Chapter One

Who Wants to be a Diplomat with these Working Conditions?

When Jenna’s eyes fluttered open, it was the middle of the night. Her bedroom in the Crescent Bell Palace was fluctuating, like flames of artificial white light racing up the walls. She rubbed her eyes and tried to clear her vision, but it would not clear.

“Are you awake?” Conrad asked in her ear.

It had been a while since Jenna had spoken to Conrad, but the sound of his voice was the second most welcome after Sardius.

“I’m awake and I feel terrible,” she confessed, pulling the blankets closer around her. She couldn’t get warm.

“Does your head hurt?” he asked through the earpiece.

“Yes.”

“That makes sense. Firth put that jewel on your crown and you blacked out. Do you remember that much?”

Jenna tried to nod, but her head felt so heavy. Whether that feeling was from the jewel or not, she didn’t really know because the feeling of illness spread through her body like a disease. “I remember. What is it? I can’t lift my head and even talking is awful. Tell me what happened.”

Conrad sighed. “I was asleep when it happened, but the story Firth is telling is that it is an upgrade to your current crown.”

“What is it supposed to do?”

“Well,” he began, “the crown by itself used to measure whether or not a person was a threat to Octavians. The crown is still testing you, but the jewel is also testing everyone around you and also protecting you. Anyone who approaches you with malice will be hurt.”

“How?” Jenna balked, trying to reach for the glass of water by her bed and being shockingly ineffective at it. She swatted her hand at the glass of water stupidly, unable to lift it up.

“It creates a force field around you and from what Firth said, it is no joke. It will cut off the hands of people who try to touch you.”

Jenna groaned. “How is that going to do me any good? I have to meet people who hate me all the time.”

“You can meet them,” Conrad clarified, “but they can’t touch you. Firth said something about how ridiculous it is that you aren’t safe, even from your own people. I guess some news got out earlier today about how Fallcet was crowned after you expelled him from Octavia Prime after his first visit. Apparently, he kidnapped you and crowned himself? Is that why his crowning was not on the social media channels?”

“Yeah. That’s what happened, but is Fallcet is already gone? I was going to expel him again,” Jenna remembered, wondering if she was glad she wouldn’t have to talk to him again. Maybe she was glad. Maybe she wanted to say one more thing to cap off their misadventure together. Either way, she was curious if the opportunity was gone.

“Yes. Rennett has been moved out of the Waterfall Palace and he’s staying with Dr. Arc Lawson until they can find a place his AAMC pension can pay for. Rennett sends his thanks for offering to help him broker a deal with the AAMC, but he plans to make the arrangements himself.”

Jenna used every ounce of energy she had to pull her body into a sitting position. It was hard, but once her head rested against the pillows pressed up against the headboard, she felt much better. Then she tried reaching for the water again. “Well, Rennett is handy if I ever want to talk to him again, so I guess it’s fine that we just sent him off. It was nice of him not to demand more of me since my head feels like an anvil. Is everything else good?”

Conrad chuckled. “What’s your definition of good?”

Jenna felt a little hot around the collar. She would not have had to explain what she meant to Ixy, who knew that all her spare thoughts were about Sardius. “Have you heard anything about Sardius?” she clarified.

“No news. However, if you’re interested, Phane has finished the first round of his medical treatments and was awake a few hours ago.”

“He’s okay?” Jenna asked cautiously.

“No. He’s far from okay. Granted, he’s freaking out and that’s making it worse, but no, he’s not okay.”

“Is he awake now? Should I go visit him?”

“He is not awake. Misha got tired of his nonsense and shot him up with a tranquilizer when she thought the official nurse, Antonetta, wasn’t looking. It was a relief to both of them. What a whiner! He really expects the royal treatment here.”

“Misha was very interested in him from his pictures before she met him. Do you think her crush endured his whining?”

Conrad laughed before cutting the laugh short and stating plainly, “No. It’s safe to say that any affection she had for him has died.” Then Conrad said something Jenna never expected to hear him say. “Would you mind,” he began softly, “if I connected to Misha’s communication system once and a while?”

“What does that mean?” Jenna questioned through the painful haze in her brain. He could connect to anywhere in her palace if she needed him to relay a command. Why was he asking permission… “Do you have feelings for Misha?”

“Do you have any objection to my calling her?” he pressed without answering her question.

“None, except the worry that you’ll both fall butt over tea kettle in love with each other and that it can’t go anywhere because you’re in prison in a different dimension,” Jenna warned.

“Yes, but I know someone who was in that situation and it worked out for him,” Conrad reminded her dully.

“Fine. Fine. But I intend to ask her how it’s going in a week and if she thinks you’re a nuisance, you have to back off. This is still a work environment.”

“Fine,” he agreed. “I don’t want to annoy her. I just thought it would be nice to talk to her once in a while.”

“Very reasonable. Can you send Vash in here to give me a pain reliever?” Jenna asked, changing the subject. “I want to go back to sleep, but I don’t know If I can with this headache.”

“He can come in. He can bring you a pill, but for the time being, no one is allowed to touch you or even come near you. He will place the pill on the table, but you will have to get it for yourself. Firth and Favel aren’t sure that anyone can enter your force field, even if they’re your friend.”

“Ever?” Jenna wondered. If no one could touch her then… What did that mean for the rest of her life? What did that mean for Sardius? “Surely friends can come in if I like them, right?”

“We don’t know that. Firth says the Octavians used the jewels in the past and a lot of octopuses lost tentacles that way, but losing a limb is completely different for an Octavian than it is for a human. Favel is pretty serious about the whole thing. He had Vash move everyone’s chairs away from yours in every building. You now have a pretty nameplate set at Excelyn’s palace and Celestina’s palace. The one chair, that is away from everyone, that chair is for you.”

Jenna groaned. “I guess they can’t remove the jewel then.”

“I don’t know if anyone has tried. My bet? They’re too scared that they’ll lose a tentacle. Do you want to give it a try right now? Since no one else can touch you, you’ve got to be the one to do it.”

Jenna put her hand up to her crown. The first problem when she touched it was that it was basically hanging from the tip of a curved blade. She couldn’t see what she was doing because the whole operation was over her head and she did not have the energy to get up to see what she was doing with the aid of a mirror.

The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

She gave up very quickly and asked Conrad again if Vash was coming to bring her a pain med.

Conrad said he had and Vash was on his way down the hall.

When Vash came in, he had her pill and a bottle of water on a cutting board with a handle. He put it on the table furthest from her by her bed and left the whole thing on the table, obviously desperate to stay away from her.

Jenna rubbed the back of her neck painfully. “This is going to take some getting used to.”

“Do you need anything else, Madam Diplomat?” Vash squeaked.

“No. Go to bed,” she said generously, but she immediately regretted it when she couldn’t open the water bottle.

***

In the morning, Jenna forced herself into a sitting position and then into a standing position, and then she made Ixy call Vash to get her more meds. She felt woozy, so she just put her head down on the floor while she waited for Vash to come. From that inglorious position, she could see a few sets of eyes watching her from under the bed. Charm and Moonbeam were there, watching her, but neither of them approached. They were smart furballs.

Jenna praised them from her position. “Stay there, little furries. You don’t want to get zapped by my little problem.”

“Surely, the force field won’t kill your cat,” Vash said as he came in with another medical tray.

“We don’t know what it will do,” Jenna replied sternly. “We need to find another place for them to stay until I get this sorted out.”

“How am I supposed to get you your pills if you’re on the floor like that?” Vash whined.

“Roll me the water bottle, Rock Boy. This can’t be your first time doing something stupid for my benefit.”

“What about the pills? I can roll you the water bottle, but how do I get you the pills?”

“Ugh! Just put the whole tray on the floor and let me crawl over to it. The pills helped a lot last night and if I take them again, maybe I’ll be able to do my duty and go see Phane. Is he up?”

Vash did as Jenna asked and left the tray on the floor. Then he backed away to the door and answered her. “Phane is a pain. Like a big one. I’m not impressed. I’ve never heard so much complaining.”

Jenna thought that was amazing because she had always thought that Vash was the one who complained the most until he got into the swing of things in her palace. If Vash thought the Captain complained a lot, it had to be unbearable.

Vash went on. “I mean, you’re in pain, you’re on the floor, but you’re not crying about it.”

“Let’s not compare head injuries, Dear. We don’t know how much his head hurts,” Jenna said sweetly, being more successful in opening the water bottle than she had been the night before. She swallowed the pills. “I’m just going to sit here for a few minutes and then I’ll try to get some clothes on.”

“Want Misha to come pick something out for you, so you don’t have to paw through your closet?” Vash offered.

“Yes, but first, please wrap up those cuties and take them to Iker’s. Tell him that’s his first official job. I need him now,” Jenna said sourly as her head felt so heavy, she couldn’t keep it up straight. She returned her head to the floor and let her cheek sink into the carpet.

“What? You think Iker is a good pet sitter because he’s a cat man? He has his own problems. He’s not adjusting to the gravity very well.”

Jenna let her body sink further down. “He doesn’t have to do anything special, just let them stay at his palace until either I work this force field out or one of the other diplomats offers to take them. Was I really that wrong to think he was the best candidate?”

“Hmm… perhaps not,” Vash conceded. “Excelyn and Philip have sick Octavians visiting their palace at all hours, meaning the pets would be underfoot constantly. The same goes for Celestina. She has her media people over all the time for meetings. Scion is the next best candidate, but he’s basically turned his palace into a boxing gym, so I guess you’re right, Iker is the best.”

“Can you please tell him that when you go to drop them off?” Jenna pleaded.

“I’ll do my best,” Vash said as he reached under the bed. One hand caught Charm by the scruff of her neck, the other caught Moonbeam by her belly, and the two animals came out in one heave.

To Jenna’s surprise, both animals looked at home with Vash. How could both of them like him?

Vash saw the astonishment in her eyes. “Of course they like me. I feed them,” he explained shortly as he headed out. “I’ll send Misha in to pick out your clothes.”

***

Ixy read Jenna the report while she waited to feel well enough to get dressed. What had happened to Phane was that the pod was hacked (another sign that the orbital security team was dropping balls left, right, and center). One of the panels had been programmed to pop open, hit him in the head and give him an electrical discharge. Jenna was seriously unimpressed with the whole operation and she sent Conrad to scold them, but that wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t nearly good enough.

It was like a sick person visiting another sick person in the hospital when Jenna went to talk to Phane. He was in his bed with a bandage around his head covering one eye. His other eye was bloodshot and he looked at Jenna like she was a nurse who had come to amputate his leg after the war.

She greeted him and apologized for not being more formal. She wasn’t feeling great herself. She took a chair across the room from him and asked him how he was feeling.

“Well, I’m feeling pretty sorry,” he said wearily, his accent unfamiliar to her but his words were clear enough for her to understand. “You paid for me to have all that surgery and I… I can’t be a diplomat.”

“Too scared?” she asked with no mocking in her tone. She could see black electricity burn marks on his forehead and between his eyes where his bandage didn’t cover.

“Do you know how many people in the AAMC want to see me dead?” he asked, his exposed eyeball staring accusingly at her.

“I couldn’t say. More or less than me? I’m not popular.”

“Yes, you’re not popular with the AAMC, but it’s too late for you to get out of it. It’s not too late for me. I’d like to go. How do I pay you back for the surgeries?”

Jenna huffed. “You can send me your opinion when I ask for it. I’ll call the cost of the surgeries a consultation fee. Does that suit you?”

“Will you ask for my opinion often? Will that get me in as much trouble as being a diplomat?” he asked, surly as a swine.

“Don’t think about it now,” Jenna advised. “I have learned since I asked you to come here that crowning half-hearted people doesn’t do any good. They just get their crowns stripped by a Hipposyphis. Don’t worry about the costs of the surgery, but I hope that our friendship is not broken by what has happened.”

Captain Phane regarded her oddly with his one eye. “Friendship? We’re not friends.”

“Yes, I know,” she said, trying her best to hide her impatience. “What I’m saying is that you can back down from a diplomatic appointment without fear that I will say anything about you to smear your reputation. I hope that you can leave here without smearing mine.”

“Oh, definitely,” he said, obviously feeling lucky that Jenna was being as generous as she was.

“When do you want to leave? Before the bandage comes off or after?” Jenna asked, feeling like their short meeting had already stripped her of all her strength.

Phane talked about when he would like to leave and how he would like to leave because he did not want to get on a pod again. Jenna didn’t really blame him, but she couldn’t sit there chewing the fat with him any longer.

She left Vash in charge of getting him off-world and she went back to her room to collapse on her bed.

What was the gem doing to her? She felt faint every second.

“Feel up to doing any more business today, Madam Diplomat?” Ixy asked in her ear.

“Sort of. I want to give you an assignment,” Jenna said, remembering some of her previous plans. “I want you to get in touch with Binary. She’s the only candidate I liked from the original nominees. I put her on a waiting list. Please get in touch with her and invite her for a second round of interviews.”

Ixy said she would and skedaddled.

Jenna wished her well and promptly blacked out.

When her voice sounded again in Jenna’s ear, she said, “I’m sorry to disturb you while you’re sleeping, but I’ve heard back from Binary and I thought you’d want to hear her response immediately.”

“I do. What did she say?” Jenna asked, picking herself up from the sweaty spot she had made on her bed.

“She said she no longer wants to be a diplomat,” Ixy explained. “She says it looks too dangerous and she doesn’t like getting wet.”

“Okay. Whatever,” Jenna said as she flopped back on the bed. “Wait… Why the hell was she signing up to be a diplomat in the first place if she doesn’t like getting wet? Why does she live in the Octavia system? All the moons are wet. Why the…? Blah.”

Ixy giggled. “Who knows? But she probably only wanted to be a diplomat because it seemed cool at the time. It’s not so cool now. You already know it’s a waste of time to bring in losers.”

Jenna nodded.

Ixy went on, “It’s too bad you’re catatonic. Otherwise, I’d show you the newsreels with Lucy and Armen. You would not believe what they’re telling the media.”

“I don’t care,” Jenna said through the part of her mouth that wasn’t pressed into the bed. She thought about that for a minute and then forced herself to roll onto her back. “Okay, Ixy. I don’t want to watch the newsreels, but I want to know what they are telling people.”

“That you offered them both diplomatic positions, but they turned you down because the whole situation with the AAMC was too dangerous. They have a child to think about!” Ixy shrugged in righteous indignation. “Can you believe the nerve of those people?”

Jenna put Lucy and Armen out of her mind. They were never a problem she could deal with. She certainly did not care if they said that or a thousand other things. Instead, she was thinking about her problem. She was likely to have the AAMC in her face again, asking her to crown their delegates. If she could get crowns on new people before they made their next request, that would be best. Who could she recruit?

Her mind drifted to a request she had made ages ago. They had been joking about crowning the most expensive drunk in the universe. She reminded Ixy of the plan but fell asleep before she could finish explaining it.