10
Am I Speaking Squirrel?
The Amulet of Babel, a legendary artifact. This creepy squirrel had just delivered the solution to my problems… well some of them… ok he brought me a possible solution to one future problem, but a legendary artifact? How? What even made it legendary?
Now for a more important question, how did this squirrel know I needed something like this to begin with? I was one hundred percent sure that he couldn't have been spying on the meeting earlier, and even if he had, we had been three zombies moaning at each other. There was no way he could know we had discussed making contact with humans but lacked a way to communicate.
Quicker than I could blink Squirrely McSquirrel scampered up my leg and onto my head. I was already on edge, and the sudden tree rat hat next to the crown on my head, which would kill me if removed, made me panic. I reached up and tried to swat him away, but I was too slow. Before I could even make a proper attempt to dislodge my passenger, I felt a weight settle on my neck.
Then just as quickly as he had rushed me, the squirrel was again standing in front of me. He started chattering at me and gesturing back and forth between us. I picked up the intent quickly enough, it was trying to talk to me, but I had no idea how to use this thing. How did I target someone for the translation effect?
It turned out I just needed to focus on him like I would when pulling up their information, but this time I needed to think about selecting him. It felt odd to do, and I would need to practice to use it properly, but I managed to target the squirrel.
It was immediately clear when I had successfully targeted Squirrely because the chattering suddenly changed, becoming intelligible words.
“…me you can understand some kind of language. If Mistress Lilith was picked up by a slobbering buffoon then this will become much more difficult. Hello? Anyone in there?”
“Yes, yes, I can understand you, I’m no slobbering buffoon you mangy tree rat.”
My insult didn't land and Squirrely carried on chattering rapid fire, “Oh good, I was worried I would have to do this on my own. We need to get you Tiered up again so the Mistress can form an avatar. What are the requirements? If they changed, then I may need to take some time to work out a solution. That shouldn't be though, Gib wouldn't have thought that far ahead. Let's see Tier three… that was…”
“Woah, woah, wait, slow down. What the hell are you talking about? Who are you?”
Squirrely waved off my objections and scratched his tiny chin in apparent thought. It would have been unbearably cute if I wasn't reeling from the sudden torrent of info bombs. There were several important nuggets of information in there but my understanding didn't seem high on the squirrels priority list, so he didn’t elaborate. Mistress? Avatar? Gib? I could barely understand a quarter of what was going on. Suddenly the squirrel nodded, and looked up at me.
He spoke again, this time very slowly and deliberately, as if to a particularly slow witted child, “I will handle the humans. You need to build some proper traps and weapons. You probably don't have much money, and I just spent the last of what we had left, so you’ll need to start gathering herbs, they should be the most valuable thing out here. Do you understand?”
I shook my head, “No, I have no idea what is going on. What do you mean you'll handle the humans?”
The squirrel held his head in both hands. I couldn't even be frustrated at him, he was just too damned cute, and the absurdity of what was happening kept me from taking it too seriously. Was I really talking to a squirrel?
“Just do what I say, gather herbs, build traps, make weapons. It’s simple.”
“But I…”
“No buts! Just do it. It would be way too much trouble to start over, and we don't have any more money.”
I wanted to argue some more but he was off in a fluffy blur. Seriously , what the hell?
That interaction did give me an excuse to try talking with Lilith again though, “Lilith? Do you know that squirrel? I think he mentioned your name.”
“Did he? I don't know any squirrels."
“Wait, you didn't follow that conversation?”
“I understood your half, but the little squeaks were still just squeaks.”
So, since he was a squirrel he was considered a critter and not a monster, so Lilith couldn't understand him. That also mean the amulet didn't extend to her when I wore it.
“Well, he said he would handle the humans, whatever that means, and for us to work on the other Tier up requirements. Apparently looking for and collecting herbs will help with our money problems. So, we need an herb gatherer.”
I was determined to remember and include Lilith now. She had been seriously pissed off earlier and uncooperative before that, but if we were going to work together then one of us needed to extend the olive branch. Fortunately it seemed like she was in a cooperative mood now, or maybe she appreciated my attempt at including her because she threw in her own input.
“Yeah, herbs. That might work. We should ask the goblins if they know anything about the plants around here.”
I pulled Geoff away from the group as they prepared to ‘sleep' for the night, every one of them deserved it, it had been a long day.
“Hey do any of you know anything about herbs?” I asked.
He thought for a moment before nodding, “Gina knows which plants make you sick, and which help when you are sick, and Gabrielle knows a plant that hides your smell from animals so they don’t smell you coming.”
That was good, but Gabrielle needed to stay with Gabriel, who was still jumping when someone moved too suddenly around him. Gina could be sent out to look for… whatever those plants were that she know about, but I had been watching the goblins and despite her level of two, I would put money on level one Gale in a fight.
I didn't have anyone who knew about the local plants and was also ready and able to go out alone. The wave level limit was based on the maximum minion level per room. That was apparently still level three after the power ups, so I was very limited in my scout options. Lilith hummed out loud, apparently for Geoff's benefit, letting us know she too was considering the situation.
She sounded thoughtful when she asked, “What about sending Gina to identify the plants, Geoff to guide and lead, and Gary to protect the group?”
I quickly verified the goblins levels, they were all level two, “That is far too many levels for the wave.”
“Ummm, no, not exactly. I said before, but the wave level is based on the maximum minion level in a single room.”
I nodded, still confused, “Right, that’s at three still."
Now she was obviously getting excited as she quickly explained, “Right, but I also said you can artificially boost a room's minion level. If you leave two rooms of the same maximum minion level empty then a third room can be doubled. So, two empty level three minion rooms means you can have a level six minion room.”
I caught on and finished for her, also excited now, “And that carries over to the dungeon wave, meaning I can field up to six levels worth of minions.”
Geoff looked around for a moment before raining all over our parade, “but… we only have two rooms, and you said you don't have money to make more yet.”
I wasn't deterred though and jumped into the interface. It was true that I didn't have the money for proper rooms, with all the promised equipment and accouterments, but I didn't need all that. I only needed rooms that counted as rooms, then I could leave them empty and boost the first room’s level.
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It wasn't quite that easy though. With some trial and error I discovered there was a minimum size for a room to be a room. The minimum seemed to be about the size of a large walk-in closet. That wasn't so bad but they needed to be stable enough to not set off structure warnings as well. I solved that with more stone walls and ceilings, it would be tight in the budget but doable.
Then had to decide on the placement of things. If I wanted two empty rooms then I would need to add another floor, which meant a stairwell. Additionally I couldn't add a room beyond the boss room, so it would all have to be attached to the rock fall room. I ended up building a small stairwell room and another room off that room.
In order to save money while still satisfying the requirements I made the basement room share the ceiling with the floor of the rock fall room. That would be dangerous, and I would have to change the layout in the future if I wanted to keep the massive boulder trap, but for now it would serve.
I also noticed that the deeper I went, the higher the costs became for everything, digging, building, everything was more expensive. It wasn't much, but if that was a trend then it would be something I would have to take into account as I balanced the threat of tunneling invaders against cost efficiency.
I took a quick peek at the stat window and noted all the changes since leveling.
Dungeon Stats
Floors: 2/2
Rooms: 4/6
Maximum boss level: 3/4
Maximum minion level: 3/2
Maximum Trap power: 2
Invasions defeated: 5
Dungeon name: Dungeon of 1000 Corpses
Dungeon type: Undead
Dungeon level: 2
Dungeon tier: Nest
Dungeon danger rank: 29878
Dungeon popularity rank: n/a
Boss chest projected value: 4 silver
I was officially turbo broke, but I had managed it. I checked, and I was indeed able to assign up to level six worth of monsters in the rock fall room. I could even assign Tessa. Instead I assigned Geoff, Gary, and Gale. That was only five levels, but I figured that to be the best combat force I could field at level six. Tessa was intimidating as hell, but she was a mother, not a fighter, and I really needed a trap springer, so this was best.
After confirming the changes I found myself staring at Geoff again. I burst out with laughter as I remembered the situation. Geoff had just been saying we didn't have the money to make more rooms, and now the rooms were already done, before he could blink. It wasn't funny, not really, but I couldn't help but laugh anyway.
Geoff just looked at me as if I were insane, that just made me laugh harder. Lilith knew the situation and joined my hysterics. I’m sure I looked totally mad, but between the look on Geoff's face, and the extreme relief I felt at being able to properly feel amusement, and Lilith seeming to have forgiven me, I felt good, and I didn't care who knew.
After explaining the situation, Geoff, and the other spectators my insane laughter drawn, still didn't really see the humor, but we had a plan of action and things seemed to be looking up somewhat. We went to bed in high spirits.
The next day a message woke me up, if you could call being startled out of my strange torpor waking up.
Dungeon wave event started
Maximum cumulative level of minions in dungeon wave: 6
Cumulative level of minions in wave: 6
I looked around and noted that Gary, Geoff, and Gina were missing. The money making plan had begun. I did find it strange that the goblins and trolls all ‘woke up' well before me. Early enough that I missed the morning activities.
I wandered around and saw that the small community was taking on a life of its own. Perhaps Tessa had been orchestrating things without my input, because everyone was busy.
The kills Geoff had brought back had been skinned and butchered for the meat. Gregory had gathered the garbage weapons I had made, and some sticks and stones from the surface, modifying and improving them into something more useful. Terry was clearing the dead plants from the surface exposing the dirt underneath, which Tessa was marking with a stick as she explained her plans for a garden to the goblins without another task.
The only monsters who weren't engrossed in some sort of work were Gabrielle and Gabriel, but it seemed that wouldn’t last long as Gerald was showing them how to carve pieces for some board game out of scrap wood.
Even with only a handful of inhabitants, the dungeon was becoming a community. I could only imagine what this place would look like with twice this number, but why stop there? Who could say how many monsters I could bring in and shelter. The names of the later Tiers were starting to make sense, Town, City, Kingdom. This could really turn into something.
I was at the head of all this. It all relied on me, that was a heavy responsibility to consider.
If the original dungeon name was any indication then there were more than thirty two thousand other dungeon monster communities out there. Not to mention whatever human civilization looked like, or other races. My own race was Elf zombie after all. This world might be seriously heavily populated, and diverse.
My deep contemplation was shattered by a serious looking goblin girl carrying a pile of wood that had been planed into planks. How had they managed that?
“I need to talk to you.” Gale said with a scowl.
Oh boy, that didn't sound good.
“What is it?”
She set down her load of wood and took a single plank off the top shaking it at me.
“I need paper!”
I blinked, “Paper?”
“Paper! And something better than charcoal for drawing. It's more difficult to make a picture of what I am thinking of, than it is to just build it! I can not work under these conditions!”
I finally got ahold of the wooden slab she was waving around threateningly, and got a better look at it. On the slab there was a drawing of an intricate looking device that I could barely understand.
“What is this?”
That was the wrong thing to say.
Gale's face managed to turn red despite her light green complexion and she boiled over into shouting, “What is this? What is this he says! I spent hours drawing up the plans for different traps and you can't even tell what they are! I need paper!”
Now that I knew it was supposed to be a trap I could decipher the drawing. It was indeed hard to understand, but when I did my eyes went wide and my heart started pounding. This was terrifying.
The drawing was of a dungeon room. There wasn’t much to the room and it seemed like a regular empty room, but there was more to it. Outside of the room there were some mechanical parts embedded in the walls. At one corner of the room inside of the wall there was a bracket with a thin cable mounted to it. The cable ran through a slot in the wall around the perimeter of the room until it wrapped back around to the same corner. Instead of mounting to the bracket though this second end of the cable was wrapped around a pulley and mounted to a boulder very similar to the rock fall boulder. Next to the boulder was a pit, and a small arrow pointed at the boulder and down the pit.
It didn't take much imagination to work out the idea. Some unfortunate soul would wander into the room and either trigger the trap or a watcher would manually do so. The boulder would be pushed down the pit pulling the cable with it. That cable would then quickly be pulled through the slots in the walls and into the corner.
I had seen and heard about some industrial accidents on Earth involving high tension cables, and the image of a loop of cable being pulled through the poor victim and into the corner was disturbing. This would cut anything clean in half, and it even had measurements detailing the height of the cable, so goblins would be able to duck under while anyone taller would… not.
Gale had something like a dozen of the slabs of wood. Each one depicted another gruesome trap. This little monster was not someone to mess with.
Mental note: I needed to get paper.
If even a quarter of these worked as intended, then I might never need to fight to defend the dungeon.
“Paper is the first thing on my list, do you need anything else?”
That seemed to calm her and she nodded in satisfaction, “Something better than charcoal, some samples of spikes, logs, chains, springs, ropes, hinges, oils, and anything else you can think of for testing.”
Right, so I needed a workshop for Gale as well. I really needed money, and Tiers so I could keep all these promises I was making.
I agreed to meet all of Gale's demands as soon as I had the money, I saw the value in a well supplied trap master, I definitely wasn’t just worried I would step in a cartoon style snare and wind up hanging upside down from a tree.
The other goblins and Tessa all made similar requests throughout the day and I found myself missing Geoff who was meant to filter the goblins worries and suggestions.
Finally the herb gathering party returned and the long awaited message popped.
Dungeon wave complete
Calculating results…
Adventurers slain: 0
Monsters slain: 2
Damage taken: 12
Damage dealt: 40
Minions slain: 0
Loot lost: none
Loot gained: Rabbit corpse, Bird corpse, 12 Larimtella flowers, 7 Mastidel mushrooms, 8 oz. of Death’s kiss berries, 13 oz. Hunter's rest berries
Wave duration: 5:10:21
Wave reward: 42 tin
Loot value: 4 silver 12 copper 72 tin
Convert Loot to mana coins?
Before confirming I met the returning party. They carried the berries, flowers, and mushrooms in their shirts, pulled out like sacks. Baskets or sacks were added to the to-make list. Gina explained the herbs for the benefit of the entire dungeon, these trips would need to be repeated, and it would be beneficial for everyone to know what to look for.
The flowers had deep purple petals and were about the size of my fist. They could be plucked just like any flower, and a tea could be made from them to break a fever.
The mushrooms looked like regular little white mushrooms, but apparently they released spores that contaminated any food within twenty feet when touched. Anyone who ate the food would have crippling stomach pains for days, but otherwise would be fine. They weren’t life threatening unless you put your head in a bag of them for several seconds.
Both types of berries looked exactly alike, and could only be distinguished by checking the surroundings for animals that had eaten them, or apparently by my weird identification power. The Death's Kiss berries would bring on sudden, painless death within an hour of ingesting them, and the Hunter's rest berries were basically just a stimulant.
I nodded and confirmed the conversion, Geoff looked disappointed when the rabbit and bird also disintegrated, and Lilith suggested they leave the things they wanted to keep outside of the dungeon boundary next time. That sparked an idea in Gale, and she told everyone to leave a sample of each poison next time as well, so I could absorb it and then make it on demand for her to use.
Suddenly I could hear a commotion and we all turned to see what surprise was in store next.
Squirrely McSquirrel raced into the clearing. Hot on his heels was a small child, giggling and calling the squirrel back.
I still had the squirrel targeted with my amulet so his words were clear when he stopped at my feet and chattered at me, “Here, kill the human so you can rank up.”