Dressed and ready, Lolly sat on the couch feeling like she was going to puke. She could not do this. Back in August, the first time she ever saw Trevor get on the bus, she had had some imaginations about him. Never did she think any of them were a possibility. Now she was on the brink of reality and she was scared. Lisa had told her everyone was nervous when they got and gave their first kiss. But, this feeling in the pit of her stomach felt more like it had the makings of a stomach virus.

From the recliner, Grandma Toady said, “Breathe, girl. Just breathe.”

Lolly took in a slow breath of air. She was grateful, Mitzi and Max were still with their mom. Aunt Jessie wasn’t dropping them off until 7:00. This evening, Mitzi had not helped Lolly dress. One never knew what would pop out of Mitzi’s little mouth and Lolly would rather risk fashion failure than to have Mitzi around to comment when Trevor arrived. The wall clock’s face read 5:45. Would he be early, would he be late? Would he not come at all? So many questions were racing around inside her head. Her palms were sweaty. She rubbed them on her pants legs.

If Trevor were being dropped off by Amber instead of by his friend Jake, Lolly would be on the front porch waiting. Being outside in the fresh air, calmed her nerves. But, she didn’t want to appear too eager in front of Jake. In third grade Jake had teased her and called her Mr. Clean because she didn’t have any hair. He would say things like, “You mopped any floors lately?” It was stupid, but it hurt. Maybe he just thought he was being funny. It had been a long time ago, but it made her feel unsure of herself. Did he ever make fun of her to Trevor?

Outside the trailer, Lolly heard a truck pull up. Her heart started racing so hard, it felt like it was going to take flight right out of her chest. A door slammed. Lolly’s mouth went dry.

Grandma Toady said, “I will answer the door okay?”

Lolly couldn’t even speak she just nodded.

There was a knock on the door. His knock. Grandma Toady got up and went to the door. This was happening! Lolly stood up. The door was opened. It was already dark outside. Grandma Toady and Trevor said something to each other but the pounding of Lolly’s blood in her ears was so loud she could not understand a word they said. Trevor came into the trailer and smiled at her. Lolly smiled back at least she hoped she did, because she currently could not feel her face.

All at once, Fluff came flying out of the kitchen. He skidded to a stop in front of Trevor and gazed up at him with his big green eyes. He let out his most friendly, Meow.

Trevor said, “Hey there Fluff.”

In that moment, Lolly remembered Trevor was allergic to cats. The last time he had come over, she had been so out of it, she had not remembered. She said, “Um, should we put him up?”

“No, its okay. I took some Benadryl. I should be fine.”

Grandma Toady said, “Why don’t you sit down. I was just about to make some grilled cheese sandwiches. Are you hungry?”

Lolly was not. Trevor said, “Sure.”

“They will be done in a bit.” Grandma Toady picked up Fluff and went to the kitchen.

The instant they were alone, Trevor stepped closer to Lolly and hugged her. His arms were wiry, but strong. She hugged him back. Some of her panic began to subside. He released her and sat down on the couch. His eyes were bright. His hair caught the glow of the lamp light. Inside, Lolly felt like she was melting. She asked, “Do you want to watch TV?”

He shook his head. “No, lets just talk.”

Lolly sent up a desperate prayer that she would be able to actually achieve conversation. Shyly, she went and sat down beside him. He took her hand and started telling her about the beach houses they had looked at. They sounded really fancy. Just listening made her feel a bit nervous and inadequate. She could not even imagine being able to just buy a beach house on a whim. A chasm seemed to be opening up between them. He lived in a world she had not experienced. When he started talking about his runs on the beach, she felt a bit more at ease, but still on edge. A question nibbled in the back of her brain, had Trevor had Jake drop him off because, he didn’t want his folks to know she lived in a trailer park? Or had he had Jake drop him off because he knew his parents would not approve of him seeing a girl who lived in a trailer park? Grandma Toady was forever telling her to not put words or thoughts into people’s heads that they may not be thinking.

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Grandma Toady brought the grilled cheese sandwiches, Cokes, and chips and set them on the coffee table. She gave Lolly an encouraging smile and went back to the kitchen.

Trevor went through his food like a vacuum cleaner. Lolly ate small bites she did not taste. She ended up giving him most of her sandwich and her chips. She just sipped her Coke and tried to keep up her side of the conversation. When he had polished off her food he asked, “Could we go to your room?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“Grandma Toady doesn’t let boys in my room.”

A slight hint of irritation crept into Trevor’s voice as he asked, “Does Munch get to go in your room?"

Lolly felt a slight hint of irritation, run through her. “Yes, he’s my best friend and will soon be my stepbrother.” Saying the word stepbrother part felt weird. She counter offered, “We could go for a walk.”

A bit too eagerly he said, “I would like that.” He rubbed his hands on the legs of his cords. Was he nervous too? Surely, he had kissed girls before.

Lolly went into the kitchen with the empty plates and Coke cans. She told Grandma Toady, “We are going to the park.”

“Okay, sweetie. Just remember, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If he gets fresh, you know what to do.”

Lolly felt her face go blood red. She seriously hoped she would not have to punch Trevor in the nuts. This evening was beginning to feel like a very bad comedy. “Yes, Ma’am.”

As soon as she and Trevor were outside, he put his arm around her and pulled her close. Lolly’s heart beat even harder than it had been. Was it possible for a human heart to explode? Possibly. Was it possible hers would explode? Probably not.

The night breeze blew cool across her face. She pulled her sweatshirt’s hood over her head. They walked to what trailer park management called The Park. It was really just a few swings, a slide, and a sandbox. Lolly disentangle herself from Trevor and sat down in one of the swings. She seriously needed to gather her thoughts. About right now, she seriously want to just run. The anticipation of what might happen or might not happen was making it hard to breath. She felt absolutely ridiculous.

Trevor asked, “You want a push?”

She asked, “You want to race?”

“Race?”

“Yeah, see who can get the highest the fastest.”

He smiled and said, “Okay, you are on.” He slipped into the swing beside her. The both pushed back as far as they could. Lolly counted to three and then said, “Go!” She thrust her body up as high as she could and then stretched her legs out and glided forward. As she felt her weight swing back ward she tucked her legs and then pumped hard forward. She did not even look at Trevor. Her entire focus was on the tree top in front of the swings. She stretched her legs toward it. She felt the chains begin to go slack as she reached their maximum height. It was then that she glance at Trevor. He was behind her.

As they passed each other he said, “Damn, you’re good.”

Exhilarated, she flashed him a smile. Some of the tension was beginning to leave her body and her head. With a swoosh, she went far back and then she pumped hard forward. The chains popped when she exceeded their length. She felt her stomach drop as she flew back wards.

Trevor said, “Bet you can’t do this!” At the height of his ascent, he released the chains and flipped out of the swing. He stuck a perfect landing and grinned up at her. He was showing off, for her.

She allowed herself to glide backward without pumping forward. She did not jump out of swings. It was not one of her talents. When’s he finally came to a complete stop, Trevor stood in front of her and gently pulled her out of the swing.

They were so close together now, Lolly could feel his breath. He leaned forward. Instinctively, Lolly closed her eyes. She felt his lips make contact with hers. His lips pressed hers. According to Lisa, the lips were one of the most sensitive parts of the body. It felt like she was right. Trevor pulled away from her mouth. The night breeze blew across her lips. Inside her body, her heart was thudding like mad. Her brain seemed to have stopped functioning all together. She felt like she was in a fog. He slipped his arm around her and they started to walk. Several times they lapped the trailer park. Trevor’s nearness was sweet. Her fear left her. They talked about nothing and everything as they walked.

Too soon, Trevor glanced at his wrist watch and said, “Jake will be here soon.”

They went back to the trailer and sat down on the front steps. They cuddled for warmth. Up above the sky was filled with stars. Lolly was so thankful the weather had cooperated. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt this happy.

Headlights pulled into the drive. It was Jake. Trevor helped Lolly up and then, in the headlights, in front of Jake, he kissed her good bye full on the lips. The kiss meant so much to Lolly. It meant he was not ashamed of her. This had been her secret fear. He released her and said, “I will see you tomorrow.”

Unable to find her voice, she smiled and waved.