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Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story)
491. A Dahlia Colored in Fear and Sorrows

491. A Dahlia Colored in Fear and Sorrows

Stella’s body was trapped. The tendrils restrained every limb as she was suspended in midair. Beneath her were the uncensored faces of countless, their maws stretched to unrecognizable proportions. They were newborn chicks silently chirping for a worm.

The grip alone nearly crushed Stella’s body. If Res wished, then every limb could be plucked off like the pale seeds of a dandelion. Stella didn’t know why, but even though she could smell blood, there was an odd floral scent emanating from Res.

“But you still remember the scent of the flowers.” Stella managed to express herself with a pale face.

Ineffable fear swirled in her nonexistent eyes as the CENSORED instruments drew close to her sealed eyes, hovering there in preparation to extract them.

< “Meaningless. Those that carry colors of this world are not worth remembering. Because it’s so painful when they disappear.” >

< “That’s why, removing the windows to the world is the only way to stop it.” >

“… but what about people that weren’t born with it?” Stella argued tenderly as one of the instruments grazed her eyes, lightly cutting her before they ceased entirely.

Res stagnated, the Colors of the World slowing their assault as if to reflect her confusion. This person she held had no eyes to begin with, and no matter how many times she tapped on her closed lids, she could not find her eyes.

“Even if I can’t see anything, it doesn’t change anything. You can’t stop what happens outside of dark place just by shutting it out.” Suddenly, Stella’s eyelids trembled.

The cracks parted, revealing a glimmer of blue beneath those curtains.

Stella’s eyes were dull and dead like those of a fish. But her eyes could not have shone more brighter as well. It was a like an unearthed sapphire, rough around the edges.

“Pretending it doesn’t exist… hurting yourself over it. How is that going to change things for the better? Res. I know more than anyone else that being unable to see the colors of the world is the worst.”

With Stella buying time, Cer actively wiped out the remaining Colors of the World. Even with her quelled speed they were no match for her. They seemed to stop production now that the pillars were destroyed.

All that was left was to save Res.

And right now, Stella was the only one who could reach her.

Suddenly, like a ray of sunshine parting away the clouds, Res spoke directly to Stella.

< “Even if you were to see the things you wish you didn’t?” >

“Yes… Because I think it’s worth seeing everything.” The tendrils loosened enough for Stella to reach towards the instruments.

She could not see the censor bars, so to her, it felt just like she was holding Res’ hand again. The texture was familiar to her. It wasn’t just Res’ hand, but embedded into it like an embroilment were brushstrokes.

“Ayle told me that paintings don’t start perfectly. Dark colors and the ugliness are all part of the process. Without them, then that painting is meaningless. And if you don’t like it, then you paint over them with vibrant colors. That’s… what I think change is.”

< “… change…” >

The Corrupted Res fell into deep thought.

* * *

Was it really that easy?

Res wondered to herself from a place untouched by the light. Memories returned to her once Stella finished speaking. Her mind wandered down an avenue of reminiscence. Beyond the dark veil, Res found herself walking through a field of flowers.

Long, long ago the flowers were blue.

“Res! Res! Check this out!” A Cer holding onto a bundle of blue roses exclaimed.

They were so young back then. Cer wore the stupidest, toothy grin she had ever seen. Several teeth were missing, and she always had a part of her body bandaged up. Today, it was her nose.

“Think Ber is going to like them?” Cer asked. Beyond the flower field was Ber, who could be seen waving at them, excited for their occasional visit.

“She’ll absolutely love them.” A masculine voice spoke from behind.

It was Raoul. A younger Raoul who wore a smile without a care in the world. In his hands were a bundle of the same blue roses.

… moments like these were plentiful, weren’t they?

Res turned around as the wind picked up, seeing her mother wave at her, as if to encourage her to talk with Ber. Her hands moved rapidly, making strange symbols that Res never could understand. Those symbols were meant to replace her voice. Her mother was mute from birth, so it was always difficult for her to convey her thoughts.

Not to mention that she was always so sickly with a disease that slowly ate away at her memories. Flowers were all that she remembered…

… and I was the only one she could too. Me and Raoul. To her… Ces and Ber were like strangers.

Blue dahlias were a flower believed to be a cure to the ‘Memory Disease’. People believed that scent was the most powerful way to bring a person’s memories back, even temporarily. Their village was surrounded by countless fields of flowers, so much so that it was their world for the longest time.

When did it all become so colorless?

A filter suddenly appeared. Her mother was painted grey, and the world followed suit as the world froze. Colorless petals hovered in stasis midair, indistinguishable from the bees and other floral debris. The world became one homogenous color as she turned around again.

She stood at the edge of a cliff. Beneath her was an ocean. An ocean so vast that no one had ever traversed past a certain point. She remembered seeing lights at the end, like stars. Glimmers in the darkness of night could also be seen, and whenever she pointed them out to others, they’d look at her like she was crazy.

Mom always looked so scared when I talked about them.

Res looked down at herself, then back up to a burning world.

… She was so scared of something so far away, that she forgot that the things that could hurt us were so close by. I remember the flames. The fields turned red. I hated my eyes…

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

Res then recalled when she met D-13. The dullness in her eyes that were indifferent to the world around them.

“How am I able to smile at such a sight? Because it’s how this world is. You become numb after some point.” D-13 mused, injecting her with the white healing fluids. “… Little wolf. Why have you taken out your eyes?”

I no longer wished to see. That was why.

“Then would you entertain death?”

… no.

“Then is there a difference from culling experiences and death?”

Her views were extreme, and I never understood it. I remember the golden serum. How she held it to my neck…

“Serum S will not be used on children.” A voice commanded.

It was Galia. A distant Galia who carried her mother’s burned body in her arms, wrapped in her own garbs. It was the first and only time she had seen Galia’s flesh. They were warped, skinless, and blackened like that of Jury’s claw. Miniature eyes could be seen between her muscles, and her flesh had the texture of a snake’s skin.

Galia was so against it. Her eyes were emptier than the Wandering Healer’s. And yet… she refused to let us suffer. I’m sure she’s seen worse than me. Far, far worse.

But I…

… I am the reason why we were given Serum G.

Because I wanted to change.

And change I couldn’t.

“Serum G? Is that what you truly desire?” The scene changed to a pale throne where a tiny Res stood before Galia. “I’m against it. You mother would be too.”

“… I can’t take it anymore. Cer won’t stop crying. And Ber’s never been more miserable. I’ve scooped them out again. I’m sorry.” Res emotionlessly spoke.

If there was a moment in my life I wish I could redo…

“You don’t have to become a Moon. Live in peace in my 3rd Branch. My duty is to uphold the promise of the Blue Dahlia. An old ally deserves no less. Memories are precious. You should know that better than anyone else.” Galia reached down to pat Res’ head as she knelt down to her level. “Your life will change not for the better. Becoming a Moon is a curse more than it is a Blessing. Serum G is a stagnative poison. You will never change.”

… then it would be this.

“Very well. I shall take the blame on your behalf. Your sisters will only know it was me who issued the Serum. But know that the guilt you bear will one day come back to crush you.” Galia warned, as if begging Res to reconsider.

It was stubborn. I wanted instant gratification. Immediate escapism. To close my eyes and hide the colors of the world.

“I won’t confront them… I’ll just ignore them. Like everything else. So that we can go back to being normal.”

It wasn’t that I was afraid of seeing the colors.

It was that…

* * *

< “… I was afraid of losing them.” >

< [UNCENSORED: Nightmare Fuel] >

< [UNCENSORED: Surgical Administration] >

Res’ eyes opened to the world. Her eyes had become blue. The tendrils attempted to remove her eyes, but they stopped as Stella reached out to protect her eyes.

“Res! Don’t! You don’t… have to keep doing this to yourself! It’s not so bad! You have people that can help you!” Stella shouted, right before Cer’s voice tore the air apart.

“REEEEEEEEEEES! ALL OF US ARE WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK TO US!” She clawed her way up Res’ hideous form, which vaguely resembled that of a giant flower.

The flower in question was a forget me not.

“NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SEE OR DO, WE’LL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU! Please Res… Please. Just snap out of it.” Cer finally reached the head of her sister, the blindfold slipping away from Res’ eyes as she cupped her head.

The world began to change color. A grey light trickled through the veil of darkness. It wasn’t clear like sunshine, but it was a ray of hope that brought ease to the others. For now, they could rest.

However, it was not over yet.

< “… I did so many wrongs. I poisoned the well. Serum G was given to us because I insisted that we take it. I still remember my passive self.” >

< “I stood in the middle of it all, taking the world in rather than acting. And even when blind… People still fell through my fingers.” >

< “For what did I blind myself for? I couldn’t catch them before. I can’t catch them now.” >

< “Why are these hands… so desperate to catch them?” >

Res’ body trembled as her form began to sink deep into the amalgamation of flesh. Stella and Cer were thrown away like rags.

“RES!?”

“Waaah!?”

Cer’s body regained its strength, and she caught Stella before she could fall to her death. Something was happening to Res again.

//////// < WARNING > ////////

< Res has entered an intermediate state >

< She is conflicted right now and stands at a border of further Corruption and Realization >

< An Awakening is impossible, however >

“Cer! Listen to this!” Revy relayed precisely what she saw, causing Cer’s eyes to glimmer with hope.

But that was also a stretch. Res’ body could no longer be seen. A giant, black ball made from chains concealed her as the darkness surrounding them broke down. Giant flowers of many colors replaced the CENSORED pillars. A rundown village could be seen in the backdrop; a ruined Leviathan train; buildings from the Derma Layer; and the streets of the City of Spades.

The world manifested as Res’ deepest regrets. An overgrowth of flowers consumed everything, burying it like everything she had ever known.

< “This guilt of mine… From the start… if only I had learned sooner, then so many people wouldn’t have gotten hurt.” >

< “If I wasn’t jealous of Ber…” >

< “If my selfishness didn’t drag them to the depths of Serum G.” >

< “If I didn’t have to blind myself for so long…” >

< “This weight of unconfronted guilt… Please… How can I move on from it?” >

< “Forgive me? Forgive me not. How do I make amends when people tell me it’s ok?” >

< “This burden of mine will bury me till the day I can push up beautiful flowers like them. With each sin I accumulate, the petals of the flowers… they grow more vibrant. So, so red.” >

The black, egg-like shell that consumed Res was in the shape of a flower. It was a giant, black dahlia, its hypnotizing arrangement of flowers instilling fear into all that stared too long at it. Foreboding could not do it justice.

Soon, tiny flowers of all colors appeared around them, each wrapping something that Res held dear to her like the brambles of a rose bush.

//////// < WARNING > ////////

< TRICKLE >

< THE ARBITER’S TRUMPET BECKONS >

Black Dahlia

Res

< Mourn we must. The grief and sorrows drank by the petals of the flowers >

AFFINITY : Lament

LEVEL : 30 ORIGIN : Trauma

HP : Infinitas

ATT : 0 (Infinitas) MAG ATT : 0 (Infinitas)

AGI : 0

< “I want to know what must be done to move on.” >

< “I looked up to the colorless. To a bird of black feathers for help.” >

< “Oh how I wished… I could have asked for it.” >

“IT’S NOT TOO LATE!”

A voice called from beyond their world.

And in the next moment, the same black bird that Res longed for crash-landed right before their eyes.