Chapter 8

FERRIS DIPPER

Ferris Dipper didn't want to see another body. Human or animal. But especially human. Both made his heart break, cracks splintering across the surface like a spider's web. But there was something different when it was a human body. Something that made the pain just a little sharper. Made the loss a little stronger. Made that ache in your chest just a little deeper.

Seeing Ashley's body lay on the tray, pale and lifeless, felt like claws tore through his chest, shredding his skin and turning his heart to ribbons.

Ferris didn't know how long they had been at the Moonfall Precinct, but a glance at his watch told him it was nearing 4 in the morning. In any other circumstance, Ferris would be dead on his feet and likely about to fall asleep. But right now, he didn't feel an ounce of exhaustion.

The group was still, rarely moving and rarely speaking. Everyone held their tongue. What could they say? Nothing could make it better. Nothing could bring Ashley back.

Kristin never strayed from Ashley's side. Zip lurked in the corner, hands tapping against his thighs. Ren kept their back to the wall opposite the doorway, halfway between relaxed and about to bolt, and adjusted their headphones every so often. Charlie leaned back in her chair, shifting in her position on it every few minutes and rocking in it. Ferris leaned back against the wall opposite where Ashley lay and crossed his arms across his chest.

No one made any move to leave. Once they did, the next time they would see Ashley would be at his funeral. Even then, they may not see him; Ferris didn't know what requests Ashley had made for when he died. Or, if he hadn't, what Kristin would choose to have done.

When Ferris's mind threatened to send him down the rabbit hole of unwanted memories, he dug his nails into his palms and let the pain distract him. He focused on it, let the sensation wash over him as his nerves cried out. He let the dizziness and brain fog from his concussion take center stage in his mind. He wouldn't go down memory lane right now. He couldn't.

Ferris knew they'd leave when Kristin decided to, and that until then they'd be there.

Kristin drew in a sharp breath, breaking the smothering silence that hung in the room.

"Why? Why, Ashley? Why'd you have to go? What were you doing out in the forest? You were supposed to be in Moonfall, not Myway Highway. Why, Ashley?

"It was us. The two of us in Cat's Cradle against the rest of Waverwell. Just us. You and me. Can't I get another one of your hugs? Hear you tell me it'll all be ok just one more time? Get to see you just one more time? Get to say goodbye while your heart's still beating?" Kristin tightened his hands into fists and his knuckles turned white. He choked on a sob, back hitting the wall as he slowly slid down. Ferris's eyes burned.

"Why you? Why you and not me, Ashley? What's so different about us that make it you who had to die and not me? Why am I still here and you're not?"

Kristin kicked out a leg and the chair next to him went skittering across the ground, falling over backwards and coming to a rest on its side.

"Why?" Kristin looked up, eyes pleading.

Ferris felt his heart break. He wished he had an answer. He wished he'd had one two years ago when his dads died. Slow tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Why?" He repeated, his voice sharp. His fingers flexed like he was about to hit something, and they curled into his hair as his lip raised and flashed his teeth. He rose to a crouch that reminded Ferris of a coyote in a trap. Terrified, fear coursing through every vein, yet spitfire anger serving as a shield. But then Kristin's anger sputtered out, and he curled up, knees to his chest and head buried in his arms. He gave Charlie a mangled no when she asked if he wanted a hug, and she remained in her chair.

"Remember that time when we spent the night in that alleyway, Ashley," Kristin said. Ferris froze, wondering if he should leave but he couldn't get his limbs to work so he settled for staying silent and still. "We had to be like eight or nine. Old enough to remember but still young enough to feel so naive. We were both so terrified that someone would find us that we hid behind a stack of boxes, huddling together and refusing to let sleep claim us. It was cold. That damp kind of cold that chilled you to the bone and settled in to stay. Every sound had us jumping a mile in the air, and neither of us dared to move. You kept whispering to me that it would all be ok. Nothing bad could ever last forever, no matter how much it felt like it could. Even the longest of nights came to an end. The sun would always rise again. You told me that over and over. Nothing lasts forever, the sun will rise, it will all be ok. We held each other tight, and then the night ended. The sun peeked over the shabby buildings on the outskirts of Cat's Cradle. Fiery rays of orange and red that lit up the greys and browns of Cat's Cradle. It looked like a surreal painting with how devoid of color Cat's Cradle looked and how bright the sun seemed.

"I dragged you out from behind the boxes and out into the street. We ran out to the bluffs to watch the sun rise over Waverwell, and it felt like the most amazing thing ever, even though we were still in Cat's Cradle, still just trying to survive, and it was just a sunrise. It was like just for a moment, the briefest of moments, everything was ok. It was just us, the bluffs, and the sun. The grasses brushing against our legs, my hand in yours, and the sun warming our skin as it rose over the horizon."

Kristin tilted his head back. Tears swam in his dark eyes. His voice was low, even. Almost as if he were telling a secret. "The next time I felt anything even remotely similar to that was the night after we caught our first offender. Ferris and Zip brought him to the Precinct, while the rest of us made dinner. We spent the evening celebrating our little victory. It felt like flying. I've never been flying, but it sure felt like I was. It wasn't like that morning on the bluffs, but it still felt like hope, you know? Like everything would be ok. We'd caught one offender. What we were doing was working.

"But now what? Clearly it wasn't working. You're d-. You-. You. You're... You're gone, Ashley. What are we supposed to do now? You're not here. We were supposed to look out for each other, Ashley. We were supposed to look out for each other! How are we supposed to do that if you're gone?

"I couldn't keep you safe. And now you're gone. And now I'll never get anything more with you. You're my brother, Ashley. We looked out for each other. We hugged each other when things got tough. Told each other that it would all be ok. To keep fighting because nothing can last forever. No matter how dark things get, they'll always get better.

"I wish you were here, Ashley. How are we supposed to keep going if you're not? Please, just wake up. You need to be here, Ashley. I-I... I need you. I need you. Please, just wake up."

Kristin looked up at where Ashley lay and took his brother's hand in his own.

Ferris felt like he was sitting in on the most private of interactions. He wasn't sure if he should've stayed or if he should've covered his ears.

"We're going to have to leave him, aren't we?"

"We're going to, aren't we," Kristin repeated when no one responded.

"We'll stay here for as lo-." Ferris winced, unsure what to say because nothing could make it better.

"Answer my question."

"We-. I... Yes, we will, but we can stay for as long as you need."

"Stop acting so selfless. I know he meant something to you as well. We worked together for a year. Don't treat me like some porcelain doll you're afraid will break. It'll just make me lash out. You can come closer to him. I won't bite. Say your goodbyes or whatever. God, why'd he have to die? Why'd someone have to take his life? Why him?"

"I... I don't know. S-someone was... evil. We'll... we'll find them." It was the first time Zip spoke since shutting down. His voice was soft, and he rocked on the balls of his feet.

"What time is it?"

"It's about 4:30," Ren said. They adjusted their watch on their wrist.

"How am I going to leave him?" Kristin got to his feet and clasped one of Ashley's hands between his own.

Ferris's heart ached and he closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. Once again, his mind teetered on the edge of diving into memories he didn't want to relive. He gritted his teeth and stayed in the present.

"God, how am I supposed to say goodbye?" Kristin's voice cracked. A tear rolled down Ferris's cheek, and he wiped it away with the back of his hand.

"He... he won't really be gone. Y-you... you have the... memories of him, an-and his stuff." Zip's eyes wandered over the room, pausing on Kristin.

"It's not him. It didn't even cross my mind that I'd have to say goodbye now. I'd always assumed we'd be old. Maybe married, if we ever chose to. But I'd assumed we'd be old and grey. Not young, like we are now."

xxxx

Ferris approached Ashley from the side opposite Kristin. He didn't come up and touch Ashley like Kristin had done, but instead stopped a foot or two back.

His first interaction with the twin brothers had been in Moonfall, when he talked with them about joining the Silverlight Forest Protection Unit.

It had been a pure stroke of luck that Ferris had crossed their paths. The three of them just so happening to be in the same place at the same time.

Ferris had been sitting at the table next to theirs while eating in Jonathan's Subs, a sandwich shop in Moonfall. Ashley had leaned over and asked him what he knew about Moonfall. They were new in town and were looking for a place to stay. Ferris originally had lied and said he was renting a house on the outskirts, honestly closer to Sunrise than it was Moonfall, and that there was a small motel near there that might have some open rooms. But after inviting the two of them over to his table and chatting with them for what wound up being almost an hour, he realized that they were both what he was looking for and he opened up and told them about the idea of the Silverlight Forest Protection Unit. Ashley's eyes had lit up, although he asked if he and his brother could discuss it.

The following day Kristin and Ashley tracked Ferris down and said that they'd love to join, just that they had some questions.

Most of how successful the Silverlight Forest Protection Unit had been was luck. Luck that Cynthia Corville had said yes and was able to secure the funding for it. Luck that Ferris had run into the five other members. Luck that they were all able to work together so well. Luck that they hadn't run into too many big hurdles.

Until now.

Ashley had been murdered.

The SFPU had managed to keep a pretty low profile, mostly being known by the Waverwell government. Poachers and offenders, too, who knew that if they ventured into the Silverlight Forest to poach, that they'd be hunted and arrested by the SFPU.

Poachers had shot at them before. Ferris had been hit in the shoulder, where he still had a small scar. But none had tried to do anything even remotely similar to what Ashley had been through. It was obvious to Ferris that he had been tortured. Whoever had murdered him had not intended for his death to be a quick one.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

And that left Ferris wondering who and why?

Who could've done this? Why would they do this? What was the reason? What drove someone to do this to Ashley?

Ferris gritted his teeth. The last time he'd seen a dead body belonging to a human was when he'd seen the bodies of his fathers. His mind kept flickering back to the memories, and Ferris strained to keep himself from free-falling into them. He didn't want to think about that. Not now.

xxxx

Another half hour passed by, and Ferris retreated back to the wall opposite where Ashley lay. Ren took Ferris's place beside Ashley. They wiped a few tears from their eyes, and their mouth moved in silent words.

"What are you saying, Ren?" Kristin lifted his head to look at Ren.

"I'm telling him that I hope he's doing ok... and that he's-he's somewhere nice. I told him that we'll find who did this, as well."

"Is... is he doing ok? How could he be doing ok, if-. If he's not here? He's d-d-d. He's dead." Kristin's voice cracked and he stared with pleading eyes at his brother.

"I don't know," Ren said. "I don't know. I'm... I'm trying to figure out what I'm feeling. I thought that perhaps if I talked to him that I might be able to do that. Well, not talk to him but to his body... I don't know."

"Did it work?"

"No. Not yet, at least."

"I-..." Kristin's jaw clenched and he chewed on his lip. "How do I leave? I can't say goodbye, but we can't stay here forever. He's not going to wake up, is he? Don't... don't answer that. Rhetorical question. Should we go? I don't want to leave him, but they've got to look at him, right? Look at him for their... reports and stuff?"

Ferris didn't mention that they'd probably already done that. Looked at Ashley's body for any evidence, catalogued every wound. He'd had to make rationalizations to get himself to leave the bodies of his fathers, even though he knew they weren't really true. And a part of him hoped for months after their deaths that they'd walk through the front door and tell him it was just a nightmare, be sitting on the couch when he walked out of his room and ask him if he'd like to watch a show. He still sometimes did, despite knowing it was false. They were dead, and nothing he did could change that, though he'd still give almost anything to be able to feel the warmth of their hugs again, hear their voices, spend even just a few moments in their comforting presences.

"We should go, right? Yeah? Should we go? I can't... but they need to... look him over, right?" Desperation and despair were written so strongly across Kristin's face that they may have well been tattooed there. Ferris froze, torn between telling Kristin what he knew he wanted to hear and telling him what was likely the truth. How could he lie at a time like this?

"I don't know if they looked him over," Charlie said. "But if you would like to go, we can."

Kristin started to walk toward the door, but only made it a few steps before stopping. He ran his hands over his face and dug his fingers into his hair. He drew in a shaky breath, curling his lips as he choked on a sob. "I can't leave him. How am I supposed to say goodbye?"

"I don't know," Ferris said. "I wish I could tell you, but I don't know. There's no easy answers for something like this."

"My legs are frozen. I can't get myself to leave, but I know I can't stay here forever."

"We'll let you have some time alone with Ashley. We'll be just outside the door if you need anything. Take as long as you need." Ferris waved his hand, and Charlie, Ren, and Zip followed him out the door. He shut it as quietly as he could behind him.

xxxx

"Who could do such a thing?" The door was barely shut before Charlie spat the words, eyes flashing. "Has the Moonfall Precinct found who did it yet?"

"Charlie, Ashley was murdered last night. Or, two nights ago, actually. It's the next day. Investigations take time."

"Well, they should take less time!"

"I wish it were that easy."

"How the hell are you so calm, Ferris? Are you not bothered by the fact that Ashley was murdered? Huh? Do you not care?"

"I do care," Ferris murmured, trying to not take Charlie's snapping words personally. "I care a lot and I will do everything I possibly can to ensure whoever is responsible is brought to justice. I am angry, frustrated, and honestly a bit confused. I want to know why someone did this. What their reason was. What caused them to do this to Ashley."

"S-someone was... evil. That's-that's why. Y-you're good... or you're bad. They're... they're bad." Zip shrugged, gaze staring at the ground and fingers tapping together in an even rhythm.

"They're not just evil, they're monsters. No person could do that to someone else. Only a monster could do that kind of thing." Charlie's eyes widened, and fear mixed with fury swirled in their sunflower depths.

"We'll find them. They cannot hide forever, and we will never stop hunting them. We'll help the Moonfall Precinct however we can, and we will find them."

The four of them remained in silence after that and hung by the walls. Someone passed by them, and when they recognized the group they uttered rushed condolences before hurrying past.

Another ten or fifteen minutes passed by before Kristin inched the door open. His expression was somber and his posture was tense. His knuckles were white around the doorknob and he froze on the threshold between the room and the hallway.

"I-I-I... I can't-." Kristin trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut and covering his mouth to muffle a sob.

"Do you want a hug?" Kristin's gaze snapped to Ren for a few moments before he looked away.

"Yeah," he murmured so softly Ferris almost couldn't hear him.

Ren wrapped their arms around Kristin. He lowered his chin to their shoulder. Charlie moved in and embraced the two of them, and Ferris followed suit. Zip placed his hand on Kristin's back, standing closer than he usually did.

"Let me pull... pull the car up to the f-front. I'll be... just a-a-a f-few minutes." Zip ducked his head before disappearing down the hallway they'd walked in through.

"Are you ready, Kristin?"

"I... ye-yeah." Kristin took the tissue Ren offered and wiped at his eyes.

Ferris lead the way down the hallway, retracing his steps to find his way out. None of them said anything. They passed by a few people who gave sympathetic looks. When they reached the front desk, the space thankfully only held a handful of people. Just as they exited, Zip rolled up in the car. "I... I'm not supposed to be parked here," he said as Ferris opened the passenger door for Kristin. "I... C-can we hurry? I don't... I don't want a ticket."

"If they give you a ticket, I'll shred it in front of them. You're not getting one, Zip." Kristin's voice was hoarse.

"Ok."

"Everyone buckled?" Charlie asked. She took the middle seat again, leaving Ferris and Ren on either side of her. Ferris noticed how she sat far closer to him than she did Ren but didn't comment. It wasn't like he really minded. He appreciated the comforting warmth of her presence, the faint heat of her body he could notice if he payed enough attention.

"I believe so," he replied.

Zip steered the car out of the parking lot and then on to the main roads of Moonfall.

Kristin curled up in his seat, pulling his knees to his chest. He stared blankly out the window as they drove past the various shops, restaurants, and houses that made up Moonfall.

Trees grew taller and more frequently, and then Zip turned onto the dirt road that led to the camp. The car bounced over rocks and across potholes, jostling everyone inside. A squirrel darted out of the way, and low-hanging branches scratched at the roof. Shrubbery grew in lush greens and blanketed the ground like a carpet. A few deer scampered off the road when Zip drew too close for their comfort. The trunks of several trees along the route to the camp held ribbons, little markers for where Zip planned to construct camera traps. Only about half of Silverlight Forest had them assembled, and he intended for the entirety to be guarded by them. Assistance, since the SFPU's eyes couldn't be everywhere at once.

xxxx

The camp didn't look the same. Nothing had changed, but, at the same time, something had changed. The air of it felt different. Like someone were holding their breath. Like that something that made the difference between house and home wasn't there.

Ferris knew exactly what was different, what was missing. But it didn't make it any easier. Didn't make the pain any less.

He opened the door for Kristin again and then unlocked the door to the SFPU's home. Charlie scooped up her salad off the coffee table and finished off the last few bites before she went rummaging through the cupboards. Kristin slammed the door shut to his room, and Ferris thought he heard the lock click. Zip didn't come into the house, instead driving the car across the courtyard, parking it in the garage, and settling down in his work station attached to the garage. Ren hung up their coat and then went to go check on the dogs and make sure Morpheus was doing ok.

"What are we going to do?" Charlie leaned back against the counter as she pried open a box of crackers. Her eyes were distant as she took a bite of one.

"We'll find who did this and get justice for Ashley." Ferris sat down on the couch. The adrenaline from learning of Ashley's murder was beginning to wear off and he was starting to feel the effects of the concussion Pyr gave him again. He placed a pillow behind his head and laid down.

"You doing ok?"

"Yeah, just a bit dizzy."

"Concussion?"

Ferris nodded. "Yeah."

"Want me to get you some water?"

"I'm alright, but thanks."

"When was the last time you had water?" Charlie raised a knowing eyebrow.

Ferris hesitated.

"That's what I thought," Charlie said. "Hold tight. I'll get you some. Probably should get some for me as well. I think I forgot to drink water most of yesterday. Certainly haven't had any today."

"Thanks," Ferris said when Charlie handed him a glass. He sat up and took a sip. She took the space next to him on the couch.

"How are things going to go with the SFPU? It's not going to be the same," he said.

"No, they're not. We'll have to keep tracking down poachers and remove snares and such. But it won't be the same. It doesn't feel real. It feels like..." Charlie trailed off.

"A nightmare that you can't wake up from? Like someone has taken your fears and has brought them to life like some twisted puppeteer?"

"Yeah, somethin' like that."

"Do you think he's... like, in a better place or something?" Ferris twisted the glass in his fingers, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Do I think Ashley is in a better place?" Charlie shifted to face him.

"Yeah."

"I don't know. I've never really believed in any sort of afterlife. You know, like, you're dead and that's it; you're done. But I never really gave it much thought or decided there wasn't one, that it didn't exist. Just that there wasn't one, that it did exist. I suppose there could be. I mean, you'll never know whether it does or doesn't until you die. If there is some sort of afterlife, I hope it's someplace nice and that he's alright."

"Me too." Ferris stared at his reflection in the water. God, I really hope he's someplace better than here. Far, far away from whoever murdered him.

We'll find them, Ashley. We'll find whoever's responsible for your murder. We'll get justice for you.

"Books!" Charlie leapt off the couch, setting down her glass so fast, water splashed out the sides and onto the coffee table.

"Books?" Ferris echoed. He placed his glass next to hers.

"Yeah, books. I need to return the books I stole —well, temporarily stole— from Ashley. It was this thing we had going on between the two of us. I'd take some of his books and he'd then ask for them back. I always gave them back but usually when he was out or something. You know, like he'd come back to his room and then there they were, waiting for him. And I'd be like, 'did you not see them? They were always there' and stuff. We both knew I'd taken them. It was just this, like, banter bet-."

"Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. It's ok. We all knew about that. Need a hand?"

"Are you sure you're ok to do that?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Ok."

Charlie had temporarily stolen several of Ashley's books. Most of them were about plants and animals, but a few were popular works of fiction trending amongst Waverwell's book lovers. Ferris took the ones that Charlie handed him and then followed her two doors to the left to Ashley's room.

Charlie's room in the SFPU house had been arranged to have maximum space, pushing her bed, dresser, and cabinet packed with everything she'd collected that she wished to keep up against the walls and having nothing else in her room, leaving her with a big open space in the middle. But Ashley's room had been arranged to have maximum space for books, not an open area. He had kept the bed and dresser given to everyone in the SFPU and had added as many rows of shelves as he could possibly fit into his little room. Had shelves above his bed not been a safety hazard, Ferris knew he would've put several on the wall. Every shelf was packed with books, more than really should have been on there. And his dresser had growing stacks that piled high.

Charlie set the books on Ashley's bed. It wasn't made; the only time Ferris had seen it made was when Cynthia Corville had come to visit, though his door was often left closed. Charlie then examined the rows and stacks of books. She traced along the spines, searching for something Ferris wasn't sure of. "Need help?" He asked.

"No, just give me a... moment-. Wait, that's not right."

"What's going on?"

"Something's not right. These books are out of order."

"What's the order?"

"It changes. See, Ashley would arrange the books. A different rule for each row. You know, descending order by height of spine. Alphabetical order by author's first name. Reverse alphabetical order by third word in the title. Something like that. He'd rearrange them every so often so when I returned I'd have to figure out the new orders and place books where they belonged. There would be clues for where each book went. One upside down, further out, whatever so I'd know where to put the books. But they're out of order. See here? They're ordered based on shades of blue from lightest to darkest, but here the darkest shade of blue is in the middle. And here? They're series where each series is arranged alphabetically by first word in the title, but the last book is always first when they shouldn't be first." Charlie pointed out the rows. How she noticed the order the books were in so quickly, Ferris didn't know, but if she'd been doing this as often as it sounded, he guessed she'd be pretty good at picking up on patterns in the shelves.

"Did Ashley ever mess up?"

"No, never. He made them and never messed up. I know it was intentional."

"Why would he do that?"

"I don't know." Charlie chewed on her lip.

A wave of dizziness hit Ferris and he sat down on the edge of Ashley's bed, careful not to disturb the books or his blankets. Charlie's eyebrows were furrowed, and she scanned the shelves. Ferris had seen her like this before. Sucked into whatever she was working on. Devoted entirely to it, to the point she was so absorbed by it that a train could barrel by and she might not blink. Whatever she was working on, she'd complete. He didn't say anything, instead just sitting back and letting her work. She'd be able to figure it out. Ferris had hardly ever been in Ashley's room and hadn't known Ashley sorted his books before now.

It was only another few minutes before Charlie broke the silence. "There!"

"What is it?"

"I knew Ashley had a reason for messing up the patterns!"

"What's the reason?" Ferris stood up again, catching his balance before moving to stand beside Charlie.

"He was leaving a little message for me to find. He wanted me to find this book." She pointed at one. The spine was made from worn leather. High quality but like it had been made years ago and was well-loved.

"Pockets of Gold and Silver," Ferris read, bending down to get a better look at it. The letters appeared to have been handwritten.

"We should go get Kristin. Ren and Zip, too."

"Yeah, we should."