The strange sounds of a goblin bar filled the air, as a young man, feeling out of place, removed his hood and got a few strange looks.
“Hello Thaddeus.” said a quiet voice.
Thaddeus sat discreetly at a table, the goblin already parked there, looking up skeptically as if they knew one another.
“My grandfather sent his blessing and a message.” He said placing down a medallion as the goblin snatched it, inspecting it under the table and handing it back, still under the table.
“Stupid kid, It’s called Thievenbridge for a reason, and you go flashing gold like that. Your grandfather should have come in person.”
“He’s old, traveling is hard on his bones and speed was essential. I’m the heir now to the blade when he passes. He trusts me to deliver the message. She has returned for her father’s resurrection.”
“Kid. That’s a fable. One of 4 different fables told by 4 different towns, all made up for hope. Hope keeps people content and calm, but it doesn’t make it real. The goblins, the Satyr, the dwarves and man all have their own versions of coping stories. It’s all myth and fairytales." The green skeptic sneered.
“I met her. She healed a woman of a mortal arrow wound and cast the injury to the one responsible…Borren. Once touch and he sustained broken ribs and delirium. He may not live through his insult. She claimed the sword and rewarded us with a greater one, she plans to gather all 4 of the god’s items, empowering the towns with greater weapons to defend with, and use them to slay the dragons and resurrect her father. I witnessed her magic. With the wave of her hand and a command she turned a 3-floor house into a box the size of an offering chest, and her servant carried it with them. She is powerful.”
“So, the sword is no longer in Thalebrook?” he whispered nervously.
“We have been given a greater one.” Thaddeus smiled.
“Oh you doomed fools. If Spirecrest hears the sword is missing, Thalebrook is as good as ash, and there are so many pointed ears to hear.”
“Then let them come and face the new sword of Thalebrook, and we will bring a dragon to its knees.” Thaddeus grinned.
“Kid, that’s not how this works. You got robbed. Someone flashed some fake magic and walked away with your only defense. Don’t tell a soul that sword is missing.”
“She will be here soon to retrieve the bow.” He insisted. “Spread the word that the war has begun, and to prepare for it.”
“I’m not telling my people to prepare for a war. Gravestead protects us by keeping us in a cage and fed, if we amass an army they know we could turn it on them, and they will not hesitate to strike, especially if they think the bow is to be taken by some prophesy. Without that, WE are as dead as your Thalebrook. Tell your grandfather to amass his own army and march on Dravenguard. Let me know how your prophecy holds when Thalebrook turns on its Elvin masters and their Kingdom city…without the weapon of a god to lead the way. If your supposed improved sword is so powerful, then bring down the Rose of the Desert, and we will believe you. Until a dead dragon is confirmed, I’m afraid all I believe is that you were tricked and damned by a thief, and Thalebrook is destined to fall. You just gave the Dessert Rose a new castle in the middle of the battleground to strike from, and put us all within striking range. Damnit, you foolish humans. That mountain ridge has scouts all over it watching the cursed desert. If The Rose has a roost in Thalebrook, not only are you all dead, but we have no warning of its attacks. Nor does Forgeton, or Dyrecove. Do not say a word of this to anyone. Do not amass an army. Send your fastest men to get that sword back and speak nothing if it’s absence until it is on that old throne again where it belongs.” Said the goblin, slamming down a few gold coins as a symbol of peace. He stormed off, fearing the worst.
He shook his head, lighting a pipe in the alley and nervously considering the options. A blade wrapped round his throat, locking him in place, hands held open and fearing his end. A hand with furry knuckles took the pipe, having a puff and handing it back.
“A compelling fragment of a story I just overheard. Your life for the rest of it.” A gruff voice whispered to the goblin.
“I don’t know what you mean.” He replied, feeling the sting of the blade lightly cut his neck and a bag of gold placed into his open hand.
“Enough money for food, horses and a home in Dyrecove for your family, or I slit your throat and hunt down the kid for the story. Do you imagine he will be as brave as you with such a caged tongue? Choose wisely…your family and safety, or pointless death before far much more.”
“Okay, fine.” He said, taking the gold, and the blade loosened. “Their prophecy is coming true. The sword has been claimed, but a more powerful one has taken its place. Thalebrook is stronger, the daughter of the god will be seeking her father’s belongings soon. Even the dragons dare not face a god.”
“We both know you don’t believe that. Half a truth, half the price.” Said the rather goatly looking shadowy figure, dumping roughly half the gold into his hand and heading into the shadows.
“Fucking Satyr scum. Run back to Elvin boots in need of cleaning.” He muttered under his breath. “And ride swiftly Thaddeus, may your myth be more than a story. And may my assistance arrive in time.”
Nicole woke to a warm fireplace and an alarm clock with Celtic music gently rousting her. She opened her eyes and smiled at Vinn, now awake and looking back.
“Morning, dork.” She smiled.
“Morning. Glad you didn’t wake up and scream thinking you were in bed with a stranger instead of your alien husband.”
“It’s you. I can tell it’s you. You’re smaller and you look weird, but it’s definitely still you in there.”
“Is that why you…got up and threw the bear pelt on me before coming back to bed?”
“Okay fine, I got used to the fur, less hairy Vinn is a little weird to get used to. But I don’t mind.” She yawned. “Still getting adjusted.”
The main floor has an oddly cozy smell to it, the sizzle of bacon and eggs they were given from the village they conned out of a legendary weapon, Dee toiling away happily in the kitchen.
“Wow. It’s weird to see you cooking…let alone for other people.” Nicole said.
“Well, your clone Nicole…bought me on her mission to clean and cook, so some of my original programming is still in there.”
“Oh, so THAT’S why there was a Dee sex robot on the other mission. God that weirded me out so much. It makes sense now. They were probably cheaper than maid bots after the recall. Lotta dickrash from cheap plastic. So what’s for breakfast?” Nicole asked.
“Fresh eggs and pork. Reconstituted milk from the ration kits, OR we have something I’m kinda proud of.” She smiled excitedly. “You guys…aren’t against drinking in the morning? I’ve been dating Gizzy for a while, so I just instinctively have breakfast beer ready.”
“You know, when in Rome I guess.” Nicole sighed. “It’s not gonna like knock me back out is it?” Nicole asked. “I’m a lightweight.”
“No, it’s only 16 percent, silly, this is breakfast beer. I’m making my own recipe. You wanna try it too?” Dee asked Vinn.
“Hell yea. When roaming or whatever” He said, joining in.
“Now be honest, I’m new at this. I’m part robot-bartender, but I’ve never made medieval recipe home brew till recently. So honest opinion, is it okay?” Dee asked.
“It’s different.” Nicole pondered, sipping carefully. “Really different.”
“Well, I didn’t have hops, so I just ate straight wheat and barley. It’s a wheat-based beer, so it won’t be super hoppy.”
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
“Come again…” Nicole said looking confused.
“It’s a wheat beer. Wheat and barley.” Dee repeated.
“No, that’s not the part…where did you get a brewing kettle?”
“I technically am one.” She said as Nicole spit the beer back into the glass and Vinn blinked slowly like a humanoid deer in a horse’s head-lanterns.
“You…made stomach beer? Where is the tap, no…do NOT answer that.” Nicole said, looking like she was having a stroke.
“Okay, first of all, rude. I don’t have a stomach, or gastric acids. It’s a filtering tank made of food grade polymer synthetics. Beer is literally rotting organic juice made in food grade containers.” She chuckled, “It’s not like I produce bile or anything, where are you going, you didn’t say if it was good or not. Nicole…and she’s gone. And she’s throwing up. Vinn is the beer okay?” Dee asked.
“I’mma be honest if you don’t ever tell me where the spout is located, because with that revealing outfit you wear, there’s not a lot of options left to guess from, but considering this might be robot piss, and don’t ever tell anyone I drank this or said this… but it’s actually still significantly better than the Bud-lite Nicole drinks... Which, ironically, is also a lot like drinking piss.”
“So it’s okay.” She asked.
“Yea.” He said, looking sad and staring at the mug. “It’s…I mean, if you don’t know how it’s made, this could be drinkable. I’m gonna not finish…for several reasons. But not because it tastes bad…which I really don’t like hearing myself say out loud. We’re gonna not talk about this anymore, and uh, like a 7 out of 10, little salty, don’t wanna know why. But yea you made a fair descent…you really don’t see why this is weird? I mean I see why Gizzy would be dating you. This makes a lot of sense. Just don’t like, tell people, how you make it or that either of us tried it. If that’s cool?”
“Sure, I guess. I just don’t understand why-”
“I see that…kinda just have to trust me on this one.” He squinted.
“Yea, okay fine. So is it weird if I have Silverback try it, but then I don’t mention that I’m the kettle, is that okay? Human social details are still new to me.”
“Oh yea, that’s totally fine. I’d definitely get his opinion, just tell no details and if asked, you used a copper pot somewhere in the kitchen. Just lie. Just lie. It’s fine.”
“I mean, only if it’s cool, humans are really complicated.” Dee squinted.
“Yea, people eat and drink weird stuff constantly, we just don’t wanna know where it comes from. Chicken nuggets, Vegan burgers, they just don’t wanna know. Definitely, absolutely have him try it. He will have valuable feedback on the quality. That’s a really fun idea, and you should do that. Get a good average across the board. Get Silverback involved. Everyone should try it…for science reasons.” he said, containing his smirk.
Gizzy sat up to the smell of cooking meat as she realized she was still on the roof next to the chimney. She felt the slight tapping of rain as she rolled her eyes and hopped down, landing on the soft grass and stepping down into the sunken staircase to go up into the house. She peered up, realizing the distant thunder was approaching in regular intervals and fast. She bolted for the front door, sliding in the grass.
“Okay people, chew, swallow and pack up, move.”
“We just got up…” Nicole sighed. “Can’t we take a break?”
“I just saw a dragon pass overhead. It’s headed towards Thalebrook. You know…the town we just left to defend itself with a sword that does literally nothing special.”
“...Balls.” She said, dropping her breakfast as everyone scrambled faster than the eggs.
A tan and orange horned deer-like creature sprinted at full gallop, as a small green rider in a hood encouraged it with frantic whistles, a covered bow and small backpack over his shoulder. He followed the trail, passing charred remains of a few tents and what used to be horses and people. He said a solemn prayer as he passed, taking a few bites of an apple and tossing it behind him as an offering to the gods. The smell of smoke got oddly stronger as he neared Thalebrook. As the sun began to fall, the red glow began to brighten in front of him. The highest tower of the old Thale castle glowed, casting a strange warmth through the smoke and the dimming sun, a sight he hoped to avoid. As the castle grew larger, he noticed the pointed walnut clad top looking flatter than before, now resembling the flat stone of a battle tower, lit like a beacon of the night. The sound of hooves galloping masked the sounds of chaos, say for the thunderous roar of a dragon. He squinted his emerald goblin eyes towards the flapping figure, looking for the color to become more apparent, and feeling a slight relief that it was not red. The ground vibrated oddly as another bright flash of light flickered up and a different building became a roofless beacon of light.
Gizzy’s horse pulled in the lead as she focused on the green target and the gang of misfits neared the burning town. She readied her switchbow, feeling they may not be enough to even divert it. The group branched out at the river, taking different routs. Everyone began getting out their crossbows, the distinct racking sound of the limbs fanning out and locking into loading position. Gizzy took aim, sending an arrow at the moving dragon and missing it by 20 feet, realizing she was out of range. Silverback pulled himself up to the rooftop running along the tiles and slats, sinking into one, and nearly injuring himself, as he paid more attention to his footing. He braced himself on one of the stone chimneys and took aim. Loosing a bolt into the dragon’s shoulder and watching the faint line of an arrow tumbling away as it bounced.
“Damnit.” He barked. Racking another bolt and aiming for the wings, hitting his mark and seeming to do very little. The arrow either went right through the wing, or threaded between flaps, but it barely seemed to notice. Gizzy rode full speed directly under it, rapid-firing arrows up and hitting it a few times from sheer scattering. She got its attention, folding the now empty crossbow and roaring loudly to get it to notice her. She hopped from horseback to window ledge, climbing the side of the castle and getting some height at the lower rooftop. Dual wielding swords, she sprinted to the ledge, intending to do a flying leap and sink the blades in like a pair of snake fangs on the dragon’s back. Before reaching the ledge, the dragon turned and let out a powerful roar, striking her with a wall of sound and dropped her in her tracks, barely able to roll sideways and void the fireball that followed. It struck the roof. The pulsing roar rattled the building, shattering windows and cracking bricks, as she covered her ears and braced. The dragon turned and hopped down, as Gizzy did a violently overhand huck of her shortsword, striking it with a slight wince and falling to the street as it took flight, and the building roof began to shift and crumble. She dove off the side, into the street, debris and dust pluming up behind her as the wall collapsed, and she grabbed her sword mid run, noticing red on the tip but not deep enough to matter. She crossed paths with Vinn as he rode onward and slowed to help. She hopped on to gain speed.
“That thing is armored like a son of a bitch. We may be screwed here unless it lands and stays to fight.” She huffed.
“Arrows do any good? I can’t even hit it.” he yelled.
“I hit it. I don’t even think it even knows I did. We need to find mister wizard and get this sword activated, or that thing won’t back down.” She said as a beam of light slashed across the sky. “The hell was that?” she asked Vinn, who shrugged cluelessly.
Nicole rode around the alley corner, over a small cobble bridge and directly into the dragon’s path. She pointed her staff instinctively, bracing herself as a concussive ripple of sound threw her and the horse against the side of a stone building. The horse stumbled and ran as she hunkered down and locked the staff into the foundation stone, and the beast hovered in place. It exhaled a combination of fire and compressed sound, engulfing her force field bubble in red and yellow flames, as a tunnel of debris and water vapor illuminated like a column of hate from the dragon’s mouth to her, a ring of flame curling slowly from its nostrils down the tunnel of sound. It broke away as another beam of white light streaked past it, leaving Nicole, and looking for the annoying insect nipping at it from the street level. Nicole, rattled and dizzy, wiggled and dislodged the staff, now buried in the ground like a pike, and finally letting go. She saw the blur of tan and green ride past her, sending another light beam up at the dragon.
“Who the hell is that?” she asked herself. The Goblin rider drew the bow again, trying to aim ahead of a moving dragon as the deerlike creature bounced and galloped. His tiny green hand pulled the whisper thin string back to full draw as the arrow glowed white, brighter with the completed length draw. He loosed the string, the bow glowing and the arrow turning into a streak of light, winging the dragon and sending it spiraling downward.
“Turn and face me, you creature of blasphemy.” He growled, drawing back the string as another invisible arrow materialized between the grip and the string, the string itself shimmering and glowing as the ghostly projectile appeared from nothing, illuminating the alley as he lost his angle and slowly let the string forward, the ghostly arrow fading away as the light dimmed.
Dee dove into the arch between buildings, avoiding the impact of the concussive blow, and then darting through the remaining fire, bouncing 2 crossbolts off the Dragon’s chest like toothpicks. She dropped one, racking another arrow and drawing her axe, dragging the heavy blade like a tail behind her as she ran right for it, taking a passing swing and slashing it before diving behind another building. She panted, catching her breath, eyes glowing red and her wrist feeling like she just hit a tree rather than flesh, questioning if it even broke the skin. She examined the blood on the edge of the axe, confirming blood but very little.
“Careful. That’s poisonous.” Said the green rider, hopping from his trusty…"steed". He stepped out from cover and quick-drew the arrowless bow, sending a streak of light into it’s tail and back to cover as the beast shrieked and waved the smoldering tail, now missing the last bit.
“That seems more effective.” She noted.
“If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here. You’re fearless, but wielding a twig against that dragon. That is no mere natural dragon, m’lady. That is a monster, a giant, fed on a diet of power and magic. Run for the church, get its attention, and I will shoot it in the back.”
“Trying to get me killed?” she smirked.
“To save a village? Would never dream of it.” he chuckled. She sprinted out behind it, slamming another bouncing hit with her axe and diving for cover, as the goblin rider hopped out to kill the beast, and was struck by the remaining tail, sending him through the wooden church door like a projectile. She ran for the door and took cover, trying to close the church door as the dragon breathed a lungful of flames through the opening, engulfing her as she shut and latched it, her clothing singed and smoldering and the rest of her unharmed. She felt a strange sense of power, reaching out to her from the bow. Suddenly the doors flew open and a concussive wall of sonic pulses sent her through the wooden pews. The goblin rider nodded and whispered words for her bravery in death as she climbed from the debris, battered and limping, no burns on her exposed skin, just a slight trail of dripping blood from her scalp.
“By the gods, you are resilient.” He smiled.
“If Gizzy can’t break my ass, neither can this kid of dragon.”