Frost peered into the window of Michaela’s memories. Her voice monologued over the abstract scenery of a world oddly familiar to Frost. Nothing of Frost existed here. She was but an observer; a retrospective spirit that listened to the pained voice of a friend.
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I remember the skies of the Expanse.
A place where the land merged with the skies at the veil of the Beyond.
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And the dunes where Stars and vagrants roamed ceaselessly in purgatory.
Nomads exiled from warm fortresses wandered in the trails of stars as long as I can remember.
Their hands reached for things too large for them to cusp.
Too far away to reach.
And too dangerous to embrace.
I carried no thoughts, no will nor an understanding of the world.
But I understood the essence of humanity’s struggle ever since our first encounter.
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Conquest. War. Pestilence. Death.
Whether within the walls of their cities or beyond mattered not.
They sought destructive pleasures and meanings to make sense of a changing world.
I cared not for their endeavors.
I remained impartial; an eternal observer and unchanging as Stars nearest their paradise fell one by one into the world.
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Unfathomable monsters descended from the stars like glimmers of light.
Disaster went both ways.
Stars became harvested for their ‘Gifts’ to mankind.
And mankind was harvested in return to bear the fruits of the Gifts given by the Stars.
All powers came at a cost.
And like I…
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… My pallid garden required something indescribable from humanity to flourish.
I sat wrapped in my cocoon for as long as I can remember, watching stars disappear above the fortresses of mankind, and feeding on wanderers to nurture my sacred garden.
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It didn’t matter where, who, why or how they arrived.
All were encased in white the moment they set foot into my sanctuary.
Veins turned into brambles. Hair turned white. They’d all become one with the pallid garden, forever nurturing my silent and ever-growing kingdom.
My kingdom was dying.
Humans seldom visited.
My domain was absolute.
Neither did I wish to leave.
That was when I met ‘Her’.
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That face that called out to me.
The hand of generosity.
And eyes that shone like stars.
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“A big giant cocoon. Or are you a butterfly? A bird? I’ve never seen anything like you out here.”
Her innocent voice took me aback.
Had I been free then I would have reached out to devour her.
The simple fact that I was unable to was why she was allowed to speak.
No word left me.
I only observed.
My garden had refused the entry of all life whilst bearing fruit to denizens of my own.
Yet somehow, this child was able to reach within my inner sanctums.
Her hair was white like those afflicted by my reach.
But her skin was full of color.
And her eyes shone with such radiance that I grew curious if she was another Star.
This child was undeniably human.
“Um! If it’s not a bother to you, then you can take this apple!”
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A child of her size amounted to little.
One? Two flowers? A quarter of a tree?
She could fetch for more fuller adult humans if she screamed.
But who else was out there?
I did not sense the presence of others.
This child had stumbled into my garden all alone.
I was in my most vulnerable state.
My formless body had not yet awakened.
Yet I did not care what happened to me.
It was all so bothersome.
“Hey… Is that your mouth?”
A hideous set of jaws revealed itself. They belonged to me. My tongue lapped into the air, seeking nutrients.
“I found this on the way. Well, more like I found it when I woke up. If you’re hurt or sick, then you have to eat so you can get better, right?”
All she had to do was feed me the apple. The maw that hung from my twisted cocoon could reach her limbs and tear her apart. Indeed. The flesh on that child possessed more nutrients than the meager and despicable amount that apple had.
Yet I could not bring myself to eat her.
* * *
This child was ‘Her’.
A nameless vagrant that shone brighter than any Star.
Golden radiance followed her.
At the time I did not know what that light was.
“I won’t take something you don’t want to give me. I’m here because it’s different from everything else. Like my hair! I used to live in a snowy place, so this place reminded me of home. You have a nice home, miss!”
Her reason was strange to me.
The impulsive nature of this child should have resulted in her death long ago.
She was thin but not malnourished.
Naïve but uninjured.
Yet she was perfectly human in every sense.
“Was that apple not enough? I’ll come back with more food tomorrow! And after tomorrow’s tomorrow!”
The nutrients she gave to me were beyond my imagination.
So much time had passed by that the food could travel through the Expanse for days on end and arrive precisely how it left. Cubes smaller than the nails of her hand contained enough to sate me for a day.
The child told me of the world as she fed my unmoving form.
It was not as I remembered.
She told me of an ideal world rather than reality.
In days my garden had replenished enough nutrients to divert them to my main body.
I could finally take form.
“Are you not afraid?”
These were my first words spoken directly to her from my unmoving, monstrous maw.
Hollow eyes stared back at the child.
Pale wings extended from my back like a filthy moth.
She shook her head, offering another apple. frozen
“You finally spoke to me!”
I was taken aback by those words.
“Why?” I wanted to ask, but I refrained.
Instead, I asked her:
“Do you seek my Gift of Arbitration? The favor of mine? Another Star?”
A Star of my caliber would be invaluable to any city.
This child could even create her own with my Gift.
But rather than ask.
Rather than apologize.
And rather than explain her intentions.
She told me about herself.
“I don’t have a name. But I like the snow. I used to live in a place just like this. Miss Star. You’re very pretty. You have white wings just like the snow and my hair.”
The child reached out towards me.
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Something warm touched one of my wings. It must have looked like a hand to her. Her tiny fingers wrapped around it and plopped it onto her head.
“So there’s nothing about you to be afraid of.”
It was strange.
The sensation I experienced was like being enveloped in welcoming sunshine.
It was something I could not possibly have known.
Because I only knew the sun as a dying, black star.
This child was able to grant me experiences from a place elsewhere.
Like a tiny hand watering drought-ridden land.
But something else captivated me.
I, who had no heart, felt it beat for the first time.
* * *
There were days that were spent like nights.
But I enjoyed those days.
And I savored the nights she spent by my side.
She’d tell me stories of places I’ve never been to.
And giggle over insignificant things.
“Why do humans fixate on things they will eventually forget?” I asked.
“Is there a reason for everything?”
I knew there was. There had to be a reason.
It was because of our lifespans.
Stars are innately curious, like children. But we are not bogged down by useless memories.
Humans can afford to because they are not eternal. Their time was fleeting.
I then realized that this child would one day disappear.
And the loneliness of my garden would return.
As would the silence.
Though I could be anything I wanted, I chose to take a form closest to hers.
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Aaah…
At that moment I knew what I wanted.
The wing that sat on her head turned into a hand.
And I refused to let her go.
The ideality of humanity.
I didn’t want to lose this child to the miseries of this world.
To not be tainted by the sins of mankind.
The conquests.
The wars.
The famine and pestilence.
Even to death in this imperfect world.
* * *
But nothing could go my way.
I build a paradise to allow her to flourish.
To absolve all sins to elevate mankind.
So they could be like her.
And become something greater than the Gift of Stars.
To ensure that she could live forever.
But she was a kind child.
A human seeking ideality.
But I, as a Star, operated through the lens of fatalism.
The cold body of the nameless child lay in my hands.
The bitemarks found on the golden apples she had given me riddled her body.
She bared the sins of countless to continue humanity.
I honored it.
I grieved.
And I despaired for having eaten what I declared as forbidden.
So I sought for the same things that humans did.
And reached out to the emptiness above the city where the tombs failed Angels reached out with me.
To bring forth a miracle unlike any other.
Because I had vowed that death would not bring us apart.
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I sought for Apostles.
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To facilitate my wish.
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To return to me what was lost.
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To remove myself from this tale.
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So that I may never harm you again.
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My Apostles picked throughout time shall do my bidding.
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To return you to me and to further elevate humanity through your ideality.
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Fatalism is the flaw of all Stars.
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Absurdism shall return you to my garden.
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So that you can no longer be harmed by agents of nihilism.
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Awaken, my unnamed Star.
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Prosper, my cradled Star.
Be reborn.
And may no one eat from your flesh again.
…
My only regret is that the golden light you once wore was no longer with you.
Neither then.
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Nor now.
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My dear child.