Fall of Autumn, Week 4, Day 2

“Those stupid, ridiculous, absolute atrocious—” I continued, mumbling insults to myself as I thought back to the state of my room in the main estate. Of the effort everyone went through. What was the point?

I furrowed my eyebrows as I thought, turning to go down the stairwell. My heel hit the wood lightly, and I drifted to the entryway, preoccupied. I didn’t notice the maids I passed by or the portraits on the walls. I didn’t clock the ornate decorations carved into the wooden accents or the pieces of art that were displayed on pillars. So, it wasn’t a surprise that I didn’t stop to look around until I was standing at the center of the massive entry hall. That was when I realized I didn’t know where the dining room was. I’d just assumed it was off the main entrance. But here I was, looking from the left to the right, only seeing the five crates we’d brought from the main estate, a butler holding a clipboard, and two sitting rooms. Two sitting rooms.

I sighed, debating whether or not to explore on my own or ask the man which way I needed to go. But I took too long, and the decision was made for me.

“Lady Nora,” the man called, leaning his elbows atop the crate in front of him. He gestured behind me with his clipboard. “Dining is that way.”

He didn’t say it unkindly—quite the opposite, really. His voice was professional but gentle, pointed but soft. It wasn’t laced with amusement or mockery, just what seemed to be a desire to help. It was much like the Dusk Knights, and that was a comfort I couldn’t truly describe. After Melinda earlier, I had high hopes for the staff at this estate. Perhaps they would be kinder than the ones back where little Eunora grew up.

“Thank you,” I forced a smile. “Do you know if the Dusk is already there?”

“All eleven,” the man replied with a nod.

A pang struck my heart. Sir Rellar would have made twelve. Bile climbed up the back of my throat, and I looked at the door longingly. Oh, how I wanted to avoid the chatter of the knights. It had gradually grown from somber to a new normal on the road. And my guilt was eating me alive, so to do anything to bring out their grief, to cause the knights any trouble –it was out of the question. I couldn’t run, but I didn't want to go, either. I chose to stall for a beat longer.

“Your name?” I asked quietly.

“Gristle, my Lady,” He smiled down at me, “I’m the head butler of this residence.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” I said. I paused, and then, unwilling to continue on my way, I asked, “Have you worked here long?”

“A little under thirty years, I came into the Dawn’s service the day after my Awakening.” His voice was a bit more reserved, then, and I blinked.

“That’s a long time. Since you were eight?”

He nodded, “Since I was eight.”

His voice mimicked my inflection, and he had a half smile on his face. I quirked up my mouth to match. It was kind of fun, this easy conversation. The anxiety of little Eunora hadn’t made a reappearance, and that was both a blessing and a curse. Where did she go?

I decided to worry about that later and instead chose to fill my voice with the light mockery only a child could have.

“You’re older than the Countess, then, aren’t you?” I was sure I had a glint in my eye, and Gristle’s own smile widened.

“Tsk, tsk, not quite, my Lady. I believe she has some ten years on me yet.”

That’s just it, isn’t it? It’s impossible to know how old anyone in this damned world is.

“But I believe dinner is about to be served. Will you make your knights wait?” Gristle’s voice was that same mix of pointed but gentle as before, and I briefly looked over my shoulder toward where he’d pointed earlier.

“Not for their welcome home meal. I wouldn’t dream of it.” I gave him a wider smile now. “It really was nice to meet you, Gristle.”

“You as well, my Lady.”

“Before I go, what are you going to do with the furniture from the main estate?”

My irritation and curiosity mixed together, and I had to ask the question. I wasn’t going to sit in the dark, scared of asking questions. Not anymore.

He glanced down at his clipboard with a frown, “We’ll put it in the original room you were to use.”

I was halfway nodding before I froze and asked, “The original room?”

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“Well, some of the Dawns prefer to furnish their own rooms, and when we received word to prepare, we were told you’d use one of the empty rooms prepared for such.” Gristle paused as if debating if he should continue. He tilted his head as he looked at me and said, “But we got word shortly after you’d begun your journey, directly from the main estate: prep the Love of Zorya.”

My smile fell, “How long into my journey?”

Gristle’s shoulders stiffened, and he shifted the clipboard in his hands. “Not long.”

Memories of light flashing, a blue goddess descending, and blood filled me.

“It was after my Affirmation, wasn’t it?” My voice was dull, tired. And my heart was beating out of my chest.

“It was,” he confirmed.

I took a deep, steadying breath, “Okay.”

The walls seemed to shift, to shrink in on me. I took another breath, reaching for the bag on my hip. Reaching for Noir. As soon as my finger felt the soft knit fabric of his body, a sliver of tension was released. I pulled Noir out, holding him tightly with both hands, then I held him close to me and turned away from Gristle.

“I’m going to dinner now. Thank you for being honest.” My voice felt far away, and inside of me, I summoned two Skills.

[Mental Fortitude]

[Shadow Animation]

Within me, visions of the world around me came into focus, flashing in my mind: the gold-trimmed tapestries on the wall of the sitting room depicting hills in shades of purple, the soft purple shade of the couches, the feel of the hardwood under my feet, and the sound of chatter in the distance. As I walked, I could smell the savory scents of spices in the air, and I could taste the chill of winter on my tongue. Now, I was focused on the now.

Focused enough to make the command. With the new Divinity and reaching Level 10 in [Shadow Animation], the entire estate was within my range.

“Come to me.”

I sent the command out, and I felt it click into place. Shade and Haze were on their way. Noir was wrapping his arms around my midsection.

“We’re here, Nora.” The sound of the spirit was immediately calming. I recognized it as Entertainer.

The fortunate thing about reaching the second threshold of competency was that I had more control over the Skill. I no longer had to use all my commands at once.

“Thank you,” I said, hushed.

I was at the doorway, Noir pressing into me when I felt my connection to the other knit animals grow stronger. I turned, and there they were. Shade, my little lizard, and Haze, my panda bear. As they approached, they each wrapped themselves around a leg. Shade used his tiny body to circle my ankle, and Haze pushed his oversized torso into my calf.

A nervous bubble escaped me, and I squatted down to see all my creations. Inhabited by spirits who had never been meant to exist, if not for me.

“We’re here. We came for you.” Said Shade in a light, feminine voice that was familiar. Advocate.

“Always.” Came a deep voice, telling me Haze was occupied by Commander.

I gently set down Noir, and the other two released their grip. They stood in front of me. Their postures said they were at attention, and I felt warmth creep into my chest. These three were my favorites of all my knit animals—and over the past months on the road, I’d made dozens more. Still, these were the only three I gave names. Noir, Haze, and Shade. Darkness personified. They were my new family. My new friends. Ironically, they were my light in the dark. So, I felt the need to speak. To warn them once again. To show them who I was. They had never complained.

“Away we go, into a den of lions meant to protect us,” I said, my voice a whisper, “But they know now that we are wolves in sheep's clothing. No need to hide. Not anymore.”

The words were more for myself than the knit animations, and I stood back up.

[Shadow Manipulation]

And my braid came alive, shifting gently down my back, floating behind me as if the wind was blowing.

[Shadow Conjuration]

My nails grew black once again as the shadows condensed at the tip of my fingers, and the shadow bangles I had released in my sleep returned—packed so tight with darkness that a miasma was falling out of them. I was ready for anything—always. I should have done it before I left my room.

I’d get better about that, I decided.

Then I pushed the door open.

Before me was a table filled with my protectors. The men and women who had brought me to Fellan. Who had nursed me after my Affirmation. Who had relieved my anxiety. Who had kept me company when all I had was fear and a knit bunny. Even Klein and Arlen were here, Klein to the right of the empty seat at the head of the table and Arlen all the way down at the other end. Next to Klein was Sir Limrick, and across from him was Sir Neil. Curious. Why was Klein at a higher seat than Sir Limrick?

As I looked, I took in the dark wood of the table. I took in the way each knight had an elaborate place setting in front of them. How some had tense shoulders and were sitting so upright they didn’t need a back to their chair. Others looked comfortable, with loose statures. Sir Limrick, Sir Neil, Dame Arella, and Klein were some of those. None of those four looked out of place. The knights all wore outfits of the same purple shade as the maid outfits. They were in uniform, except for Klein and Arlen. Arlen was in a neat cotton shirt, whereas Klein had a full getup on —jacket and golden buttons and all. There was even golden embroidery on his coat. Curious and curiouser.

The room had a half dozen maids and footmen standing off to the edges. One with silver hair had flitted behind a door on the far end of the room. When she did so, I could hear the sounds of a kitchen flow into the room. I let my eyes linger on the swinging door before I scanned the faces of each knight and squire. I quirked my mouth up into a half smile.

“Welcome home to the 43rd Contingent of the Dusk Knighthood,” I said, forcing my voice to be smooth.

No need to spiral in front of the Dusk, that’s for sure. I thought to myself.

Behind me, the knit animals toddled in. All eyes were on me, from the staff that was refilling drinks to the knights themselves. But it didn’t hurt like it used to.

Maybe little Eunora’s fears had been addressed, maybe I’d accepted her enough, but maybe they were overshadowed by my guilt and need to show strength. Either way, it was time for a new approach.

“Welcome to Fellan,” Sir Limrick said as I took my seat at the head of the table, “Are you ready for what’s next?”