AN: Special Paid Advertisement Bonus Chapter! That means you get two chapters this week!

Twilight was intensely focused on the piece of paper in front of her, and kept rotating it under her hooves while muttering things like, "Not quite," "No, that doesn't work," and, "That might do it."

"That might do it," she announced triumphantly, leaning back into the sofa.

"Oh, really?" asked Alucard, seated across the coffee table from her on another couch.

"Mmm-hmm," nodded the unicorn. She spun the map around so her companion could see. "There are seven towns, which you can see here. Northville, Southville, Weston, Easton, Terre Sombre, Abingdon, and Mare Sanguine, where we are now." She pointed her hoof at the map's bottom left. "There are roads between each town on the cardinal directions, and roads between them and Abingdon, which is in the middle. We're off of the road between Weston and Southville, and we're going to want to get back to Northville while passing through as many towns as possible in order to collect coins. So this is the route that gives us exactly that."

She dragged the hoof counter-clockwise, passing over Southville, Terre Sombre, Easton, and finally Northville.

"So what do you think?"

"Terrible," cooed the vampire.

"WHAT?! How exactly is this terrible?"

"Because I might be invincible, but you aren't," he replied, pulling his sunglasses out of his coat and slipping them on. "And on more than one occasion, I've nearly lost you."

A smile crept across her muzzle.

"You know, I sometimes forget that you really do care."

Alucard did not reply, so Twilight filled the silence with an awkward giggle.

"Heh-heh, okaaay then. So do you suggest that we take a shorter, more direct route?"

"No."

"Then… what do you want?"

"I want us to travel with a bit more cannon fodder," he oozed. "Because if we get jumped in the middle of nowhere again, I want there to be a few more bodies between the bad guys and you."

"That is really sweet in the most horrifying way possible," gushed the unicorn, getting up from her seat and trotting towards the lounge's exit. "Now, let's go see if there's anybody out of bed yet."

Alucard rose and silently followed his charge down the motel's hallway. He had been genuinely surprised to find they had been transported to such a hospitable location, but was wary of their surroundings all the same. The operators of the establishment did not seem as averse to the fighters as the residents of Northville had been, which was highly suspicious. Or perhaps he was overreacting. Before the boffins with their time machines had brought him on board, he had spent quite a bit of time hovering between dimensions as he pleased- it had been a long while since he had someone to care about.

They entered the lobby to the sounds of idle chat from the guests gathered there. Some were the ambient humans that had seemed to be living in the arena. Others were clearly fighters from the Grand Combat. It was odd to see so many gathered in one place and not tearing each other to shreds, considering that they were in the middle of the round. Maybe they just hadn't woken up yet. Alucard found himself laughing softly at that thought. He had not needed to sleep in ages.

"What's so funny?" queried the unicorn from ahead.

"Nothing, Miss Sparkle."

"Okay, then," she sighed. "Let's start asking."

"Of course, Miss Sparkle," he replied, and loudly cleared his throat. This failed to attract the attention of anyone in the room, so he succinctly drew his left-hand weapon and fired a single round into the ceiling. The chatter diminished considerably after that.

Twilight Sparkle stepped forward. "Thank you. Now, my well-armed associate and I were wondering if anyone was interested in taking the long way to Northville?"

The crowd bulged and parted as an odd-looking man pushed his way through, tumbling to the floor in front of the unicorn. He picked himself up with a sheepish grin revealing that he was missing a few of his own teeth, and had opted for a few metallic replacements. He was also clearly a fan of eyeliner, which he had applied generously; and distilled sugar beverages, which he might as well have washed his clothes in for their smell.

"Act-actually my crew is, ah, headed that way," he mumbled groggily. "And I suppose you're looking, to, ah, join us then?"

"Yes, if possible," said Twilight, wrinkling her snout.

"Well, that is good and all," he continued, waving his arms about in wild gesticulations, before resting them around Alucard's shoulders. "But I'd like to know if there's anything in it for me, savvy?"

Twilight frowned. "We will assist you against any opposition you may encounter. We only ask for one-half of the coins collected by your team in return."

The man stroked his braided beard, his eyes attempting to look behind the vampire's sunglasses. "We get all the coins, and you've got a deal."

Twilight was uncertain. In the end, they needed as many coins as possible if they wanted to try and steal a win from the Night Terrors. "I don't know-"

"We accept your offer," grunted Alucard, prying the man off of him.

"Oh, ahm, wonderful," said the man, dazed. "I suppose you would not mind gracing the rest of the crew with your presence before we depart?"

"Uh, certainly," nodded Twilight.

"They're in… um, three fifteen, I think," he said, wandering toward a chair to collapse onto.

"Let's go," hissed the unicorn angrily, trotting back down the hallway they had come from.

"What's the matter, Miss Sparkle?"

"You just agreed to that deal," she fumed.

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

"Protecting you is my priority, not winning."

Twilight shook her head, tossing her mane back and forth. "Yes, but if Poppy's revenge plot builds any steam, it could upset the balance of everything in the Nexus! We might have to rethink our whole strategy! It'd be a disaster!"

"I am sorry, Miss Sparkle."

"…But, you did do that in order to make sure I was safe. Which was really nice of you."

Twilight paused, expecting a response, but there was none. She wasn't certain whether she should be angry or charmed, and that uncertainty was more than a little annoying. She decided that, in light of there being no clear-cut right answer, she should simply bury said emotions and deal with the problem at hand, which was a far simpler task.

"Okay, then, room 315. We'll have to take the elevator up."

"Or we could teleport," noted the vampire.

"…Or we could teleport," echoed Twilight, a little flustered. She focused her magic and calculated the height of the ground level, their distance from the floor, and the room numbering scheme based off of the doors they had passed. She then took all of that data, and moved it up two floors. She executed the spell, and they disappeared in a small, purple explosion. They reappeared in front of a door marked 315, which had a DO NOT DISTURB tag hanging on the handle. Alucard stepped forward and gave the door a knock.

"Nobody's home!" shouted a young female voice on the other side.

"Aw, you idiot! It doesn't work like that! You're supposed to not say anything!" barked a slightly-more mature male voice.

"Oh, OK. I didn't say anything!" corrected the first voice.

"Just shut up!" said the second, prying the door open an inch so a wide, bright eye could peer through. "What's the deal? Are you here for our coin? 'Cause if so, you're in for a world of hurt."

"We aren't. We just spoke with your team's leader, and we'll be accompanying you up to Northville," explained Twilight.

The door was swung open, revealing the crummy little motel room and its two occupants. The first, who had opened the door, was an intense-looking young man clad in a worn red vest and baggy shorts. The other was mostly hidden behind the bed, but some blonde hair rolled into tiny buns and two vacuous blue eyes peeked over the edge to survey the situation.

"You'd better not try anything," warned the boy.

"We're not going to," assured Alucard.

Twilight stepped inside and her bodyguard followed. The room that they had found themselves in earlier did not seem nearly as bad as this one. The wallpaper was stained and peeling, and smelled of the same rum that had perfumed the man in the lobby. Twilight held a hoof to her nose as she took a seat on the bunched-up sheets over the bed.

"Quaint," she breathed.

"Oh!" squealed the girl from behind the bed. "You're really cute!"

Twilight looked back at her, still attempting to hide herself. "Um… thank… you?"

"So what do you guys do?" Asked the boy, folding his arms across his chest.

"Well, my name is Twilight Sparkle," explained the unicorn. "I cast spells. Alucard over there shoots things."

"Spells? Shooting things? That's it?" he scoffed. "We here in the Crimson Corsairs can do a lot more than that!"

"Really? Like what?" asked Twilight, partially smug and partially interested.

"You're just gonna hafta wait and see," he said. "What exactly do you want in Northville?"

"We have to… make a deposit," Twilight lied through her teeth.

"Nobody's got to make a deposit," he spat. "We're suppos'ta take money out of the banks, like we already did here. So you wanna cut the crap and tell me the truth?"

Twilight sighed and broke down. "Fine, fine. We were part of a much bigger team that was headed to Northville. But when we got there, another powerful team was waiting for us. To make a long story short, they were able to split us up. So we're heading back there hoping that the rest of the team will do the same."

"So why are you taking the long way, then?"

"Originally, we were bargaining with your leader to get half of the coins we might collect, but that fell through. So, I guess it's so that… no one expects us?"

The boy lifted his eyebrows approvingly. "That makes sense, or something."

That didn't make sense at all, thought Twilight. But if he thinks so I'm not going to correct him.

"Omygosh, you're a horse, aren't you?" asked the girl behind the bed.

"W-wasn't it obvious?" stammered the unicorn, incredulous.

"Can I ride you?"

"No!" whinnied Twilight. "Certainly not! Do you honestly think you'd fit on my back? And even if you did, I wouldn't lower myself to that!"

"Oh… okay!"

I am surrounded by idiots.

A limp thud from the door indicated the arrival of the man that they had met in the lobby. The boy walked over and let him tumble in.

"How is everyone… doing?" he groaned.

"He doesn't look like he's in shape to travel," noted Alucard.

"Aw, relax. We'll just toss him in the back," assured the boy.

Twilight was concerned with where this was going. "The… back?"

"Yup!" said the girl, leaping up from behind the bed while pressing her baggy white seifuku back down. "We've got a car! We're gonna have a ROAD TRIP! First stop, SOUTHVILLE!" she giggled.

"This just keeps getting better," moaned Twilight.