[http://www.rellawings.com/nofacenolife/nofacebreak.png]

I watched the waitresses scurrying from table to table, all six of them. One of those had to be the original waitress, but all their behaviors were identical to the original. The odors floating through the restaurant grew stronger as time passed. The moment food started leaving the kitchen, the scents exploded.

“I’m glad he’s having so much fun,” I laughed, turning my gaze on Rui.

The vampires started cheering and clapping. “Yeah.” Rui rolled her eyes. “I wish I had skills like that. It’d be nice to be able to split my body. My productivity would multiply. I could take a ton of cases instead of just one at a time.” What productivity? The number of girls you can kiss? All the tea you can drink?

I looked down at our tabletop. Two empty glasses stood before us. “I wonder if we can’t have some tea soon?”

“Yeah... I don’t know what he’s up to, I..." Rui responded, but increased motion caught my attention. Where there had been six waitresses, now there were twelve. I was flabbergasted. Apparently Akuchi had decided to pour even more energy into his temporary job.

“He’s trying really hard, isn’t he?” Rui seemed annoyed.

“TEA!” Akuchi announced behind me.

“YAIIIIII!” I yelped, leaping up to stand on my seat.

“Please settle down, Susumu-sama! Your tea has arrived!” She took another overly sexy pose, holding a serving tray. On it sat a pot of tea steaming merrily with cups. She even went so far as to slap down the tray with verve. “The food is coming up soon. Please enjoy the tea meanwhile! Ume decided we should serve up your order last.”

“Why? My stomach is growling like crazy! That’s unacceptable!” Rui protested.

I looked at her with an arched eyebrow. “You’re getting hungrier with odors like this floating through the restaurant? It doesn’t smell like the place should.”

“Ahahahaha! As for that, the food looks far better than it smells,” Akuchi reported. “I can’t vouch for the flavor of her cooking. I haven’t tasted it yet myself, but I’ll serve myself my meal soon when I bring yours.” She sighed and scootched down next to me. Rui was even more annoyed.

“SWITCH SIDES!” Rui commanded.

“Huh? Why?” I blinked, looking down back and forth between the two.

All the Akuchi in the restaurant looked over at me simultaneously. I wasn’t sure if one of them was the true waitress, but every single one rushed over.

“Please sit down!”

“You’re disturbing the other customers!”

“I’ll have to ask you to leave if you don’t sit properly!” That might have been the real waitress, but then I wasn’t sure. Akuchi was getting into the act.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

“I-I’m sorry!” I exclaimed and fell into the seat. The Akuchis grinned broadly and made a victory sign. My ears were burning.

Akuchi clung to my arm while Rui was even more ticked off. “Go, do your job, idiot!” she barked at the Akuchis and waitress, and her look included the one who was clinging.

“Don’t flirt with my body!” the waitress protested loudly, revealing her identity. All of the clones scattered with impish and silly expressions, leaving the true waitress behind, looking as annoyed as Rui.

“Awwww... if I change back, it’ll be fine, right?” Akuchi asked.

“NO!” Rui glowered at Akuchi and crawled beneath the table to squirm up to my other side. I looked at her blankly. She grabbed my other arm. I blinked at the way she was clinging now. I looked at her as though she’d grown a new set of strange horns. Huh?

“This is improper behavior!” the waitress stammered. “Change back, you disturbing creature! You can be anything you want, but not me!" She stamped, pouting. Meanwhile, Akuchi was pressing the waitress’ breasts against my arm, and I could swear they’d gotten far larger than the real ones.

“Stop that!” The loli oni seized the tray to send the teapot flying into the air as she beat Akuchi repeatedly with it.

“K-kyaaaaa!” Akuchi cried tragically, obviously an actress to the bitter end. Rui put on a yakuza-like expression with a curled lip, taking on a menacing aura. She reached around me to seize one of Akuchi’s ears. I looked up in time for the hot tea pot to strike my forehead. Three Akuchi materialized from the booth behind where they were lurking. They seized the pot quickly before it could dump hot tea all over us. Unfortunately, the spout turned down towards my side. The sound of liquid pouring down echoed in my ears. Akuchi yelped and leaped up with a dance which clearly expressed her pain.

[http://www.rellawings.com/nofacenolife/nofacebreak.png]

Another Akuchi approached the table not long after this tea incident. At her side walked Ume herself. They both were holding trays laden with food. Akuchi set the plates, bowls, hotpot, and other plates down around the table. Rui had switched spots with me, locking me into the booth.

Ume sat gracefully beside me, sharing a wink and a warm smile. “What a rush this night has been! Fufufufu!” She giggled before enjoying her meal. Rui smiled reassuringly at me. Akuchi-waitress bowed deeply, shamelessly displaying the exaggerated bosoms of the waitress.

“My work is completed. Please enjoy your meals!” She poofed out of existence and similar noises echoed all around the restaurant at nearly the same time. In the end, Akuchi collapsed, exhausted and completely drained.

Rui whistled. “He overdid it.”

“Y-yeah... I feel bad for him... her... I mean, she scurried for the last hour to make this dinner for fifty-six work.” I fidgeted. “I don’t feel right, letting her spend so much energy.”

“Just let her rest. Akuchi is just low on energy.” Ume smiled, taking another bite. “Susumu, you should eat!”

I analyzed my hotpot. It looked good, but it smelled pretty off. Licking my lips nervously, I looked at the cuts of meat. Those smelled normal. It was the broth itself that was a bit peculiar. The color was right, the vegetables looked wonderful. The noodles looked delicious. Probably they were premade. I shrugged and smiled as I lifted my chopsticks and started depositing things into the broth. The hotpot was electric. The soup rolled gently as it steamed.

Soon the meat was cooked and the vegetables softened. I began to eat.

.....

..............

“DELICIOUS!” I exclaimed, chewing on the tastiest beef I’d had recently.

“I’m so glad you like it, Susumu!” Ume beamed, slurping her noodles. They were coated with a tomato-based sauce, or at least that was what I thought the thick red sauce was.

“Um... how did you make it smell so strange when it tastes so delicious?” I asked.

Rui dug into her curry rice and shoveled it into her mouth. She was nearly crying. “Hahaha... this is the taste of love.”

Ume continued to happily beam. I looked across the table at the so-far untouched hamburger steak Akuchi had set before herself. I wondered particularly if it would be just as amazing. I chewed my lip and poked her leg with my foot repeatedly. She twitched and her lashes fluttered before finally taking a deep breath. “Mmmm awake… Which Akuchi am I?" she mumbled. She wore her own female body to make me feel more comfortable.

“You should enjoy your meal!” I exclaimed. “If it’s not good, you can have some of mine, because it’s amazing.” I deposited more meat and vegetables into my broth.

“Thank you, oh, yes… there is food, isn’t there?” Akuchi rubbed her eyes and grinned, starting to eat. She was kind of strange, to say the least.

“How is..." I started to ask when Akuchi began to foam at the mouth and promptly fell over.

[http://www.rellawings.com/nofacenolife/NoFace.png]