To continue…there are times when just the first step is so paralyzing I can not move. What ifs fill my mind and none of them have satisfactory conclusions. It is all going to rubbish, I am sure, so why start at all? The most daunting thing I face creatively is the blank page, the empty screen, the unformed clay. These represent the place to fail, a place to succeed, or the place of nothing. Failure is always a possibility. I have poems, novel beginnings and more art pieces than I want to count, that disappointed me or left me feeling hopeless about my own talent and my own worth. Why? My value is not determined by what I make, or by what I make creating. It is so easy to get lost in a world that doesn’t value my personal vision, or capabilities. Comparisons are poison. Being angry because I’m unlucky doesn’t help, but it is there, and it is very real for anyone who creates. Timing, how timing is drilled into us and how important it is. I spent so much time trying to conjure a place and a time for me to be discovered. In the long run, what I discovered was myself. What I began to create was a space where my creativity could breathe and grow. I took myself out of that cage that is the death trap of creativity. I stopped caring about what others did, or achieved or arrived at. Those who have luck and timing seem to think everyone will arrive too if they just work hard enough and long enough. Sometimes they are right, and sometimes all they are is lucky. For me continuing to face the page, the screen, the lump of clay brings me challenges, discoveries and the opportunity to be who I am created to be. So, I continue, because it is worth it to me.

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