Emily, on the beach

When I woke in the morning in our pavilion, Ud was waiting outside with Usruldes, Cadrees, and Asgotl. Asgotl was hanging his head and Usruldes looked a bit abashed. Cadrees was his usual quiet self. Of course, with Ud being a spider, it was not possible to read any expressions off her. Her emotions were usually conveyed when she mindcast.

I sat up in my bedroll, threw on an undertunic to be decent, and instantly knew it was going to be a bad day for me. My arms and all the muscles in my back hurt and I felt weak. I stumbled out onto the sandy beach and plopped into my folding hammock chair. "Morning, folks. Usruldes, I don't think I should be doing any diving today. I'm not really feeling w...well."

* I am relieved that you know this, Emily because you are indeed not well today. I told your friends that you will be resting for the next two days. *

"I see," I smiled. "That would explain why Usruldes and Asgotl look like they’ve been chewed out. I hope you didn't chew them out too badly. After all, I too should be w...working at not overdoing. I am myself complicit for not taking better care of myself."

* Your lack of recovery from your injuries concerns me, little one. In your own words, Emily, can you tell me about the magic attack that destroyed your health? You and I both know I can lift it from your mind, but speaking it out loud can uncover truths that thoughts alone do not convey. *

"Interesting. So you are saying you can pick up on the subconscious content from someone else through the act of speech?"

* Yes. It is such a shame that you have no magic. With how sharp your mind is, you would be a pleasure to teach. *

"Please, Ud, I'm envious of magic users as it is. It w...would be fun to learn things from you, if just talking with you is any indication; so it’s a disappointment that I never can."

* Emily, you underestimate yourself. Now, the magic attack, please. I especially want to hear about your conversations with the gods. *

Usruldes looked shocked when Ud mentioned the gods.

I described what the attack was like and what the campfire discussion with the gods covered. Asgotl was startled to hear that he had actually died. He didn't know that Gertzpul had revived him.

"After the attack, people told me I was unrecognizable with blood pooled in my eyes and every inch of my skin discolored from capillary bleeding," I described what little I knew since I was not conscious for the early parts of my recovery.

"Ud," Usruldes interjected, "I saw her a half rotation after the attack and it was, well, beyond description." He visibly shuddered. "Emily didn't look like herself. Even her scalp was blue and purple from all the bleeding. Mugash appeared before my mother and gave her a revelation on what to do to keep Emily alive long enough to start recovering."

"I wasn't awake for that," I commented. "The only thing I remember was the pain. I still have some pain in my major muscles, especially my legs. My joints still ache. Sometimes it feels like the insides of my bones hurt. If I overexert, breathing becomes painful. And I'm w...weak, which I hate. I used to climb mountains. Now I need an escort just to visit the damn bathroom, to make sure I don't pass out or fall down. That's a slight exaggeration but there are days when I think I w...will never get w...well again." I couldn't keep the bitterness out of my voice.

* I have looked back to when you were injured and you are getting better. You are too close to yourself to see the improvement. *

"Do you know how long that w...will take, Ud? Because no one has been able to answer that question for me."

* About a half year but only if you rest and stop trying to do so much. The more you push yourself, the longer it will take. *

"At least it's a finite amount of time. I do not think I could bear it if this w...were to last my whole life." It was a relief to hear someone knowledgeable have an estimate on the recovery time.

* You need to rest today, little one. I have made you a cottage with a porch and a big hammock chair and rooms inside for all four of you to sleep tonight. *

"Tonight? Even the winged ones?"

* There is weather coming. Do not sleep in your tent tonight. You'll want to be inside the cottage. If it gets bad, I will move all of you into my home. *

"Sounds reasonable," I looked around only to discover the cottage was just a few steps to the side of the big tent Usruldes brought for the trip.

* There are both Cosm and Coyn bathing rooms with flushing necessaries. I borrowed your design, Emily. I hope you don't mind. *

"Why should I mind that? I should be thanking you."

I was then faced with keeping myself amused for two days but Usruldes spent the morning telling me stories of his adventures, with Cadrees pitching in to make an occasional remark. Usruldes' tales of capture and escape from the Tirmaran cannibals scared the crap out of me and got me through the mid repast. Then he had to go visit the caverns to get some meat for dinner because the only decent angler in our group was me. I was on orders to rest today and it struck me that following the advice of a magical spider monster who was the size of a house was a good idea. So, no fresh fish for dinner and I couldn't convince Usruldes to dig for clams. I guess clams aren't big enough to make a meal for a Cosm given the efforts needed to dig them up and cook them.

I entertained myself with trying to figure out how to make organ pipes while Usruldes was off in the caverns. Cadrees was out looking for small game to supplement our food options. Asgotl was curled up on the sand in front of the porch, to keep an eye on me, so he said. He just wanted to nap on the sun-warmed sand, the lazy lump.

I dozed in and out of wakefulness, listening to the breakers on the shoreline, dreaming of organ pipes. The sun was shining and a very light breeze carried the smell of juniper with it. I enjoyed this perfect moment of doing nothing at all.

My ears registered Asgotl sitting up and then breathing heavier.

"Can I not come to talk, master griffin?" she asked pleasantly, though there was an edge to her voice that conveyed things were not well with her. "Have I ever done anything to deserve such an angry look?"

Oh boy. That was the wrong question. Asgotl was not at peace with what had happened. We had talked it over many times. I hope he didn't lose his cool with her.

"Not with the person you are at the moment," he managed to say without tinging his words with anger.

"I see. Then you knew me before?"

"Yes."

"She knew me too?"

"Yes."

"I thought as much," her tone was resigned as if waiting for a verbal attack from Asgotl that didn't happen. "I couldn't sleep last night. I’ve been trying to sort out why I'm frightened by you and her. Something tells me that the two of you are what I'm trying to escape."

The silence that followed that utterance lasted quite a while.

"Am I the cause of her injuries?" she asked in a trembling voice.

"Yes."

"You’re not making this easy."

"Yes, I know."

He was not being a good griffin. Unlike me, he had had no closure. He had no means to release all that anger. He used to have a good friend he could talk to about things like that; but right now, that friend was why he was angry.

"What did I do to you?" she managed to squeak in a tiny voice.

"You lost your temper and killed us."

"If I killed you, then how are you alive?"

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"The lord of death, Gertzpul, revived me. The god of healing, Mugash, revived her."

She gasped. "Why did I lose my temper?"

"I’d be the griffin king if I knew that. I have no idea why someone your age would lose your temper over a little playing around."

"How did I..."

"Your face turned red with rage and you cast the charm of a thousand stings."

"I used that on a Coyn and a griffin? But that would be fatal."

"I noticed," the sarcasm he employed was screaming.

"Oh dear god."

I opened my eyes in time to see her completely gobsmacked. It was time to change the subject before Asgotl lost his composure.

"Jane," I said, startling her, "pull up a patch of sand and stay awhile. So, tell me, what was it like growing up in Coventry?"

The pause was historic, epic even. A sloth could have answered faster.

"W...were you happy there?"

She looked like she was having trouble formulating an answer. Her silence spoke volumes to me.

"Jane, they aren't here. They can no longer do anything to you."

"It...they...," she shut her eyes and bunched her fists against her forehead. "My mother was a sot. My father worked the night shift so he was asleep in the day and never around at night. My brothers left and never came back. It wasn't pleasant. It was mostly lonely. I did choir at church just to get out of the house twice a week."

"Church of England?"

"Methodist." She looked at me with a frown etched between her eyes, "how did you know that I grew up in Coventry?"

"You told me the very first time we met, under a fir tree in the Vanishing River Valley."

She chewed on that for several moments.

"Where are you from?" she asked.

"Idaho Falls, America."

"How did you die?"

"There was an epidemic and I caught the bug that caused it."

"Did Germany win the war?"

"No."

I switched to English because Fosk didn't have the words for what I wanted to say. I spent the next half hour describing my parents' war. Aylem's eyes were as big and round as saucers when I described the creation of the atomic bomb. She looked horrified when she realized a lump of plutonium and a lump of uranium, both the size of a cricket ball, destroyed two cities and killed a quarter-million people.

"Emily," Usruldes said in Fosk from in back of me, "I'm confused. In describing this terrible war, you’ve mentioned 50 million people died. How can you have that many people? Wouldn't you run out of land for them all?"

"How long have you been there?" I had to lean back and turn my head just to see him. "When I died, there were seven and a half billion people on the planet." It was fun watching his fish face as he tried to imagine that many people.

"Hitler lost the war but London was bombed," Jane said, frowning.

"London took terrible damage and lost half of its historic churches," I said. That reminded me of the Bells of London children's song and played around for a moment, seeing if I could figure out the chording for it. It wasn't hard. It was just C and G7.

"Oranges and lemons," Say the bells of St. Clement's.

She looked surprised and then joined me.

"You owe me five farthings," Say the bells of St. Martin's.

"When will you pay me?" Say the bells of Old Bailey.

"When I grow rich," Say the bells of Shoreditch.

"When will that be?" Say the bells of Stepney.

"I do not know," Says the great bell of Bow.

Here comes a candle to light you to bed;

Here comes a chopper to chop off your head!

"I love that song," she said and wore a wistful smile as she looked off somewhere far in the distance. I guessed she was remembering something from her life in England.

When her attention returned to the here and now, I mimed a horrified expression at her, cringing hands on either side of my face.

"What? What’s that for?" she demanded.

I dropped the expression and said in what I hoped was a normal friendly voice: "That’s the first time I’ve seen you smile or laugh."

She looked panicked when I said that. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Staying for dinner? It’s mutton. W...well, if you’ve been staying with Ud, you might not want to stick around for more mutton; but the company’s decent, if you don't mind grumpy griffins nursing grudges."

"Hey," Asgotl protested.

"You’ve not been a bundle of sunshine either, sourpuss," I gave him what I hoped was a wise grandmotherly look, which probably didn't work. It’s hard to do the granny routine with a face that still belongs in junior high school.

"Emily? It is Emily, right?" Jane asked.

"Yes?"

"I killed you, yes?"

"Yep, deader than a doornail," I said in English with a bit of a western twang. I knew the expression wouldn't sound right in Fosk.

"And you still haven't recovered from the charm of a thousand stings?"

"That’s right." I tried to keep my tone light.

"And you’re still in some pain."

"Don't remind me."

"The griffin’s angry. Why aren't you?"

"I w...was angry for quite a while," I shrugged. "I got over it."

She frowned at me, with a crease so deep between her eyebrows that it would need a bridge to cross it. I waited a moment to see if she had anything to say, and then needled her: "What's wrong? You look constipated...I mean confused."

"Anger isn't something you just get over," she snapped, annoyed and confounded.

"Yes and no," I made sure I stayed calm since she was looking suddenly riled and that got the butterflies in my stomach going. I was afraid of her being angry. So I waited, not sure what to say next.

"Explain what you mean by that," she snarled, fists clenched, teeth bared.

"W...why are you angry?" I asked with a level voice, trying to keep my hands from shaking.

"Answer my question. I don't understand." She raised her voice, frustrated. "Why...," her voice broke and she made a funny choking noise. I looked up and what I saw was shock on her face as she stared at my eyes. Right then, I saw we could be going home soon. I just had to survive the next few minutes.

"I'm not sure w...what I can say to you," I took a deep breath and let it out slowly to relax my shoulders. "I really don't. I don't understand why you get so angry so quickly, like just now. And you did so because of a small thing that you did not understand, namely how I can let go of my anger.

"Your anger frightens me, Aylem. Your anger killed me last year and it leaves me w...wondering if everything you told me before my death was just one big lie. Looking at you right n...now makes me feel lightheaded. My stomach is in knots. My palms are sweating and my ears are r...ringing. I...I...," I held my head in my hand for a moment to get the noise out of my ears.

"I di...di...di," I smacked my thigh with the flat of my palm so the pain would stop the stuttering. "I didn't realize it would be this hard to speak," I said slowly and deliberately, concentrating on the correct position of tongue and teeth to make the sounds of speech. "I don't understand your anger. I have a hunch that you were taught to wrong way to handle anger growing up, or not taught at all."

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the chair because I didn't want to see the world outside my eyelids for a while.

"I am talking to Aylem now, aren't I?" I was sure the shock was from seeing the new color of my eyes. That change in demeanor meant she had remembered not everything, but at least something. She shook her head yes, and buried her head against her knees.

"I've never had a temper problem so I don't know w...what to tell you," I continued while I had her attention. "I've always had good control over anger, enough to use it as a tool when I needed it. I do know that the way people react when angry is a learned response, and any habit of behavior that's learned can be unlearned and replaced with something different.

"I think maybe your answers lie w...with one or more healers at the shrine in Aybhas who understand about behavior modification. Head shrinking isn't my specialty but I know anger problems can be fixed. So, can we take you home, Aylem? There are a lot of people who are w...worried about you and want to see you home safely."

She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at me with concern, "Emily, what is wrong with your eyes?"

The question caught me by surprise. "You mean the color change? I met Galt. He did this as a gift. Some gift, eh? You should have been there for Lisaykos' reaction the first time she saw the new eye color." I rolled my eyes and said in English, "She almost had a cow!"

"A cow? What does that mean?" Usruldes asked.

"It means being upset or shocked over something," I explained.

"If you were from England instead of America," Aylem said, "one would have kittens over it, instead of a cow."

She paused and then looked at him strangely, "Usruldes, how can you understand English?"

"The charm of tongues," he explained.

"But that's one of the lost charms," she picked her head off her knees and looked confused.

"Yep, we found a bunch in Vault of Galt, me and Emily and Priestess Healer Kayseo and High Priestess Kamagishi," Usruldes remarked. "That was the day that Galt appeared to us and changed Emily's eyes. I thought I was going to lose control of my bladder, I was so scared."

"That still confuses me," I protested. "I thought Galt was adorable and helpful, and not at all frightening."

"I've noticed this about you, Emily," Usruldes accused. "The gods do not frighten or awe you."

"That's not true. Mugash is awesome. She is so amazing that it takes my breath away. And Gertzpul is like the Buddha, so he's way up there too. On the other hand, the rest are a bunch of goofballs: powerful, ineffable, deserving of respect, but still goofballs. Well, maybe not Galt. Galt's pretty amazing and rather adorable."

"Wait, Usruldes, did you say Priestess Healer Kayseo?" Aylem asked with wide eyes.

"Well, I wasn't sufficiently clear," he grinned, "I should have said Priestess Healer Kayseo haup Pinisla, Heir of Pinisla."

"Surd save us," Aylem was gobsmacked good and hard.

"Well, I see we'll have plenty to talk about over dinner," I said.