Man’s greatest fear lay before me, a truth terrible enough to fell even the most stalwart warriors. It took neither the form of the Avatar of Death nor the IRS, as I was thankfully unbeholden to such memento mori. No wait, this was much worse…
“M-Mike?!” shouted a woman. Her auburn hair was a disheveled mess, and covered most of her beet-red face as she grabbed at the nearby bedsheets to preserve what was left of her modesty. “What the hell are you doing here?!”
“So this is Mike, huh?” asked the man sitting in bed next to her. His name was Jeff. He had a sturdy frame and half a foot on me, along with a cocky grin that screamed he’d just had sex with my girlfriend or something.
Well, that was exactly what had happened. Jeff just had sex with my girlfriend. He also had the nerve to gloat about it. And there I stood staring at the two, paralyzed by an overwhelming emotion. The funny thing was that said emotion wasn’t despair, confusion, or even wrath. It was apathy.
“Aww, poor old Mike, cat got your tongue?” laughed Jeff, getting up to stare me down. “Don’t have anything to say?”
Truth be told, I didn’t. I would’ve called the man intimidating, if it weren’t for his ridiculous mullet and the terribly tiny thing sticking out of his crotch. But it did make me think; why? It wasn’t shock or some kind of coping mechanism, I genuinely didn’t feel anything for these two. It was as if she was never my girlfriend in the first place!
I lightly chuckled to myself before a terrible realization set in. Girlfriend? I hadn’t had a girlfriend in two years! Who the hell was this woman?!
A sudden jolt of pain went through my head. It forced me to my knees as I clawed at my hair, screaming at the top of my lungs as the terrible sensation thundered through my brain.
“The fuck?” whispered Jeff, staring at me with confusion. “You think I broke him?”
A deluge of contradicting memories began to flow into my head, the two streams connecting violently. I saw two men, both young adults, trying to carve out meager existences in a harsh world. Yet they had different parents, different homes, different lives. As the flood of their experiences finally began to settle, I was left with one question. Which one of them was I?
“Seriously Mike, you’re embarrassing yourself now,” scoffed Elaine. “Just shut up and leave.”
Mike? That was the name of the first man. I was Mike… no. I wasn’t. My name was Chuck Bachman, a 19 year old professional failure from Oregon. I lowered my hands from my head and carefully regarded the open palms. Pasty white skin, wool sweater, and long fingernails. All unfamiliar qualities. I knew three things at that moment: this wasn’t my home, that wasn’t my girlfriend, and this wasn’t my body. This wasn’t my goddamn body!
Before anyone could utter another word, the front door burst open and a couple in the throes of a violent makeout session ambled their way towards the bed, eyes closed and entirely unaware of the pair already occupying it.
Nobody said a word, especially the slack jawed Jeff, as the newcomers collided with him and they all tumbled onto the mattress. All four of its occupants let out a shriek, Jeff and the female newcomer even louder than the others.
“Stacy?! What are you doing?!” shouted the mulleted man. “Who the hell is this?!”
“Jeff?!” the woman shouted back. “I thought you were going to be out today!”
“I thought you’d be out!”
“Hey Jeff?” interrupted Elaine, grabbing onto as much of the now-pinned bedsheet as she could. “Who’s this?”
“My girlfriend,” replied Jeff.
“I can’t believe you, Jeff! Why would you cheat on me like this?!” shouted Stacy, tears beginning to streak down her eyes.
“Me?! Who the hell is this guy, then?”
This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
“He’s… he’s… your replacement. For cheating on me!”
“But you didn’t even know I was sleeping with Elaine until now!”
As the two continued their bickering while their respective “partners” stared on in silence, I slowly picked myself up and regarded the whole ordeal with a hazy leer.
“What the fuck?” was all I could let out in a whisper. Not even my parents’ soap operas had plots as insane as this! And honestly, I didn’t want any part in it.
A thought presented itself to me before I could make my exit; to go back to Elaine and beg her to come back to me. I froze and began to prod at my own brain to find where it had come from, because it sure as hell wasn’t something from me. It didn’t take long to find its source; Mike Smith.
The life and memories of the true owner of this body bubbled deep within me. But only just that; memories. There was no mind or consciousness connected to them. No soul. Just a database of everything the sorry bastard knew, all neatly packaged and ready to present his absolutely shit opinions nobody asked for.
If what was left of Mike was so eager to supply me with information, then maybe it could tell me what the hell was going on?
I closed my eyes and could see just that. I found myself in a flashback from just a minute ago, looking at an unfamiliar memory of me walking up a flight of stairs and slowly opening the front door to this very loft. I looked inside to see Jeff and Elaine going at it, the sight sending a cluster bomb of different emotions through my heart. And in response to the traumatic sight, I began unbuttoning my pants, reach my hand down my underwear, and-
Nope! I forcefully shook away the replay, trying my hardest not to let my face curl up in disgust. It was especially hard when I noticed my fly was still undone. After fixing that mistake and fastening my belt extra tight for good measure, I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Seriously, what kind of a fucking loser was this guy? And why did I feel so bad for him?
Well, he was actually complex. Resigned acceptance was one of the other feelings I could glean from the flashback. The man somehow thought that what was happening here was completely normal, and that men like him existed to either please a woman’s ego or her sexual appetite. It wouldn’t take a psychologist to figure out that Mike considered himself the former, but it would take one to understand why the hell he thought something as ridiculous as that.
But to be honest, whatever Mike’s problem was, it wasn’t mine. In fact, most of the problems from my old life were no longer mine either, judging from how healthy this body was. I’d still have to figure out what the hell was going on before I could consider what to do, but I knew where to start. And it wasn’t here. Not for me, not for Mike.
As I looked up at the others in the room to tell them all to pound sand, I was met with an even more insane sight than before.
The group had quieted down, their shrill screeches now replaced with the sounds of suction and moaning. The newer couple had taken off all of their clothes and the four of them writhed together in an undulating mass of flesh.
“Yo, what the fuck?” The words escaped my lips almost instinctively as I witnessed the double adultery confrontation somehow devolve into an orgy. How horny were these people?! You know what? I didn’t care. I didn’t want any part of this.
“Hey Elaine,” I shouted from across the room.
“If you want any part of this, you’ll have to beg,” she replied.
Mike didn’t have a humiliation fetish, his memories helpfully told me, making this easier than it already was. “Nah, I’m breaking up with you.”
“What?!” she screamed back, freezing in place as the others continued without her.
“Yeah! You treat me like shit, and have the nerve to ask me to beg to be fucked by the guy you’re cheating me on with? Life isn’t a fucking porno, and even if it were, you’d be the kind of star who’d wash out as a heroin junkie working a truck stop bathroom after a few years. You’re honestly not worth it, and probably deserve a prick like Jeff. Have fun with him, for ever long that lasts!”
“Hey, fuck you!” shouted Jeff, unlocking his lips from Stacy’s long enough to glare me down.
“That’s the point, dumbass! I don’t want to join your stupid orgy! So peace out, assholes!”
I turned around without another word as the two screamed obscenities, making my way to the front door and slamming it closed with a kick.
Now that that was over, it was time to focus on the important question. What the ever-loving hell was going on?!
[Level Up! (1)]
[Str: +0 | Con: +0 | End: +0 | Cha: +1 | Atr: +0 | Dex: +0 | Int: +1]
[Str: 10 | Con: 10 | End: 10 | Cha: 11 | Atr: 10 | Dex: 10 | Int: 11]
[Skill Obtained! Detect Cheating (lv 1)]
No seriously, what the ever-loving fuck was going on?!