Aylem, Healing Shrine of Mugash, 1st day of the 6th rotation of the growing season

For our healing sessions, Lyappis picked the sitting room of the two-room suite I used at the Healing Shrine. It had lovely well-stuffed armchairs and big windows with a view of the West Market and the river beyond.

I'm not sure why, but I was nervous. If Lisaykos wasn't watching me like an eagle hunting its dinner, I would have found someway to escape. She wasn't the only one watching. I knew that Ud and Usruldes and Asgotl were paying attention too, with Fassex as a backup.

Lyappis interviewed everyone including Ud. She even managed some time with Fassex last rotation, since Fassex was one of the three adepts of Landa who raised me between the ages of six to ten.

I learned the basic teachings on mental injuries and sicknesses when I studied here at the Healing Shrine. So I did have some idea what Lyappis would be doing with me, but that was it. I also knew she now had a lot of background on me. I presumed she would start off with getting my version of my history. I was wrong about that.

After tea and small talk, Liappis pulled a recorder manuscript and its magical stylus out of a tote bag and set them up on the end table next to her arm chair. "So let's get started. These first few sessions are to create a history of your problem. I'll be taking that information and using it to put together an intervention program of counseling or of counseling plus mind healing. My goal is to break the connection between your losing your temper and the actions you take immediately afterward."

This took me by surprise. "I thought the object was to do something about my temper itself."

"Aylem, everyone has a temper and everyone gets angry. Some people get angry more often than others, but overall, everyone gets angry. While some people are angry less than the rest of us, anger is a normal and expected emotion. You wouldn't be human if you didn't get angry.

"The problem is not your anger. The problem is what you do once you become angry. The difficult part for me is to determine whether you need some hands-on healing or whether we can fix things without getting inside your head. For someone in your position, I wouldn't even consider using healing magic or one of the mind charms, except for one thing: you killed two people last year. That's a great grimace, by the way, Aylem. Regardless, my first task is to ascertain what level of intervention to use."

"Oh, joy."

"So to start, can you give me an estimate of how much power you use in filtering out the passive mental noise around you and in restraining your own mind magic so it doesn't affect others?"

"About a quarter."

"Would it be possible to ask you to drop that control for a moment so I can get a feel for your mental strength?"

"No, not in the shrine," the request caught me by surprise. "It would harm patients and healers alike."

"Your range is that great?"

"Yes. There's a reason the adepts took me to a house deep in the forest north of Yant."

"What is your range?"

"Around half of a wagon-day. Remember, I cast a barrier on all of Aybhas on mid growing day's eve."

"Do charms of peace work on you?"

"No, they can't get through my filtering of passive mental noise."

"What about things like the different sleep charms?"

"Those can get through if someone powerful like Lisaykos casts them because they are physical, not mental."

Lyappis was thoughtful. "Imstay and Fassex both described the pressure of your full power when you cast the ultimate charm of defense. They also said they couldn't feel any magic in you once the ultimate charm was dispersed. Is your magic sealed when the charm disperses or is it depleted?"

"It's depleted. I couls feel all of the channels that carry my magic and they were empty. They filled back up slowly, over two to three days."

"Fascinating," Lyappis' eyebrows made for her hairline. "Where does the magic come from when it returns? Does it come from within you or from elsewhere?"

"I have no idea where the magic power comes from."

"When Mugash sealed your magic, was it the same empty feeling as the after effect of the ultimate charm of defense?"

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"It was different. I couldn't even sense the magic channels within me. When the magic returned, it was instant. There was no slow reaccumulation of power."

"Interesting," Lyappis steepled her fingers as she contemplated my answers.

"If you could use magic on me to fix my anger response, what would you do to me?" I really didn't like the idea of someone doing something to my mind with magic, but the need was dire.

"The obvious magic charm would be to slow your response time. The charm would create a delay between the spark that fires off your temper and your reaction to it. For example, when you lost your temper at Asgotl and Emily, you immediately cast the charm of a thousand stings by reflex. You did not stop and think about what you were doing, you just did it. This is a pattern you created when Imstay wouldn't back down during an argument. By repeating this response over the years, you turned immediate reaction into a reflex.

"It's a dangerous reflex, as you well know. The single most important goal for you is to destroy this reflex. By using a charm to delay your reaction to anger, you should have enough time to consciously stop yourself from doing harm.

“It’s possible to unlearn your behavior without a magically-created delay. The problem is that it's not as efficient nor as fast. Using a charm of magical delay speeds up the process of breaking the connection between the anger trigger and your reaction.

"Now, you don't always default to the charm of a thousand stings. For example, you once levitated a palace servant and threw him toward a wall with mind magic, stopping him just before he hit. That's another inappropriately-violent reaction that could have benefited from a delay between trigger and response.

"Magically imposing a delay isn't a cure-all, Aylem. Regardless, you can and should do other things to modify your behavior when angry. Most important, you need to recognize the things that trigger your temper, so you can avoid them. Another tactic is to walk away until you calm down. Even better, you can unlearn the anger triggers that set off a violent reaction, but that takes a lot of time and effort to do.

"It might be impossible to cast a charm of magical delay on you," Lyappis sighed. "You may be too powerful. That's why I wanted to get a feel for your magic without any of the controls you apply to supress it. I think I could cast such a charm immediately after you use the charm of ultimate defense. Unfortunately, it’s not practical since an enemy army doesn't show up everyday."

"I should hope not," I laughed. "I don't like the charm of ultimate defense. It makes me sick to my stomach and I hate the helplessness afterward. The charm also causes a sense of euphoria when I use it. It's an incredible feeling and I fear that I might get to like it and become addicted to it."

Lyappis showed her concern on her face when I said that, "I glad you don't have an addictive personality."

"Me too," I said honestly. "It's bad enough that I have a temper problem given the overboard amount of power I have. Discovering that I'm not completely in control over my emotions is frightening at best and depressing at worst. I've had a few bad dreams where I have gone out of control and destroyed people I care about."

"Yes, I noticed the loss of confidence and the signs of depression," Lyappis smiled in sympathy. "We need to work on those; however, addressing the anger issue comes first. So, let's pick a time tomorrow to go out on the lava plains so you can drop your controls on your magic safely. Next, I want you to start an anger journal starting today. I want you to track anything and everything that annoys you, frustrates you, or angers you, and what your response is for each instance."

"Ugh."

"It's necessary housekeeping, Aylem dear, and the quickest way to uncover your anger triggers."