Drew didn’t go to Zoom Comics as he led Jo to believe–he got onto a bus for Hillhurst Mansion. His argument with his sister the other night had given him an idea to fix the mess he made, and with everyone else at school he could pull it off without having to hear anyone protest–not Dipper, Marco, and especially Jo.
By the end of the day, it would be like none of this ever happened, I hope. He thought as he walked down the path to the mansion. Like Flabber had promised, the house and the area around it had been cleaned up. Even the broken door and windows were completely repaired.
It’s like we were never here. A reassuring thought supporting his plan, as he crept through the door. Inside he found the dusty, cobweb-covered interior was in fact not. It was completely clean of the dust, debris, and old garbage that had strewn the floor, replaced by newer cardboard boxes stacked over by the open archway to the organ room.
“Flabber? Are you here? Did you clean the house…?”
Drew hadn’t gotten halfway across the foyer, when the door he left open slammed shut. He looked back, and found Mums leaned against it, blocking the way out.
“Well, well, well! Look who’s come by for breakfast! Hey Frankie! Fangula!”
Frankenbeans stormed out of the hallway leading to the back of the house, arms outstretched. “Yay! Food!”
From the balcony above, Fangula emerged with dramatic flourish and leered at Drew hungrily. “Just in time, I’ve been… dying for a bite.”
Frankenbeans advanced closer, hands grasping at the air. Fangula vaulted over the railing and landed soundlessly in a low crouch next to Frankie, hissing and baring his fangs in anticipation of Drew’s next move. Mums circled behind their prey, rubbing his dry, creaking palms together and chuckling with ill-intent.
Drew just watched them, looking more annoyed than afraid. “Where’s Flabber? I need to talk to him.”
All three stopped. Fangula was thrown off by his indifference, Frankenbeans was more disoriented than his minimum brain power was usually capable of, and Mums was outright affronted.
“Wait, what? Hey kid, you’re surrounded by evil, spooky, man-eating monsters here!”
Drew pulled his Beetle Bonder from his pocket. “Yeah, so what?”
Mums palmed his face in frustration, before gesturing emphatically at Drew. “We’re evil, spooky, man-eating monsters! Start shaking in your boots!”
Drew’s eyes narrowed. “You dweebs are not scary.”
Mums went from affronted to enraged. “Dweebs?! You know what? That’s it! You ain’t gonna live long enough to be scared! Fangs! Frankie! Let’s rip this punk limb from limb!”
“And time’s up.” Drew held up the Beetle Bonder. “Beetle Blast.”
Bright blue light shone from the center of the Beetle Bonder as its wings opened to reveal the Blue Stingerborg figurine inside glowing bright. The shining light became a vortex that encircled Drew and encased him from head to toe in the Blue Stingerborg’s armor–to the horror of the three monsters.
Mums pointed at Drew. “H-hold it! You’re one of those guys who jumped us!”
Drew quickly drew the Input Magnum and pulled back on the slide. “That’s right. Now show of hands: Who wants to be the first to help me work through some crap?!”
In light of recent events, Mums was far less inclined. “I’ll beat up a kid anytime, but not an armed one!”
Drew turned to face Frankie and Fangula. The foppish vampire jumped back, his hands shooting for his belt protectively. “Please no!”
Frankie turned and fled down the hallway he came. “No fight!”
Drew nodded and pulled the Input Magnum back. “That’s what I thought; now get out of here.”
“Retreat!” Mums cried out, and the remaining two monsters quickly fled up the stairs to avoid a thrashing like the one they had the last time.
Drew holstered the weapon. “Back Blast!”
In a flash the armor vanished, and when the light faded Flabber was standing next to him. “See? You didn’t even have to beat them up.”
Drew scowled at Flabber. “I thought you’re supposed to keep them in line.”
“I am, and I have! They haven’t even tried to leave since I got the TV and Internet installed.”
“Then where were you-” Drew paused. “Wait, TV? Internet?”
Flabber gestured for him to follow. “Oh yeah, come take a look!”
The phasm ushered Drew from the foyer to the Organ Room, where the furniture across from the organ had been rearranged to make room for a gigantic plasma television with an equally impressive surround sound system. Drew gawked at it, and at the stacks and stacks of movies, books, DVDs, video game consoles, and other forms of audio/visual media strewn around for easy consumption.
Drew looked wildly back and forth across the setup. “Wh… what? When did you…? How did you…?”
Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.
“I’ve been locked up in that organ for forty years, I had a lot of catching up to do. So with some help, I got my information station set up nicely. A seventy-inch plasma screen tv–with Netflix.”
Drew looked at Flabber and gestured at the TV. “How did you know how to get all this stuff?!”
Janna stuck her head up over the couch separating the two from Flabber’s multimedia empire, giving him a two-fingered salute. “Sup, Sad Kid, you’re skipping out too?”
Drew looked at the girl in disbelief. “Janna? What are you doing here?”
“She’s been here since yesterday, helping me catch up on what I missed, and it’s been a lot!” Flabber explained. “Can you believe that Elvis Presley is a cyborg living in a cave at the bottom of the Caribbean Sea, now?”
“No, I mean…” Drew trailed off. “Wait, what?”
Before Flabber could spend the next three hours explaining a complex web of deception hiding the horrific conversion of 50s and 60s era celebrities into unfeeling warriors to defeat chronological infants, Drew held his hand up to the phasm’s face, stopping him.
“No. Janna how are you still here and not being bothered by those idiots that just tried to eat me?”
The dark-haired girl looked towards the living room, then back at Drew. “Oh, them? I told them I’m a witch.”
Drew’s shoulders fell. “You’re not a witch.”
“You’re literally the last person on the planet to deny claims of supernatural powers, McCormick.”
Drew didn’t want Janna sticking her nose into what he was about to do–but he couldn’t brandish a gun at her too. With a deep, centering breath, he turned from her and faced Flabber. “I need your help with something.”
Flabber forgot all about showing off his collection. “Sure thing, kiddo! What do you need?”
Drew glanced at Janna, then gestured towards the organ. “Can I talk to you about it over here?”
Flabber pointed with both fingers at Drew. “Lead the way!”
The two walked away from Janna; she rested her arms on the back of the couch and watched them, her eyes narrowed in interest.
“So I’ve been reading more of the Beetleborgs and they’re pretty great! The first few issues were a little janky, but it really kicks into gear when Saint Papilia is introduced and-” Flabber stopped when Drew held up his hand again.
“Hey, Flabber, I think I have an idea on how to undo this. I’m going to need another wish from you, though.”
Flabber jumped in place and tittered in excitement. “Oh, say no more! I’ve felt so bad about bringing those Magnavores into this world!”
He teleported to Drew’s other side. “I’ve been reading up on ‘em, and they’re really the baddest of the bad. Why, if I weren’t cooped up in this house, I’d be fighting them myself!”
In a flash Flabber was gone again, appearing in the far side of the room with boxing shorts worn awkwardly over his gaudy, chaotic suit, and head protection that was resting atop his pompadour. He began aggressively shadowboxing–literally fighting his own shadow.
“I’d hit ‘em with a ghostly left, polter-right! The phantom hook! The Ghouly one-two-y! Yeah!”
His ridiculous fighting moves pummeled his own shadow, until a final uppercut knocked it and himself onto the ground. Getting up to reveal his face covered in the lumps he’d delivered onto himself, Flabber thrust his hands into the air triumphantly. “Adrian! Adrian!”
Janna looked at Drew, her expression asking, “Who’s Adrian?”
Drew shrugged his shoulders, an unspoken “I have no idea.”
Flabber appeared next to Drew, a Hillhurst Box Office Heavyweight Champion belt around his waist. He threw another punch-drunk hook, ready to go. “All right Drew, what can I do?”
Drew glanced at Janna, before turning his back to her and pulling Flabber along with him. “I want to go back in time so I can warn myself not to make the first wish.”
Flabber recoiled, and spoke with the voice of an energetic, dramatic old man. “Great Scott, Andy! I don’t think I can do that!”
“Do what?” Janna asked.
Drew frowned, and the heat of his frustration flared up. “How can you be sure? You’re really powerful, Flabber! You were able to give us the Beetleborg powers and bring the Magnavores to life from the comics! Isn’t there some way you can open a portal back in time or create a time machine?!”
Janna lit up. “Ooh, time travel? Count me in.”
He looked over, not expecting that response. “… Really?”
“Heck yeah.” She hopped over the couch and walked over, holding up a DVD case. “I bet you could summon one from this copy of Back to the Future.”
Flabber looked at Janna. “Ooh! It could be the Delorean from the end too, the one that can fly!”
“A Mr. Fusion wouldn’t be too bad to have,” Janna said with full consideration of the sinister applications of such a device.
The grip of Drew’s frustration eased, now that things were happening. “When we get the Delorean, I also want to have the knowledge of how to operate it.”
Flabber agreed. “You got it, kiddo, you might need to make room in that noggin for a bunch of theoretical, fictional, and nonsensical physics, though.”
Drew let out a bitter snort. “It’s not like I have anything useful up here anyway.”
Janna handed the DVD to Drew. “Hey, what’re the chances we can stop by about… 1812 or so while we’re doing this time traveling thing?”
Drew looked at her. “Why so far back?”
“You have your reasons for time traveling and I have mine, McCormick.”
The way she bit down on her lower lip and looked to the side weirded Drew out; he put that on the back burner and offered the Back to the Future case to Flabber.
Flabber clapped his hands eagerly and danced around in a circle. “All right! According to my calculations, when I grant this wish, we’re gonna see some serious-”
“Shut yo mouth!” The Pipettes cut him off. “Watch your language, Flabby!”
“There are impressionable young ghosts that we host!” Blue chimed in.
“Cursed wards don’t need curse words!” Red added.
“So, keep it rated G for Ghouls!” Green sang.
“Whoops! Sorry!” Flabber fanned his face. “I do not know what came over me.”
Janna looked at the Pipettes, then looked at Flabber. “Seriously, a house full of man-eating monsters and there’s no swearing allowed?”
Drew folded his arms and thought about it. “Well, like they said, this place is cursed enough.”
“That’s a load of bull-”
“SHH!” The Pipettes hushed Janna.
A long silence followed.
“Shit.”
The entire house rumbled enough to shake the light fixtures. The almost growl-like sound made them both jump.
“Watch your language.”
The deep baritone that reverberated from the walls, floor, and ceiling rattled the two human guests to the bone.
“… G-gotcha,” a paler Janna agreed. With their noses turned up smugly, the Pipettes vanished back into the organ.
Drew scowled at the organ and Janna, then looked at Flabber. “Where were we?”
“Right! 1.21 Flabberwatts, coming right up!” Limbering up, Flabber struck the same poses he had when he granted their first wish. “Flib! Flab! Flabber! A special request from a longtime fan–a time machine with style!”
He pointed his hands at the DVD.
“PHASM FORCE!”
Flabber’s magic struck, and the entire house once again began to tremble as the case and its contents emitted an unearthly glow that filled the room, spread throughout the house, and darkened the sky above Hillhurst.
At that moment, Noxic’s power sensors beeped at such a frequency it sounded like a single tone. He and his fellow Magnavores stood on the edge of the vineyard, looking at the glowing house and the dark sky above it.
“Oh man, something’s going crazy over there! My sensors are blanked out! I can’t measure that power!”
Typhus cracked his monstrous knuckles. “It’s going down big time, baby.”
Jara rubbed her masked chin as the darkness was banished by a pillar of light from the house. “Yes, down to the ground. Let’s go.”