"PCKSHHAAAAAAAAAAW! BOOOOOOOOM! Oh, man, that was AWESOME!" Ruby began to mimic the fight scene, using her hands to represent the dueling robots.

"Eh. I've seen cooler," huffed Ryuko, spitting out a lemon seed. Holly was beginning to wonder if that was all the girl ate. Their little group had made a habit of meeting together to observe matches they weren't in, discussing their past victories, and inventing tactics to use in future rounds. Of course, they weren't all business. Adam had been bartering his cards in exchange for paper (some other fighters actually had paper, others offered toiletries. Neither were turned down), and Twilight Sparkle had fashioned some number-puzzles and other little games.

"Cooler than that?" asked the elf.

"Yeah. Definitely," Ryuko replied. "But I'll give them an A for effort."

Holly turned to Twilight Sparkle, who was in the process of spell-checking something that Adam wrote. "Did you happen to see that bit at the end?"

The unicorn glanced up at the elf briefly, then returned to her work. "Whatever do you mean?"

"I swore I saw some of the debris move around at the end there. You always have an explanation for that kind of thing." There was a hint of accusation there.

"Probably just a shockwave, or something. You do realize that the mech was about to blow up, right?"

"But it hadn't blown up. Stuff doesn't just move like that. It almost looked like something picked it up or-"

"That's ridiculous. There were only the two sets of pilots in the match."

"She's right," oiled Alucard, looking up from his game of tic-tac-toe with Katniss. "There wouldn't be anyone else to move it." Katniss scrawled another X, and the vampire crumpled the piece of paper and tossed it away.

"You knew about the room, and the thing in my head," the elf snapped. "Clearly you've got explanations for a lot of odd things. Why can't you explain this?"

"Because I don't know," growled Twilight.

"Okay, I'll take that. Sure. But you have to know how you're not a vamp…ony anymore."

For a moment, fear flashed across the unicorn's face. She composed herself and replaced it with anger.

"Why are you doing this, Holly?"

"That doesn't answer the question."

"I don't care if it does. Why?"

"Because you're hiding something," said Holly firmly. "And I'm not sure I'm willing to do whatever you ask when you can't tell me why I'm doing it. Like that… thing that you made me throw up. You still haven't explained that."

"I'll explain everything exactly when I-"

"HELLO, MY FINE WARRIORS!" interrupted the voice of the Master of Games.

"We'll finish this later," hissed Holly.

"That we will," spat the unicorn.

"Shut up," whispered Katniss. "Everyone else is trying to listen."

The Master of Games was explaining the next round. "You'll need to find and defeat three fighters that I have designated a 'V.I.W.' Anyone care to guess what that stands for?"

A muscular arm raised a broad, worn hand.

The Master of Games sighed. "Yes, Sol?"

"Is it 'Very Important Warrior'?" chuckled the bounty hunter/scientist/bioweapon.

"…Yes. Yes it is."

A cadre of female voices squealed in glee.

"He's so dreamy!" said one.

"And intelligent!" remarked another.

"Fred, I'll tell you about my childhood!" giggled the last.

Ryuko shook her head slowly, and spat out another lemon seed.

"Anyway," continued the Master of Games, "Each of these V.I.W.s will have a base and troops of their own to command. You can try and form a team, or go it solo. Whatever floats your boat. The round will begin in an hour. I'll see you then."

Twilight cursed, which elicited more than a few chortles from those nearby.

"Three bases… with defenders? Has it gone that far?"

"There you go again!" shouted Holly. "What is 'it'?!"

The unicorn gave a nod to her vampire companion, and they both disappeared in a flash of purple energy. Holly drove her knuckles into the table.

"Oh, COME ON!" She noticed the concerned stares her friends were giving her. "What? I'm not crazy. You know she's been as mysterious as a dwarf's chin since we met her."

"First," said Katniss, "I have no idea what you mean by a 'dwarf's chin'. You should really make your jokes more accessible, so that more of us can laugh at them."

"Wh-what?"

"And second, you need to calm down."

The elf scratched her head. "Katniss, when did you become the voice of reason around here?"

"Listen, Holly. Twilight can't be the only person around here who wants to keep their secrets. I got pissed earlier because I was sensitive about people hearing about the things I did."

"But this isn't that. She always has answers to everything and knows about all of this malarkey that happens. She knows more than she's letting on. I'm a cop, Katniss. I know when someone is lying to protect their own interests!"

"And how would you normally respond to that?"

"It depends. Sometimes we have to let it go and investigate other sources. Other times, we can interrogate them."

"In that case, why don't you do one of those things? It can't be that hard."

"Well, we'll have to find her during this round then. It won't be easy."

"Relax," said Ryuko. "I'll lend you a hand. I've got a bone to pick with Twilight anyway. I'll prove to her once and for all that I'm not a sadomasochist!"

"And how do you plan to do that?" asked Holly.

"By turning her into a purple smear on the pavement!" Ryuko roared, before a look of stunned realization came over her face.

Ruby hopped up over the table, snagging together Katniss' and Holly's necks in an embrace. "You had better believe Adam and I will help, too! Any friend of Katniss' is a friend of ours!"

"But Ruby," said Adam, "Twilight could be considered a friend of theirs, too."

"Yeah, but did we fight alongside her, earn her trust in combat, and drench our blades together in the blood of our enemies so that she would become our shield-sister?"

An awkward silence fell over the group after Ruby's speech.

"Just kidding," she said. No one laughed.

Across the room, Alucard watched the discussion unfold. He turned to Twilight, who was careful to stand among a different group of fighters.

"Well?" whispered the unicorn.

"They're plotting to find you and beat the answers out of you."

Twilight let a smile spread over her muzzle. "Perfect."

***

Hermione materialized a few feet above the TARDIS' deck, as usual. She bounced to the floor, cursed, and picked herself up, placing a hand on her aching back. Artemis stood, arms crossed behind his back, in the only shaft of light the dimly-lit spacecraft provided. His butler stood behind him, wearing a cloak of shadow.

"Mrs. Granger, I am glad to see you back."

Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!

"I'm glad to see me back, too, considering I was almost turned into a bloody pile of ashes!"

"You were aware of the risks when you joined us, Mrs. Granger."

"Sod off about the risks, Fowl. I'm too old to be doing this."

"Unfortunately, you cannot simply leave, now that you are with us. Not until our goal has been achieved. Your mission was of the utmost importance to that goal, and you completed it succinctly and with-"

"Everything's of the utmost-bloody-importance, isn't it? Reeling me into this, all of that bloody training, the clones, this bit of glowing rock!"

"It's no rock, Mrs. Granger," he said, extending an open hand. She removed it from one of her uniform's myriad pockets and placed it squarely in his palm. He squinted at it, smiling.

"Yes, this is the key to our plans. We don't have much time. Prepare for immediate transport upstairs."

"Upstair-" Hermione was cut off as the young man tapped a button on the AEGIS he wore on his arm, and she was ripped through dimensions into what appeared to be another spacecraft. A curtain of sparks opened on her left, and Artemis and his butler stepped through. They were on a panoramic bridge, surrounded on all sides by a swarm of activity. Some Rei clones sat behind monitors, keeping track of readouts. Others jumped in and out of the room using their AEGISes.

Artemis raised his voice slightly, so that his voice would carry across the massive bridge.

"Number Two, inform Dexter that we have arrived. Tell him we have the shard."

A holographic display flickered on in front of them, displaying Rei Two's face. She gave Hermione a glare and then turned her attention back to Artemis.

"Of course, Commander Fowl," she whispered, and the hologram disappeared. In an instant, the diminutive engineer skidded through a veil of AEGIS sparks, his boots failing to find purchase on the slick deck. He tripped, fell forward, and loped on all fours until he sprung to his feet and snatched the luminescent object away.

"Aaah, yesss. This shooould be just enaaawf," he gurgled, staring at it greedily. He tapped a few buttons on his AEGIS quickly and vanished, though Hermione could swear she still heard his ridiculous accent floating on the air. She blinked, stunned by the bizarre course of events. Artemis gestured forward, and the two walked to the front of the bridge. It took them some time to get there, but upon arriving, a massive blue orb rose into view over the seemingly-infinite deck of the ship.

"Oh… that's Earth. Or, an Earth. It really is beautiful."

"That it is, Mrs. Granger. But our struggle is for more than that planet, which even across so many universes we call home. No, the fate of the metaverse is at stake. That is why your mission was of utmost importance."

A vast mecha, still impossibly small next to the ship, descended and began to weld a segment of armor plate to the hull.

"She's not quite ready yet," said a voice from behind. Artemis turned, and Hermione jumped, to face the new arrival. It was a young woman, of a slender-yet-curvaceous build. Her long red hair had been tied back in a way that seemed only marginally more practical, and her Illuminati uniform hung undone down to her waist. Hermione questioned the feasibility of a flame-pattern bikini top in space, but remained silent.

"Hermione, this is Yoko Littner, this vessel's executive officer. Have you two met?"

"Briefly," said the witch. "Last time, she was older… and more clothed."

"It's my ship, I can wear what I want while I command it," snarled Yoko with a hearty chuckle.

"You had better be careful," joked Artemis. "You wouldn't want Regulations to catch wind of this."

"Regulations are a bunch of useless arrogant pricks that can't let a fork get set on the wrong side of a plate. If it were up to me, I'd have them booted off of this ship. Let 'em regulate a vacuum."

"But it is not up to you, Yoko," replied the young man. "Your duties are the operation of this craft, which will serve as our base from this time onward. Management of the divisions, including Regulations, is the task of Chief Program Coordinator Harhui Suzumiya. All complaints may be addressed to her."

"Can't take a joke, can you? Jeez."

Artemis plugged a few coordinates into his AEGIS.

"I'm afraid I need to go and supervise Engineering's new project. I'll leave you two for now." He tapped the final button and began to dissolve into azure flickers. "And I assure you I can take a joke," he finished as he warped away.

Yoko crossed over to the glass- Hermione was certain it wasn't glass, because using glass in a vessel like this would be silly- and looked out at the under-construction ship, and her home planet beyond.

"So… you saw them? Are they… okay?"

Hermione gave a shallow nod. "They seemed to be taking everything in stride. They sounded like a couple of jokesters."

"That's them all right," Yoko sighed. "They were my closest friends, you know."

"Right," confirmed Hermione. She looked back at the executive officer and remembered that she had an important question. "If you don't mind me asking, how did you get… young?"

"Research and Development came up with it. They've got The Doctor's machine hooked up to this old girl," she explained, patting the glass. "It emits an excess of 'Time Vortex' energy. Normally, the stuff's pretty dangerous and unpredictable, but we've got the best scientists in the metaverse. They came up with a way to direct tiny amounts into morphing bodies back into those from earlier in the time-stream. As you can see, it works pretty well."

"You don't say. What does one have to do to get this treatment?"

Yoko shrugged. "I saw them setting it up, and I asked what it was. They told me. I asked if I could test it out for them, and they said sure."

Hermione snatched Yoko's AEGIS and held it up in front of her face.

"Where? Is? It?"

"Easy, easy. I'll give you the coordinates. What's the rush?"

"I can't keep fighting like this. I'm going to get myself killed. Any edge would be useful, and-"

"The husband's complaining?"

Hermione fired off a punch that could be heard from across the room. Yoko spun in place a few times before she hit the ground.

"Jeez," gasped Yoko, placing a hand on the deck to push herself up. "I really struck a nerve, didn't I? I've got to remind myself that I'm not hanging out with a bunch of boys anymore."

Hermione staggered back, shocked by her own action. "I… I didn't… I'm sorry-"

"Don't be sorry," said Yoko, wiping a trail of blood from the corner of her mouth. "I crossed a line I shouldn't have. And besides, I'll pay it back. As the captain, I get to slap around my subordinates all I like!"

Hermione began to believe that she wanted to serve some other trans-dimensional organization. Yoko typed in a few digits on the woman's AEGIS, and walked back toward the tiller. A group of janitorial Reis rushed to where she had fallen, wielding their mops and buckets.

"Make sure you leave a little, so I can look down and remember not to make that mistake again!" she called to one of the passing girls. The Rei stopped, giving Yoko a dumbfounded, distant stare.

Nobody laughs at all.