[https://em.wattpad.com/d91a59269de88da985ed10090222925b7a6dd5b0/68747470733a2f2f36382e6d656469612e74756d626c722e636f6d2f39353963373330303232326462373965663836613337306663663761333965352f74756d626c725f6f746a33667453386f6231777661726d326f315f3530302e6a7067?s=fit&h=659&w=1404&q=80]
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“You’re an idiot”
“And you’re a f**king sasquatch.”
“ON YOUR KNEES AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS RIGHT NOW!?”
I’ll sum up. Even in the Year 32XX, Mankind were still stuck on Planet Earth. All known methods to colonize space had failed and have forced many members of the Neo NASA to either jump off cliffs or hand in their resignation. However, after the countless of inter-planetary experiments, we did discover a strange byproduct.
The people we know from dark legends have appeared. I’m talking about Vampire,s Werewolves, Mummies, Zombies, all of it. Even some species that have never been heard of like the Jabberwocky or the Giant Dust Bunnies. Strangely, they don’t act like how mankind portrayed them in media.
Vampires have fangs, but they drink tomato juice as part of their physiology. Werewolves aren’t all covered in fur, they just have wolf ears and their clothing is replaced with fur (very hot wolf girls). Mummies are all girls, strangely, and they said synthetic materials make them allergic (at most they can wear swimsuits without a reaction). Zombies, don’t have a brain but have some kind of cell-based neural link which is established among the horde like some kind of hive mind system.
As Mankind had been in poverty after countless of wars, we didn’t bother to try and eliminate them. Rather, we did the smart thing. We smooched off of their already flourishing economy that they’ve been hiding under our noses.
We turned this discovery into profit.
So even in this Year 32XX, we’re stable in finances. And we started to exploit more. For example, I have a Sasquatch Girl as my room-mate. She was wielding her slippers as if they were kitchen knives at me for some reason.
“I’ve had enough of you human! You keep stealing my underwear and selling them through whatever back channel you have your dirty hands on! No reimbursement will satisfy my maidenly rage! So from now on, I’m leaving you!”
“You’re still under tenant contract for another 11 Months.”
“You lied to me! You promised you’ll protect me as if I was a chaste girl going to university in a foreign land!”
“That’s why you should have read the fine print in the contract. You can’t take human words seriously, and this is a fellow human who is saying this.”
“Are you saying I’ve been pawned!?”
“No. I’m saying you’ve been punked.”
“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! STUPID HUMAN LEETSPEEEEEEECH!”
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.
I watched as this girl who had frizzy hair and fur covering her arms and calves like sleeve-warmers dance around in rage. As she only wears a loose t-shirt and her underwear was ‘missing’ I got a lovely few of her…… secrets of a Sasquatch girl. She suddenly stopped her tantrum and held her slippers at me like a kitchen knife.
“Pay me back for mental damages! I won’t forgive you until you pay me every Euros made from selling all of my underwear to shady people in the black market! Th-this is a felony!”
“10% of net profits.”
“I’m not f**king bargaining with you! I’m threatening you!”
“Aaaah. Oh nooo. She’s going to cut my throat with my mother’s slippers. Kyaa Kyaa.”
“……………………… Y… you’re making fun of me… aren’t you?”
I turned away from the Sasquatch girl’s eyes.
“15%.”
“AL OF IT!”
“15.5%.”
“Now you’re really picking a fight with me I’ll break your arm and shove it up your--”
“The Lexington Act, Article 971, Paragraph 19. Thou shall not strike a human and though shall not strike a creature. Any one who breaks this clause, shall be ejected into the 67th Oblivion. In other words if you hit me, you won’t be my room-mate. You’ll be mandatory room-mates with Shoggoth. I think his name was called Bubba.”
“VER-D@MMIT!”
“I thought your kind came from American lore. When did you learn German?”
I tilted my head, enjoying the view the raging Sasquatch was giving me as she rolled across the ground in just her T-Shirt.
“I CAN’T STAND THIS ANYMOOOOO OOOOOOO OOOORE!”
“GEH!? WH-WHEN DID YOU OWN THAT SMITH AND WESSON BABY BROWNING SNUB REVOLVER!? TH-THAT’S AN ANTIQUE THAT BRITISH CONSTABLES USED IN THE '80s!”
“I-if I can’t win you with force…. I’ll hit you with a back door strategy! Gabu!”
“THE F**K!? YOU’RE GOING TO SWALLOW A BULLET AND FRAME ME FOR BREAKING THE LEXINGTON ACT!?”
“You really are an Idiot…. I’ll do this of course!”
And she started to lick the nozzle of the gun in a seductive manner…. At this point, I realize this weapon……. Was a toy replica.
“Chuuu Chuuu Chuu… I heard this drives humans crazy, like nails on a chalk board! Ha-ha! The queen of the Sasquatch has made a comeback! The ultimate counterattack has begun! Let’s see how long you can last this torture… human! Chuu! Chuuu! Chuuu! Laaaaaaaaaal?!”
“…………………………..Oh, oh no. A-anything but that. My eyes, I can’t watch this from afar. I-I must reduce the impact by getting in closer!”
“Ha-ha-ha! It’s super effective!”
In the end, I ‘endured this act of torture’ from the (cute) Sasquatch girl licking the toy gun… I spurred her on with more fake screams. She’s pretty good at this torture. I bet these photos would sell for a fortune in the back channels.
"GUUG! COUGH COUGH! HURK!"
"....... Giving up?"
"KKKKKKK--NEVEEEEEEEER! CHUU♥!! CHUU♥!! CHUUUU♥♥♥!!"