Chapter Eleven
Like Naked Fish
Jenna woke up experiencing a number of sensations at once. The first one was that she couldn’t breathe. She was coughing and sputtering. The second thing she felt was a feeling like she was lying naked on a slightly coarse beach with her feet in the water and when she opened her eyes, nothing she saw made sense to her.
Above her was a black sky, but light was shining all around her. It was lower. The light was lower, in all four directions, and white. Was she inside? But her feet were splashing in water and she was on a beach.
Then she realized that the feeling that she was lying on a beach, completely naked, was exactly what was going on.
“Jenna,” Sardius said in her ear. “Can you hear me?”
“I can hear you,” she said, putting her hand to her ear. “What’s going on?”
“On our way back to Earth, we crashed on Magatidus. It was lucky.”
Jenna knew what had happened… sort of. She had sent Armen to Octavia Three to pick up Lucy. Once Lucy was fit to travel, Jenna got on a pod of her own and though she was traveling in a different pod apart from Armen and Lucy, they were all still going to Earth on the same spacecraft. Jenna had been put to sleep in the pod for the journey the same way she had been before and then nothing.
“Could we skip to the part where you explain exactly where I am, right now?” she asked waspishly as she covered her breasts with her arms and crushed her legs together.
“You’re in a lizard tank. It’s normally used as a breeding ground for edible lizards as part of the food supply for the Octavia population of Magatidus. This looks to be a new one, but there’s a problem. The lizards that are normally kept in a tank like this require a lot less oxygen than you. There isn’t strong enough air circulation in here to even let you breathe all the oxygen that’s in here. You need more. Over to your left, against the tank wall, there are three tubes. The one that has no markings on it is the oxygen. You need to go there, sit next to it and make a fuss. If you look like you’re distressed, they’ll turn up the oxygen.”
“They’re going to see me?” Jenna squeaked.
“They’re Octavians. Not as developed as Favel, but they’re not Adamis. They’re only as curious about your anatomy as you’d be over the anatomy of a baby octopus. Besides, octopuses don’t wear clothes. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“Why am I naked in the first place?” she asked, as she tried to spot the tubes in the wall Sardius mentioned.
“As I said, you crashed. Magatidus is ninety-three percent ocean. Your pod did well in the crash and it didn’t break, but you didn’t wake up. I sent out distress calls, but the signals were lost in the storms. You floated on the surface for three days before an electrical current hit your pod and fried the electrical components. The floatation devices detached and you fell. The pod filled with water and you would have died if the Octavians here hadn’t rescued you. Considering the storms on this planet, we’re extremely lucky they were able to find you at all.”
“Lucky,” she said quietly as she looked around for something to wrap around herself, but there were only big flat rocks and hollow logs.
“They took your clothes off because I asked them to,” Sardius said like he wished he didn’t have to admit it.
“What? Why?” she hollered.
“Your body temperature was dangerously low after being in that icy water. If they hadn’t cut your clothes off and put you under these heat lamps, you would have died.”
Jenna groaned and pulled her knees up to her chest.
“Look, Jenna, I know this is really difficult for you because Adamis are so incredibly modest about certain parts of their bodies being seen, but there’s really nothing for you to be shy about. There isn’t another Adamis on this planet. Think about all the times you’ve stood in front of a fish tank and watched a bunch of naked fish swim around.”
“Naked fish?” she wheezed.
“Most organisms in the universe do not wear clothing. You guys are the weird ones. Back on earth, how many times were you self-conscious about taking your clothes off in front of your cat? This is like that.”
“Ugh.”
“Jenna! Focus. I need you to stand on your own two feet and walk over to that oxygen hose. I have sent them three messages that the oxygen in this tank is not sufficient for you, but my signals keep being interrupted. The storms here are that serious and I can’t be manually linked to their system without leaving your ear. You can do this. Get up!”
She didn’t want to, but the sound of Sardius’ voice was grounding and he was right. Each breath in was not enough.
“You’re sure no one is going to see me?” she said, putting a hand between her legs and keeping the other arm pinned to her chest.
“To be clear, we want the octopi taking care of you to see you. They don’t think anything is weird about this.”
As Jenna got closer to the tank wall, she saw that the surface of the wall was like a dark mirror. “And you?” she asked softly. “Can you see me?”
Sardius snorted pleasantly. “You can relax. Not only am I a microscopic octopus riding around in your ear, but I’ve also seen you naked already.”
“When?” she exclaimed.
“I’m keeping track by scratching little notches in my wall. We’re already past ten,” he joked.
“Is all this that amusing for you?” she asked, finding the oxygen tube he was talking about and leaning against the wall of the tank next to it.
“It’s a little amusing,” he chuckled before his voice changed intonation. “Frankly, I’m pleased you’re breathing. It was a close one. This was a good planet for us to crash into because it was inhabited, but it was also a difficult one for a hundred reasons.”
“If I’d died, would you have been able to jettison out of your pearl and have a new life as a microscopic octopus on Magatidus?”
“No,” he said slowly.
“Are you saying you would have died with me?”
“No. I would have gone on living the rest of my life. Alone. Without you.”
The mood had darkened, and Jenna, who just a few minutes before had been so concerned about being seen naked, was suddenly humbled by what could have happened if Sardius had not been there.
She wanted to thank him for saving her life, but when she opened her mouth, she couldn’t bear to say something that hinted that the two of them could die together. Instead, she rambled the question, “So, when did you see me naked?”
“Oh, absolutely any time you take your clothes off. You’re changing your outfit? I see everything. You’re showering? Everything. You don’t have to be shy, I’m an octopi.”
She chuckled at his rhyme. “Are there that many mirrors in my rooms?”
“I don’t see you through mirrors most of the time. Most of the time, I’m using a password that overrides the security system in your palace.”
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“What does that mean?”
“It means that I’m blocking both the Adamis and the Octavians from seeing you through the room cameras in your more private moments. You deserve some privacy when you shove that sperm-shaped piece of cotton up your--”
“It’s a tampon,” she interrupted.
“Oh, is that what it’s called? Hold on… an Octavian is paying attention to you. Put your face closer to the tube.”
Jenna did and a flush of pure air hit her in the face. “We did it.”
“You did it,” he said. His voice sounded calm and mellow.
Jenna closed her eyes and let the air flow over her. “Are you sure you’re a baby-sized octopus? Sometimes, you really sound like a man.”
“If I were a man, would I be as relaxed about seeing you naked?”
She laughed. “No.”
“How would I act?”
“We’re really going for that, huh? Pretending you’re a man all the way?” she asked with a dash of wit.
“I don’t know how long it will be until you’re rescued. It might be a while. I need to entertain you. Besides, there are three tubes next to you. One is for oxygen. The other two are for food and water. The food is likely to be less than ideal.”
Jenna saw the water flowing down, but the last tube had nothing coming from it and nothing happening around it.
“What kind of food are they going to give me?” she asked hopefully.
All at once, a pile of wet, slithering worms fell through the tube and landed on the sand. Jenna screamed.
Sardius was immediately in her ear. “It’s okay. Back away from them. It will work in the same way it did with the oxygen. I’ll keep sending them messages about what a woman like you would like to eat, but there is a good chance they won’t have anything to feed you that you will think is an acceptable meal, but they might. In the meantime, you just need to get away from the worms and act like you’d never eat them.”
Jenna scrambled to a hollow log and got inside. Lucky for her, it was large enough that she could sit inside and lean against the wall.
Thinking rapidly, she said to Sardius. “If no one comes to rescue us, and they don’t have better food than that, I really will have to eat those worms, won’t I?”
“For now, do what you’re comfortable with. I won’t let you die, so my advice will prioritize your comfort and then your survival. Ultimately, it may come down to that. Try not to be flustered. Eating a worm may not be that bad. The reason worms came down the meal slot is that’s what the lizards who are normally housed in pens like this eat.”
“What were you saying before about entertaining me?” she said, rubbing her arms and brushing off sand.
“Oh, I have a variety of entertainments I can perform if you desire it. Music? Novels? Jokes? Riddles? Puzzles? I can read or play anything I have in my data banks to help us pass the time. I have sent a distress call to Octavia Prime, though there is a good chance they already know what happened when the ship went down. Congratulations on surviving the first attempt on your life, but it may be some time before anyone comes to rescue us.”
“As long as you’re here, I’m sure it will be fine,” she said stubbornly.
“How would you like me to entertain you?”
She hesitated. “I’m not sure.”
***
“Sardius, I want you to tell me why there were only eleven men in the whole universe who would suit me,” Jenna asked, mostly buried in sand, because that was almost like wearing clothes and it was cooler than getting burnt by the heat lamps.
“It’s probably because their system for choosing lovers is flawed, broken, and excludes men who don’t qualify for the test.”
“Really? Tell me more,” she encouraged.
“I know for a fact that it doesn’t include men old enough to be your father or young enough to be your son. Considering the different rates some Adamis races mature, the loophole is unforgivable. It will also exclude men who are too far away from you on the Adamis genetic spectrum, such as guys who have extra limbs or body parts that are incompatible for mating with you. Clearly, it doesn’t include any Octavians. If all that wasn’t enough, it would also exclude men who didn’t fit your physical preferences. Which is why Armen looks the way he does. Doesn’t he make your tongue sweat?”
Jenna smirked. “He did when I first saw him, but he’s pretty much a dick, so no.”
“Hilariously,” Sardius continued, “according to the test, even though you only prefer zero point one to the trillionth power of men in the universe, you are actually most men’s type. Most men find you attractive as a mate. Many other personal assistants are not given access to break security contact from diplomatic officials when they shower. I get it because I can’t touch you and Favel is terrified that naked pictures of you will be leaked by the Adamis members of our security team.”
Jenna scoffed. “I can’t imagine anyone being interested in such a thing.”
“Why?” Sardius asked curiously. “I just told you that most men in the universe would find you an attractive mate, so why do you think no one would be interested in pictures of you? I thought you knew your value when you exiled Lucy because you didn’t want a spare.”
“I dunno,” Jenna muttered. “On Earth, I was probably only a couple of ticks above average.”
“You’re far above average.”
Now it was Jenna’s turn to ask curiously, “Why?”
“Shall we go down the list of attributes that are valued highest by Adamis men across the known universe?”
Jenna stifled her chuckle. Why had she doubted him? Sardius was very amusing. She didn’t think she’d ever talked to a person over the phone who was as much fun as him. “Go on.”
“Firstly, you are not gullible. Instead, you lean toward being wary. On Earth, two hundred and twelve attempts were made to kidnap you and all of them failed. The only reason Armen succeeded was because of your desire to mate with a worthy male. Any man in the universe would be very impressed by that.”
“Armen wasn’t impressed by me. If anything, he seems more impressed by Lucy.”
“No, but Armen’s a dick.”
“You’re only saying that because I said that,” Jenna sang in a singsong voice.
“No, I’m not. I’m saying it because he’s a dick. I asked them not to hire him when they consulted me, but I was overruled.”
“Why didn’t they listen to you?”
Sardius sucked in his breath in a way that made Jenna forget she was talking to a tiny octopus in her ear. “I’ve had too much experience in combat, not diplomacy. I’m apparently very well suited to keeping you safe, but I’m not the voice the Octavians want to hear when they were choosing who to give you as a companion. They kept insisting that you needed someone who was an experienced diplomat as well as someone who matched your personal preferences. They thought Armen was a real find, practically God’s gift. I did ask them not to use the universal matching algorithm and to choose someone based on my recommendation, but it was not to be.”
“You sound unpopular. It almost sounds like you would have had a hard time getting the job you have now if no one wants to listen to you. Was that a struggle?” Jenna asked.
“A bit, but I convinced them. I displayed pictures of the other diplomats that had suffered bloody ends and asked them if they thought someone else could do a better job protecting you. I told them everything about your situation was risky and they’d be fools to rely on diplomacy alone. They needed at least one soldier by your side, but it is arguable that one in your head is better.”
“Why did you even want the job if they’re so hard to get along with?”
“Because I really wanted to be assigned to you. Also, I had to prove myself by being assigned to Arvantis before you.”
“Why go to all that trouble?” Jenna wondered, a little lost.
He sighed. “A thousand and one reasons. For one, I am very attracted to you.”
“What did you just say?” Jenna asked in shock.
“Uh… Did I say the wrong thing? My translator must be malfunctioning. I meant to say that I think you’re adorable.”
Jenna was dying with mirth as he picked at his words. “I think you still may not have landed on what you’re trying to say. Want to try again?”
“I thought you were a dazzling blonde and that your job was vitally important. If I’m stuck here, and I am whether I work for you or not, then I wanted to be one of your servants.” He took a deep breath. “Was that the right thing to say?”
“Sorry for embarrassing you. There’s bound to be a few miscommunications when we’re using software,” Jenna said, letting him off the hook.
“Thank you for being so understanding. I must change the subject. They have released a different kind of food from the food slot.”
Jenna covered her face with her hand. “What is it?”
“I don’t know. You’ll have to go over and check it.”
Jenna got up. With all the grace of a princess, she dropped her hands from her vital bits and strode across the tank to see what the new food was.
There were three round fruits lying next to the place where the worms were.
“Hooray!” Jenna sang.
“Take a bite before you get too excited. I’d also recommend washing it off in the tap water before you eat any. The content of the water our hosts are living in is probably of a much lower quality than what they have offered you to drink.”
Jenna dropped to her knees and washed the fruit in the newest water being deposited in the tank. Without waiting another second, she bit into it.
“What do you think?”
“It tastes fine to me. Kind of like a plum and a pineapple combined,” Jenna said between mouthfuls. “Except, I can’t eat this only. It’ll give me the runs.” Looking around, Jenna thought of something else. “What happened to the worms that were in a pile here?”
“They slithered away. The Octavians won’t be concerned about that. It will entertain the lizards to hunt for them after we’ve gone.”
“Sardius,” Jenna suddenly whined. “I’m going to have to pee and poop in front of these guys, aren’t I?”
“Like most animals in a tank, yes.”