Coincidence, really.

Geneva appears over me, wearing a knowing grin. “Just give the goblin his gold,” I grumble, sending the temptress away. Bell scurries over and picks pieces of wood from my hair, little saint that she is.

Mumbling brings my attention to Alana. “Can’t understand a word you’re saying.”

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

“Said I can’t believe you’re so talented,” her muffled voice says louder.

“Hehe.”

“Even though you’re a pervert.”

Hey, now. I resent that. I’d call it more a healthy libido and I keep it in the family. If I were a true degenerate, I’d be trying to take advantage of the situation, which I won’t. Thinking about it doesn’t count or we’d all be damned by the saints.

“You and that elf. You’re strong, Lou. Got to make you a knight. Then we can fight together.”

“Hm? Who we fighting?”

“Going to push past the Bleak Peaks.” Her head suddenly pops up, eyes fierce if unfocused. “Glory to Victory!” she suddenly shouts, drawing the few eyes at the bar. “I’ll show them! I’ll be the first to make it past the Endless Snow, reach the northern coast, and bring back the heads of legendary manabeasts! And then…and then…”

She loses strength and her head drops to my chest. “Then they’ll have to acknowledge me,” she whispers.

I know I must be making a strange expression as I look down at my friend. She always seems so serious, unnaturally focused. From the sounds of it, her determination is rooted in her family.

Why family? No one can drive another quite as mad as family can.

Don’t tell me they’re taking advantage of this sweet girl?

The thought makes me angrier than expected. I can turn a blind eye to many terrible things as the world is a terrible place. I, a complete innocent, was dragged off the road and stabbed for no good reason. I have no illusions about people.

The only duties I hold myself to are taking care of my family, the one I’ve created, becoming the most amazing caster the world has ever known, as anything else would just be an embarrassment, and spreading the knowledge of the most wonderfully glossy elemental in all the planes. Besides that, I don’t much care.

Alana doesn’t reach the level of family but I can’t ignore her. Not my friend who stands up for me without a second’s hesitation and generally seems to want to make the world a better place. But that’s for another day, when she’s ready to confront the demons shadowing her.

I put a hand on her hair, which is surprisingly soft. Once when I snuck into the local village, drunk of course, I stumbled onto a farm and found myself in a henhouse. I was surrounded by clucking chickens but there were also baby chicks with their soft, downy feathers. She reminds me of those baby birds.

“Don’t worry, you miserable saint candidate. I’ll be your knight whenever you need it.”

She makes a contented noise but doesn’t move.

“Eh-hmm.”

I look up to see Geneva standing over me again, tail whipping lazily, with a scowling barmaid at her shoulder carrying a broom. “I hate to ruin your fun but Master does expect you back at a reasonable time and Louise would like to do her job.”

“Ah. A little help?”

“Of course, my summoner.”

-

I am not at all embarrassed being put on Geneva’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Being carried in her arms would have been worse and there’s no chance of me walking on my own. With the crazy colors of the Myriad Zone and the drink working together, everything is a colorful haze. The journey home feels like a jaunt through a dream, especially with Bell on my back cooing a cheerful tune.

When we arrive home, Nomad opens the doors. His role as the night steward fits his ghostly presence well. Even for his benefactor, he can only a muster a small nod before he’s off wandering the dark halls of our home.

Geneva has done wonders with his mannerisms. Before, he would’ve just stared into oblivion until someone reminded him to close the door.

I’m carried to the bedroom, getting a glimpse of Kierra’s silver hair beneath the covers before entering the bathroom.

Bell hops off my back, presumably to fill the tub as I hear the water run. Geneva sets me down. Six globes of crimson fire suddenly appear throughout the room without a sign of her casting. The amount of control to hold six simultaneous spells and with such finesse…

Eh, too drunk to grasp anything but the room is filled with pretty lights.

In short order, she has me naked and soaking in the perfectly heated water. A part of me is anxious that she’s going to take advantage of the situation, in the best way. The rest of me is beyond caring.

All of me is surprised when she simply washes me.

“Please, Lou,” the succubus says with a small scoff. “I don’t need to take advantage of you. Such a thing is beneath me and would ruin our trust.” I sigh as the soft cloth in her hands goes across my chest. “Relax. Entrust yourself to me.”

“Mmkay.” Probably going to go right back to being wary of her seductions in the morning but for now, it sounds like a great idea.

I’m almost asleep when I’m carried out of the bath and slipped into bed. Long arms wrap around me and pull me close. “I thought I’d been abandoned tonight,” Kierra whispers with a sleepy smile.

This is a great time to for a romantic one-liner. If only I could think of one. Best I can do is wiggle closer and bury my face in her chest with a sound of contentment. Luckily, my wife is the same kind of degenerate I am. She chuckles and rakes her nails across my scalp. “Did you have fun?”

“Gonna be a knight.”

“Oh? Got your eye on a princess? Or perhaps a dragon?”

“A saint.”

“How daring.”

“Mm.” It doesn’t take long to fall asleep listening to the steady beat of her heart.