There was silence between Pras and Mana for quite an extended time. Not a single word was spoken even though they were facing each other while sitting on the sofa in the living room.
Pras was a bit on guard as Mana tied her hair in ponytail fashion, his biggest weakness. He didn’t know if she was doing it on purpose, due to knowing how much it affected Pras, or simply because she just finished her badminton practice.
The girl rose up her head once in a while to look at Pras, she opened her mouth hesitantly only to not speak a word. Then, she looked down on Galung - who was sleeping on her lap - with a sad smile and gave it a soft pat. Regarding the latter part, Pras could faintly hear whimpering and jealous barking from upstairs, probably the two hounds were aware that Galung is out here with Mana while they are locked in Pras’ parent’s room with his mother.
All those things aside, Pras himself was clueless of what to do. This is the first time his love interest and someone he had quarrelled with came to his house. His talk with Diana kept disturbing his mind as he could clearly see the flower crystal necklace worn by Mana.
The two pieces of evidence were strong enough to point out the truth about her, yet most of his thoughts resisted it. Assuring himself that everything was just coincidence.
Finally, it was Mana who broke the silence between them. Bashfully, she said, “I-I deeply apologise for my recent acts, it was… outrageous.”
Pras was stunned. The first thought that came to his mind was the realisation that he never expected or asked Mana to apologise to him. All this time, his only option would be to just discard whatever was left of their relationship instead of thinking it could be reconciled. It was this assumption that made him dumbfounded.
Then his mind quickly tried to find the cause of Mana’s action. He wondered if he did, in any means, gaslight Mana to apologise. Perhaps other people forced her to do it because of his actions? If so, he felt that this apology was not something genuine, but forced.
It was no secret that his rage was clearly shown to everyone. Something that he couldn’t exactly control. And he thought that would mean the apology was directly or indirectly forced on her. That’s what it was supposed to be, wasn’t it? Shouldn’t someone’s desire for an apology come from their own volition?
“It is too late, is it not?” Mana smiled sadly.
It was then that Pras realised he was so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn’t even thought of how to respond to her. It was chaotic. It was not like this before with his old teammates. How was he supposed to react?
Mana took a deep breath and tried to look at Pras’ eyes, yet she couldn’t hold it for long. She continued, “You do not need to forgive me nor believe my words. But, I really enjoyed the time we spent these last few weeks. It was fun and not lonely anymore. It was not an apology that I should have said.”
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She straightened up and looked at Pras, teary eyed. “Thank you, I was supposed to tell you how thankful I am for your company.” She shook her head and looked away shyly. “I knew this would be weird to be mentioned by someone who only just really knew you for a month. But it all felt longer because of Zurefgar and… feels genuine.”
Mana put Galung softly on the sofa. She bowed and concluded her words with her voice suppressed, seemingly in an attempt to hold back her pent up feelings, “I lo… You are a dear person to me, thank you.”
The girl took a deep breath, then promptly before she left, she whispered, “E-excuse me. I am truly sorry.”
Pras' whole view of the world was shattered at that moment. It was not the matter of how to respond to Mana or whether he was supposed to accept her apology and just go their own merry ways. Those were deemed unimportant by his crushing yet still raging heart.
Mana’s affirmation that she genuinely enjoyed his company made Pras felt like a total fool. He had viewed the world and people through far more jaded glasses than he was supposed to. Did he actually see the world or did he actually just assume his own reflections and shadows as the world? If it was so, then who was he actually angry with?
The mirror he thought as the jaded window to the world had shattered. Though it cracked slowly over the past few weeks, it was Mana’s words that finally shattered it. The deepest part of his heart knew that her words were sincere and pure. It was not pushed by anyone but her own volition.
It was as genuine as her smile, laughter, antiques, and weirdly formal yet roundabout way of talking to Pras in the past few weeks. Pras had forgotten that those dream-like memories were what he had been wanting for years. To be someone who was significant to her, to see her smiling and laughing, close enough to be part of it. Why would he deny all of it?
Why would he even deny his pure enjoyment playing and theorycrafting with his closest friends? All this time he pushed the idea that he was there to help them, not that he was there because he wanted to be with them. And the latter felt even more true the more he tried to disconnect himself with the notion. Now, more than ever, he feels like he can’t go where they are. And there was no one else to blame.
“I’m the one who is supposed to thank you all, I’m the one who needs to apologise,” he finally said right when Mana almost reached the door.
Pras leaned on the sofa, he stared at the ceilings. Closing his eyes, the memories of the past 1 month had been flooding to his mind. Both the sweet and bitter.
“It was all my actions… my presumptions. You never once asked for me to follow you nor your idea. You never demand for protection to safeguard your position in Clashing Realms.”
Pras sighed, letting out the heavy pressure in his lungs and heart. He whimpered, “It was my choice. For whatever reason. It was me who followed you. And it was my determination to keep your position safe despite you saying you didn’t care. I was the one who decided that your position there was more worth than my shot at Clashing Realms.”
Opening his eyes, he slouched his back, his eyes stared at his own hands. “Just like back then, then why am I so angry? Who is this rage aimed at?”
“Pras,” Mana called softly, “I cannot say exactly how delighted I am to finally hear your thoughts. And I would love to hear more.”
Pras turned at her and quickly got entrapped by her sweet and sorrowful smile. She said, “Dia-nee often told me that a small walk and talk could help ease our heart’s burden. So…”
Mana slipped her right side hair to behind her ear, shyly she asked, “... would you care for a walk, my decent deskmate?”