I lost my mind in the dark shadows of the Yamanote. My humanity had been taken away from me. The moment I changed, everything that went into the creation of Noh-face ignited and took me over. For a second time, I was a savage creature. My first act was to bide my time to get my revenge. I was obsessed with Mitsuhiko, but I knew he had a powerful guardian at his disposal. There was a shred of logic that held me back from attacking him directly. That shadow creature was always with him. I was satisfied with waiting for Noh-face. Eventually, he sent it after me again. I ambushed it.

I savored the moment I destroyed the noh-face. It was a savage fight. We caused a great deal of damage to the Yamanote tunnel. The clashing of our fists exploded walls. Even the trains rushing past us weren’t enough to stop the fight. We threw each other around repeatedly. I used what I’d learned of the layout of the tunnels to outwit the simple noh-face. It was easy to do. At one point I slammed it down on the tracks and curb-stomped its head repeatedly.

I’m a fighter, but it was a fragment of my mind and to a degree it knew me better than I knew it. The fight was protracted; we fought each other so long my fighting degenerated into slamming it into the cement surfaces as hard as I could, and it returned the courtesy in spades. I lost my mind in the interminable fight in the darkness with only passing trains breaking the monotony.

In the end, I lost what little reservations I had towards killing. I threw the noh-face down and drove my claws into its core. We fused. It was reclaiming a part of myself, my spiritual energy, and yet it drove me even further over the limit. It ignited my violence in a way I’d never experienced before. I waited for something and I didn’t understand what that was. Was it you? Rui-chan? Had I hoped my parents would somehow rescue me? Did I expect to be saved? Would another monster come after me?

I couldn’t sit around doing nothing, and all that was left of me was looking at others passing by on the trains. Wondering what was different about me was the only clear thought I had. Those thoughts faded. I began to resent the people when I realized what they had which I didn’t. It was a face, an identity, a normal life. I had no nose anymore, no ears, no true voice, no eyes. I became a creature full of greed and desires. I stole from others. As Mitsuhiko claimed. I preyed on others.

Those murders he committed were overshadowed by my own murders. I killed and left only wrecked bodies with no evidence. It wasn’t because I was sound of mind. My nature was that of a creature without any true identity. I was a shadow.

My kills number over a hundred. All the while, there was something I missed. You. There wasn’t anything you could ever do to save me. I saw you every day commuting in your silly suit. I didn’t think it suited you, but that was just a vague thought that meant nothing. I missed Rui. I didn’t want to see her nor you. You’d both have seen what I’d become. Of course you’d loathe me.

I watched the people passing by in detail. I came to know everyone who rode on the train every day. One day, someone interesting appeared on the train. Whenever I saw a new face it was particularly exciting. That feeling became a highlight in my day, except for when I killed someone and stole a new face for my collection. No matter how many I stole, the happiness was always fleeting. Novelties were rare and all irregularities had their own specialness.

The anger was fading away, but seeing a certain face reminded me of who I was. I didn’t realize it, but something about her appearance nagged at me. I couldn’t let her go. Something about that face made me want it above all others. That face was mine, and the person wearing it was on the train. It was a young woman who looked identical to me.

I hadn’t operated openly because a spark of reason within me told me my hunting had to be done cautiously, but I crashed through the closest window. I was seized by the surge of emotion, which was chiefly anger. Seizing that woman immediately to investigate was something I desperately needed to do. The expressions of the passengers were all horrified. I weep to think of what I did to her right in front of a crowd. I didn’t harm the face, because it was mine. When she screamed and begged for mercy, I was stunned and infuriated.

“PLEASE, NO!”

I won’t go into detail about what I did to her. I reclaimed my face and she told me everything she knew. Mitsuhiko had started dating after I disappeared. He’d spotted her in a crowd and approached her. She was overwhelmed because she knew who he was. That bastard wooed her on the spot and took her to his tower. He demeaned her and called her ugly. She wondered why he bothered, thinking he was interested in her.

He told her she was insufficient, but she had the potential to be his wife. She wondered why she wasn’t beautiful enough although she’d caught his interest. He explained that she was perfect except for one thing about her. Her face was unbearably ugly.

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She was infuriated by his words. He locked her away like he did you, to play mind games with her. He broke her and rebuilt her. By the time he was finished, she would never stand up to him as I did. She would never leave him. He gave her a choice in the end. “You can leave right away, or else I will give you a special gift along with a ring. We’ll marry and you’ll bear my children.” She agreed, unable to bear the thought of being cast out. Her mind was ruined by him.

He cast a spell from his scroll and released my face he’d stored. With his spiritual powers he melded it onto her, and she gained my voice and appearance. Her body was already a perfect match for mine, which had drawn his interest. She was trained to be the Reiko he always wanted. Obedient.

The day I saw her, she was on her way to let her parents know she’d decided to marry a rich man. She would be happy and they would be happy for her. It was never her intention to tell another soul what Mitsuhiko did to her, but she intended to say she got plastic surgery to suit the tastes of her lover. In her own fashion she loved him, the dirty bastard!

I was infuriated by what he’d done. The fact that she wore my face and was taking my place with my face pushed me over the edge. She had no will to fight against the man’s horrible plans. I put her out of her misery and reclaimed my face.

I was filled with fury. For the first time, I was driven past whatever constraints I still had. I stormed to the tower, carrying the girl’s body with me. Mitsuhiko had arranged for an ID with my name on it for her and did everything he could to make her into me.

I stormed into his room, consumed by anger. He was shocked when he saw the faceless girl slung over my shoulder. I dropped her on the floor before him and wasted no time in attacking him the moment our eyes met again. I had him against a wall in moments and scratched at his face with my claws. I didn’t do much damage before he started to fight.

Despite the fact that he had only human-level strength, he pushed me back with well-timed and placed strikes all over my body. This gained him a short window to call his shadow monster, Enenra. I fought it bitterly. We wrecked up his penthouse. Eventually I was forced to escape when I realized the nature of my opponent. His creature was as relentless as he and it was immaterial, so untouchable.

I threw myself through a window, falling down from the top story to the pavement. A human being could not survive that kind of a fall, but I landed on my feet and ran. Enenra chased after me while I heard a loud crashing noise behind me. He’d cast the woman’s body through the window I’d shattered.

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That’s how you ended up in the newspaper, Reiko-chan... That’s why they said you committed suicide. I could never believe that of you for one moment. Oh, Reiko-chan...

[http://www.rellawings.com/nofacenolife/nofacebreak.png]

I’m sure you hate me now, knowing most of the horrible crimes I committed after Mitsuhiko cursed me. There’s no excuse for it. If I was gentle like you, I’d have been noble like you are. I know you’d have used your powers to help people, but I was selfish and violent. Venting on others was the only way I could deal with the situation. My sins are too numerous to count. That’s why I intend to pass on. My thoughts and memories will be with you. I don’t know why you loved such a girl as me.

We were the opposites of each other. You looked violent and yet possessed a gentleness I never could understand. I looked gentle and sweet, and on the inside I was violent, exactly the kind of person everyone accused you of being. I never thought I’d become a criminal, let alone a murderer. I only wanted to bring others to justice in the form of printing the truth and bringing others to justice by exposing the truth.

Yes, the newspaper... I returned to the Yamanote. Shaking off Enenra was difficult, but I’d come to know Yamanote better than anyone else. It never could find me. I felt it searching for me. It was full of Mitsuhko’s murderous intent. It was like my noh-face. He created it, and it represented his own violence, ambition and greed.

When it gave up on the chase, I was back to my pastime of staring at the faces of the people on the trains. I noticed you with my full faculties. It was you, and I knew you. That’s probably why I didn’t kill you too.

I couldn’t let you go without doing something yet another time. My horrible depression gripped me. I decided to reach out, though I couldn’t let you see me. I snuck onto the train and wore one of the faces I’d stolen. I took on a girl’s appearance with my spiritual power. I’d used it to hunt, but this time I only wanted to pass a message to you. I wanted you to come looking for me the whole time, and yet my logic was flawed. There wasn’t anything you could do, I knew it deep down. The certainty that I would sink deep down into my insanity again soon spurred me to do something while I could think like a person. I spotted a newspaper left behind by a passenger and circled the article depicting my death on the street below Mitsuhiko’s tower with the last of my human blood.

I sneaked close to you. It was easy since you were distracted and distraught. Slipping it into your lap, I walked away, confident that somehow you would make things right. Already I was losing my mind again.

I waited for you to come the next day, but you didn't. You were gone for a long time. I lost the rest of my sanity waiting for you and resumed my killing, unable to help myself. Feeling lost and betrayed, I left the bodies intact with their faces. I’d stopped collecting, until you reappeared. My anger exploded.

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I don’t know what to say to you, Reiko-chan... There had to be a different, better way to cope. I didn’t know how... I lost my way... I know. I understand how you must have felt. I broke in my own way. Your way was just to shut down and hide away from the world. You can’t really understand... I can... Finally, I can see your mind. Me too. Damn it... gender really means nothing. You’re the best person I ever met outside... Rui-chan? Yes... she’s violent like me, but I don’t think she’d ever do what I did. You were bitter and angry... I know. There’s no excuse! You can’t just forgive... Yes. I can. I remember the you I love the most... the one person who had the courage to be my friend. There isn’t anything... Yes... It’s special. But... I love you. I always will. No matter... RUI! Don’t obsess over such a ruined... I won’t, but I will always love you. I... Care about her. We both do. You deserve each other. Make sure you... take care of her… ... I will!

Let’s take that bastard down! He has to pay for what he’s done to us!

[http://www.rellawings.com/nofacenolife/NoFace.png]