Today I felt like I was not connecting. There was an odd sense of peace though, because at least I was seeking a better route. At the moment it feels like only a miracle can change this situation. Something must happen —if it doesn’t then it either isn’t time or it isn’t meant to be. I really don’t want to cling to the result I want or beg for it. I just want to trust that I can continue to follow path…that hurts so much. I don’t have the energy right now to conjure futures but at the same time I don’t want to release hope. I think there is a place inside of me where despaired and acceptance exist. Both can be long and painful. Some days I do feel despair, but it’s not where I want to live. I want to accept what comes next and meet it with all the love and courage I have.

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