The brown-haired man shook his head, sighing, “These portals seem to directly copy things seen in video-games, do you believe that’s intentional?”

Was he asking me?

The blond shrugged, “Yeah.”

“Same,” I agreed.

The brown-haired man hesitated, looking at me, “Why don’t you go back to your friends?”

“I’m waiting for food,” I replied easily, bouncing on my feet.

A small silence was broken by the blond laughing, “Fair enough. I’ll have the food delivered to you and your friends, how about?”

“Okay,” I agreed, immediately turning, “Have fun.”

Leaving the building, I wandered around, glancing at the small militaristic station that was set up. Above, an attack helicopter was flying away. Why was an attack helicopter in New York? Damn.

It took me several minutes to find my friends, the food getting to them before I did. I took off my helmet and set it down, devouring food as fast as Vincent was, our drinks already gone.

As I slowed down, feeling satisfied, I went onto my phone and went to the delivery app. My laptop hadn’t arrived yet—go figure, it was still the same day—and I was glad to get free shipping for an exact copy of my current outfit.

After a very long pause, I got ten copies, cutting into my savings a bit. I’d get paid eventually elsewhere, it’s fine. Then I uploaded my newest videos, the cell towers working again, I noted.

New Companion!, Fighting Goblins, Fighting Spiders [1], … Fighting Spiders [10], Daddy’s Home, Meeting Big Dick America

The videos were taking a very long time to upload, but I had hours. Or… Wait. Pulling out my charger from my backpack, I plugged my phone in at a nearby outlet. Now I had hours.

“What were the spiders saying?” Vincent asked as he drank more water and ate more food, not seeming satisfied.

I ate half as much as him and felt sick. Then again, I was used to being starved at this point.

“It was the giant one that almost stepped on us that was speaking. He asked why we were killing them and didn’t seem too mad or afraid after he realized we thought he and his were like the goblins,” I said, adding that into the description of “Daddy’s Home” so that the viewers would know, too.

Thanks for the reminder, Vincent.

After a long few hours, Lawrence still didn’t wake up and my videos were finished uploading.

“Hey, I’m going home,” I told Vincent as I stood up, stretching, “You should as well.”

Once my new armor got to me tomorrow I’d dive into another. I glanced at Lawrence, staring at his blood-stained face as I pulled on my helmet. Should someone be taking him to a hospital?

Grabbing all of my stuff, I walked out, not noticing that the shadows helped in an escape I didn’t realize I was making.

A very long shower after I got home was accompanied by me face-planting and falling into a coma.

Or hoping to, anyway, as I woke up with the sun filtering in, a loud knock echoing at my door. Scrambling up, I wandered to the door and opened it.

“Oh!”

“Sign here,” The tired fat man who reeked of coffee said, several giant packages and boxes surrounding his feet as he shoved a clipboard at me.

“Okay, sorry,” I said, signing and feeling bad for the guy.

Oops.

If I’d known he was fat I would have requested he leave it in the lobby.

Reaching down as soon as I was done signing, I dragged them all inside. My laptop also arrived, and I set everything up. Dragging my new outfit on over new clothes, I stared at the various baseball bats I accidentally ordered.

…

Well, I guess if my original broke I always had more.

I walked to the nearest dungeon that wasn’t the goblin or now-vanished skeleton dungeon. This one was purple, and more military were guarding it.

The ones guarding the portal were to the side, talking, and luck showed its hand as I once again did something I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to.

This dungeon had people in it, though. Several medical cots and tents were set up, and shrieking, gunfire, and screaming was heard ahead.

Military might was guarding the one exit that wasn’t the portal.

Looking around, I saw obsidian tiles and walls made of obsidian brick, a glowing orange that looked like magma holding the tiles and bricks together. Looking up, I stared at the glittering rainbow assortment of crystals making up the ceiling. Like the crystals monsters dropped, these looked white with the glowing colors coming from within.

The exit the military men were guarding were giant double-doors, the same orange magma-like glow carved into magical script. Runic script?

I walked to the two guarding the doors.

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

“Hello,” I greeted, “I’m here to help. Where’s the commander and why aren’t the injured being taken care of outside?”

The men glanced over. One of them looked very relieved, his skin looking like chocolate with the orange glow, “It’s Blood. We’re saved.”

“Shut it, Logan. Blood isn’t some expert, he’s just some civilian.”

“He survived two dungeons,” Logan snapped back, “We can barely survive this one! So shut the hell up, Kyle.”

I stood there awkwardly. Would these two get scolded once their argument was uploaded to the internet?

“Attention,” I ordered. Was that the right command? Either way they looked at me and straightened, “Highest ranking military. Where?”

Logan spoke, gesturing, “Out there, fighting the ghouls.”

“Ghouls?”

“Zombies are the rotted ones, ghouls are the gray ones. Same method, aim for the head, but the ghouls need their heads completely destroyed. The officer you’re looking for is black, short hair. He’s the only one with light eyes and he’s the tallest, you’ll see him.”

I nodded once, stepping forward, “Thanks.”

The surroundings didn’t really fit the monster. The skeleton dungeon and the goblin dungeon both had themes, so why was an undead dungeon obsidian and lava?

A familiar shriek echoed out, and my casual walk turned into a sprint. Don’t tell me the deadweight was here?! Who’s idea was that?

My feet took me further in, going down hallways with lava pools along the sides of the walkways.

Before I reached anyone, what was definitely a gargoyle leaped down from the crystalline ceiling. I stared at the red-eyed gray creature.

“Don’t tell me they’re calling you a ghoul?” I complained as I ran forward.

An inhuman shriek rang out from the creature as its twisted gray features and painfully thin wings stretched out in a full-bodied snarl.

My bat smashed into its head. A deep red several shades darker than ruby or rose splattered out, the headless corpse collapsing.

“Oh,” I said at the headless gargoyle, “I can see why they aren’t calling you a gargoyle. You look like stone but you’re kind of weak. Maybe I was just too used to spiders, which are hard as hell to kill using blunt force, by the way.”

The corpse did not respond. The sound of screaming didn’t end, and I found myself sprinting over the corpse at the reminder.

I came across a rotted and twisted crystalline creature that looked like a wingless humanoid six-foot gargoyle, though their skin was closer to porcelain. My bat swung out, smacking him out of the way. I didn’t check if he was killed, though.

“Shit shit shit come on where are they?”

Turning a corner and burning my foot on the lava, I cursed at the sight.

Several soldiers were struggling under gargoyles. Lawrence was amongst them, screaming like a banshee.

The ones still on their feet were fighting the gargoyles twenty-to-one.

“CEASE FIRE!” I yelled as I sprinted forward. Despite the random order being yelled on a whim, the soldiers listened.

I tore gargoyles off of people, my bat swinging out.

Crunch. Crack! Thud.

Gray arms ending in sickening claws came around me, only to fall away as my head snapped back and my elbow slammed behind.

Turning, I kicked the gargoyle in the face.

“USE BLUNT-FORCE, GUNS WON’T DO SHIT,” I called out as I saw the men still struggling, “PUNCH THEM IF YOU HAVE TO.”

I leapt onto one gargoyle’s head, surprised when I leapt to another, both of their heads crushed beneath my feet when they landed. One’s wings flapped, but it was full of bullet-holes. I could see they were healing, though.

As I fought, I noticed different creatures appearing. Like tiny goblins, blood red creatures with pointed ears were clawing their way out of the lava, their eyes a fleshy pink. That was where the similarities ended, though, their faces pretty and their noses small. Their mouths split open sideways, though, several thorned tentacles escaping their mouths.

“Fucking imps?” I asked, giving them the name since they looked like tiny demons. Looking around, I pointed at the only person staring at me, “YOU! SHOOT THE RED IMPS COMING FROM THE LAVA!”

The man looked surprised, nodding hurriedly and lifting his rifle. The bullets tore through the imp’s heads, and they became a nonissue for me as I continued to drag gargoyles off of wounded soldiers.

The soldiers I saved got up and helped, stomping on their heads and using their guns as blunt weapons.

Lawrence sobbed, clinging to me even as I swung, not letting me pull my legs away, “Oh thank god it’s you.”

“Let go!” I insisted as I struggled, bat swinging out. Lawrence didn’t let go, his wild brown hair shoving against my legs.

I’d only killed about thirty gargoyles, and there were about thirty men, though only about five had been standing. With my estimate of twenty gargoyles per standing soldier and five per down soldier, that meant I was nowhere close to done.

“You useless fucking whore get the hell off of me!” I snapped, kicking Lawrence off of me just before he and I got overrun by gargoyles, “You’ll get us both killed! Take the wounded soldiers behind the front-line and stay there while I deal with these gargoyles!”

My bat swung out as I sprinted away from the hall I came from. We were in a large square room, lava on every side of the square except the three six-foot-wide paths leading to and from the square place.

We must be on the rightmost side of the dungeon, then, I mused.

My musing got me tackled by three different gargoyles. Before I could even struggle they were being pulled off of me.

“Oh, thanks!” I said to the men, turning to run toward a man that screamed as he was downed.

I leaped up, my foot landing on the gargoyle that had bitten into the man. It twisted to the side, but it wasn’t enough to force my foot from its head, and soon it was screaming as its face landed in lava.

Oh, oops.

Backing away, I turned. Lifting the man up, I ran him to be behind the front lines that the five standing men were keeping up rather well. Then I ran back to the square room.

Sweat poured off of me in the intense heat of the room, and I found myself tiring a lot quicker than I really wanted to.

My bat swung out amidst the dangerous creatures.

“Hey, watch it!” A man cried, ducking my swing.

“Oh, sorry!” I glanced around, realizing I was surrounded by people fighting as well as gargoyles. Swallowing, I tossed my bat and pointed at a soldier keeping the hall defended, giving him a thumbs up.

I’d just hurt people if I used it.

My metal-reinforced fist snapped into the gargoyle’s faces. Like an egg, their skulls cracked really easily. The insides were boiling, though, and I knew suddenly why the soldiers were using their guns instead of their hands.

Good thing I wore gloves.

My fist and elbows snapped out, sometimes my feet kicking out. With everyone that was down now on their feet it was a more even battle, and it only took another minute for the gunfire and the sound of breaking skulls to come to an end.

Everyone breathed heavily.

“You must be Blood,” The man that pulled the gargoyles off of me said, holding out his hand. His voice was very deep, and despite his very dark skin, his hazel eyes were a very light tan color, “Lawrence told us many stories about you.”