The light dimmed, the ominous rumbling and bellowing from the organ faded into silence, and the house’s shaking eased to stillness. His hands raised to shield his eyes, Drew lowered them and looked around to see if anything had changed. Aside from a few blown around boxes and packing materials for all the delivered electronics, there wasn’t a gleaming stainless steel bodied time machine anywhere in sight.
“What happened?” His voice trembled with every word. “Where’s the Delorean?”
Janna went to the living room window and looked out. “I don’t see it.”
Drew faced Flabber, the phasm grimacing at the squiggly lines, planets, stars, and sparkles that angrily throbbed just above his fingertips. “You were able to summon it, weren’t you?!”
Flabber looked up at Drew, in visible pain. “I put my all into that, kiddo! I dug down deep inside with my phasmtastic magic, but there was nothing to push out–not like with your powers!”
Drew tensed. “No way, after what you did before? After all that light and noise just now, you can’t do it?!”
Flabber shook his head and looked about ready to cry. “I’m sorry! I don’t think I can summon anything from the movie like I did from the comic!”
The tension built, spreading through Drew’s body. His hands shook, his fingers curling and clenching into fists. “Why not?”
Flabber’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “I wish I knew.”
Drew finally exploded. “Then what good are you if you can’t do something as simple as fix this?! They’re your powers, how do you not know how they work?!”
As Flabber quailed from him, Janna looked out the window and grew a little surprised. “Hey man, maybe you should chill out?”
Drew whirled on her. “You shut up, this isn’t any of your business!”
Janna turned to face Drew, a scowl on her face. “You ever talk to me like that again, I’ll make you regret it. Also: Those Magnavore guys are outside right now.”
Drew rushed past Janna and shoved open the curtain to see for himself Jara, Noxic, and Typhus walking towards the house with their four scabs circling around them in an aggressive dance. “… Oh, come on!”
He looked over at Janna and summoned his Beetle Bonder. “Call the others!”
Janna pulled out her phone. “Whatever.”
Scowling at her, Drew held up the Beetle Bonder. “Beetle Blast!”
Outside, Jara, Typhus and Noxic were almost to the front steps when the door was ripped open and the Blue Stingerborg emerged onto the porch, blue and black armor gleaming in the late morning sun as his hand drifted close to his holstered Input Magnum. The three stopped, and their Scabs froze with blades at the ready.
“All right, not a step further!” He shouted.
Noxic pointed at him. “Oh hey, it’s one of the Beetleborgs!”
Jara tossed her short hair and huffed. “Just the one?”
Drew already hated this situation. They were a joke against Jara, and now it was three on one against his favor plus the Scabs.
I have to buy time.
He grabbed the Input Magnum but didn’t draw. The Scabs flinched but didn’t attack. “One is more than enough for you creeps.”
Drew could feel Jara rolling whatever counted for eyes behind her mask. “All three of you are less than nothing, how can you by yourself be more than that?”
She raise and presented an open hand to him. “You are a child playing at being a hero, adorned in armor too big for you. You have no proper stance, so your form is atrocious. You attack like you are copying what you see on TV movies, with a weapon that you have no idea how to hold. You don’t know how to guard, and you probably make a fist with your thumb tucked under your fingers.”
Jara lowered her hand as she finished him off. “Please do not embarrass us or yourself by pretending to be something you’re not.”
A cool wind for Los Angeles blew across the Hillhurst vineyard in the long silence that followed.
If Noxic had any reason to breathe, it’d be to suck in air through his mechanical teeth.
Janna, who had just finished sending her text message, whistled. “Dang.”
Typhus looked between Jara and Drew, and let out a quiet “Oof.”
Drew, whatever spirit he had almost obliterated, managed to keep the façade up. “That… that doesn’t change anything.”
“I did not expect it to, I am only stating facts.” Jara gestured to him. “Lucky for you, being such an abysmal fighter is good. I have no interest in wasting my time or strength destroying you.”
She swept her hand over to Noxic. “He will do it, instead.”
Noxic pumped his fists. “Yeah, Typhus is gonna-!” He stopped, then whirled on Jara. “Whoa, hold on, I’m gonna fight him?!”
Drew recoiled. “Wait, what?”
Typhus laughed. “Yeah, baby! We get to see Noxic put up his dukes!”
Noxic gestured to himself, his metal dreadlocks rattling loudly. “You’re really gonna let me at ‘em?!”
Jara made a sweeping gesture towards Drew. “Go crazy.”
Steam shot out of Noxic’s ears as he pumped his arms “All right! This is my moment!”
He turned and pointed at Drew. “I was gonna go easy on ya back when I thought you and yer pals were robots, but now the gloves would be off if I had any! I hope you’re ready to go!”
They can’t be serious… Drew was struggling with this. “Hey! What’s this all about?!”
Jara chuckled. “Noxic is the worst fighter of us. He is more your speed, this way you can say you were able to put up a struggle.”
Noxic was doing stretches, and limbering up. “Hey, I can fight!”
Jara’s tone was cheeky as she replied. “You spend so much time sending robots to fight for you, I am wondering if you even know how to make a fist.”
“I do!” He just learned how, in fact.
Drew couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was Jara seriously delegating a weaker opponent to him… out of pity?
“I am only saying. You need practice, so go fight him while he’s weak and by himself.”
Anger washed over Drew, and without a word of warning the Blue Stingerborg pulled the Input Magnum and fired at the Magnavores–specifically at the Scabs accompanying them and blowing holes through their heads.
Another chuckle left the masked woman, unaffected by the assault, as the Scabs disintegrated around them. “And there’s the bell.”
Noxic was more than ready. “Here goes!”
Raising his right hand, he unleashed a storm of electricity from his fingertips at his enemy. He missed, the Blue Stingerborg diving out of the way of the attack that left a shower of sparks dancing across the mansion’s porch and steps.
As Sstingerborg vaulted over the porch railing and landed, Noxic switched hands, bringing his right down to his side and raising his to fire more electricity at him. “Take this, you mook!”
The bolts slashed across Stingerborg’s armor, the resulting explosions shoving him back against the porch. Is he just toying with me, or is he actually weak?
It hadn’t bowled him over like Jara had. In fact, his armor wasn’t reporting any damage. Pushing himself off the wall as more electricity showered him, he aimed right back at Noxic and fired, hitting him several times in the chest and sending him flat on his back. Jara and Typhus both managed to jump out of the way, and landed clear of the blast zone.
“Hey, Noxic! You okay?!” Typhus yelled.
“Ohhh… that hurt! That hurt!” Noxic said as he rolled over from side to side.
Stingerborg aimed the Input Magnum at him. “Well there’s more where that came from!”
Before he could fire, Noxic shot up into the sitting position and threw a handful of knives into the Beetleborg’s chest. “Gotcha!”
The knives smacked into Stingerborg’s armored chest and exploded, sending him hurtling through the air. “AHHHH!”
Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.
Landing hard, he rolled and looked up just in time to see Noxic on his feet and running at him, electricity wrapped around his fist.
At the last possible second he rolled out of the way, a roar of thunder going off where Noxic’s fist came down. Still prone on the ground, he hit 8-1-8 on the Input Magnum and fired a stream of flame at Noxic that scattered away before it connected.
When the flames stopped, Stingerborg found Noxic hiding behind a red umbrella at the end of a long telescoping staff. “Heh, I can protect myself from those kinds of attacks too. Pretty cool, right?”
Stingerborg got up and looked at the weapon. Noxic never had a weapon like that–no, don’t think about it! Focus!
Closing the umbrella and twirling the staff between his hands in a circle around him, Noxic leveled it on the Beetleborg and charged.
Reaching him, Noxic thrust the weapon at the Beetleborg, wielding it with a recklessness that reminded him of their fight with Jara. Unlike that fight, he was having an easier time avoiding Noxic’s attacks–deflecting two with the back of his hands and forearms, before a third hit caught him in his stomach and staggered him.
Grunting, Stingerborg raised the Input Magnum to fire another stream of flame, but Noxic knocked his aim downward with the staff, before twirling it around and slashing him upwards across his chest. Laughing as the armored human stumbled back, Noxic raised the weapon and chased him down.
Typhus folded his arms and shook his head. “Hey, something about all this seems wrong, baby.”
Jara looked at him. “That being?”
“Hmmm…” Typhus thought about what was bothering him, before he realized. “We ain’t got popcorn!”
She barked out a laugh.
Running at Stingerborg, Noxic swung on him like his weapon was a halberd, the slow, wide swings even easier to dodge and letting him open up some distance. He fired off several shots back at Noxic, but the umbrella opened and the Magnavore was lifted above the beams and Drew like a deranged mechanical Marry Poppins. Closing the umbrella, he tumbled end over end and swung down–only to be blocked by the back of Stingerborg’s arm.
“Haha, this is pretty cool, kid!” Noxic cheered before he pulled the umbrella back and threw several knives at Stingerborg’s head to separate them.
He managed to escape the blades and their explosions, and with a frustrated yell snapped off several beam shots at Noxic that the Magnavore machine man deflected by spinning the staff in front of him. “Is this some kind of joke to you?!”
“Nah, not until there’s a…” Running at Stingerborg underneath his Magnum shots, Noxic sent electricity down his arm and connected an uppercut to his chin, sending him flying towards the side of Hillhurst. “… Punchline!”
“Ugh!” Like a ragdoll, the Blue Stingerborg hit the side of the house just below the roof, and fell to the ground.
“Aw yeah, go Noxic!” Typhus cheered with the blow.
“You are doing great! I take back half of the things I’ve said about you!” Jara added.
Noxic looked over at her. “Hey, hey! What about the other half?!”
Jara looked over at Drew, who was slowly getting back up again. “I’ll let you know when he’s done.”
Inside of the house, Flabber was chomping on his nails. “Oh man, Drew’s not doing too hot out there!”
Janna peeked out the window, and watched as Noxic ran up and punched Drew back into the ground just as he was getting to his knee. “Huh, can’t you do anything to help?”
Flabber thought about his options. “I could try to send out the guys, but…”
Both he and Janna looked over into the organ room, where Mums, Fangula, and Frankenbeans were having the time of their life watching Drew get slapped around by Noxic.
“Yeah!” Mums cheered. “Zap him again! Zap him again!”
Frankenbeans was on his feed, shaking his fists to the ceiling. “Smash him on head, make mean Beetle boy go ‘Ow!’”
“Just don’t cook him too well! I like my meat bloody raw!” Fangula quipped.
Janna looked back at Flabber. “Any other options?”
Flabber thought about it. “There’s Ghoulum-”
“MEH,” bellowed the statue in the living room.
“How about you? You’re magical and junk, you could go out there and help.”
Flabber sighed. “No can do, I can’t use my magic to hurt anyone… even bad guys.”
“That’s kind of a cop-out, man.”
“What about you, can you help?”
Janna thought about going out to fight the Magnavores. “… I’m gonna opt out.”
“Now who’s copping out, hm?”
“Well, the only weapon I have is my razor sharp wit, and when it comes to actually fighting? I’m worse off than Drew.”
With that in mind, she looked back out at him and grew thoughtful. “Hm.”
Stingerborg blocked Noxic’s umbrella once more with the back of his arm, sparks coming off his armor, before he was punched twice in the face then kicked in the chest. He stumbled back, his footing precarious, before Noxic aimed the end of the umbrella at his chest and fired bolts of energy. The shots hit, exploding across his armor and throwing him through the air to land face-down.
Noxic lowered his unoccupied hand, then scratched the side of his head, rustling his metallic locks. “Wow, he really does suck. Hey, kid, you dead yet?”
“If he’s not, give him a chance to get back up. He deserves that much,” Jara called.
Face down in the dirt again, wearing the armor of his favorite hero, fighting the enemy he brought into their world out of a stupid, childish wish. Drew laid there on the ground, heaving a sigh.
Okay, now what?
He looked towards Noxic. I’m not doing anything to him, and there’s still Jara and Typhus waiting to tag in.
He looked towards Hillhurst. Flabber’s useless, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Janna hasn’t called anyone.
“Hey, I think he’s movin’,” Noxic said.
Because I messed up. As usual.
“Give him a chance to get up, baby,” Typhus suggested.
Because all I do is mess up.
Jara let out a dark laugh. “Yes, let’s be fair to the poor boy.”
And now the only reason I’m still alive is because they’re literally playing with me.
He sighed.
Like they have all day to mess around…
He looked at the house again. He saw Janna in the window, typing on her phone, her eyes darting between him and her screen.
His eyes widened as it dawned on him.
Or they’re waiting for something.
Slowly, he pushed himself onto his knees, then rose to his feet. Behind his helmet, on the other hand, his eyes were racing, through the functionality of his suit, and found exactly what he was looking for. With the motion of his eyes, he brought up a text box and began hitting commands.
Noxic hopped from one foot to the other, when the Stingerborg finally rose. “All right, you’re back on your feet! Ready to wrap this up?”
Stingerborg holstered the Input Magnum, and raised his hands to make a T. “Time out!”
Noxic stopped. “Wait… huh? Time out?”
He looked at Jara. “Can he call time out?”
Typhus looked at Jara as well. She didn’t particularly care at this moment, and shrugged her shoulders. “Do what you like.”
Turning to face the Beetleborg again, Noxic folded his arms. “Okay, what’s the time out about? You got something to say?”
Behind the mask, Drew scanned a keyboard with his eyes, typing out a message. “Actually, I do.”
Jara paid him somewhat more attention. “Hm?”
“You’re right, I’m not much of a fighter–this is my second day actually doing it.”
Noxic shook his head. “Jeez kid, if you’re this new then why are you here? Go home and read some comic books, or whatever.”
“Believe me… I want to quit and go home,” he admitted as he finished the message. “I was not ready for this, I didn’t even think about the consequences of my actions. You guys are super strong and I’m not in any place to fight you.”
Janna peeked out the window. “What’s he doing?”
Flabber shook his head. “I don’t know…”
Janna’s phone chimed at that moment, and just seconds later it chimed again. “… Huh.”
Jara let out a sigh. “I hope we can take a moment to rest between here and the point.”
Drew held up a hand to her. Behind the blue mask of the Stingerborg, his eyes flew back and forth across menus. “I have a point. As much as I don’t want to be here, and as much as this is my fault? I’m not going anywhere.”
“Your fault?” Noxic asked.
“Yeah, my fault. I’m the reason you guys got pulled here into this world.”
Noxic stumbled back. “Wait, you’re the reason we’re here?!”
Typhus and Jara looked at each other in surprise, then at Stingerborg. The latter brandished her blade. “You had better not be lying!”
“I’m not!” Drew held out his hand to stay their wrath. “I wanted to become a Beetleborg, so I didn’t have to be myself!”
He looked at the back of his hand, and turned it over to see his palm. “I’m a loser kid, who can’t even be an example for my little sister because she’s better at everything I can do. All I really know are comic books, and the heroes in them… no more, no less.”
He clenched it into a fist. “That’s all I have to bring to the table.”
Typhus looked at Jara. “Then he’ll tell us how he got us here?”
Jara agreed. “Yes. We definitely need him alive.”
She looked at Noxic. “Enough! I will finish dealing with him! We don’t need to bring anything else back to Vexor, today.”
Drew grew alarmed. Vexor’s here too?!
He held his hand out to them again. “Wait!”
“Your time out is almost over!” Jara snapped back. “And I will be tagging in when it ends!”
Drew agreed. “Yeah, that’s why I have one more thing to say: All I know are comic books, and the heroes in them, and they’ve taught me that times like this–where the bad guys are on the verge of winning–are the best part.”
Jara paused, before her danger senses suddenly went haywire. “Wait…!”
A shadow flitted over her, and she looked up to see Star falling towards her, the cheek marks on her face glowing as she held the wand above her head to swing down like a sword.
“THERMONUCLEAR BUTTERFLY BLAST!”
There was a flash, then stillness.
An instant later, a rainbow-colored column of light shot to the clear blue sky–followed by a massive butterfly-filled explosion that threw Jara, Typhus, and Noxic into the air. Drew himself was swept away by the blast, but caught himself against the side of the house as the shockwave whipped past him.
Landing unharmed on the scorched earth of ground zero, Star turned to Drew. “Hey! Are you all right? Thanks for the heads up!”
Drew was relieved. “I’m just glad I was able to sync my suit to my phone.”
He and Star turned to face the three Magnavores, scattered across the smoldering vineyard. Marco, the Red Strikerborg, and the Green Hunterborg emerged from behind the house and joined them, while Dipper, Mabel, and Misao cut around and headed inside.
Roland reached Drew’s side. “Hey, cuh, you good?”
“I’m fine. These guys were waiting for you to get here, and I wasn’t about to let them do that for free.”
Jo was more critical. “What were you doing here, sneaking off to Hillhurst?”
Drew didn’t look at her. “It doesn’t matter.”
Her tone was jagged and short. “You tried to undo the wish, didn’t you?”
“I just… wanted to fix this.”
Jo pointed at him. “No, you were trying to get out of your mess by probably doing something stupid!”
Drew planted his feet and fired right back “Well it doesn’t matter, it didn’t work, so guess what? You’ll be able to be a freaking Beetleborg until it kills us!”
Jo recoiled, taken off guard by his frustration.
Roland imposed himself between them, arms outstretched. “Can y’all knock this shit off?! We gotta get active!”
Drew took a deep breath and fell back. “Right. Let’s do what we did before, and support Star and Marco.”
Inside the house, Dipper joined Flabber as Mabel and Misao went to Janna. “Okay, what happened?”
Janna, who was not a narc, looked over at Flabber, who was. “Well, Drew tried to wish for a time machine, so he could go back and undo the wish.”
Dipper froze in place for an instant, his autonomic nervous system shutting down non-vital functions from how bad of an idea that was, but recovered. “It didn’t work.”
Flabber shrugged his shoulders. “Nope! Turns out I can’t summon things from copies of Back to the Future!”
Janna leaned against the windowsill, her expression desolate as she looked out towards the unattainable dream. “Imagine that, we can’t all get what we want from the magical wish-granting Phasm.”
Dipper was relieved to hear that nothing had gone terribly wrong. He could focus on more important things. “Is there anything you can do to help out?”
Janna looked back at him. “Not much. He can’t hurt anyone, even bad guys.”
“Why?” Dipper asked Flabber.
The phasm looked at his hands. “I made a promise not to hurt anyone with my powers.”
“Promised who?” Dipper asked.
“Doctor Hillhurst, the guy who asked me to keep an eye on the guys. I can’t go back on my word, he made me promise him on his deathbed.”
Dipper was impressed. “And you’ve kept it, to this day?”
“Well there was a forty year stretch where I had no choice, but… yeah! Doc Hillhurst said I was the only one who could do it, so I’ve been doing it with bells on!”
Interesting, how did Doc Hillhurst manage to do that? Dipper thought.
Mabel, looking out the window with Janna and Misao, interrupted his train of thought. “You’re gonna need to do something, the Magnavores are getting back up.”