Pras still felt the heaviness in his brain when he logged out. To be fair, it was a rather acceptable condition considering he spammed the usage of [Primal Unleash] tonight. He then mindlessly went downstairs to get water to drink and play with the three pets at the small backyard before going back to his room to sleep. The action had caused some questioning glances from his family.
Pras had woken up again past midnight since his head now feels very light. He checked his phone and saw a message from Mana that was asking if he was awake. Although the message was a few hours ago, Pras still gave a short reply that he was asleep and he’s now suddenly awake.
As he went downstairs, Pras wondered if her briefing and the battle last night went well. He also entertained the idea that if he could work under Pitoy’s group it would be a nice experience. At least being with someone he knows would make the Clashing Realms more fun. But before that, he needs to rack up some points or catch the attention of an officer.
“Come, Pras, we are winning,” his father greeted him cheerfully as Pras reached the living room. Apparently Barcelona was having a match and currently leading by two goals.
Pras had nothing else to do, thus he joined his father and brother to watch the rest of the match. Though he’s never really interested in Barcelona, he could at least enjoy the match itself.
He went back to his room to sleep after the match was over. He randomly checked his phone beforehand. To both his surprise and dismay, he saw that Mana had replied promptly to him.
Pras could only sigh for his foolishness and for his concern for her still being awake at such time. He pondered on the thought that he might be a jerk for both accidentally and purposely avoiding a chat with Mana due to his own fear of taking advantage of the situation. The girl was telling him that she’s up for a small talk if he feels like it in order to calm him down.
And Pras was an hour late on his reply, apologising that he was watching football earlier and didn’t check his phone.
“It's okay, you know, I can sleep,” Pras mumbled as he typed the exact reply to Mana.
That morning, Pras woke up a bit late. And a bit late in his family meant half to seven. More than that, then he risked getting forcefully woken up with a cold wet blanket to the face.
Pras didn’t check his phone and hastily accompanied Kristya to take Danzo and Bozter for a walk before taking a shower and having his breakfast. Only after that he realised that Mana had actually replied again last night. He promptly responded with yet another apology.
Pras felt more guilty now. Though Mana said something about assuring that Pras was fine, he suspected that it was Mana herself that was having problems sleeping.
It would be consistent with how in the past one and half years he often saw Mana being overly pale or sleepy in school.
While taking his time to just laze around on the terrace of the backyard, Pras pondered if Mana was still easily haunted by her parents’ accident. He also pondered on his mixed feelings about everything that happened yesterday.
Everything felt like a nightmare that ended well. The despair and anger he felt for the last couple of weeks and even years had just evaporated, leaving an empty shell in his heart. Was this what it meant to be relieved? To be at peace with himself?
“Definitely thinking about Mana,” his mother commented as she walked past Pras and put some dried flowers over the big pot of frangipani flower tree.
“Pras is just wondering, mom, how could mom break the curse and make that plant grow normally?” Pras snickered as he gazed up to the sky.
Instead of going defensive, his mother laughed, “It’s been a while since Pras has been that cheeky.”
“Since that time, is it?” Pras asked nonchalantly. “Pras often still feel guilty about it.”
“The past is the past, Pras,” his mother said as she sat down and called Bozter. She continued, “Mom understood that Pras was being drawn by emotions and hope. At least that was an important lesson, wasn't it?”
“Yes,” Pras nodded. “It feels like Pras can move forward now, though only a little.”
“One step at a time,” his mother confirmed, “Remember that we’re all always here for whenever Pras might stumble. As well as Pras’ friends it seems.”
The final words had reminded Pras of how fierce his friend fought last night to help him. Even those who are not his real life friends had put everything they got on the line.
“Thank you, mom,” Pras said as he stood up.
“Well, then, young man,” him mom snickered as she started to comb Bozter’s fur, “If you are feeling grateful, how about doing some errands for your mother? For example, buying a green grass jelly drink.”
“Ugh, fine.”
Pras could only sigh and accept the errand. He changed his clothes then walked towards the oval park near the residential area. The place where Mana almost kissed him yesterday. The slight reminder of the event had made his face hot and red.
He saw a small crowd of people just went out of the nearby church as he walked towards the shop that sold traditional beverages. That moment, Pras had weirdly wondered if Mana went to that particular church. Though, he didn’t entertain the thought too much and sped up.
The shop that he visited had its interior painted light blue. It was not big, but at least it could hold eight tables with four chairs on each of them. As far as Pras knew, the shop was never truly empty, yet rarely overcrowded. Today was no different in that sense, yet very different in a very surprising aspect.
“Good morning, d-dear deskmate,” Mana greeted him with her usual bored tone, with a bit of stutter.
Destiny must be having its fun in messing around with Pras in the past two months while the angel of love might have replaced his love-love anti armour sniper rifle into a freaking railgun.
Pras just thought about Mana and here the girl was casually standing before him.
Again, another side of Mana was presented before him. The girl that just finished ordering her drink from the cashier - at the right side of the shop building - was wearing a tight pale purple shirt and black skirt that extended around 15cm below her knee. Her shirt’s uppermost button was unbuttoned, showing the crystal flower pendant of her necklace. And of course, as a finale, Mana was tying her hair in a ponytail.
Each and every side of Mana that he just discovered in the past two months were hitting him hard, akin to the continuous punch of an overly manly stand of an overly manly man which is a overly manly shonen anime main character.
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“W-why are you here?” Pras blurted out a response.
“Oh my, of course buying es teler.”
“I-I mean this area. So you actually know this area?”
“Of course, the church that I regularly visit is just next door,” she said calmly as she sat on a chair located at the leftmost table. For a moment she stared outside blankly, but Pras could have sworn that she was glancing at him a bit.
The cashier already asked Pras for his order while he was still stunned. He glanced at the ever gorgeous Mana once more and sighed. He still felt uneasy about her and his mistakes. Not to mention how he kind of avoided her the whole night. Direct discussion and interaction might not be the best option here and he knew that. The decision was clear.
“May I sit here?” Pras asked after he had told his order to the cashier.
“I would not reject, deskmate,” Mana answered, “I thought you were ordering for a take away?”
“W-well,” Pras scratched his cheek softly, “I don’t feel right in leaving you alone, where’s Dia-nee?”
“Gossiping with the moms from the church,” Mana shrugged, complete with her ever knowing head shake. “Ironic, they just came out from Sunday's sermon.”
Then, there was silence between them until each of their drinks were served.
“H-hey, If I may,” Pras finally said, “I’m sorry for acting like this.”
Mana nodded. She sighed, “It was my fault. My aggression was unwarranted. It was really a spur of the moment thing, I really did not know what had really given me the push.”
After sipping on his drink, Pras asked, “Uh… so you thought I was him?”
Mana sighed again. She explained, “I kept wondering about it since the time you recklessly sacrificed yourself, somehow it reminded me of him when he saved that cat and almost got hit by a truck. Then I saw your cat and somehow felt it was the exact same kitten that person saved years ago. Then the words you said were akin to what I told him.”
“O-oh,” Pras nodded while trying to put on his best surprised face. Whatever Mana had suspected of him was the truth and it left a bittersweet feeling in his heart. “I guess that was just a coincidence, I mean… I jumped in because I think it was the better choice and also orange cats around these areas often have the same look, right?”
There was a clear disappointment on Mana’s face when she confirmed, “Yes, I was just deluded.”
Pras stretched his head, he asked, “If I may ask, did you love him that much? I mean, why? Doesn't the other way around make more sense?”
There was a soft smile on Mana’s lip when she answered, “I do not know, dear deskmate. But at that time, my parents' accidents had left me in despair. Seeing that person jumping to save a kitten recklessly and seeing how his eyes sparked with spirit when I saved him had triggered something. After all that regret and void, for once I felt like I meant something to the world.”
“So, that kiss was for him, right?”
Mana shook her head. “That one, I am not sure. I am not even sure if I loved him or if it was just my illusion. He was the trigger to that feeling of being alive and having meant something. I am sorry for making it difficult for you.”
“It’s okay, deskmate,” Pras forced a grin, “I’m also sorry for acting distant, I was worried that I somehow accidentally took advantage of your confusion. I mean, I used to have mixed feelings and jumped into action without thinking much and it brought me problems. I just don’t want to cause you a similar problem.”
Mana let out a soft giggle, yet her eyes were sullen. “You are much wiser than you give yourself credit for.”
Pras blushed. He directed his gaze away to hide it. He told Mana, “Hey, I am not wise. Part of me wondered what would happen if I just leaned forward and accepted it.”
“Well,” Mana chuckled, “We both would have been smacked by a futsal ball and had a very unpleasant first kiss experience.”
The two teenagers laughed. It was true. Pras never had considered how his awareness and hesitation that time had actually saved them both from an awkward situation that would scar them for life.
“Yet, to put it seriously,” Mana said again after she managed to stop her sweet laughter, there was a spark of mischief in her eyes, “Who knows? Maybe it would push me to further fall in love with you.”
Pras chuckled, for once a little bit of his feelings for Mana was allowed to be expressed. “Well, you are a very attractive girl; smart, cheeky, and kind. Anyone would be lucky to have your attention.”
The answer caused a bit of disappointment in Mana’s eyes. She then asked, “Is this where you add a ‘however’?”
Pras nodded. “Just that I often think it would be unfair to cause you to fall for me due to the confusion and situation. I also feel that if someone happens to fall for me, I don’t want to go into a relationship unless I also happen to love that person. Otherwise, it would also feel unfair.”
“Such justice, you should be a paladin.”
“Beats me.”
As she smiled sullenly, Mana expressed, “The way you said it makes me jealous of anyone you would fall for. You sounded like you would be so head over heels for her.”
“Ugh, you don’t need to.”
“Why?”
Pras stunned. He just realised he almost admitted his feelings to Mana. Luckily his brain was quick enough to act. He abruptly covered his guise, “Well, I’m not really a dependable person. Also my clinginess would irk the person I like.”
Mana suddenly sulked, she put her gaze away. “Tch, I would love to pamper my special someone, though.”
“You’ll find him someday, I believe.” Pras forced a smile. He was stung deeply due to his words and actions, but he believed he had made the right choice.
Mana glanced at Pras, she just nodded. “Perhaps.”
Pras laughed softly. For once he was relieved at how he could very casually talk with Mana. It was like a dream come true. Also, he still couldn’t forget the experience he had the last few weeks with her and everyone else. And he had finally stepped towards changing himself.
Therefore, he finally let out the purest form of his feelings to her.
“Thank you,” Pras said.
“Eh? For?”
For saving me, for being present in my life even though I may not be worthy to have you at my side. For being such a bright light on my darkest days.
“For everything,” Pras said ambiguously, yet again hiding the true reasons that just passed in his mind. “I mean, you led us until we were ready for Clashing Realms. Without you, it might have been harder and some of us might have failed. You are instrumental in making the others make it there. And thanks for the last minute save when I was being reckless again. Also, it was really fun to play with you.”
“My, my,” Mana shook her hand in a soft dismissive gesture but in a kind tone. “Do not think much of it, I was also very lucky to finally have someone to play games with. It was fun and not lonely anymore. Also, the progress you guys made, it was all from everyone’s efforts.”
“I-I mean.” Pras turned his head away, he tried to tell her a bit of his true reasons. “This might sound weird. But for me, it really meant a lot. I am grateful to be able to know much more about you, even with all the misunderstandings. Also, you and the others had helped me to break away from my chains… from Taz-D.”
He then looked at Mana and said earnestly, “Therefore, thank you. For everything. It meant a lot to me.”
It meant the world for such a shadow like myself that can only dream of getting such warmth from a bright star like you.
Those words were arranged in Pras’s mind. Yet, he will never have the courage to ever express it. At least not for now. Perhaps not forever.
“My, I am also thankful for you, therefore….”
Manna laid her chin and right cheeks on her hand that was resting on the table. Accompanied by the most beautiful smile that will always be vivid in Pras’ memories, the girl said, “My pleasure, my dear deskmate.”
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