Cra-a-ack!

A cracking sound echoed out. Similar to the sound they made when their skulls were broken, the grotesque gargoyle-like creatures twisted and twitched as they came to life.

“This is a lot…”

“Huh? We only have to fight ten or fifteen each, this should be easy,” I muttered in reply even as I walked toward the center of the room.

Far-away screams echoed, and I glanced to the side when I got to the center.

Writhing masses of porcelain-zombies were shrieking and sprinting toward us.

“I have faith in you, gunmen!” I called out, glancing behind me. The other three readied themselves, each close to a path and none taking up the center of the 500 square foot platform.

I was closest to the opposite side, the one where the crystalline zombies had the biggest chance of not being shot before they got to me. Bullets rang out as the hoards started pouring in.

Shifting uncomfortably, no one attacked the hoards.

Thud. Thud. Thud-thud-thud. Frrrt.

The sound of the gargoyles flying after leaping off of their pedestals reached my ears, and I looked up. They flew around, not yet landing.

“Grrrah!” A high-pitched squeal escaped porcelain zombies, and my fist snapped out.

Crunch.

The vibrant dark red that steamed up splashed against my helmet, obscuring my view. Wiping at my visor only made my vision worse, and I sighed as I continued fighting the zombies coming from my side.

They only got shot if they went around me. Their gnarled arms and emaciated and twisted bodies were snapped out. My armor took blunt-force blows pretty okay, not cracking but also not preventing bruises.

My fist punched through a few more skulls, feeling like I was going through eggshells, the boiling liquid only making the comparison seem more realistic the more I fought.

I felt sick at the idea even as way more than thirty zombies swarmed me. I found myself shoved to the ground, kicking and punching at the creatures.

“Blood!”

“I’m fine!” I called out even as I grimaced at the pain of boiling liquid hitting me, watching my armor melt and warp as the fabric absorbed the liquid and held it against my skin.

“Would calling out ‘hold your positions’ be too corny?” I asked myself as I stood up after shoving them off, my main issue being their weight.

While weak, these guys were extremely heavy. Was it because they were full of boiling liquid and not much else?

My fists punched out again and again and again, gunshots echoing out. Soon my hoard was manageable again. Glancing behind me, I saw that the others were faring much better.

Something writhed on my ankle.

Looking down, I sighed at the tentacles clinging to me and tearing through the fabric of my outfit.

“Should I have ordered twenty more of these? Fifty?” I knelt, accidentally tripping a zombie that had been trying to tackle me.

It fell harshly, stuff I was hesitant to call blood pouring out as it fell onto the obsidian tiles head-first.

“Oh, oops,” I said as I grabbed the neck of the stupid imp, looking back as I tugged at it, “Stop destroying my outfit! It costs like… $50! That’s a lot to a broke person like me!”

I threw the imp at a gargoyle, watching as it was shot out of the air. I laughed, “Nice.”

A massive weight slammed into me, and I was slammed into the ground again. My visor gained a new, if small, injury that blocked a small circle of my vision, filled with the white of cracked plastic.

Was it plastic?

“Grgrgrgr,” A very unpleasant grunting sound came from above me, and I slammed my head back.

“Ow, shit!” I cried as my neck was scalded, standing up and reaching back. The metal of my gloves was hotter than the liquid on my neck, and I burnt myself more, “Ow, stupid fucking assholes!”

Maybe if I didn’t keep getting distracted—

Shut the hell up.

Turning, my focus was on the remaining porcelain-zombies, since they seemed to appreciate tackling me and making gross sounds.

There were only about five left, and they were easily taken care of. I stepped a few feet away from the hall. A gargoyle tried diving down to swipe at me. I reached up and clung to its leg.

Shrieking, it flapped its wings.

“Oh, whoa!” I cried as I found myself being lifted. Pulling myself up, I slammed my fist into its head. It collapsed and I used its body to break my fall.

It didn’t work too well, and I danced out of the boiling liquid. Their skin seemed made of brittle material, their insides all one. Did they even have bones?

Did that make these creatures insects, technically, since they only had an outer exoskeleton?

“Damn, I think it does,” I agreed, glancing up. Then I glanced around. The melee all seemed to be doing well, but the shooter facing away seemed to be struggling with all the zombies, “Oi! Behind you!”

One of the two turned, helping out.

A foot smacked into the back of my head, and I staggered forward, “Ow! What a fucking loser,” I complained, rubbing my helmet as I looked up, “No wonder it took them for-fucking-ever to fight you assholes, you’re just annoying flying enemies.”

Turning, I decided to help finish the rest of the zombies. They were soon gone.

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Imps started crawling out of the lava, then. Me and the three others inside the room went toward the center. Occasionally a gargoyle was sent careening to the ground, a wing broken as the imps were being shot at.

“We’re running out of ammo!” The woman called out urgently.

I glanced over. Well, okay, what was I supposed to do about that?

“Save your ammo, then!” I called, “I’ll take care of the imps, you guys did good!” My voice lowered since I wasn’t shouting across a room, “Guys, focus on the gargoyles, I’ll do my best with these red fuckers.”

Crunch, crack, click.

One, two, three.

As I hopped from one head to another, I hummed a tune.

“Shut the goddamned door,” I sang out before squeaking as I slipped on one of their heads.

Crack, thud.

Shame filled me at the very small noises, and I cleared my throat as I stood up, glancing around. I jogged to the person with the closest imps, continuing to play hop-scotch.

As I ran out of songs, I continued singing more. I missed my phone. My helmet had a great bluetooth option in it… man. I wish I could play music right now.

What better way to kick ass than with some jamming music?

“How many Gargoyles are left?”

“We’ve only killed about twenty,” A thin man commented as I passed nearby.

“Agh, this is taking forever. I can see why you guys shot the gargoyles. Any way aside from that to make them come down?”

“No.”

I sighed, calling out without looking up, “Oi! Gunmen! Save like one magazine but otherwise shoot these guys out of the air! Aim for their wings!”

Soon fifty gargoyles landed before the echoing sound of gunfire ended.

One imp, two, fifty imps to go.

“Ninety-nine thousand imps on the ground, ninety-nine thousand imps, hop on one, break its skull, ninety-eight thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine imps on the ground,” I sang after I ran out of ideas for good songs.

Eventually the imps stopped coming, though, and I glanced around, then up. The fifty gargoyles that had landed were dead, a pile of loot left behind.

There were still a lot of gargoyles just flying around.

“Damn, I’m bored. Come on, guys, maybe they’ll land if we’re in the hallway,” I called out.

The men glanced at me, then up, then they all sprinted toward the hall.

A bit unreasonable, a gargoyle attacked like once every other second. One. Very manageable.

I walked slowly.

A screech rang out. My hand darted up, and I found my hand wrapping around an ankle. Before it could pull me up, I slammed it into the ground, stomping on its head as I continued walking.

Flap—“KYAAA!” The next gargoyle was just as easily taken down.

And the next.

My arms were getting tired, and I yawned, “Wow, I’m pretty burnt up, huh? It kind of hurts. I think the boredom hurts more, though, what sort of stupid monsters are these? Attack all at once, assholes,” Thud, crack! “Like come on, the most dangerous part about this is the fact that I might trip on the loot you guys drop. Oh, no! A rolled ankle! How scary.”

I jinxed it, tripping over a thick book.

“Ah, fuck! Karma, why?” I whined, struggling to stand up. Damn, my arms were really tired…

Ten gargoyles landed as I finally got to my feet with a heavy sigh. Maybe extended combat more than once a day wasn’t the greatest idea?

…

Nahhh. I’d get used to it.

“Ooh, nevermind. Trip me all you want if you give me ten gargoyles at once! How kind,” I flirted with the air, fist snapping out and feet equally doing so, ignoring the scratches being left on my armor.

Glancing up, I hummed at a sudden realization, “Oh! Wait! I did my math like very wrong. Like super wrong. Jesus Christ I hope no one heard that. Oh how embarrassing. Fuck, I’m an idiot!”

A gargoyle was slammed into the ground, shrieking as I stepped on its face. It didn’t immediately die, so I slowly put more pressure before its head exploded into steaming gore.

“Huh. Damn. Can you believe I was getting a 4.0 in college?” I asked the dead gargoyle humorously, glancing up as I continued walking to the hall, only a few steps away, “Like damn, I can’t. Fifteen times six is nowhere close to four-fifty. That’s like… ninety.”

“What?” The person closest to me, the ex-pugilist asked.

“Oh, nothing,” I said, sighing heavily as I turned at the entrance and observed the gargoyles, “Just realized this is going to take a while.”

None of them landed to attack us, just flying ever closer, teasing us.

I hummed, turning to observe the men. The three that were with me had some burn marks, but otherwise seemed fine.

“I have an idea. How about I play bait and you guys hit the gargoyles that land?”

“Bait?”

“Yeah,” I gestured, “When I tripped like ten of them swarmed me. I only have to pretend to fall like forty times and then they’ll all be dead. I’ll do it in the center, think you guys can like, help out?”

The soliders shifted, glancing at each other.

“Won’t you get burnt?” The thin one asked.

“Well, yeah, but I’m already pretty crispy,” I dismissed, gesturing, “How else are we going to do this? We can’t just leave them there.”

~

A wandering lost soul darted out. Unexpectedly, they tripped as they dodged a gargoyle.

“Oh, no, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” They bemoaned, one hand fluttering to the top of their weird black and glistening eye that made up their head.

The gargoyles saw easy prey and landed even as their brethren focused on the standing ones.

“Ahhhhh,” The black-laden creature said, sounding appropriately terrified.

~

“Oh no,” I deadpanned as I stood up after crushing two gargoyle heads together, “I’m in such danger.”

Exhaustion weighed at me, and I was sweating heavily. The heat was making it hard for me to breathe, and my entire body felt burnt.

The men finally decided to help me after four of the ten were gone, and the rest were taken care of.

“Sorry, we got swarmed too once you fell,” The giant ex-pugilist apologized.

I shrugged, sighing heavily as I panted, “It’s fine. Let’s get this over with, I’m overheating and getting tired.”

What felt like fifty faux-downs later, the neverending mass of gargoyles were gone. Everyone looked exhausted, and I had to be helped up.

“Great. Let’s go,” I muttered, staggering. The gunmen shifted, then hesitated when I shook my head, “Escort us back. You’ll be the sole fighters from here on out, shooters.”

“We have names,” The woman said plainly, equally covered in sweat, though she didn’t look as burnt nor as exhausted as the physical fighters were.

“Great. I don’t know them.”

“Steven,” The thin man introduced, though he was still wider and taller than me.

“Monica,” the woman greeted.

“Alec,” The ex-pugilist still holding my bat and helping me walk said.

“John,” The gunman with glasses introduced awkwardly.

“Blake,” The last melee introduced, running a hand through his blond hair.

“Jason,” The last shooter greeted.

Great. Names? How was I supposed to remember that? Damn. I could never talk to these people again. They’ll expect me to know their names.

When we got back, Lawrence was there with my phone.

“A minute out there is apparently three hours in here,” Lawrence explained awkwardly as I got off of Alec and staggered into him.

By this time I had cooled off, so Lawrence had no issue keeping me standing as I reached for my phone and missed three times before getting it.

“Are you okay?” Lawrence asked, sounding concerned.

“I can’t see,” I replied, glove coming up to try and wipe at my visor again. It didn’t do anything. I sighed.

A woman walked up, her cold voice doing wonders for my mood, though not so much for my burns, “I have a cot waiting. Do you need assistance walking?”

“I’ll help!” Lawrence said, grabbing me in a way that made it harder to walk and doing his best to help.

Ugh. At least he was trying.