We run. Because of me, we run. Autumn is exhausted. Ember is annoyed, as usual. Sara and August are both terrified on behalf of someone they love. And my fucking hand still hurts. Sara did her best to heal it for me, but we didn’t have a moment to spare. I’d killed two guards, and I’d done it loudly. Even now, I shudder under the burden of Sara’s concern. I can’t do that again. We were lucky that time. Sara protected August from the arrow that missed me, and there was no one else around. But this won’t be the last time we are in danger. This won’t be the last time the people I care about are in danger.

I have always trusted my friends and family to take risks. I have always known those risks wouldn’t play out in my favor forever. But there is knowing, and there is feeling the pound of flesh torn from you as you hear someone who counted on you is dead. In an instant. With no warning. I wasn’t even there to witness it. I didn't even know to grieve for hours after his death. And it hurts. It fucking hurts. So my trust is wavering. My ability to let the people around me manage their own risks is decaying. Or maybe my entire mind is decaying. In either case there is a fear that lives in my chest now, beating like my heart won’t. A fear I haven’t the courage to face. When that courage is necessary, I spiral. I panic. I see colors and I splinter the bones in my hand against an already dead enemy.

It’s going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, I can feel it. I am going to panic again, and another arrow will miss. Another enemy will slip away from me. And because I was too afraid, someone I love is going to die again. I know this. I know this down to my marrow. Which is why Ember isn’t the only one who is furious at me. I am too. If it were a simple choice, I could change. If I were deciding to put everyone’s safety entirely on my own back, I could recognize the flaw, and stop. But it’s not. I’m not consciously choosing to forgo wisdom to protect them at all costs. At least then I could do it competently. It’s something far, far worse. It’s cowardice. I have become a coward. I am too afraid of turning my head and returning to find another corpse. I am too afraid of the rough hands of fate digging through my heart like a vulture picking away pieces of rotten meat.

And now we run. And run. And run. We can’t hesitate. We can’t rest. Because the Guardians of Stone are going to go looking for their missing people. They will find little, thanks to Sarafyna. The bodies now live in her scars, providing her with extra mana she can hardly use. This is likely the only reason we have a chance of escaping. Because missing guards could be drunk. But corpses mean enemies. Regardless, we can no longer risk finding a quiet place to camp. We have to get away from the border now. As we run, I notice Autumn clutching her side. The sun sinks in the sky. I hold up a fist, indicating we need to stop.

“Not yet,” Ember hisses. “Thanks to you, we need to get further from the border before they start looking for invaders, rather than deserters. ” I nod. It’s somewhat debatable whose fault it is entirely, considering the details about my arm she failed to inform me of until after we were caught. But I own that it was at least partially my fault. If anyone heard my screaming, we may have less time than we think.

“I know that, Ember. But pushing past what everyone can do will slow us down, not speed us up. We need to stop and let Autumn rest, or at least figure out a way to move forward without putting more strain on her,” I explain.

“I can keep going, it’s fine,” Autumn chimes in.

“No, it’s not. You’re exhausted and so am I. Lily is right,” August insists, reprimanding his sister.

“He’s right, Autumn. Trust me. Pushing yourself further than your body is capable of will only cause problems. It’s why it took me so long to get…” I trail off and take a deep breath. “I have let people down because of it in the past.”

“Then why did you bring dead weight?” Ember snarls.

“Because I need her!” I growl back. “Look, we just need a new plan. Autumn, I can carry you. I have plenty of energy left.” Ember scoffs at this and crosses her arms as she looks away. Whatever clarity I felt from her when we first crossed the border has vanished; I don’t know when. She is back to the familiar woman who saved my life in the most insufferable way possible.

“I don’t want to be a burden,” Autumn protests and I shake my head.

“I’m the burden. Come on, we don’t have time to debate this,” I insist. She looks away guiltily, but sniffs before nodding. As I kneel down to give her the chance to climb on my back, I notice Sara modifying herself. The sick, fleshy, liquid sound of it is a little unsettling, even after all these years. At the same time, it is familiar and I have a strange positive emotional reaction to it. New muscles tighten her sleeves as her pants tear to make way for an extra set of legs.

“August, you look tired too. The rest of us have advantages you don’t. I’ll carry you as Annie carries Autumn,” she offers. August blushes.

“Oh no, I really couldn’t let a woman–” he starts but I cut him off.

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“Oh shut up. She already tore her clothes. And she’s a badass. Let her carry you. You need the rest just as much as Autumn,” I reprimand. He looks like he wants to argue but… August is August. He sighs and nods, only blushing a little as he climbs up on my girlfriend’s back.

“Collector, I feel like a child,” he grumbles, but he complies anyway.

“Are you all done? Can we get going or do we need to go around the circle and express our feelings a little more? I’m fine either way. If I have to be executed for treason and the occult I’ll be glad to know you thoroughly discussed who was the biggest burden first,” Ember taunts.

“Shut the fuck up, we are going,” I challenge, too emotionally exhausted to quip back. And, as soon as I promise, I follow through. We are running again. Despite the extra weight, we do move faster this way. Ember literally bounds on all fours while I am easily able to increase my pace without having to match the twin’s top speed. And Sara? Sarafyna is artistry in motion, and not just in the way all women are. No, she moves like a spider with fewer legs. She responds to every bump and obstacle like water, flowing over, around, and through them with an easy glide. It must feel like flying to August.

Or, considering her long hair flying in his face, maybe he is reconsidering his willingness to travel this way. Either way, we move quickly. Incredibly quickly. We run for hours, and even I have to start drawing more heavily on mana to stay awake. It is Ember who first tires and slows as the wooded path transitions to open field and finally, what is clearly a well traveled road. She slows to a jog, then a walk, then finally stops to catch her breath as we move from grass to dirt. I am a sweaty mess. Autumn and August are both asleep, Sara is a goddess, and Ember’s fur is matted with dirt. All of us are ready to take a break.

“Autumn,” I whisper, “Autumn, I need to take my bag off.” She stirs quickly, sleep being a gift of exhaustion rather than comfort.

“Are you alright?” She asks before she even takes in our surroundings.

“I’m fine, you are just covering the strap. Sara needs a change of clothes before we run into anyone. We all do, really. It’s been a long day. Well, night, now. We don’t need to be answering any questions about our current state,” I explain. Ember looks back at me, literally panting in exhaustion. She quickly tries to compose herself but like the rest of us, she hardly has the strength to do so properly. I gently let Autumn down as I approach her to find out what she wants to say. My left arm is stiff as sin but my right is comfortable. Small favors of dismemberment, I suppose. Regardless, I take the bag, hanging irritatingly from my chest, and start digging for new clothes.

The group arranges itself in a familiar pattern with a dreary August temporarily taking point as everyone changes and he tries to focus entirely too hard on the road in front of us. “This–” Ember takes a deep breath. “This should be enough. I know where we are now. Provided you keep your… alterations hidden, we should be no more suspicious than anyone else passing by. A few more miles and there is an inn as well,” she says much to the relief of all involved.

“An inn, in the middle of nowhere? Still seems weird to me,” August calls back, his head rigidly looking forward. I chuckle a little as Autumn, the slowest to change, pulls a new shirt on.

“Relax, August, we’re all dressed. And this is not the middle of nowhere. Based on the state of this road I’d say it’s well traveled, maybe even a major trade route,” I answer.

“What for?” he presses, finally turning around and rejoining us.

“Trade, what the fuck else would it be for?” Ember rolls her eyes in exasperation.

“Oh no need to be so catty,” I quip, feeling considerably better than I had earlier. For all the exhaustion of an hours-long run with a woman on your back, it certainly is good at banishing other worries from your mind. And we are safe now, which helps more than a little. “He didn’t grow up in a world that needed trade routes. Or… anything, really. In fact, I’d just love it if you could explain why things are so different this side of radiance…” I trail off before a thought occurs to me. “Wait, ‘catty’ isn’t like a slur or anything, is it?” Ember grunts in irritation before speeding a little to walk in front of us. “That’s extremely unhelpful!” I call to no response but added tension in her shoulders. Well. She didn’t act like it was a slur. I’ll just avoid cat jokes in the future maybe.

“Anyway, most cities lack all the things they want or need and have to trade with other cities. Not unlike our communities but without an insanely hot eldritch girl to expedite delivery.

“Hot?” August asks.

“She means attractive,” Sara chimes in. “She calls me that at least fifteen times a day.”

“Why would that mean attractive?” August presses and I just gesture at her.

“Cause look how hot she is,” I explain like it should be obvious.

“I don’t understand anything,” he complains and Sara laughs.

“No one understands Annie. I just try to believe the compliment,” she chuckles, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly and blushing.

“Alright, whatever. I still don’t understand all this ‘Annie’ nonsense anyway. I guess I can write the trade thing off as another mystery,” August sighs. It’s now my turn to laugh. We tried explaining my otherworldly origins to him, but he never quite got a handle on it.

“I’ll give you this, August,” I respond, “You are very good at being alright with things you don’t understand. That’s a surprisingly rare skill.”

“Thanks!” He cheerfully agrees. “I get a lot of practice!” This turns my chuckle to a full laugh, and even Autumn smiles alongside him. It is a moment sweeter than fresh figs. It is also interrupted by evidence of the greater frequency of travel in this country. I hear it before I see it, but a wagon presents itself around the bend and my breath catches. We should be safe, but I can’t help the anxiety that wells up at the idea of our groups first real contact with a new society.

“Looks like it’s time to meet some new people,” I whisper and tension ripples through the group. “Hey, maybe they’ll give us a ride. If I still had feet, I swear they would be killing me.”