“Sigh, I give up.”

“The f**k!? A-aren’t you the hero in this situation!?”

It was a fantasy world, albeit with some alternations and a modentwist every now and then.

The world was at war, between the holy elves and the dark orcs (typical) and everything was in a major deadlock of good versus evil. In the final battle scene where the Elves united with their Dwarven and Human rivals to vanquish the army of Orcs, Goblins, and Ogres, the pinnacle of the conflict was taken up to the tallest point of the tallest mountain in the tallest part of the world.

The showdown on Mount Doomsday.

One hero and one villain of each respective faction were present. An Elf Lady and an Orc Man. No matter how big the army was, no matter how many men they had alive to see this war through, the final results came from whoever was the last standing in this epic boss duel.

And the second this fight to the death began… the victor was decided.

“I-I can’t help it. I-I’ve always had a thing for horsewhip. N-now please do your worse onto my body, Demon King♥!”

“Hold up! Hold up! Don’t tell me the leader of the Holy Elliance is a woman who gets high from receiving intense damages! Wh-where is that undaunting pride you Elves carry on your chest!?”

“Yes. My weakpoints are the tips of my globes! If you are to clamp them in a deadly vice, I suggest using wooden pins! They feel more comforting than the teeth on the plastic ones.”

“Are you listening to me, you deplorable Elf Queen!? I may be a man, I may be the one who stands above everything that is evil and benign - but I'm not into that kind of play!”

On the tallest plateau of the tallest mountain in the tallest part of the world, the Emperor of the Orc Coalition and the Queen of the Holy Elven Alliance were the only ones present in this last fighting stage of the century. They were armed with a giant spear that functions as a horsewhip and a slim crossbow that functions as a heavy gatling gun.

It was only five seconds into the fight, yet the Queen was suddenly on her knees.

No, she didn’t admit defeat at the last twisted second. Neither was she bowing over from the sheer intimidating powers of this Orc Emperor.

Simply put, this woman was a masochist♥.

“Go ahead and be rough with me♥. I’ve been through worse. Surviving the first wave of swords from 1000 Willow Crabs didn’t even put me in a pleasurable mood. Sigh.”

“Holy sh*t! Just how bored are you to go to such extremes to excite yourself!?”

“You don’t understand! The stress as a queen who rules over 10 major races and 30 other colonial lands is too much! With my duties and responsibilities, there was no time for my husband and I do this and that like what other newlyweds would do day in and day out. Now that the old codger has reaced his maximum age, he left me in a state of incredible frustration!!... I-I don't even have a child to fawn over lovingly to relief my stress as a royal housewife...Sob."

“Th-that last bit of detail is too much to stomach! E-even if I am th-the Emperor of all Orcs. An-and don't cry! It not only makes you Elves look weak, i-it's making me feel very uncomfortable!!"

It seemed the epic final battle was coming to a bit of a stand-still.

The fury of war may be going on in full blaze at the base of Mount Doomsday, but the hero and villain who led both factions were having trouble in continuing their climatic fight scene. It was like an actor who forgot their line and were frozen until someone in the back of the stage whispered a prompt to them.

It was… that awkward, really.

“Tell you what. I’ll become you slave and you can do whatever you want to me♥!!”

“Stop! Th-this isn’t just divulging yourself into personal pleasure!! Th-this is a war! A conflict of political interested and global domination! Y-you represent one side of this world's coin and I stand on the other side. If you were to submit to me, essentially you’ve submitted your entire alliance to my forces!”

“To be frank. This isn't really my war. Once my husband withered away, his court officials kept nagging at me to wage an all out war against your kind. I honestly have zero interest in playing along with their game of thrones, all they wanted was to conquer your lands and smooch off of your rich ore mines..."

"Th-then...then why are you standing on this epic combat stage t-to face me, th-the final boss... Hey! Pay attention and stop playing around with your gatling sword as if it were a gold club! Respect your holy weapons!"

"Well... at first I really didn't care. Even without my word, the officials spread rumors and gossip that eventually led the whole kingdom up in arms to be gung-ho... I'm not even the leader of this United Holy Offensive, I'm just the poster girl used by my council to raise morale."

"Wh-why then? Why did you trouble yourself to smash through all 100 of my defenses!? Not only did you crush an entire column of my strongest orcs and neutered my team of shock-ogres... Wh-what reason are you facing me?"

"...I've heard many stories about you, Mr. Orc Emperor. In how you are rough with the Elven Women you've captured and enslave. Oooh, the juicy intellignece reports I received knowing the inhuman methods you use to break pure and innocent maidens to become nothing more than mindless dolls melting with overflowing joy for your carnal pleasure... You're totally my type!♥"

"W-wait!! Wh-why are you licking your lips!? I-I hate to admit it, but those violent stories you hear about me are not true! I-it's all part of the propoganda to r-rile the fighting spirits of my brethren! I-if they find out I-I haven't even touched a girl's hand, they'll surely cause a nation wide mutiny against me! Not to mentoin, my own Orc father would definitely strangle me!"

".......Well then...You can truly make them proud after you have you way with me♥. Fu-fu-fu. Don't worry, you can use whatever cruel punishment on my body. Wooden horse, iron maiden, stone press, rope web---I have every confidence in my many buffs and bonuses that keep my health points above zero. Rest assured♥"

"Holy mother of—A-are you actually drooling from the messed up fantasies in your mind!?"

"Yes♥♥♥!"

"TH-THE F**K! DON'T SQUEAL LIKE THAT WITH HEARTS IN YOUR EYES! I-IT WOULD MAKE ME LOOK BAD!"

The Orc Emperor took a devastating blow to his brain. The attack came in so hard, it made his giant bare feet stagger on the rough obisidian floor covered in ashes from the thousands of volanoes raging around them in the background. He almost dropped his spear that had the power to turn into a horsewhip, but was able to recover at the last minute to brace for another assault.

Please note, the Elf Queen had done nothing but stare at him like a cat to a can of salmon. A small wet puddle was forming between her legs, and it kept falling from her mouth open in sparkling awe.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"Please, Mr. Emperor, whip me with your love!"

"NEIN! I-I do not consent in taking part in such a violent mating ritual!"

"Surely you must use that hot spear of yours on all the girls you've captured!"

"NYET! I told you, all those stories about our prisoners are false! The princesses and villagers are still halfway through their five-star spa session as we speak, with extra manicure! Besides, everything you heard about Orcs being monsters in heat isn't real... We're sterile!"

".......Heh?"

"I said it, alright! We Orcs are sterile as f**k! We have zero libido, because of that all of our hormones are investing into making our bodies bigger to become more intimidating! Th-the only way we could have more little orcs is conduct this expensive ritual where we pull out more copies of us from another plane...There! I said it! A thousand year old secret, are you happy now!?"

"............................................."

".......Well? S-Say something you ridiculous heroine!"

"...Hmm... I am the Queen of the Holy Alliance, with more magical benefits than most girls... Who knows, maybe with my stats we could smash through whatever barrier your Orc DNA has and mix our genetics ot bring about a new baby half-elf orc child! So what do you say, will you take me as your slave?"

“ARE YOU F**KING LISTENING TO F**K OBSESSED ELF!?”

“Of course I am! I’ve endured enough listening at my lazy royal courts who only struggle to acquire power. Even if it’s your forces we should be dealing with, they choose to back stab each other zealously. Essentially, it’s no different than stubbing their own toes!! I've had enough of their garbage!”

"Which exactly brings me back to the main problem at hand! Poster girl or not, you represent the Holy Alliance as a whole! If you willingly bend over to me now, means your entire nation is bending over to me... H-how selfish can you be!?"

"...............S...Selfish? Selfish? Right, because all I ask is to be loved like any other woman with an open and honest heart! But no, that old man I call my husband rather spend his youth in bedding other queens and princesses, even a f**king farm girl who works at our castle's stable - but never me! NEVER ME! YOU'RE A MAN, DO I LOOK UGLY TO YOU!? DO I NOT LOOK APPEASING TO YOU!? IS THAT WHY EVEN YOU DON'T WANT ME AS A LOVE SLAVE! F**K! F**K! FFF.......F***********K!"

A loud smashing sound could be heard, reminiscinant of a great sword swinging down to crash through the iron shield of an enemy. It had every intent of cracking open even the world's crust in order to truly deliver the killing blow.

...When really, it was the sound of a certain crossbow gatling being slammed into the obsidian stage. The Orc Emperor would watch it bounce uselessly across the ground, into three even pieces, and count the magical bullets falling out of its ripped guts.

All the while, a certain Elf Queen curled up on the floor... weeping like a sullied woman.

"I don't understand...Even if my husband married me so he could acquire the magical technology of my people; even if he told me sweet nothings to break my cold exterior to make me fall head over heels; even I am his Queen...... why won't he bother holding my hand... am I asking for too much?"

"..............................."

"......Is it because I'm an Elf... and he's a human... that the stigma is still there.......Yes, we were at war with each other, but that was eons ago before the world heard it's first name... we should have overcame those racial boundaries years before yet....... Why, the moment we finished out wedding vows, he would keep glaring at me with such deep scorn in his eyes..... those same sapphires eyes I once fell in love with....Aaaauuuuh....aaauuuhh...."

"................................................................ This is messed up."

The Elf Queen didn't hear the Orc Emperor's off-handed comment.

She was too busied burying her face into her hands covered in armor and bridal gauntlets. Thick streams of tears leaked through the cracks in her fingers and made the puddle between her knees even bigger. Every time she sniffed back her pain, it only returned with a flooding vengeance.

On that epic combat stage that would decide the fate of the world, the Elf Queen gave up and cried. The true wound that crippled her was not dealt onto her body... but her heart that was wrapped in bitter chains.

"..................... Even with all these volcanoes around us, it's still cold at this high altitude... Here..."

"Aawaaa."

The Elf Queen made a sound through her sobbing. Something akin to a girl being startled when something fell to coil around her small shoulders. Something big, something... warm.

A deep red velvet cape, befitting of a dark lord.

".....Sniff... Won't you be cold? You're not wearing anything but an armored loincloth..."

"I'm an Orc, so I'll be fine. I have enough body fat to keep my internal organs well insulated. Besides, my frame is too big, I can't wear a regular shirt like humans do. Sigh."

The leader of the Holy Alliance was open to any and all attacks. Her fighting spirit was shattered only five seconds after the fight began. Anyone could deal a kiling blow to her body and claim total victory over her army. The Orc Emperor who rulves over his dark breed of fellow Orcs, Goblins, Gremlins, Ogres, and the like saw this clear opening... And decided to take it and—

"Uwaah. You're tummy is incredibley soft!! L-like a giant marshmallow!...I-is it okay for me to rest my head on it?"

"...I-it's emberassing when you say it out loud but... sure..."

—Stabbed his spear into the ground, sat down onto the obsidian floor, and allowed the Elf Queen wrapped up in his imperial cape to rest her small head on his bulging stomach.

Period.

"... I don't mean to be rude but... you smell very nice."

"I uphold personal hygiene above all else... Although, my father would slash me with his war axe if he knew how much shampoo and cologne I use behind his back. Sigh."

"..........And it's very warm... your cape... it feels so fluffy..."

"It's made from the pelt of a fire wolf. It has a lot of defenses against fire and lightning magic. I was expecting to fight your top-ranking Flame Mage who kept saying she will be the one to defeat me as your champion."

"Hmm? Oh that bratty pyromaniac? Sigh. She kept stalling me from reaching you directly, so I took care of her."

"I-isn't that friendly fire!?"

"No. I said I'll give her a massage for good luck, and pinched her nerve to knock her out."

"Oh! The Vulcan Neck Pinch! Kudos!"

For some reason, the Heroine and Villain punched each other... knuckle to knucle. It had some sort of meaning for a reason unclear to this narrator.

"... I hate this world... makes me want to up and transmigrate somewhere else. Live a peaceful life... maybe retire on an island and raise llamas or something."

"I agree. The only reason why I'm forced to be the Emperor of the dark beings is because my father going senile. The last thing I want is our nation to collapse while he spirals into madness."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"And I'm sorry you lost your husband."

"Don't talk about that seed-laying rat b@stard---WHO IS TOO CHICKEN TO TOUCH HIS OWN ELF WIFE!! MEN WOULD KILL TO HAVE A WOMAN OF MY BREED, RIGHT? RIIIIIGHT!? YOU'RE A MAN. DON'T YOU WANT TO HAVE YOUR OWN HOT ELF WIFE WITH BIG BOSOM SO YOU CAN PLAY AROUND WITH FROM DAY IN AND DAY OUT AND THEN SOME!? HAAAAAAH!?"

"......I...I'm sterile so... I am not in the authority in terms of... such goals."

"S...sorry. I didn't mean to yell."

"S'cool."

"Uwaaa. So manly."

The war at the base of Mount Doomsday continued to rage on. Both sides were pushing each other back and forth across a border that had little to no change as to who truly controlled it. The soldiers who flew the holy flags merely folored the orders of corrupt generals and polticians who strive to see ther own agenda come to full fruition. As the creature who flew the dark flags merely had nothing else better to do than to cause trouble for everyone.

A mess, both inside and out. Something an honest leader would feel frustrated over seeing how ridiculous this farce is.

"This war is ridiculous."

"This war is ridiculous."

"..................."

"..................."

".....Hey...Mr. Orc Emperor... what's your name?"

"Gawain... after my favorite knight from a fairy tale I read when I was a wee lad."

"... Would is spook you if my name was Morgan?"

"Not the slightest."

"............................................................Hey, Mr. Orc Emperor."

"Yes, Miss Elf Queen?"

"Want to elope?"

In the end, the battle that was to decide the fate of the entire world came to an abrupt halt. Somewhere along the way, both armies received word they've lost their great leaders in a battle. News came back in fragments, everyone having their own spin of the epic climax on the top of Mount Doomsday.

Some say the hero and villain smashed their weapons with each other hard enough to destroy their bodies. Others tell of the rivetting story of either leader defeaing the other, but filled with remorse in killing a strong rival and decided to live the life of a hermit. On rare occassions, some people say they up and gave up the fight and eloped, but those rumors were shortly put to an end by the noose.

...What really happened to that Elf Queen and Orc Emperor... nobody knew... it was only about 100 years later after relative peace... a certain Elf Wife and an Orc Husband would return to their homeland after transmigrating to another reality.

Two half-orc boys and one half-elf girl in their arms.

"See, my little darlings. This is the mountain where Mommy first met Daddy. After that, he was super rough with me in all the right places. Tee-hee♥."

"A-are you sure you're telling the story right, my dear? Y-you keep saying you wanted to be the M in the relationship, but ended up being the S... I-I think we should clear up the details behind our--"

"Ignore daddy, my dear children. I love him, but he can be a delusional Orc Emperor some times."

"I'm hurt! An-and to think I gave up my first time to a ridiculous former Elf Queen like you! In the end, I was the one to receive the violent passion... Y-you gave me no warning - Sob!"