The pink light of dawn filtered through Lolly’s window. Morning had finally come. She had not slept well. This was a day she did not want to face. How was she going to do school today...school without Trevor. Since the first day she saw him get on the bus, her world had tilted. Had it only been weeks since she went from being a bookish girl with a big imagination, to what she was now? What was she? Trevor had pulled her out of her safe imaginary world. In that world she could worship from a far, conjure any scenario she wanted and it would happen, at least in her mind.

This morning she was entering totally foreign territory. A part of her knew that regardless of what happened this day, the person she was before Trevor kissed her no longer existed. The only way to get her back kinda, sorta was to return to the world of make believe. Still, she knew she couldn't return to who she was. There was no way to undo all she had learned and experienced in the past few weeks.

Involuntarily, her hand went to the scar on the back of her head. It was still raised and still pink. She slowly ran her hand along the top of her hairless head. The only time she ever touched her head was when she made a quick swipe across it with a wet washcloth. Allowing the skin of her hand, to touch the skin of her head was something she never did. The only person who ever touched her head was Pa. He loved her blindly and completely. Grandma Toady’s love was not blind, but it was complete. As a female, Grandma Toady knew way more than Pa about the pressures of being female. Every book Lolly ever read always mentioned hair. When Lolly was little, Grandma Toady would French braid her hair or curl it. Those had been good times. And then, they were over forever. There were moments when she could feel Grandma Toady’s grief over the loss and her fear about all Lolly would face as she made her way through life as a hairless female. These thoughts were sobering and totally unhelpful now.

Beside her Fluff stretched. He opened one eye and winked at her. His whiskers caught the morning light. A deep rumble began in his chest. Lolly stretched out her hand and rubbed the space between his ears.

The bathroom door slammed. Small feet ran down the hall and Lolly’s door flew open. Mitzi shouted, “Wake up! Why are you still in bed?”

Without answering Lolly climbed out of bed and joined Mitzi and Puccini at the open closet. As far as Lolly was concerned there was not any Armor of the Day that would protect her or prepare her for whatever this day held. What she wanted most to do right now was to just stay home forever. Home was safe.

Though Mitzi didn’t have any idea about what was going on with Lolly, she was an empathetic creature. She said, “We should pick something that will make you feel pretty.”

Nothing was going to make her feel pretty. During the night all her old ghosts had come back to haunt her and were haunting her still.

After several long moments of staring, Mitzi said, “Max has what you should wear. He packed it, I saw it.”

Why would Max have something pretty? Lolly followed Mitzi to the room where Max slept. In his duffle bag was a wrinkled Eagles’ On the Border concert T-shirt. It had a beautiful blue eagle flying through the orange ball of the sun. Mitzi said, “This bird matches your eyes.”

It did. Lolly loved this image. It spoke to her of overcoming...of soaring.

Max came into the room. His hair was wet and he wasn’t wearing a shirt. “What are y’all doing in here?”

Without asking permission, Mitzi said, “We are borrowing this.”

Would Max let her wear it? Lolly found herself hoping very hard that he would. He gave her a look, that let her know he did know what was going on with her. Who had told him? Munch probably. He shrugged and said, “Sure.”

Lolly wanted to hug him, but she restrained herself. Mitzi did not. She threw herself in her brother’s arms and said, “I love you SO much big brother.”

Embarrassed, Max mumbled, “Love you too.”

On their way back to Lolly’s room, Mitzi said, “Well that was easy. Now we just gotta put it in the dryer with a wet paper towel to get the wrinkles out. Wrinkles aren’t pretty unless they are on Grandma Toady’s face. Then they are BEAUTIFUL!”

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Lolly couldn’t help it, a tiny smile crept across her lips. That child!

After breakfast, as she was leaving, Grandma Toady gave Lolly a big hug as did Mitzi and Puccini. Max walked with her to the bus stop. Kevin immediately came over. Lolly suspected he knew something too, but she wasn’t sure. She might just be being overly sensitive.

Mrs. Anderson gave her a smile when she climbed onto the bus. Lolly forced a smile in return. Her heart had begun to thump hard. She took her seat by the window. What would she do, where would she look, when Trevor got on the bus? Had only a day passed, just one day. It felt like an eternity. The bus moved forward. With her gaze fixed out the side window, Lolly saw nothing, heard nothing except the pounding of her own heart. In the past, when she had a crush, it just ran its course and one day she wasn’t interested any more. That was way easier and way more gentle than this terrible feeling she had right now.

The bus neared Munch’s stop. Usually she noticed what he was wearing, but he could have been naked this morning and it would not have registered. Soon, too soon, they would be at Trevor’s stop. Munch got on and plopped down beside her. He didn’t ask her how she was, it was so obvious. He did comment on the T-shirt. “Max actually let you wear his favorite shirt.”

“Yeah.” Lolly didn’t know this shirt was Max’s favorite shirt. He must really love her after all.

“Cool.” Munch chit chatted in a failed effort to distract her. It didn’t work. The sound of her own heart had became thunderous. She refused to look forward. Was Trevor standing at his stop? Quickly her eyes darted down to the floor. The bus stopped. The doors opened. With eyes fixed firmly on the toes of her old chucks, she heard Trevor pass but she did not look up. The bus pulled off. The next hurdle would be getting off the bus as quickly as she could to race to the library. At least she had a plan.

The bus breaks squealed when they reached the school. The doors flew open, Lolly pushed passed Munch and practically flew off the bus. Without telling Munch where she was going, she raced into the building and made her way to the library. The place was pretty empty. She went to her table, pulled out her theme paper and got to it. Her breathing was a bit labored and she felt so sick to her stomach, but she would write this intro paragraph or be damned.

She was scribbling away about the curse of love, when she became aware of someone near her. She looked up. It was Trevor. He stopped at the table and asked, “Could we talk?”

There wasn’t any edge in his voice this morning and he seriously looked as bad as Lolly felt. “Uh, okay.”

He sat down across from her. In a low voice he said, “I thought you hated me when you walked away from me yesterday."

Lolly couldn't help but wonder if anyone had ever walked away from Trevor Long.

His voice dropped to a whisper, "I am so sorry Lolly. I get stupid when I'm mad. Jake tried to reason with me, but I didn't hear him. I've never felt like this about anyone, and it scares me. It also made me act like an ass. It will probably happen again. I can be such an idiot." He was so earnest it hurt Lolly's heart. "I wanted to call you last night, but our stupid bus broke down and getting that fixed took forever. I didn’t get home until after 11:00, so I called Munch. He told me about what Spence said to ya’ll on Monday. He explained your friendship to me and while I don’t quite get it, I can live with it. Can you forgive me?”

This confession left Lolly speechless. It was the last thing she had expected, but also what she had most hoped for. She nodded her head and felt a single tear slide down her cheek. Trevor reached his hands across the table and took hers in his.

At the front desk Mrs. Stanton made a sound in her throat. It was her warning signal, that someone was about to get reprimanded. Lolly couldn't see her, but Trevor could. He squeezed Lolly's hands and released them. Under the table he slid his foot to were it was touching hers. A warm giggly feeling started in Lolly’s stomach and spilled out into a huge grin on her face. She clamped her hand over her mouth before a giggle burst out. In Trevor’s eyes light danced and Lolly was sure light danced in her own.

*

At lunch, Lolly went up to Munch and punched him in the arm. “Why didn’t you tell me you talked to Trevor?”

He rubbed his arm and said, “Because, I didn’t know if he would chicken out, or some dumb jock would change his mind. I’m glad to know he did talk to you. Are things good?”

Lolly smiled, “Yes, they are.” The little voice in her head added, for now.

Lisa rushed over to the table and squealed, “Jake told me!” She leaned in and hugged Lolly. “I am so happy!” She was.

As Lolly ate her lunch, a thought occurred to her, Trevor hadn’t mentioned Amber. Did he know about her grades? Probably not. Was she okay? How had things gone with her folks? This evening she would call her. Was she working? Lolly couldn’t keep up with her schedule. Regardless of what had gone down with her parents, Lolly knew Amber would be happy for her. Amber was like that. She had such a good and generous heart.

Lisa said, "We should all go out this weekend again. Wouldn't that be fun?"

It wouldn't. Had Lisa already forgotten how successful their last double date had been? Munch shot Lolly a glance. He knew she didn't want to go. She told a sorta of truth, a might actually happen truth, "Trevor and I plan to do. something with Mitzi."

Munch added, "And Puccini."

Slightly puzzled, Lisa said, "Oh, okay. Some other time then?"

"Yeah." Double date avoided for now.