“How’re classes so far?” Marco asked Dipper–the two of them standing in line for lunch in Echo Creek Academy’s cafeteria, the former just ahead of the latter in the creeping queue.

The circular building, separate from the school itself and ringed with glass doors and picture windows for two-thirds of the building, was a hive of activity as students from several different classes gathered to eat.

Dipper let his gaze wander around the room as he rubbed the back of his neck. “So far, so good, I’ve already been excused from history class. Next up I’m going to see if I can fill that grade hole with more advanced science.”

Marco let out a small laugh. “Underneath all that responsibility you keep taking, you’re kind of a rebel, huh?”

Dipper’s gaze fell back on Marco. “I guess so.”

Marco tucked his hands in his hoodie, putting on a humble façade. “I’m a bit of a misunderstood bad boy, myself. I love a little danger in my life–like being out there fighting monsters with Star.”

“Yeah, you really got into it. You hit way harder than you look like you would too. How’d you get so strong?”

“Oh, that…?” Marco snapped into a fighting stance for emphasis. “I’ve just been practicing karate since I was seven.”

He burst into a flurry of movement, throwing a trio of jabs fast like lightning before spinning in place and kicking high–his foot stopping just to the right of Dipper’s head but strong enough to disturb his messy hair with the displaced air.

He stayed there like a statue for far longer than necessary, to show off his muscle control. “See?”

“Y-yeah…” Dipper let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as Marco lowered his foot.

Okay, wow, when did it get so warm in here? He thought

Near the center of the cafeteria, Mabel watched Dipper and Marco out the corner of her eye as she sat with Star, Jo, Roland and Misao. They had already been served their lunches.

He doesn’t even know what to do with himself. She thought while she repressed the urge to giggle like a loon. She turned her full attention to her new friends: Roland was on his phone, texting, while Star was listening to Misao’s account of their classes between the start of school and now.

Star’s mouth fell open. “He got to leave History class?!”

Misao nodded. “Ja, after five minutes of arguing with him about the eighth president, he let him go to the library.”

Jo was detached from the conversation, watching Dipper and Marco talk. “Mr. Cuthbert said he wasn’t ‘paid enough to teach kids like him.’”

Star, baffled, gestured to herself. “What about kids like me? I turned Miss Skullnick into a troll and nearly got the class killed on a field trip, but I never get excused!”

Mabel laughed. “Dipper’s good at getting under teachers’ skin. He does the same thing back home. If he didn’t have super high marks everywhere else, our parents would be worried.”

Jo spared ogling Dipper a moment to look at Mabel. “Your parents are okay with that?”

“Well yeah, they want us to think for ourselves, no matter where that might take us.”

“Some parents,” Jo muttered.

“It’s worked out pretty great! I mean, look at me–I’m awesome!”

Misao giggled. “… Well, you’re certainly awe-inspiring.”

Mabel laughed and caught Misao in a hug. “Aw!”

Jo rolled her eyes and looked away from the two girls. Awesome is a good word, also vapid.

“What even are presidents, and why are they important?” Star asked, as Misao snuggled back against Mabel.

Speaking of vapid. Jo turned her simmering ire at Star. “They lead the country.”

“Do they? I mean, I don’t see them doing any leading when they’re on the TV. They’re not issuing decrees, declaring war, or having their enemies thrown into the dungeon. I mean, if the President came here to school and told you to clean his shoes, would you do it?”

Jo shook her head. “… Uh, no? I wouldn’t do that if my own father told me to.”

Star gestured with her wand to Jo. “Then he’s not exactly the ruler of the country, now is he?”

“That’s not how being president works.”

“Does it, Jo? The president rules the country, you’re part of the country so he rules over you too, but you don’t have to do what he says? If he doesn’t, then who does he rule? That’s not a ruler at all. Check, set, Battleship sunk.”

Jo scowled at Star. “Ugh, do you even pay attention in history class?”

Star tossed her wand to herself. “Nope!”

Her scowl turned into a glare. “How are you supposed to be the future ruler of your country?”

“Duh, I’m a Princess? I was literally born ready.”

Jo opened her mouth but stopped and looked away from her with a frustrated sigh. “Whatever.”

God, why are these girls so obnoxious? Her thoughts rumbled.

As Jo huffed, Mabel looked away from her second favorite cuddle buddy, after Waddles, to Roland. “Talking to Drew?”

He tapped on his phone’s screen. “I’m trying, but he’s leaving me on read.”

Jo let out an inaudible sigh once more looked towards the only thing that wasn’t annoying her at the moment–Dipper and Marco moving through the lunch queue.

Mabel gasped. “That reminds me!” She produced a magenta card, with a beautifully drawn but sad blonde Maine Coon kitten on the front and the words “I hear that you’re having a meow-serable time.”

She beamed brightly. “I finished the card!”

Misao leaned in and gasped in awe of its cuteness. “Oh my goodness, it’s… it’s…”

Mabel nodded. “Uh-huh, say it, girl~!”

Misao practically jumped from her seat. “It’s a CAT-ICATURE~!”

Jo’s attention could not help but be drawn back to the two bubbly girls. “A what?”

“Mabel draws people, but as cats! They are very cute!” Misao explained as Mabel opened the card, revealing the cat lying on its back in a patch of grass surrounded by flowers and butterflies, its fluffy belly offered for pets, and wearing cool blue sunglasses. Above the cat it read “So let’s get together to have a purr-fect day!”

Misao squealed. “Oh my goodness! The fur is like his hair! And you gave him cute sunglasses! Ahhh! It’s adorable!”

Jo stared at the picture, incredulous at its quality. “You drew all of that today?”

“She started right at the start of math class,” Roland explained. “Miss Skullnick yelled at her, but then she drew her a cat and she liked it so much that she let her do her thing for the whole period.”

Star held up a drawing of her cat–an orange cat with a crescent moon on its forehead, sitting pretty under a burning rainbow. “She made cat-icatures for everyone! Look at mine.”

“Mine’s not bad, either.” Roland held up his own cat drawing–a brown-striped kitten wearing a red scarf.

Jo gawked at the art, then looked at Mabel, then at Star, then at Misao. Oh. My God.

Mabel placed a hand on her chest and thrust it out with pride. “I am a super amazing artist thanks to many years of practice, and you too can learn if you follow my step-by-step guides on art and painting.”

Stolen story; please report.

Misao nodded quickly. “Ja, I have but… why do you make your hair into a big and poofy afro for it?”

Mabel turned her palms upward and slowly gestured out with them as she closed her eyes. “Because to grasp the joy of painting, you must find the happy little tree in your heart.”

Dipper and Marco joined the table, the former noticing the pictures. “Getting started with cat-icatures, huh?”

Beaming, Mabel held up her card for him to see. “What can I say? They’re a hit.”

Marco reached into the pocket of his hoodie and pulled out a drawing Mabel made for him–a calico kitten doing a kickflip on a skateboard with a star sticker on its underside. “Seriously, your sister draws some cool cats, man.”

“I know.” Dipper sat down next to Mabel, and Marco next to Star. “She’s made like a million cat-icatures of me as practice. There’s a dozen in our room back home that I like the most.”

Mabel pulled out her math notebook, and a pencil. “What’s one more, bro-bro?”

Misao clapped her hands together and leaned close to Mabel, her gray eyes filled with stars. “Mabel, could you draw a cat-icature for me too? A fluffy one?”

“Of course! I can get started on yours right now.” She called Jo. “Do you want a-”

“I don’t,” Jo snapped at her, and the atmosphere shifted. Everyone at the table looked at her.

Roland noticed the edge of her voice. “Man, here we go…”

Star tilted her head, much like a dog hearing a strange sound. “Huh? What’s the dealio?”

Jo snorted and decided to just let the tension off her chest. “My dealio? Between the teen girl squad–” She gestured to Mabel, Star, and Misao. “–And my brother? I don’t know what’s annoying me more.”

Mabel blinked, as though the confusion was in her eyes. “Whaaaa…?”

Star was lost. “Huh?”

Misao’s eyes narrowed. “Hm?”

Roland frowned. “Jo…”

She raised her left hand, palm upturned. “On one end of the spectrum of things that tick me off, is Princess Airhead, The Tourist, and The Free Spirit here actively being the most annoying people to walk the Earth.”

She rolled her eyes to look at her right hand, which she also raised. “And on the other end of it, there’s Drew acting like we all have to be as miserable as he is, because he screwed up and got us all into this mess in the first place.”

That ticked Roland something fierce. “Do not go putting this all on him; we all agreed to it!”

“Yeah, we did. That doesn’t mean I want or have to curl up under my blankets and cry about it.” She palmed the table and lowered her voice. “I want to be a Beetleborg, I want to fix this mess that we made, so why do I have to act like a fucking martyr. So, for at least my peace of mind, how about we work towards not acting like clueless idiots or miserable idiots?”

“Can we calm down for a second?” Marco asked.

Star spoke up. “Yeah, I am not annoying!”

Jo pointed at Star, while snapping at Marco. “She’s nearly messed up this school as much as any monster before!” She dropped back on her seat.

“Blöde schlampe!” Misao snarled at Jo. “Du hast aber nerven, so mit mir zu reden!”

“Whatever she said!” Star yelled, before looking at Misao. “What were those weird mouth sounds?”

Mabel shook her head. “Wow, that… wow.”

Dipper turned to Jo. “Things don’t work like that, Jo.”

“Thank you!” Roland said with an emphatic wave to Dipper.

Jo rolled her eyes, more at Roland than Dipper. She didn’t want to be mad at him, but she needed to hear this. “Okay then, how does it work? And please, don’t skimp on the details.”

Before Dipper could explain, a voice called from behind him.

“Hey, are you Dipper Pines?”

Dipper turned to face the person accosting him and was surprised as he looked up. Standing a few inches taller than his own already esteemed height was a young man who could be charitably described as the unintended consequence of an illicit encounter between a brick house and a diesel locomotive.

Okay, how many years did this guy get held back? Dipper thought.

The large student smiled. “Can I talk to ya for a sec?”

Marco raised an eyebrow as Star looked over at him. “Hey, it’s that guy.”

“Who is he?” Misao asked.

“Lars Vanderdud, he’s in a grade below us.” Roland explained.

“And he’s a jerk,” Marco added ready to move if he did something.

Jo swung one leg over the bench seat, watching Lars with narrowing eyes.

“Can I help you?” Dipper asked Lars as he stood up.

“You sure can,” Lars said with a big, toothy sneer. “I’m running behind!”

For a man as big as he was, Lars was quick on the draw, quicker than Dipper or anyone could react, plowing his massive fist into his stomach before he could jump back or raise his arms to block.

His strength lived up to what he was advertising, though. Lars hit hard, the blow enough to lift Dipper off his feet, shove all the wind out of his lungs, and knock his Lumberjack hat off his head. As he crumpled like a crushed can, gasping, Lars caught the falling hat and slammed it down onto his shaved short head.

“‘Cuz I’m a lumberjack! Get it?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Mabel shot to her feet as Misao recoiled with her hands over her mouth. “Dipper!”

Roland got up next. “What is wrong with you?!”

Lars ignored him, laughing at his joke like it was the funniest thing he’d ever thought of. Around the cafeteria, other students watched the scene with mixed emotions ranging from surprise, confusion, or disgust.

At her table in particular, Brittney Wong scowled at the scene like she did everything and everyone.

Marco joined Mabel at Dipper’s side. “Hey, you all right?”

Dipper coughed and tried to get up. “I think I’m gonna hurl…!”

Lars laughed even harder. “Hey, don’t lose your lunch, kid! Oh wait, you haven’t even had it! HAHAHAHAH!”

Star jumped onto the table and aimed her wand at him. “How about eating a Narwhal for yours?!”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA-!” Lars’ laughter came to an abrupt halt. Star’s threat didn’t land–it was Jo grabbing him by the collar of his gray t-shirt and yanking him down to her level that took him completely by surprise. “Huh?!”

“Hey smooth-brain,” she snarled, her eyes filled with hate as she wound up, her free hand–balled tightly into a fist.

“You done goofed.”

Her haymaker echoed across the cafeteria like a thunderclap and flung Lars’ so hard that the front of his t-shirt was ripped away in Jo’s hand. He crashed into another table, bounced off it, and tumbled across the floor to hit the cafeteria window with enough force to spread a web of cracks across it from floor to ceiling.

It got quiet after that; the stillness broken a painfully long moment later by Lars’ whimpering sob of pain that at least reassured everyone that he was alive.

Roland was frozen where he stood, mouth agape. Star had the biggest smile on her face.

Marco and Mabel still like statues with Dipper slumped between them, their eyes wide. Mabel turned her head to look at Marco. “Whaaa…?”

Misao’s head tilted, as she began calculating the force needed for a little girl like Jo to do that.

One by one, everyone soon turned to look at Jo. She was still holding the torn off front of Lars’ shirt and staring at her fist like she had no idea what just happened–because she did not.

“What… the… fuck…?” She whispered, uncurling her fingers to look at her trembling palm.

Finally a student, Jackie Lynn Thomas, called out. “Dude, Jo just Falcon Punched Lars’ face off!”

The cafeteria erupted into cheers. Jo hardly heard it, she was still looking in a daze between her fist and what it destroyed when Roland grabbed her arm. “We need to go, now.”

Without a word of protest, Jo agreed and the two fled for the doors, Misao right behind them.

Still struggling to breathe, Dipper picked up his hat, and put it back on. “Yeah... l-let’s get out of here…”

Marco supported him on his right as Star took his left, and both led him towards the doors. “You okay?”

“I’ll be fine, we gotta get out of here before a teacher comes yelling…” He trailed off into coughing again.

As they walked past Lars towards the door, Mabel stopped and kicked the crying bully in the side, making him yelp again, before she followed them out.

The group fled the cafeteria, and gathered behind the bleachers at the football field. Dipper leaned against Mabel now, a hand on his stomach like he was trying to keep his organs from spilling out. He coughed a few more times, and took a few long, deep breaths to steady himself.

“Okay…” He stopped again to hold his breath and hopefully stop the painful spasming of his diaphragm, before he let it all out. “Jo, what in the world was that?”

Jo raised her shoulders and shook her head. “I don’t know! I was just going to punch him until his face or my hand broke! I didn’t know I was going to knock him halfway to Genosha!”

She was still gripping the front of Lars’ shirt, and only realized it then. She dropped it with a grunt of disgust. “Eugh!”

Dipper lowered his head and groaned, part from pain and just as much from this frustrating new development. “Okay, so is this some kind of superpower Reddle has?”

Jo shook her head again. “No way. She was a strong fighter, but she was only super strong when she was transformed. Not even G-Stag could just punch a guy like I laid Lars out.”

She looked at her hands again, opening and closing them. “I didn’t even feel his weight when I yanked him down.”

“Think it was the wish?” Roland asked.

Marco looked at him. “Do you feel particularly super strong?”

Roland grabbed the back of the bleachers and tried lifting them with both hands. Straining a bit he looked at Marco and shook his head.

Jo took the bleachers, and with ease lifted the entire back two feet off the ground.

“Oh beans!” Mabel cried as she and Misao hopped back.

“Nicht zu fassen!” The smaller girl gasped.

“How are you doing that?” Marco asked.

Jo set the bleachers back down. “I don’t know… but like, at the same time…?”

She tried it again, and this time it didn’t budge. “… I know how to turn it off?”

“Guys, it’s magic,” Star said, “It just works.”

Dipper looked at Star. “You wouldn’t happen to know any magical experts who could lend a hand, would you?”

Star nodded. “Well, there’s always Glossaryck.”

“Who is as forthcoming and helpful with important, pertinent information as Yoda and Dumbledore combined,” Marco pointed out.

Star, expression blank, stared at Marco. “I don’t know who either of those are.”

“What about your mother, the Queen?” Misao asked.

“Yeah!” Jo added.

Just as quickly, Star raised her hands and crossed her arms. “Whoa, nonononono. There is no way I’m calling my mom, I’m already on thin ice with her.”

Marco nodded in agreement. “Yeah.”

Dipper groaned again, more from the frustration than the pain this time at least. “Okay, but would Glossaryck tell her?”

“Nope, he belongs to my Magic Instruction Book and it belongs to me,” Star reassured him.

“Then maybe there’s a spell in there he can help teach, so you can, I don’t know… help figure out if Drew and Roland have superpowers too… or to what extent these powers go to.” The last thing Dipper wanted on a growing list of things he couldn’t care less for in this situation, was for these superpowers to get out of control and maybe destroy all three of them.

Leaning against Mabel, he coughed one more time and grumbled in pain as he found the strength to stand on his own. “Thanks, Mabel.”

She stood close to him. “Can you stand?”

Dipper nodded, but Mabel didn’t let go of his arm. Hearing sirens–likely an ambulance for Lars–he let out a sigh and looked at Jo. “Well, looks like we have to skip school today, because explaining this is going to be hard.”

A powerful grimace twisted Jo’s face, and she looked away. “Well, this is great.”

Palming his face, Roland sighed. “Well, does anything else want to go wrong? Just so we can get it out of the way.”

Everyone who had a phone on them heard theirs buzz loudly.

Mabel pulled hers out. “Was that the group text…? It’s Janna!”

She stared at the phone, as Marco, Roland, Jo, and Misao all looked at theirs.

Reading it, Roland’s face fell. “Man, I’m just gonna keep my mouth shut.”

Janna Banana said:

Get to Hillhurst, the Magnavores are here and Drew is fighting them.