Peak of Autumn, Week 4, Day 8

It was easier than I thought, choking down the disgust that [Sophism] brought. It hadn’t been a conscious thought, deciding to use the Skill. Not really. It was more impulse and morbid curiosity. I had known it would be a red path –just as I had known the first time I roamed the maze that it would be a white path. To know and know are comforting things. Even if it meant utilizing a Divine Skill from Brel.

As I walked, I gave a soft “[Silent as a Shadow].”

I felt the aura of [Otherworldly] contract and a weight lifted from my shoulders. The attention [Otherworldly] was destined to cause was unsettling. Under my skin, I could feel the hum of anxiety that Eunora was constantly fueling. Even that subsided with the activation of [Silent as a Shadow]. The Skill did ever more than I had expected, and it was a relief. The world dulled around me, and I continued onward. I would break the Skill once I was in the range of one of the knights, but I didn’t want to tempt fate too much. So, I focused on my movements, absorbing the silence that surrounded me, letting it calm my storming emotions.

It was probably a waste of the Skill, if I was honest. I continued on, the hedges growing sparse as I continued on down the far path. No longer did the hedges turn and twist around the grounds. Now it was a straight shot to the training hall. The softness of the morning light was quickly burning away as the day grew later. It was only a few minutes of meandering before the dark stone building that housed the knights cropped up behind a copse of trees which meant there were no more hedges. This was it. The comfort of the familiar maze was washed away.

I broke [Silent as a Shadow] and felt the vibrancy of the world flood my senses. In the distance, I could hear the deep shouts of men and the clank of metal hitting metal. This was my destination. The household guards of the estate and the Dusk Knighthood are both housed here. And there was a difference. The guards stayed here perpetually, several dozen men and women that protected the manor from local, mundane threats. The guards would recognize me, and they would know the reality of the Dawns. The Dusk Knighthood was different. They were a military legion sworn to the Dawns. There were only two ways to leave the knighthood: death or disgrace. Joining was easy. It was the staying that was hard. The Dusk had a presence everywhere the Dawn reached. From the Western Border to Central Maeve, the Dusk performed rounds through every backwater town, fought monsters in every stretch of land, exerted justice on behalf of the Dawns. They are the only knights the House of Dawn uses. Which means they are who would be taking me to Fellan.

I didn’t bother going through the barracks, instead circling around the side –trying not to focus too much on the emblem of the dual suns emblazoned on the stone walls. I needed to know how much more hurt Eunora would feel on this journey. Would she be rejected yet again? Would they scorn her like her own family? Would they even bother to pause and look twice at a child on the training grounds?

I took a deep breath, mentally cataloging the feel of Noir and Haze in my bag. At the worst, I would still have them.

Then I rounded the final corner, taking in the sight of a half dozen knights propped up against a wooden fence, sweat pouring from their brows as they looked over a large swath of dirt that held another half dozen knights sparring. They all looked exhausted. As I focused on a pair of men standing to the side, I noticed they weren’t really men. Boys would be more appropriate. They didn’t look any older than Raphael –fourteen at the least, sixteen at the most. One had vibrant red hair cut short –the other was pulling his blonde hair back in a ponytail. They must have unlocked the squire [Class]. Or maybe they were just really good. Who knows. I ran my eyes along the rest, noticing four women in the group. One was standing with the boys, towering over them. Two were on the training ground, sparring. The last was standing next to a man who made Evenor look short, with bulging muscles and a bald head. He was shouting commands at the rest of the group.

The moment I left the safety of the shade, the leaves crunching under my feet, I felt the attention of everyone in the vicinity shift to me. I could feel the anxiety of Eunora welling up within me, her fear of being seen hitting me like a brick. My breath caught. It was overwhelming. I shouldn’t have wasted [Silent as a Shadow] on the walk over. That was stupid. I slid my hand into my bag and gripped Noir’s hand, pulling him out of the bag and holding him close to me. I swallowed Eunora’s fear and took another step forward. And another. Then the world stood still as the bald man appeared before me in between breaths. He had been several dozen feet away, but now he was just out of reach. And I hadn’t seen him move.

He stared down at me, his mouth pressed into a firm line. I felt my pulse quicken, both my own fear mixing with Eunora’s.

He hates me already! Eunora screamed within me. This man is a m o n s t e r, came my own voice, circling my head.

Taking hold of myself, I straightened my back. Fear is nothing. I’ve been afraid. This man will not hurt me.

“I am Nora.” My voice was steady in a forced way, in a way that screamed, and I looked up and into the man’s eyes. My fingers dug into Noir as I spoke.

It was a moment, no more, of silence. But I felt it stretch. And then the man nodded.

“Lady Eunora, I am Oberon Rellar, the Knight Captain of Fellan, the 43rd contingent of the Dusk Knighthood.” I blinked. His voice was not soft or gentle. It was definitively rough, like gravel on a barren road, but it was not rude. It was not harsh in the way of the Countess or cold in the way of the Count. I loosened my grip on Noir ever so slightly. The eyes of the rest of the knights stopped me from relaxing my grip fully.

Sir Rellar was looking down at me –out of necessity, he was easily double my height. Suddenly, I was at a loss for words. I hadn’t thought this far ahead. So, I said the truth.

“I wanted to say hello. I heard we’ll be together for a while.”

“That’s one way of putting it.” He said grimly, before his mouth turned up slightly, what I suspected was his version of a smile, “It’s a pleasure, my lady. We look forward to leading you back to our home.”

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I pushed back the warmth that was welling with Eunora, He doesn’t hate me, she cried. What a low bar.

“Thank you, Sir Rellar,” I matched him with a small smile of my own, “What time are we leaving? Father didn’t say.”

“Not until Dreya shines down on us –it’s a long journey. There’s no reason to suffer on the first day.”

I nodded, peeking around Sir Rellar. I scanned the other knights –all of whom had straightened up and paused what they were doing to watch the exchange. Twenty-two eyes fixed on me. My stomach turned. Too many eyes. Too much attention.

“I–” My voice caught, and I frowned and looked back to Sir Rellar. Shaking my head, I said, “I won’t bother you anymore. I’ll be ready tomorrow. Thank you.”

“Of course, my lady.” His face was not kind, he was too grizzled for that, but his voice was kind enough. That was a nice change from the usual cold, judgemental tone of the Dawns.

Nodding, I raised my hand and waved at the other knights before turning around and all but bolting out of the training grounds.

My stomach was turning, and as soon as I turned the corner, I began running back to the hedge maze –my bag hitting my side with the force of my movement. I wasn’t as fast as Sir Rellar, I didn’t move like a lightning bolt, but I was fast. What had been a several minute long trek turned to mere seconds, and it was just fast enough as I rounded one of the corners in the maze. I came to a halt, dropped Noir, and bent over.

I threw up, propping myself up unsteadily against a hedge. Eunora’s anxiety was too much. And as I spit out bile, I grit my teeth.

“This is ridiculous,” I hissed. And then I threw up again.

It was several minutes before my body had settled, and I felt confident enough to pick up Noir and make my way back to my room. Fortunately, I’d brought a bag and had more than enough mana for [Weave of Darkness]. Climbing up through the window was child’s play.

I nearly scrubbed my skin raw as I washed off the vomit. My nails scratched at my skin, and I was simmering with irritation.

That fear was not my own.

It was not of my world.

It was a fear from here, from a body that was slowly becoming my own –but was not yet truly mine.

“[Shadow Conjuration] [Shadow Manipulation]”

I let the darkness spill from me, filling the near-empty bathroom. It spread from me like a fog, darkening all that it touched. The coldness of shadow against skin gave me comfort –even if it did not soothe the anger boiling beneath my veins. Even if it did not calm the irritation that was born from being Eunora. All it did was put on a stopper on it, kicking the can down the road.

And it made me want my name. I craved it.

Say your name. Say it. Find it within you, it has to be there. I made a wish to the universe.

“My name is –!” My voice caught as a spike of pain shot through my head.

[System Notice: The skill [Tight Lips] has been forcefully activated. Strike Cause: User attempt to utter Otherworldly name. Data currently purged. Strike Null.]

I grit my teeth. I needed something from elsewhere. Anything. I had been shoving my memories down because every thought caused me pain. Caused me anger. But now I needed it. I needed a name.

“Emmett.” I whispered it so gently, so softly I was sure even the Gods wouldn’t be able to hear me, “I miss you.”

I was wrong.

I screamed in shock as another, stronger pain went through me. It felt as if every nerve in my body was lit aflame.

[System Notice: The skill [Tight Lips] has been forcefully activated for the first time. Strike Cause: User uttered Otherworldly information in the perception of another. Strike recorded.]

That caused my heart to leap. In the perception of another. I felt my body begin to shake as I looked around the shadow-filled bathroom.

“Who’s there?” My voice shook, but really that was the least of my worries.

Silence answered me.

I cut off my Skills, letting the bathroom settle into the dull grey of natural darkness. Still, I could see no one.

“Hello?”

I jumped as a knock resounded on the door, “My Lady? Are you all right?”

The voice was familiar, and I snapped my eyes to the door. Maria. I hadn’t heard her in my room, but that made little sense. She was a maid. I should be able to pick up on her presence. Right? Isn’t that the point of having a [Rare] Class? I felt another shiver run through me at the thought of another weakness, another ignorance.

“I–” My voice caught, and I cleared my throat, “Is anyone else with you?”

“No, my Lady, it’s just me. I’ve come with snacks, so you will have something to do while I move the boxes from your room.”

“All right, I’ll be out shortly.”

Slowly, I rose from the bath, trying not to let the fear running through me continue to control me. I shook as I began drying off and then dressing. I took deep breaths as I combed and braided my hair. It was a while before I was calm enough to leave the bathroom.

As I walked out, my blue eyes met Maria’s golden ones, and she gave a curtsy, “Would you like some tea?”

I nodded and went to the last plush chair in my room and the small end table next to it. They were all that was left besides my bed and two outfits hanging in my closet –one to sleep in and one to travel in. Next to the chair was a shining cart that had a teapot and a tower of treats.

As I sat, Maria handed me a book.

Divine Tales of the Illustrious Gods by Illera Mrovin.

“I found this tucked away in your closet,” Maria spoke softly as if she was calming a wild animal. Maybe she was, “Should I pack it?”

I swallowed. This was the book Eunora had traded all that extra work for. Lina had given it to her just before I awoke. The one with the deeper stories.

“No, I’ll keep it with me.”

Eunora had yet to read it. But this felt like something I could do to bring her peace. To bring me peace. So, as Maria made her trips back and forth, I read the book. I took in every gruesome detail, every mystical power, every heroic deed, every villain taken to task. That was how I spent my last night in this wretched estate. Doing something for Eunora.

I fell asleep curled up with the book, and when I awoke in the morning, I gently tucked the book in with Noir and Haze into my bag.

It was a slow morning, and I didn’t notice much. No one came to see me off –not the Countess or the Count, not Evelyn or Raphael. Not Theodore. Not the twins. And I was glad for it. If I could never see their faces again, it would be too soon.

That was how I left the Dawn estate.

Without pomp or ceremony. As if I was a ghost disappearing into the miasma. Or a shadow overcome by the sun.