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Somehow, I managed to return to my apartment building after my rigorous run back. In most cases when possible, I ran through back streets; it was more discreet than going through main avenues, but I had no choice sometimes. I’d still encountered people going this way, but at least I didn’t have to deal with many additional large crowds. Even so, I couldn’t avoid them entirely. Sooner or later, I came to a large avenue and had to walk along it for some distance until I reached a major intersection. I considered the possibility of stopping at a conbini. I might have been able to find something better to cover my face. Almost anything would have been better than holding a briefcase between myself and the world.

I decided not to do so. If I had tried, I’d be forced to interact with others and they’d discover my nature.

I cried silently. More than a few people tried to get a closer look at me. Thanks to me being able to see everything clearly, none of their efforts to peek worked out, but running as fast as you can might make a difference. Being able to see in this way was helpful, even if it was inhuman. I thought about how it worked, and wondered if a bag over my head would require any eye holes. It likely would not. Thinking about the ability made me think of another creature born of western culture. I’d read some of the book it was featured in: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. I certainly was no Dullahan. My head was still on my shoulders, featureless as a cueball. I could probably wear a pumpkin over my head and still see clearly. If I tried it, and an officer tried to stop me, at least I could throw it at them like a fruity grenade. In the stories it burst into flames. I certainly did not want to hurt anyone, let alone the sometimes annoying protectors of Japan's public order.

I shut down previously when I’d learned about Reiko-chan’s death. That time, I’d lasted until I reached the safety of my apartment. I was running to safety again, but the reasons and circumstances were different this time.

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When I reached my apartment, more or less unscathed, I was soaked in sweat. I was grateful that I could still sweat like a normal human being. When it reached the point where I was literally soaked, and it did in this case, switches flipped in my mind, and I reconsidered.

I stumbled up the steps alongside my apartment building, having run out of steam as I slumped, feeling sore. I was dying inside already. There were many reasons for it. This time, having reached home, I was ready to cower and let myself starve to death. I’d used up most of my staples this morning. I wasn’t able to reach work on time, anymore. I was certain that my employer would see my plea earlier for what it was. Pathetic. Sympathy has its limits. I was certain he’d send a letter of dismissal by mail this very day. The way I was, I couldn’t get to work. I didn't have any money to take a taxi. The train was my only way to get there. My magnetic card was charged up for only a few more months’s worth of trips. I’d planned to continue to use it for my commute. By foot, trying to reach the office would take half a day and far more energy than remained to me.

The way I looked, a police officer would likely be called instantly as soon as my employer saw me and he would certainly have insisted on having a conversation about my behavior. My truancy could not be forgiven. Hiding my face would raise questions. Oh, I could claim my face was damaged in an accident, or I’d mutilated myself. People might believe the story, knowing what I looked like. Lying isn’t my style, though.

I surrendered, not sure what would happen. If I was a demon, maybe I wouldn’t even need a home any longer and maybe food. If I couldn’t die, then maybe I’d just haunt Tokyo for eternity. I threw off all my clothes, avoiding looking at the mirror. Then, I did something uncharacteristic. I drew a bath and lay in it while it was filling with cold water, which warmed as time passed. I turned my head to the side as I mourned the certain loss of my humanity. I cringed, allowing myself to collapse. I’d tried again, and it’d amounted to nothing. I’d tried to set everything right. I was certain that becoming a noh-face was my punishment for my sins. The worst of them was sloth.

I sobbed, curling up as the bathwater quickly overflowed. The bathrooms of Japan are equipped with fine drains along the floor, so I wasn’t concerned that I’d inconvenience others or cause damage to the building. I curled up beneath the water level, sobbing. I think I laid there for half an hour. My stomach gnawed at me all the while. I was sure this sensation would grow to the point where it couldn’t be ignored.

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