"So, do you want to explain exactly how you failed?" The Master of Games was not going to even pretend he was pleased.

Dio rose from his reverent kneel and stood before his master. "They were simply too strong," he asserted. "Even with warriors as powerful as you have supplied me with, we cannot hope to counter them. Unless my team can get a serious upgrade, we cannot hope to defeat them in combat."

"Such insolence," fumed the Master of Games, delivering a backhand the knocked Dio to the common hall's floor. Filia rushed to the vampire's side. "You were the one who claimed that your power would lead your team to victory. And now you have failed me twice. He's mocking me, and you are useless to stop him."

"But… he tried," said the girl.

"His own arrogance destroyed him. And the novelty of his wardrobe has worn off."

Dio rubbed the side of his face angrily. "My arrogance would mean nothing if I was assigned a target I could actually kill!"

"Wait-" cried Filia, raising her hand to halt another strike from the Master of Games. "just, hold on," she whimpered. "What if instead of focusing on destroying the team, we just complete the objectives ahead of them? You just tell us where to go, and we'll finish before they can get there."

"Humph," shrugged the kingly figure. "That is an idea, I suppose. That could work. You wouldn't necessarily need to engage them directly, just hold them off at most… yes, that's not bad at all."

Filia gave a feeble smile. "T-thank you, my liege."

The Master of Games frowned. "Whatever. I need to plan the next round. Get out of my sight."

The girl helped Dio to his feet and the two left to return to the rest of the team.

"What is your problem?" the vampire hissed.

"What? What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're obsessed with me. You follow me around everywhere and now you're sticking up for me- there's loyalty and then there's annoying. Usually the ladies who obsess over me end up very dead."

Filia blinked, and took a step away from him. "It's just… I think there's more to you than just pure evil, Lord Dio."

"That is laughable," he spat.

"N-no," she replied. "I really think… you let something inside you go wrong. You could have been a good person, I'm certain. You're only mad with power because that was the only way up for you… but here, it's different. I'm not following you around because I'm drunk on your charisma or something. I just… want to understand why."

Dio sighed. "I'll tell you a story. But it will be very long and very weird."

"Samson and I are quite patient if we want to be, isn't that right?"

"I dunno if that explanation changed my mind, Filia," grumbled her parasite.

"He says yes."

***

"I quit."

"You what?" roared Megatron.

"I quit," repeated Samus. "I figured out that every other time the table of food shows up here, they've got millet puffs. I don't need you to collect them for me."

"But I also promised you a way to get even with the SPARTAN, did I not?"

"I don't need you for that, either," growled the bounty hunter. "I'll figure that out, too. I never should have stopped working alone."

"Then how shall I exact my much-needed revenge?" cried the Predacon.

"Do it yourself," suggested Samus.

"But how? I am but one mech against an entire team!"

"Then make your own, stupid," she spat. "It's not like anything's stopping you."

"But-"

"But nothing," Samus grunted, turning away. "I'm out of here."

She stomped away from Megatron's table, leaving the Predacon alone once more.

Curses. My plans have been foiled. She suggests that I form my own team- how naïve the organics are. No one with half a processor would join a team led by me after my escapades for the Master of Games.

Unless I could promise them millet puffs. Yesss, I may be onto something…

***

Hermione knocked on the door of Artemis' office gently. "Hello? Artemis?"

The door slid open to reveal Rei Two on the other side. She held what appeared to be a red spear with a bifurcated tip in one hand, and in the other, a saucer and teacup.

"Come in," she said softly. The girl stepped back out of the way, and Hermione entered slowly. The office was fairly expansive and well-furnished, which made sense- Artemis wouldn't have it any other way. There was a small lounge area in the center, complete with reclining seats and couches and a small refrigerator. In the far corner of the room was his desk, complete with standing room for his butler and several conference chairs along the outside. In one of them was Chief of Regulations Satsuki Kiryuin.

"Hermione, sit down," ordered Artemis from his office chair, indicating a seat next to Kiryuin. Hermione reluctantly did as she was told, noticing that everyone had a cup of tea.

"Would you like some?" asked Satsuki.

"Well, I wouldn't want to impose- wait, did you just offer me something?"

"I was under the impression that it was customary to be polite," said Satsuki. "Perhaps customs are different where you come from."

"Well, I was under the impression that blocking doors was customary where you came from," snapped Hermione.

"Ladies, please," insisted Artemis. "Let us keep things civil."

"Civil?" cried Hermione. "She nearly slit our captain's throat!"

"I was only acting upon the authority that Artemis has placed with me. That is what we are here to discuss," Satsuki stated with a deliberate sip of her tea. She tapped a button on her AEGIS and another saucer and cup appeared on the desk in front of her, which she slowly pushed to Hermione's place.

"Miss Kiryuin is right. I have given her free reign to enforce laws as she chooses because her methods have been deemed effective, and because we need a crackdown now more than ever." He pushed a folder across the desk labeled FOR YOUR EYES ONLY. Hermione assumed that meant hers as well. Rei Two took a seat on Hermione's left, leaning her spear-thing against the desk.

"In order for the Illuminati to accomplish our goals, we have gathered a variety of experts to work with us. Regrettably, some with vital skills may pose a threat to our organization's working order," he said, flipping the folder open. A personnel file with attached photograph sat on top of the stack of paper. It was a dignified looking middle-aged man with a beard and spectacles, his hands folded over one another in a resting position. He looked friendly enough to Hermione, but appearances were no way to judge one's character.

"Gendo Ikari," whispered Rei. "Human Resources Chief of Cloning."

"I guess you two are familiar, then?" asked Hermione. Rei nodded.

"Mr. Ikari is an invaluable asset to our organization," explained Artemis. "Without him, we would not have 80% of our work force. However, he is known for keeping his own agenda and there is no reason to believe he is not doing so now. He is our number one priority because he has at his disposal the means to create Reis on his own accord and for his own purposes."

"Like a clone army," supposed Hermione.

"Or worse," said Satsuki.

"Of course, further complicating the matter is the nature of the clones, which are all genetically identical. On Rei's suggestion-" he pointed out Number Two "-we brought the NERV cloning program aboard, and it does fulfill many of our needs. Rei, you are highly intelligent and adaptable to nearly any form of work, and so are your clones. However, tracking them in order to monitor their activity has proven difficult."

"I apologize," whimpered Rei.

"No, no, do not apologize," consoled Artemis. "The program is by and large an irreplaceable benefit to our organization, and I have not regretted following your advice for one moment. You are not at fault."

"Understood," replied the girl.

"This is where Miss Kiryuin and Mrs. Granger come in. Hermione, you are my most trusted Trans-Dimensional Analyst, and you've been with our organization almost as long as I have. That's why I am choosing you for this assignment. You are going to work with a new investigative branch of Regulations under Miss Kiryuin in order to observe and monitor the actions of Mr. Ikari and other suspect individuals."

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

"So I have to work under… her?"

Satsuki frowned. "Any misgivings you may have about my character are the result of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, I assure you. Your colleagues can vouch for me, as well."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Colleagues?"

Rei got up from her seat and opened the door, which allowed the four officers from earlier to barge into the room and take seats in the lounge area.

"I know you have met before, but I do not believe you have been properly introduced," said Satsuki. "These are my Elite Four. Ira Gamagori," the mammoth young man raised his hand gigantic hand, "Hoka Inumuta," the boy with the zipped-up uniform and glasses followed, "Uzu Sanageyama," who acknowledged himself as the one with the bandana, "and Nonon Jakuzure."

"So we're working for Curly now?" whined the venom-tongued girl.

"Yes, Nonon," sighed Satsuki.

"Step outta line once, and I'll make sure Lady Satsuki puts you in your place," hissed Nonon to Hermione.

"Well, this sure seems like a fun little project," said Hermione through gritted teeth.

Artemis stood and directed Rei to open the door. Satsuki gave a bow and left, and her subordinates followed their original leader closely behind. "Your attention to detail makes you ideal for this kind of mission, Hermione. I thank you for your cooperation."

Hermione looked at the open door, then back at Artemis.

"My turn to speak with you privately," she grunted. Artemis nodded and directed Rei to close the door again.

"I assume this is about the Time Vortex experiment?"

"No, it's about the flavor of scones for breakfast this morning. What do you think, Artemis?"

"If it is any consolation to you, Research and Development reviewed your results and deemed it inefficient. We can't enhance our soldiers and have them burn out halfway through a battle. We're reviewing alternatives, such as uniforms with mild Life Fiber integration."

"And I suppose you couldn't tell me about that either? Because no one did."

"I understand that you are angry. I betrayed your trust by selecting you to test both without your permission. At the time, I had no alternative. However, there is one now. Fresh in from Recruitment, she's going straight to R&D. She's from some espionage program- responds really well to all sorts of mutagens, and she can recover in a day flat for more testing. She'll be the guinea pig from here on out."

"Name?"

"Clover somethingorother."

"Like any proper lab rat, don't bother with a proper name," Hermione hissed.

"Hey!" cried Artemis. "She's got one. I just have a lot on my plate right now."

"You sure do," sighed Hermione, getting up and walking to the door. "You sure do."

***

Gendo took another sip from his bowl of ramen. Rei sat across the table from him, mirroring his sip with her own.

"How do you like it, One?" he asked quietly.

"The ramen is fine, Commander Ikari. But I am concerned. Our contact said she would be here by now."

A small figure, clad in an over-long uniform pulled over its head cut down the aisle suddenly, setting a tray full of chocolate cake down next to Rei One.

"Here's the report on the Time Vortex enhancement you wanted," said a small, female voice. She slowly worked her head out of her outfit, exposing her long, pointed ears and taking a furtive glance around before digging into her cake.

"I was wondering when you'd get here, Opal," remarked Gendo.

"It's not easy to leave R&D. I've got minders on me twenty-four-seven. Artemis knows he made a mistake bringing me here."

"That's not good," said the man. "We want to be unassuming. We want them to not suspect us. Acting the part is not going to help us achieve our goals."

"I-mph- don't care," Opal replied through a mouthful of cake, sliding a file out from under her tray. Gendo brushed a smudge of chocolate frosting off of it before sliding it under his uniform.

"You had better learn to start caring, or this is going to go nowhere."

"Listen to you," laughed a woman's voice nearby. "You're one of those no-fun dads, aren't you?"

"We've been compromised," gasped Gendo, bolting up from his seat. Rei One followed, and Opal began her second piece of cake.

"Relax, Gendo, darling. Nobody's compromised anybody… yet. You don't want to look like you've completely lost your marbles, do you?"

"Who are you?" he huffed, looking around frantically while trying his hardest to appear as though he was not looking around frantically. "What do you want?"

"It's simple, darling. What I want is to be in. Is that too much to ask?"

"And what if it is?" he replied, directing his answer at no one at all.

"Then I report everything you've been doing that the powers that be, and claim all the work you've done so far for my little old self," said the disembodied voice.

"You're bluffing. You don't know what you're talking about," Gendo insisted. "We're not up to anything. I think that's very prejudiced of you to assume that."

"Is it prejudiced to assume if you start by saying you've been compromised, and respond to me asking to be in? Darling, you can't put up a very good front."

Gendo's eyes widened. "So how did you find out? We've kept everything under wraps so far."

"Did you know that they've started sewing Life Fibers into everything now?" cackled the invisible woman. "They told me everything. Everything."

"And if we let you in… you can tell us everything," said Opal through another mouthful of cake.

"How clever. You are the genius everyone says you are."

"Anything else they say about me? Things about my peerless beauty and awe-inspiring power?"

"They say you get off to chocolate."

Opal set her next forkful of cake down.

"It seems we don't have much of a choice," grunted Gendo. "But why should we let you in if you can't prove where your loyalties lie?"

"Oh, but I can," moaned the voice. A small, clear cylinder tumbled onto the table as if tossed from nearby. Inside the canister was a tiny, white blob. Rei began to reach for it, but Gendo smacked her hand away, giving her a scolding look.

"A shard of the Second Angel," he whispered. "The last item I needed."

"Then I assume I have won your trust?"

"Gendo…" shivered Rei. "That… that is making me feel… odd. Very odd."

"It's supposed to, dear," replied Gendo. "Yes. You've proven that you can benefit us."

"Excellent," said the woman standing behind him, her hair radiating an uncountable variety of colors. "Now prove that you can benefit me."

***

TO: NONON JAKUZURE, REGULATIONS

FROM: HARUHI SUZUMIYA, CHIEF PROGRAM COORDINATOR

SUBJECT: RE:GLEE CLUB

This is a response to your request for the formation of a recreational Glee Club for "the raising of morale among fellow crew members, the heightening of cultural awareness, and to force Uzu to learn how to sing".

After reviewing your proposal and the attached list of participants required in order to form a club, we have approved your request and are filling out the paperwork now. You will receive some forms shortly that will need to be returned to confirm your starting members and meeting times. We have reprinted the list here for you to review:

NONON JAKUZURE

IRA GAMAGORI

HOKA INAMUTA

UZU SANAGEYAMA

ELSA ARENDELLE

APPLEJACK

RARITY

PINKIE PIE

FLUTTERSHY

MIKU HATSUNE

REI AYANAMI II

REI AYANAMI IV

REI AYANAMI XLVII

PROTOMAN

However, we have found a scheduling conflict with the previously-requested meeting times. Multipurpose Room 4A has already been claimed for that time. The only room sized large enough according to fire codes that is not currently occupied is being used for elective martial arts training by a Mr. Piccolo. You will have to ask him for permission and send that written permission back to me ASAP.

I look forward to hearing you sing. Just no show tunes. Do some covers or something, please.

-Haruhi Suzumiya