Gizzy sat in the cell with the rest sitting around on wooden stools.

“So basically…” she said. “They think we’re mages, and carrying artifacts. Because our gear is essentially magic to them, and it turns out people did notice the giant house appearing overnight. Summoning a whole house was a huge flex move. He’s got the damn artifact in the tower, some fancy sword. Now normally I’d say we just go take it and fuck right off, let them feel dumb in the morning and move on, but there’s a problem. Apparently there are 4 towns, and 4 large Elvin Kingdom cities that own them, in this little chunk of middle-Earth or whatever. That’s it. No other populated centers, just bands of nomads and drifters, family homes and small mobile villages. The rest have been wiped out by fighting and the only reason the 4 towns remain and don’t kill each other off like the rest, is a stalemate where all 4 have an artifact protecting it.

The story goes something like the big holy lord of heaven, our chaos god, blessed the land with his sacrifice… by dying. Apparently this happened pretty long ago because when they discovered the body generations ago, it was just bones and his gear left. So they did what any civilized people would do...loot the corpse. Naturally the first thing looted was the sword, the shield, his robe of armor and his bow. All pretty potent artifacts that now protect the towns, but 4 Elves were smarter and looted the actual bones. Apparently the bones of a chaos god are significantly more versatile than the weapons, because the 4 brothers who took the bones became wealthy and powerful and are now the 4 kings controlling the 4 Elvin Kingdom cities.

According to legend, they ground the bones to powder and apparently ingested it, I choose to imagine them with little pipe stems snorting lines of chaoscaine off a glass table as medieval Pink Floyd plays on lutes, but it’s not important how they did it. They apparently also gave the dust to some of their pets and created some fairly formidable monster guardians, hence how the Kingdoms rule the land. He called them the Dragons of chaos, and they obey the kings exclusively and are bound to them somehow telepathically or some shit. The kings don’t age, and they apparently can’t die unless struck with one of the 2 mythical artifact weapons, or you sever their head. The chaos sword and the chaos bow are the most coveted."

“Okay…Vinn said. “So we lie and take it anyway, we have artifacts to collect. If they don’t tell anyone, they won't know it’s missing till we have all 4…hopefully.”

“Well, unfortunately that poses a problem. The weapons themselves are bound to the owner’s life force. If we steal it, it doesn’t work. The items are just items without the owner bound to it, wilding the thing. If we kill him and take it, whoever touches it, is bound to it. People will notice and hunt us down. I remind you that these items have a way of corrupting you when you use them, so every time the items get activated you get a little bit more chaotic. Also, if the sword leaves the village, they have no defense and if the others find out, everyone dies. Soooooo, I found a loophole.”

“You lied.” Nicole nodded.

“I absolutely lied. Yes. I told him YOU, Nicole, are the daughter of the chaos god, and returned to resurrect him. And around here they WANT the chaos god to return to kill the Elves and restore peace to everyone who isn’t Elf. Elves are assholes apparently, literally nobody likes them because they control everything and treat the other 4 races like shit.” Gizzy noted.

“So they’re like…the political parties of the medieval world. 4 of them, all cults of corrupt assholes?” Nicole asked.

“More or less. The upper ruling class rich shitheads. The point is, he thinks Nicole healed Dee’s fatal arrow hit, and because her eyes turn black, I improvised and said she was the chaos god’s daughter. There’s a whole prophesy, or several, the old scrolls are so faded you can't tell much, just a scribble of a raven haired witch holding her father's gear, and honestly, what says my father was a god of darkness like eyes turning pitch black and showing up with NEW artifacts never seen before, that they don't know is just high-tech stuff we brought. The fact that her little bit of alien reptile DNA lets her eyes hyper-dilate for dark vision was just convenient. So he is letting us have the sword. I told him my sword was MORE powerful, but we needed all the original chaos gods gear to summon him back.”

“We’re…tricking people into thinking I’m a goddess, to disarm a village of their only protection so we can do that 3 more times?” Nicole squinted.

“Well no, but basically yes. These weapons haven’t been used in decades, They’re basically like a nuclear deterrent preventing war and nobody wants to go full my precious from overusing them. A bluff does the same thing, as long as nobody knows the difference. Big scary sword looks like big scary sword. Since old King Godrich Thale, our wizard boi, is bound to the sword, it’s powers and thankfully corruption won’t work for us, but it will function like a regular sword as long as he lives, and in theory, the power of the items gives them long lives. So we just switcharoo, and move on. I got a spare short-sword. I’ll manage without big red. We can bullshit the other items too, Dee’s axe…”

“Dee’s Nuts!” she muttered as everyone slow turned in disappointment. “Bad timing? Sorry, I just…too much internet. I’m trying to learn human social skills.” Dee sighed. “I’m doing badly, right?”

“…doing great honey. Anyway we have shit that can pass for magic, we just ride this prophecy gimmick, trade them for new and better weapons.” Gizzy shrugged.

“So we’re just replacing weapons of mass destruction with different weapons of mass destruction?” Vinn sighed.

“No…only sorta.” Gizzy struggled, “We can make like maybe ten very impressive explosive arrows and claim one of the switchblade bows is magic, that’s ten arrows that they can’t replicate more of, traded for the god bow. That axe is designed for a one year mission, the power cell will die in 2 years, so will Nicole’s staff. My sword will lose its nano-edge and go dull eventually and just become a really big regular sword, none of these combine to form a chaos god that destroy the world. None of these leave behind bones that create monsters, so if someone were to say, open up Dee’s axe and dick with the power cell, they just blow up. One dumbass dies. The total potential for these things to kill people is very finite, and everyone will just end up with inert useless shit and hopefully they keep that a secret until one day realizing nobody has anything anymore. Dragons gone, kings dead, weapons neutered. Nobody has the ultimate power. This could be fine. I like to assume that’s how this plays out, and anything beats rise of a chaos god and a dead planet. So…let’s steal some shit, kill some rich assholes and their pet dragons. Way easier than the original plan of just hunting down unknown random objects in old dusty temples, and let’s look on the bright side here.” Gizzy stammered.

“What bright side?” Vinn blurted.

“I get a really cool sword and people think we’re gods. Tell me that’s not kinda the shit?” Gizzy paused.

“Yea.” Nicole sighed

“Pretty badass.” Vinn admitted.

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“I hate this entire plan.” Shrugged Silverback.

“Great so we agree. Everything is mapped out and settled. Let’s go lie to an old king and trade him junk for magic.” She smiled.

“Your journey should take you to Dyrecove.” Said the old wizard king, bringing the sword to them. “A two day ride by horses, which we will provide.”

“Why Dyrecove?” Gizzy asked. You said your Thalebrook has been oppressed by Dravenguard. I would have assumed you’d want to be free of Elvin control by taking it down first.”

“You are not ready. Though we are under their boot and reliant on their resources, they have been a protective master to our town of Thalebrook. Before challenging one of the Elvin Kings and their guardian dragons, you should collect the items of god. Let him destroy his foes.” he smiled.

“Well, we can’t uh…summon him back without ALL his weapons and armor, but with the dragons that fed off his bones still alive, they have to go too. But, I leave you my sword in it’s place. It’s a powerful magic sword as well. It should keep your enemies at bay, especially if they don’t know it’s been changed.” Gizzy said drawing a long Katana from her side, the blade a deep copper color, and the handle bound in red and black. He bowed respectfully, handing Gizzy the sacred sword, drawing it from the protected sheath. The cruciform arming sword shimmered like diamonds as it glowed a brilliant blue/green color.

“Very interesting.” She smiled as she glow was covered and the lighting dimmed to the yellow of candlelight again, as it sheathed. “And you trust me with this? Still bound to your life?”

“Anyone who follows the goddess has my trust. Though my life summons its true power, I am too old to travel and battle with you. It is safe with her until it returns to the hand of her father.” He said taking a knee and bowing deeply towards Nicole. Her eyes got bigger as she bowed back, slightly confused. “Before I hand over something so valuable, I beg you take no insult… May I ask to see the eyes of chaos?” he asked softly.

“Oh, right.” She bluffed, blinking and dilating her pupils to a haunting black.

“Forgive my slightest of doubts.” He said, a tear welling up in his eye.

“Ohhhh…that’s fine, silly. You didn’t know. How would you know? I’m sure lots of people have claimed to be a god.” Nicole said glaring at Gizzy with silent rage.

“Few have dared blaspheme, but I assure you, they were killed for it.” he smiled.

“Oh, well…that’s good to hear. We don’t want any darn blasphemy.” She said looking alarmed.

“Speaking of that, we better go pack up the magic house. We have heretics to kill and items to return to their rightful owners.” Gizzy sighed.

“Pardon my asking. My grandson would be honored to witness your magic. Assuming Borren does not fully recover from his mistakes, which I do not see likely. My grandson Thaddeus will carry the sword when I am unable. He is a young man. His faith is…immature and as expected. Witnessing your power will surely fuel the fires of faith in his heart.”

“Yea, why not.” Gizzy shrugged, “She’s just shrinking a house, nothing too difficult for a goddess.”

The horses galloped slowly through the night as Nicole approached Gizzy, looking back to make sure the old wizard and Thaddeus were too far back to hear.

“Okay so what the shit?” Nicole whispered. “I can’t shrink a house.”

“These people are dumb. I’ll lock up, and it has a 20-second delay before shrinking so just give it like a count of 15 and hold your hands up, say some stern command like: in the name of chaos, return to shadow, or some shit. Do the eye thing, and then order me to carry it for you. We basically got this one.” She muttered.

“Do we? Do we really just GOT THIS, or are we in a little over our heads in some sketchy water here where they drown heretics?” she asked.

“Says the little witch who can breathe underwater.” Gizzy winked.

“Oh it was a metaphor, Damnit.” She snipped. “They also BURN witches. Water breathing and cold resistance doesn't help me much there, does it?”

“Honestly, Probably kills you faster and therefore with slightly less suffering.”

The townsfolk said little prayers and waved them off as they left on their finest horses. The old man proudly patted his grandson’s shoulder, watching them go.

“Now you believe. Our enemies will fall. No longer will man and dwarf, Satyr and Goblin kneel before a gilded and cursed Elf boot, they will be exterminated by his wrath and the 4 kingdom cities will fall. They will be rebuilt for all. Now go, ride to Thievenbridge and tell our green brothers to prepare for war. For she has arrived, and will need the bow.”

“They will not believe me. The goblins share our oppressed burdens, but they do not believe in this prophesy.” Thaddeus muttered.

“When they arrive, they will believe. When they return from Dyrecove with the robes and the sacred blade in hand, they will believe. Now go, Ride, swiftly.” He ordered, he nodded and ran to prepare a travel pack. The old man smiled and congratulated the people as he made his way down the cobble street. He climbed the steps of the old worn castle, roof patched and missing rails from neglect and age, a castle once lived in by a king, a king now as old and rotting as the castle he called home in his solitude. He made his way to the bed where Borren was sleeping, sitting down and jarring him awake as he held his head in a dizzy concussed state.

“You…dear nephew, the curse of this town have nearly cost us everything.” He sighed as Borren, bruised and wheezing trying to speak. “Your father may have shared your love for the whorehouses and yet remained a respected leader, but he would have been disgraced to call you his bastard, attacking a woman in the streets. You attacked the follower of a goddess and you dare survive. She was merciful, but Thaddeus is a good boy. He is strong, he believes, and I may not live long enough to see this prophesy fulfilled. So…he must take my place instead of you. You will not fully recover, and the same goddess who spared you, did not heal your wounds, yet bestowed a blessing on Thaddeus and this land. She need not speak the words for me to understand what must be done.” He said, grabbing a pillow and slamming it on Borren’s face, smothering him as he struggled with broken ribs and a fractured skull. “You have left me no choice.” He said sadly but firmly.

“Damn, they got good salted pork.” Vinn nodded, munching on some parting gifts.

“Go easy on the food, big guy. We don’t have infinite food rations.” Gizzy reminded. “I would have stocked the house with food, but every time it shrinks..."

“Yea organic material…viscous liquid.” Vinn sighed.

“When do we stop and pop up the house?” Nicole pouted.

“We just started riding an hour ago.” Vinn noted.

“But it’s bed time, and if we ride through the night and sleep all day we’re all gonna be out of wonk and off our A-game.”

“Oh we’re not sleeping during the day. We’re just riding until tomorrow night.” Gizzy noted.

“What? Why?” Nicole barked.

“We can’t waste time. We have to ride 50 miles to Dyrecove and get an artifact. Apparently these robes are better armor than we brought. If we’re fighting dragons, we may need it.”

“Why did we wait till sundown to ride then, and why didn’t we bring better armor?” she asked.

“Because we're avoiding detection, and the antimatter and radioactive Osirian armor can't go through a time gate, and I didn’t know there were dragons here. In our universe WE were the damn dragons. I don’t know what these are, but they’re not us, and this chaos gear is alien technology we don’t understand yet. We didn’t have a destination until just now, so we seize the da-the night. We can see in the dark.

“Just the women.” Vinn yawned.

“Really?” Gizzy pondered.

“Two robots with night vision, and someone with DNA from a species that lives in the dark oceans. I got basic-ass vision, and that’s WITH the contacts, and Silverback…you got Eridani night vision?”

“No. Eridani don’t have night vision. I have old Eridani vision. So by far the shittiest of the group.” He admitted.

“Why did nobody tell me all them men are blind in this group?”

“We’re not blind.” Vinn argued. “We’re just not special, and Silverback is old.

“So none of you can see shit right now?” Gizzy asked.

“Nope.” Silverback huffed shrugging, as Vinn didn’t see him shrug so he didn’t respond.

“Fine. We’ll put the house down, and ride by day, but we’re basically in an open field, so if a dragon shows up and fire breathes on the house, we’re back to replacing all the wooden shit again and that’s time lost.” She said, dismounting and carrying the house box to the nearest level surface, she turned the key and stepped back as a thunderous boom expanded the structure. “Damnit.” She sighed. “I forgot to extend the legs on the lunchbox.” She said rubbing her temples to de-stress.

“Is the house shorter?” Nicole asked.

“No, it’s just 2 feet lower than it should be. I should have made the legs auto-spring out or something. It’s fine, the workshop is just now slightly basement-like.” She groaned. “There’s no sign of rain, I’m not resetting it before the coils have cooled down, it takes hours and we’re already wasting time. Everyone get some sleep, I’ll stay guard in case of dragon shenanigans.” She shuffled, climbing the ladder to the entrance roof. Everyone else went inside to rest.