This was the leader, right?

“Stories about me?”

I looked at the man’s hand. I couldn’t shake it, I had steaming liquid splattered all over my hands. If I took his hand now he’d get severe burns.

“Yes. How you heroically rushed out to save a single person from an army of monsters and took out over three hundred on your own. It seems the stories were true, we would have died here without you,” The highest-ranking officer told me. It had to be him, right? He had very bright eyes and very dark skin, like the soldiers told me.

“I won’t let someone die if I can do something about it,” I agreed after a moment, shrugging as I decided to just ignore his hand, “So you’ve been fighting gargoyles and calling them ghouls?”

The man hesitated, dropping his hand, “Is that what they are? Gargoyles?”

I shrugged, “Matches their description better than ghouls. I thought you were fighting strong and fast creatures without wings, which is what a ghoul brings to mind. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Let’s get you guys back to camp. Where’s my bat?”

“Oh! Here,” A man gave it to me, “Thanks for letting me use it.”

I nodded, “Yeah, I couldn’t use it, surrounded by people as I was.”

Several men and women hobbled, and I ended up carrying a few, others joining me as we walked. Our escort was the leading officer, and the one who had everyone’s back was the one who had my bat.

“Is this everyone?” I asked after we all got to the militaristic camp.

“Yes.”

“Great. Send two people out to get blunt weapons. Tell them not to take longer than three minutes. You, you, and you,” I pointed at the man I told to shoot the imps, the man I’d lent my bat, and a beefy guy wearing gloves, “With me. I’m going to explore the dungeon, I’ll be back in about three hours. Keep the soldiers safe and get some rest,” The last sentence was aimed at the leader. After a moment he nodded, saluting.

“Yes, sir.”

I nodded, turning, “Come on, guys,” I gestured at the one that borrowed my bat, “You, do you have any bullets in your gun?”

The noirette shook his head.

“Good. Use it as a bat.”

“Is there a reason you aren’t taking any women?” A snobby and sharp voice demanded. I hesitated, tilting my head.

Spinning on my heel, I saw a woman with sharp green eyes and blond hair.

“Yes,” I said, gesturing at a blond-haired brown-eyed thin man, “That guy shot the imps,” I gestured at the beefy guy, “He’s wearing gloves,” Finally, I gestured at the black-haired man, “And he used my bat pretty good. Maybe next time if I see you or other women in combat and find myself impressed I’ll take you with.”

I spun on my heel again, shaking my head and speaking under my breath, “What the fuck’s her issue? She had a single stripe and I took people that were several ranks higher, at the very least. Did she not go through bootcamp or did she just fuck the sergeant and get away with everything?”

“Sorry, what?” The beefy guy with gloves asked, “We can’t hear you.”

“Sorry, I’ll speak louder,” I said, “Glove-guy, you’ll punch them. I’ll hit them with my bat, but if it comes to it then the black-haired guy will and I’ll also punch them. The shooter will shoot the imps and the things you guys have been calling zombies. This is worst-case scenario, though. We’re looking for the boss room, not looking to fight the magical constructs.”

They nodded, and we walked. Going left at the square room, we kept walking until we ended up at the entrance of a room full of gargoyles. Looking up, I saw they were all on pedestals, in poses.

Yeah, no, definitely gargoyles. They were even acting like stone statues!

“Ah. Let me guess, you guys went into one of these rooms and they all came to life and attacked?”

“Yes.”

This square room, same as the last, had four entrances and exits.

I thought for a long moment, then sighed, turning around, “Let’s go back. We need to see where the last path brings us.”

Sweaty and overheated, it was the same room. Shaking my head, we returned to the camp with over an hour left to the alarm I’d set.

“The monsters don’t seem too hard,” I said with a heavy sigh, “I guess we have to fight through several rooms anyway, as soon as you guys are skilled enough you should be able to fight the rooms with like three people maximum. Fighting the boss isn’t worth it since we have to fight through the rooms anyway.”

No one responded. Glancing behind me, I saw they were still following. I looked ahead pushing open the doors. They aimed their weapons before lowering them and saluting.

The leader practically jogged up to me, “What did you find?”

“Bad luck. How many of those rooms have you fought through?”

The leader hesitated, straightening, “Only one, sir.”

I shook my head, “Damn. Did the blunt weapon people return yet?”

“No. There seems to be no connection to the outside world.”

“There is,” I disagreed, “There’s a time dilation. Three minutes out there would be three hours in here, from what I know. It might be more, though. Lawrence.”

Lawrence, who was sitting down staring blankly ahead, looked up, “Yeah?”

“Do you have your phone on you? Does it still have charge?”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Kay, here,” I set the timer and tossed it, “Go outside for exactly one minute, use the timer the moment you step outside, then come back inside.”

This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Lawrence nodded, “Right, okay.”

“Do you guys have enough food?” I asked the moment Lawrence took the step outside.

“Yes, we have enough for a month,” The leader confirmed.

I hummed, nodding.

“Okay. Have you guys been collecting what the monsters drop?”

“Yes.”

“Cool. So you have healing potions and stuff?”

“Yes.”

I hesitated at the short responses. Was the leader offended I didn’t shake his hand?

“Good. In that case I’m going to check the difficulty of each room. I can’t be close by someone, and I’ll need two to three people who are good shots to shoot the easy-to-kill things. Glove-guy, you good to punch through those things’ heads? Do you need to rest and recover?”

The massive man shook his head, “I’ll be fine. I’ve punched them before. I won’t be able to fight for a day after, my gloves don’t block the heat that well.”

I nodded, “Cool!” I turned back toward the tall leader, “I’ll need one or two more to melee the gargoyles. They just have to either have gloves and be able to punch through skulls or have a gun without bullets that they don’t mind swinging around like a bat. Preferably well-rested and ready for extended combat, I’ll take you guys through each room.”

“We can’t afford the casualties that will create,” The leader refused.

I laughed, “I’ll be the first to die. Your men will be safe with me.”

The leader hesitated, “Do you only want men?”

I shook my head, “Men as in plural of man. Man used as a shortened version of human. If you have a chick with gloves or an empty gun that isn’t the blond, I’ll be happy to accept them. The blond brings too much drama.”

The leader nodded, relaxing, “Of course! I’ll get you them right away. Three guns and two front-line, right?”

“Yes. Three gunmen and two melee combatants.”

The leader hesitated, nodding again before turning.

“What do you wish for us to do?” The bat-guy and the gunman asked. I glanced behind them.

“If you want to join you’ll have to ask your leader. Otherwise do whatever.”

They immediately nodded, jogging off. The gunman settled down, relaxing against the wall. A person came from a tent and spoke quietly to him, but the gunman waved them off and shook his head.

The person from the tent walked around, speaking to everyone. Eventually they walked up.

“Hello,” She said, her eyes and hair dark and her voice stoic and soft as she looked between me and the pugilist, “Any injuries?”

I shook my head, and the glove-guy shrugged.

“Nah, not here. I’ll have burns when I get back.”

The woman turned to me, “How long will that take?”

I thought about it, “It takes a long time just to walk to the places, but I think combat will be short, so maybe four hours? Five?”

The woman nodded, “I will have cots prepared, then. How many?”

“There’s gonna be…” I did the math. Me, the pugilist, two more melee, three guns, “Six. I don’t think three will be injured at all, though.”

The woman nodded again, “I will have six cots prepared, then.”

Turning, she walked off stoically. I stared at her for a long time, gesturing.

“That is what a soldier should be like,” I said under my breath, “Not that blond chick. Stoic, unyielding, sticking to her job and nothing more. What a soldier. 11/10. Only Vincent could do better. Maybe I’m biased, though, I found it very impressive that he helped me fight the goblins. Yeah, I really like Vincent. He isn’t here, though, so he must have gone home. Like I told him to. A good idea. What was Lawrence even doing here?”

Soon enough, there were seven people in front of me. The leader, the blond, and five people I saw milling about when the others had been fighting.

Nice.

I could tell which were the shooters and which weren’t based on where they held the guns, and I nodded.

“Cool. You three will be on imp and porcelain-zombie duty. Don’t waste bullets. You two will be with me in swinging metal around, make sure to keep your distance so we don’t end up hitting each other. Pugilist, you’ll be punching things. If it grows too much, you can use my bat, my gloves are metal-reinforced so I won’t feel it as bad.”

The pugilist hesitated, the beefy man shifting, “Can I just use that from the start, then? These are fabric, and if I do I won’t have to wait a day to continue.”

I nodded, “Of course. Let’s go. Thanks, dude.”

“What about me?” The blond asked.

“If you try coming near me I’m throwing you into lava,” I said flatly, “You’re a drama queen who drags attention to things that don’t matter. The world is in danger, all of humanity is being threatened, and you try making my decisions sexist? Fuck off. Go outside and don’t come back.”

The blond looked surprised, her eyebrows raising and her eyes blinking back tears.

“I don’t have time for Karens or SJW’s when I’m trying to clear this dungeon and keep everyone safe. Come on, guys, let’s go.”

We walked to the doors silently, the leader both comforting and scolding the woman in an “I told you so” way as we walked.

“Was that really necessary?” A woman with light brown hair and dark brown eyes asked, her voice as plain as her appearance.

“I am hot as hell and not that happy that I have to fight through a maze-like dungeon with fucking trapped rooms that we have to get through. I also don’t like people who randomly bring up bullshit in an attempt to start shit.” I groused.

“Oh. What did she do?” Another guy asked.

“I was just bringing some people with me to help scout the dungeon and she asked if I had something against women. I was going scouting and I chose people I was familiar with, what the hell was she even trying to say? No, fuck that. People who try bringing drama into places there shouldn’t be any are just dumb.”

The woman harrumphed, “Yeah, sounds like her. Her name’s Angel Jones, everyone just calls her Jones, though. She’s no angel. Her father is a commanding officer so everyone has to treat her real nice.”

I scoffed at the information.

Silence filled the halls. Sometimes a porcelain-zombie appeared, but they were shot down.

“Are the gargoyles only in the rooms?”

“Yes,” The pugilist replied, “They only started moving when we walked in. We had to run and barricaded the entrance, there were thousands.”

I hummed, looking at the ceiling. It was pretty, and all of the zombies came from it, “I didn’t see how far up the alcoves in the walls went. Do you think every room has thousands?”

“Yes.”

A gunshot echoed out, and I jumped. Glancing to my side, I saw an imp a few inches away.

“Ah, fuck. Good aim.”

“Pay attention, please,” The woman that spoke of Jones said.

“Sorry, sorry.”

Silence reigned afterward. Eventually, we reached the left room. Going to the very edge of the room, I looked up.

“One, two, three…” I counted all the way down, “Fifty levels with nine gargoyles per level. That’s…”

Fifty… nine… five… four-fifty?

“Not a thousand,” I finally decided on. Someone scoffed, but when I glanced back, they all looked innocent.

“Cool, one of the shooters, turn toward the hallway. Make sure nothing sneaks up on the other two. One of you look at the three hallways around us and the last should be focused on the lava pools and imps. Preferably the best shot. Oh! Here,” I gave my bat to the ex-pugilist glove-guy, “We’ll only aim for gargoyles, so if there’s nothing coming from the hallways the one doing that should aim for the zombies. You think you’re capable?”

“I’m the best shot,” The woman said.

“Okay, you’ll be facing the room. Worst shot of you will be facing away from everyone.”

“That’ll be me,” A thin man with glasses said, his brown hair messy and his pale skin stark against his overgrown beard.

“Cool, last shooter, you think you’ll be able to watch the halls and also check for zombies?”

“If he can’t I can,” The woman said.

“Great! You all stay here, don’t go into the room unless you need to get a better shot. We’ll go in. Yell if you need help. Melee, y’all ready?”

Everyone glanced at each other then at me, nodding.

“Ready,” The giant of a man holding my diminutive baseball bat agreed.

“Great! Then let’s go.”

Turning, I walked into the room.