A year ago

yesterday

you were coming to

change my life

on your white horse

only you didn't show

lame excuse

yellow lack of courage.

Still I tried to get you

on that damned horse

but it kept turning

into an ass

and so did you

until finally you slipped

my grasp

and set me free.

Thanks for nothing.

It was the best gift

you could have given me.

*

Sometimes the best gift someone can give us is to walk away. It always hurts. What we want and what we need can be very different. Being a romantic I really did try to create knights in shining armor out of those who were not anything of the sort. Looking back I realize that my expectations got in the way more than a few times. It is much easier to expect another to be our hero than to own our own dreams. If only that person had been my knight, perhaps I needed to be my own knight, or maybe I never needed a knight in the first place. What is a knight anyway?

knight

/nīt/

noun

1.

(in the Middle Ages) a man who served his sovereign or lord as a mounted soldier in armor.

That description is pretty basic, but as I read it I realized that I have wanted to be someone’s sovereign. I have wanted someone to obey and fulfill my commands. I have wanted a soldier to protect me and ride into battle for me, when in reality, fighting my own battles is necessary for my growth and for my well being. It is important to ask for help when I need it, but it is also important that I don’t expect another to be at the ready to do for me what I need to do for myself.

I ask myself, did I really want a mounted soldier in armor? Insisting someone wear armor and be on a horse at the mercy of my whims is cruel. Plus, its hard to hug someone in armor, its also dangerous to try to hug them on a horse. So, I can finally admit my expectations were not fair, and perhaps I wanted more than the other person wanted to give or was even able to give.

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