The faint glow of lavender filled her room. Every morning Lolly woke from dreams or nothingness. Sometimes dreams were good and sometimes they were nightmares. Grandma Toady said it was from eating sauerkraut at midnight, which Lolly never did according to her own perspective. In truth, it was always NOT midnight some where and she preferred to live in a different time zone than the one she inhabited on nights when she ate sauerkraut.

Soon the sky would warm with the mystery of the day. The ball would rise into the sky. It was never quite the same color. Its variation depended upon clouds and humidity. The only thing she did not like about the ball was that it blotted out all the pin holes where heaven peeked through. At fifteen she knew she was too old to not know that the pin holes were stars and the ball was the sun. But, when she was alone she pretended otherwise...sometimes she was not sure when she pretended more, when she was alone or when she was with others. It was very easy to be herself when she was alone, but much, much harder to do so when she was with somebody. The level of difficulty depended on who that particular somebody was. Some somebody, like Mitzi, made her feel very close to her true self while another somebody, like Max, made her want to hide every shred of herself. She always felt very alone with people like that. Sometimes she wondered if the people who made her feel alone might be lonely themselves since no one had the courage to be their true self with them.

Her cat, Fluff, landed in the middle of her stomach. He had great green eyes and a pink nose. His coat was striped in shades of gold and white. He was regal and magic, or at least that is how he wanted to be perceived. Perception was a tricky thing. Sometimes Lolly could not quite perceive the world like Fluff did. Fluff saw the world as a jungle and he was an explorer who killed big game. What Lolly saw was an old fat cat chasing cockroaches on the drive and never catching not even one. Fluff placed his soft fur cheek against hers. It was sticky as usual. He liked to taste a bit of this and that even if it did not make his insides feel good. Too often what was inside of him came out of him, but not in the prescribed route of plumbing. It was a nuisance but a hazard of being a well groomed cat. Hair balls were a menace, a consequence but something to be endured for the sake of a sleek coat.

From the kitchen came the smell of eggs frying. Lolly glanced at the clock. It was a fuzzy duck clock with Roman numerals. The alarm went off. It was supposed to say QUACK, QUACK, but some glitch in its innards had it say, “MEOW, MEOW,” which pleased Fluff enormously. Lolly slapped the clock into silence and threw her thin legs over they bed. They were an unfortunate inheritance from her Grandma Toady. She stuffed her too large feet into her battered bunny slippers. Fluff thought the bunnies were captured prey. At night he liked to swat them around and chew on their ears. All the way down the trailer hallway to the kitchen, Fluff pounced on the bunnies. Quite often Lolly tripped when the bunnies were being pursued by the regal, magical Fluff.

In the kitchen at the avocado green stove, stood Grandma Toady. A large peppermint striped house dress covered her from shoulder to knee. Her hair was done up in neon bandana. She looked a little bit like a Christmas elf. And, she too thought she was regal and magic. As she spread butter on another piece of bread, Grandma Toady said, “Good morning, Sunshine.”

“Good morning, Moon beam.”

Grandma Toady cut a circle in the buttered bread with a jelly jar and plopped bread in the iron skilled. She asked, “Have any good dreams or nightmares you would like to share?”

Lolly wanted to say, No Ma’am, but that would be lying. Grandma Toady could see through a lie like she could see through a window pane. Having six kids and a backsliding husband, she had a lot of opportunities to hear the truth stretched, shredded or not present at all. Before Lolly was born, Grandma Toady’s husband had run off with a car wash attendant when he got scared of being old. Grandma said, “That is what happens when you think too much about the past and the future. It is best just to think about now.” Now was a convenient form of grace. It covered a multitude of responsibilities. For example, bills could be paid later, but ice cream must be eaten NOW. If a body did not eat ice cream now, it would melt. Ice cream had very tender feelings, and a very short shelf life outside of the freezer. Grandma Toady’s voice broke into her thoughts, “Lolly, I can tell your brain is drifting. Earth to Lolly, come in Lolly.”

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This was where Lolly was supposed to laugh so she did.

Max, Lolly’s cousin entered the kitchen. He was so extra. His legs were not thin. He had curly gold hair, and eye lashes and eyebrows. Tiny gold hairs grew on his arms and legs. Someday he would probably be able to grow a gold beard. He was thirteen and full of HIMSELF! Once he and Lolly had been on friendly terms but not now. Deep down, Lolly knew he was ashamed of her. It could not be helped. The important thing was that she was not ashamed of herself. He slid passed her and took his seat at the kitchen table. Their eyes did not meet. Their eyes never met anymore. Lolly couldn’t even remember the last time she had watched a thought pass through his head via his eyeballs.

The pitter patter of little feet came down the trailer hall. It was four year old Mitzi with her Wack a do hair. She too had been blessed with golden wavy hair, only she did not like. She was forever sneaking Grandma Toady’s sewing sheers and whacking off her hair. Every time she did it, she would say, “I was just tryin’ to look like Lolly!’ It was a rare sweet compliment, but the results were frightening. Currently her bangs were four different lengths and she had a bald spot on the crown of her head. Grandma Toady would have given Mitzi a buzz cut but she feared it would only encourage the child in her pursuit to look like Lolly. For now, things were very good between Lolly and Mitzi. Lolly hoped this was not a now that Mitzi would grow out of like Max had.

Mitzi went to the stove and tilted her head sideways. Grandma Toady leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you Granma.” She then held up her very battered teddy bear, named Puccini. Grandma Toady dutifully kissed the grubby bear.

Max gagged and said, “I would not touch that stinking thing with a ten foot pole.”

With a roll of her eyes, Mitzi said, “If Puccini could breathe he wouldn’t even breathe for fear of breathin’ the same air you do.” She marched passed Max and stuck her tongue out at him. Now was not good for Mitzi and Max.

Grandma Toady slid an egg in the hole onto each plate. This was the best way to eat eggs as far as Lolly, Mitzi and Max were concerned. It was the one thing they all agreed on. Grandma Toady buttered the four bread slices, cut out holes in the slices with a jelly jar and then cooked them in the cast iron skillet. After Grandma Toady had plated the eggs, she put the round cutouts over each egg. It looked like a little hat and it helped keep the egg warm.

Max looked at his egg and lifted up its cap. He said, “This kind of reminds me of Lolly.”

Though she had heard this joke before it never didn’t hurt. Grandma Toady swiped his plate away from him and said, “Young man, you have just earned yourself a bowl of cold cereal.”

“Aw come on Grandma Toady! I was just teasing.” Max tried to look pitiful, but he did not succeed.

Without a word, Grandma Toady took his plate over to the window seat, where Fluff was impatiently waiting for his own breakfast. When he saw the egg in the hole coming his way, his green eyes got big! His motor started to rumble.

“I am sorry!” Max said in a huff. “I said I am sorry!”

“Yes, you said you were sorry, but you did not mean it.”

“I did too mean it! I swear!”

“You know how I feel about swearing and lying and teasing,” Grandma Toady scolded. She placed the plate before Fluff. The cat pounced on the egg in a hole like he had not been fed in a month.

When Grandma Toady sat down at the table, Max said, “People food is not good for animals, just ask any vet. I bet that Stu—“

Grandma Toady gave him a look and said, “If you finish that word you will be grounded.”

Though Max swallowed the word, he gave Lolly a dirty look. There would be trouble, at school or after school. Lolly could feel it. No one spoke. Now was very quiet.