“I love you all! I love you all!”
It was the day after the invasion on the City of Roses, 6:23 AM to be exact. Just like most mornings, this day was not that different. The birds high up in the trees chirp, the cats wandering about the streets scavenge, and the girl plopped over a bed wearing a pink dress was close to dying. Everyone was in tip top shape this morning.
“Philomene?” The girl mentioned above was none other than me, Cosette Reine, a girl who slept like a bag of stationery explosives. Alarmed by the noise coming from my room, I gazed at my side and saw a phone laying on a pure white drawer. The phone’s case was an unflattering picture of the magical girl of love.
“I love you all!” The phone vibrated and echoed continually. It was a voice recording of the hero that saved me many years ago. A hero I deeply admire and cherish. I sat on my bed, gazing at the phone, watching it vibrate and spit out the same words over and over again. I peered down and covered my face with my perfect smooth hands.
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It was a couple minutes past noon, outside a french cafe, I sat at one of the tables. I wore the only clothes I had that were not too formal. A pink dress with big puffy shoulders, a skirt reaching to my knees and a black ribbon wrapped around my stomach. A plushie tied to the back of the ribbon and a small hat on top of my head. A single ring on my right index finger and golden anklets on both of my legs. This outfit paired with my pink hair and cute face gave the impression of importance and unapproachability to others.
A lot of things were running through my mind right now, what food to order, what merch I should buy today, my demise yesterday, why are my clothes full of glitter. Weirdly enough my mind felt clear, much clearer compared to the usual cloudiness and emptiness. I felt a heavy weight and obsession had disappeared or at least lightened.
Maybe this death of mine was a blessing in disguise. I didn't feel any less human than before but it's not like that was hard to achieve. Last night I spent hours laying awake and thinking. I recalled the day and how I acted over and over again. A magical girl? Making things cute? Those weapons and the immense pain from the fight? Was any of those real?
“What have I been doing with my life?” As more minutes went by, more and more of my memories slowly came back. I was an aggressive child, always wanting attention from others and acting without any empathy. I had no friends except for my sister, a person I deeply admired.
After a minute of silence I got up and left the cafe.
I walked through the crowds of people and tourists with a forced smile, they were like a swarm of insects, how disgusting. I caught everyone's attention because of my distinctive appearance and attire, I couldn't help but show a real grin because of that. A small girl even stopped in front of me to get my autograph on a toy which I joyfully signed. I can't remember the last time children went near me.
But enough of this fame and short term attention, I was on a mission. A mission of great importance.
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“What! This can't be.” I stood in disbelief, arguing with the old lady stationed at the front desk. I learnt the cost of my mission. “¥37,000 per hour is a lot of money. I could be buying so much merch with that money.” Who knew it would cost this much money, if I wasn't thinking straight I would have just coped using alcohol. Well, I wasn't old enough or was I? My age is a little confusing right now.
“Sorry miss but Doctor Satori is one of the best therapists in the country and her help pays for the cost tenfold. If you like we can give you the number of other therapists near here since therapists are rare to come by, we wouldn't want you to spend too much time away from professional help.”
“You calling me crazy?” I clicked my tongue and pointed at the receptionist. “Just so you know my family is super influential and rich. We can buy Doctor Satori and make her retire 20 years earlier.”
“Miss, that is a kind threat but Doctor Satori has no intention of stopping her work. Additionally since your family is so rich, can't you just pay the hourly fee?”
“Aaa… That's a good point.” I backed away, “ahem,” and regained the little amount of charisma and composure I had thrown away. “Excuse my earlier tantrum, can I please purchase two hours with her right now?”
“Sorry miss, Doctor Satori is currently suffering from a stomach ache, please schedule an appointment with her.” She pulled a tablet and placed it in front me. “Here are her available days and hours.”
“I see, then how about two weeks from now, same day and time?”
“Of course, I scheduled it right now, that would be April 19.”
“Yeah.” I left the building feeling a lot better. I wasn't able to participate in the wonders of modern medicine but I was still feeling refreshed from the visit. “Now what?” Scratching my head, I went deep into thought again. Standing in the middle of the road, I recalled my hobbies. I spent most of my days alone, watching and repeating the video on my T.V.
“Damn… When did I become such a loser?”
Maybe I should hire friends again?” I again went deep into the replicated memories lurking in my brain. Walking past the multiple copies of me entering this shared brain I recalled a best friend during the times of my childhood. I forgot her name because she wasn't important but I remember her love of games. The friendship was all fake but she did seem to enjoy talking to me one-sidedly about her hobby of video games.
I pulled out my phone and walked down the mostly empty street. I was excited and hoping for a quick catch up. Maybe hang out and talk freely and equally this time. Unlike the past, I don't feel like garbage. Which is weird, how could a rich spoiled child feel like garbage? Was what wrong with my past self? I hate it so much, this body is nothing but a burden, but good thing I was not raised a quitter. It's time to be the better Cosette Reine and thankfully it doesn't seem too hard. Just have to balance the devourment of hu-!
“The number you are dialing is currently not available!”
“That was quick.” I inputted the number again and just after a single beat, the message repeated itself. “She probably changed her number.” That prick blocked my number, nobody does that to me. I scrunched my face in anger and slammed my fist into the utility pole. The cement cracked into small pieces and the foundation separated from the pole, leaving it afloat in the air.
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I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, ignoring the terrified gaze of a random passerby, I relaxed. I spent a lot of time this day reminiscing but these memories of mine tend to help humanize me and calm my instincts. “School… Of course! Arcades!” That's the place where I spent most of my days going after school. I wasn't a model student but i tried and trying is nothing but tiring. The Arcade was a place of tranquility and filled with such great memories.
But I feel so weird. Am I really Cosette? I shove this feeling to the side and decided to focus on the more important matter.
“It's time to earn some tickets!” I exclaimed proudly in the now barren streets.
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Our Arcade was just a couple minutes outside the gate of the school. Instantly after getting dismissed, we run here and hog the machines. I can't help but smile at the memories of me and my friends tripping each other to get here first. If only our childhood was the same or at least slightly similar. I can't believe how much the Arcade has changed since my last visit. It's like a whole new place.
I stepped into the arrow pads of a dance rhythm machine, the rules were easy to understand. Arrows pointing to one direction of the compass appear on the screen in front of me. These arrows fall down the screen and when they reach a certain point I step on the arrow pad on the ground. Up arrow for the north arrow, down for the south and the same for the other two. West is left and east is right, it's not that hard right?
I selected an easy song first on the machine, it was very slow and suited for beginners and people with no legs but have long arms. As the arrow keys fell down the screen, I danced my cute feet around and stomped elegantly. I was raised in a rich house fit for me, dance lessons were mandatory until the fateful day I snapped at my instructor. Parents are strict but this baby girl always came first.
Halfway through the song, my feet moved out of the arrow pads and I gazed at the people sitting across a machine and smashing buttons and moving levers. It was fascinating to me, they looked quite idiotic while doing this leisurely activity of theirs. Those are fighting games, you pick a character and you fight another character. They were never my cup of tea. But nonetheless they seemed interesting and fighting other people seemed fun. Hmm a cute girl like me playing a game about violence and winning sounds so cute.
I stopped my feet and turned back to the rhythm game. But newbies shouldnt play these kinds of games, it wouldn't be fun for the opponent and plus not all fighting games are violent. And honestly it's quite rude and egoistic to think that you're gonna win immediately. My heels spun and I was heading to the fighting game again.
Can't hurt to try, isn't that the reason I came here in the first place? Additionally one shouldn't prevent oneself from having fun, that would be quite far from cute and precisely the reason one would be called a loser. A loser? How could I be a loser, it's not like since the day I was born the only friends I had were my family and people I pay to be my friends? Oh wait!
Only a fool would think that. My life was quite good, I didn't need friends, they would stop me from reaching my goals and dreams. They would bother me and annoy me, talking about their feelings and happiness, what a bother! But even more annoying would be the fact I have to act friendly to these people because that's cute and I am cute.
Cute this, cute that, will you ever shut up about this obsession of yours. Why would I? It's quite endearing isn't it? Not at all and what did you mean by a bother? Are people a bother to you? Is that why your hired friend left you? First of all she did not leave me, the money was far too great for her to decide to leave. Secondly I was one to fire her, I did not enjoy her personality and act. Her face was cute but that was about it. Thirdly it was not just a simple termination, I killed her, she threatened to snitch out activities.
“What?” You sound like a edgelord straight out of the deepest pits of misery.
Here let me give you some of my brain juice, here comes the relaxing memories you were enjoying so much earlier. God! You make me sick, you preach of cuteness but this is nothing but insanity and violence. You are a vile psychopath hiding behind the mask of a human you created years ago. You're nothing but a monster and I would know it firsthand.
I'm a monster? Aren't we both monsters? I feel like we are the same Ayami or maybe I should call you Shima instead, aren't we close my dear friend? Shut your goddamn mouth before I snap this neck of ours in this-in this Arcade. Oh please save your breath Shima, I don't think snappin this neck of ours would do you any good. It would at most ruin my new reputation as the one and only Magical Girl of Cuteness and I don't want that so maybe don't. Okay?
“...” Of course I wasn't Cosette. It was obvious now.
I stood silently in the middle of the arcade. Hey, what about that? She pointed at a claw machine, a game I was good at but hated. This machine was rigged and had a high chance to drop the price randomly, I had far too many bad memories to play it again. I stepped closer to the machine and peered at the prizes. Surprisingly it was full of magical girl merchandise, way different than the usual figurines.
“Woah!” I rushed to the machine and pushed my face to the glass. “ It's a limited run doll of the Magical Girl of Love’s debut outfit!” The doll glowed brightly in the middle of the rubbish that was the uncute side characters. “Pesky useless Magical Girls surrounding my future heirloom, don't worry I will save you my idol.” I ripped open the coin purse I bought and stuffed a token inside the machine. Pressing the buttons, I carefully and smartly moved the claw above the doll. “Cute Rescue Grab!”
I pressed the big red button and launched my attack on the claw machine. The claw lowered itself and closed down on top of the doll. Much to my surprise, the claw had failed the one job it was created to do and had left my precious belongings stranded inside the machine. I slammed down another token and pressed the button again, and again. And then it was one more token and yet another failure. I tried and tried with some tries lifting the doll but dropping it before moving all the way to the hole. I reached for my purse but it was empty of tokens, I slumped down at the arcade machine and began plotting my next move.
Want me to help?
I glanced up at and saw in the reflection of the machine a small girl with black short hair. It was my body-roommate Shima. To summarize how we got here, that monster killed me and ate my precious body. But luckily the monster was one of those shapeshifting ones, or something, that transformed into me with all my memories and such. Taking control over the monster with my dominant personality I ignored that vile Magical Girl and wandered around the city. It was mostly destroyed but I did stumble upon a girl hiding in a broken arcade. She was small and was quite cute, looked to be around 15, maybe 16, doesn't really matter. What I did next was not too cute so let's skip that part. What was important was that she was small and I was big, and to be a Magical Girl you have to be young. I was elegantly 27 at the time and had a… not too cute of a face. Sadly I was a little bit too beautiful to be considered cute, oh woe is me.
Cosette?
Shima tilted her head and looked at me. What a naive girl. She doesn't even know this is a whole different arcade, must have blocked those memories of her city getting crushed. How foolish of her.
Want to take control again, Shima?
“Sure.”
I sighed and grabbed a single token off the floor. I guess I have one shot and I don't really care but I guess I will try. I pushed the token in and watched the machine indicators shine from the touch of my cash. I positioned the claw and gazed at the doll. Weirdly enough I barely remember this costume of hers. I think as more time passes, I'm gaining more individuality from Cosette. It's a bizarre feeling, early in the morning I felt like I was some bigshot ojousama with a sense of regret and craving to change, now I'm just some highschool girl. Shima Ayama is stuck in a body with a magical girl fanatic.
She might be the worst and a psycho but somehow I feel like I wouldn't mind being a magical girl with her.
I pressed the button and the claw dropped down onto the doll. It gripped tightly and began moving towards the box. Without any buildup, the claw dropped the doll on top of the hole on the corner.
“What? How?”
The doll refused to go down the hole. It was perfectly aligned to screw with me. What the hell, does this machine have a grudge against me? I slapped the sides of the machine and began to shake it. After using the old techniques of my cavemen ancestors, I managed to force the doll down the hole. VIctory came to Shima Ayama once again, and all it took was this newly acquired superstrength.
Standing smugly, I watched the doll fall down the hole and immediately fall down from the top of the machine. The doll was in the same place from when she and I began. I glanced up at the name of the machine.
The Infinite Looping Claw Machine.
This game is designed to experience the joy of filling up a claw machine using the contents inside. NO REFUNDS
“What a humorous name.”
“HIYAAAAAH!” I punched through the machine, shattering the glass barrier. “Nobody cheats me!” I pulled back my hand and punched the machine again, this time in the base. It felt good to break this annoying scrap metal. I was strong, super strong. I could become a hero, a magical girl. I can be a savior! I will hunt and vanquish the invaders called claw machines.
“Stop!”
I grabbed the doll and began running away from the Arcade workers. My heart was feeling tense and my emotions were burning up. I felt alive at this moment. I evaded the workers, running into a big crowd and blending in. This doll, the debut outfit of one of the best magical girls ever. I could become like her. Let's be a hero together Cosette. Your knowledge of magical girls and my sense of justice and sanity! Let's do it.
“...”
Cosette?
“Sorry Shima.” It felt cramped, it was dark, everything was terrifying. I feel weak and sluggish. Where am I? It hurts to breathe. I'm scared.
“I prefer to bask in the spotlight alone.”