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Late Night at Lund's
Chapter Two: The Noob Lands

Chapter Two: The Noob Lands

The man who called himself Joth shoveled a forkful of pancakes into his mouth. “You should eat. Trust me.” A crumb landed in his wispy beard and stayed even as his mouth moved up and down.

Isa crossed her arms and leaned back in the booth. “How do I get home from here? What did you do to me?”

The wizard took two more quick bites and then, holding a finger in front of his mouth he said, “What makes you think I did this? No, don’t answer. I get it. I was once feeling the same way as you. I don’t look it, but I’m like you.” He paused. “An outsider. They think,” he leaned closer, “we’re from another plane.”

She leaned in so that their heads were almost touching. “I don’t care what they think. Is that road going to get me home?”

“Don’t you think I would have taken it if it did?”

Isa stood up. She had half a mind to simply address the room and ask for anyone’s help, but Lund’s was mostly empty. The owner himself stood behind the bar. She took a stool in front of him. “Hi Lund,” she said. “I’m Isa - Isabel, but everyone calls me Isa. If I wanted to, say, visit another plane, how would I do that?”

He nodded silently. “Makes sense.”

Isa matched his nods. “What makes sense?”

“Planar travel - it affects some people like that. Makes ‘em loopy for a little while. You’ll sort out. Don’t worry.”

“Thanks, but if I wanted to pop home for a visit…. What’s the best way, you think?”

“Portal, no doubt. There’s one near here.”

When he didn’t offer more than that, Isa smiled brightly and said, “Great! Can you tell me anything more, like where it is, how I get there?”

“Nah. They move around, some of them.” He lifted his chin toward Joth. “Wizards can do a spell, though. Class 7 wizards anyway.”

Isa turned to study the plump man who sat finishing his pancakes with carefree relish. “Class 7, huh? Is that a big deal?”

“Deadly.”

Deadly? What did that mean exactly? She turned back to face the bartender. “And ah, Joth over there, is he, you know, Class 7?”

Lund shrugged. “He’s never said.”

Isa gripped the bar with both hands. “OK,” she said slowly. “Let’s say I was a visitor, someone who knew nothing about….?”

“Varana.”

“Who knew nothing about Varana, and I wanted to hire a wizard to cast a spell.”

“OK.”

Isa blinked. “OK what?”

“Yes, I would say that. You do appear to be someone who knows nothing about Varana.”

“But the wizard part - can you hire a wizard to cast this travel spell?”

“The answer is yes and no,” Joth had joined her at the bar. “The spell is called plane shift.” He gestured to the table. “We have more to discuss right now. Lund? Can you brew up another pot of coffee?”

“I think we’re done,” Isa said to him. “Unless you can tell me how to find this portal Lund mentioned.”

“The Saflof Stone is several days’ journey. Sit down, and I’ll tell you more.”

As she slid back into the booth Lund placed a bowl of steaming oatmeal in front of her. “Thought you might get hungry,” he said.

Joth pushed a small pitcher of syrup toward her. “What do you do, in the world, I mean. The real world?”

“I’m a dental hygienist.”

“Great.” He nodded. “Any hobbies? Taekwondo? Fencing? Chemistry?” He gave Isa an intense stare. “Blacksmithing?”

“Um, I like to run. Cook, I guess. Watch movies.” She took a quick bite of oatmeal.

Joth bobbed his head. “Eh, not much to work with. Did you find a small notebook, say yea big.” He held his hands up about 6 inches apart.

“Yeah, why?”

“Can I see it?” He held out his hand.

She fished in her bag. “It’s blank.”

“No, it isn’t.” Joth’s tone of voice stood like a challenge. Isa held the book up. “Yes, it is.”

The wizard folded his arms. “I’ll grant you that it might have been blank when you first looked at it. Might. But it’s not now.”

“Is this some wizard trick then?”

“They are called spells. Did you, like, play D&D once in college and that was it?”

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His question threw her off her train of thought. “Did I what?”

“You wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t. Though, that does beg the question, where do other people go? Or do they?” He stared over Isa’s shoulder. “Is there a Star Wars reality somewhere? Why didn’t I go there?”

She opened the notebook ready to show him the blank pages, and there on the first page were the words CLASS and LEVEL. Below that, 6 words with a line beside each one. Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma.

This was familiar. She could picture her best friend Marissa saying, “Intelligence is my dump stat” as she showed Isa the paper she used to play Dungeons and--

“What did you say about, about D&D?” She tried to keep her voice level.

“That you wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t played.” Joth smiled at her. “So what’s your class? I can usually pick ‘em, but you are a hard one to read. Maybe Ranger, for that reason alone.”

“It’s blank.”

The smile dropped from his face instantly. “No. Not possible. Let me see.”

Isa brought the book to her chest. “Not until you explain.”

“I just did. For some reason you shifted past the bonds of our world and came here.”

“I did this?”

“Look, it’s a lot to process. Trust me; I know. But you’re here now, and you should just….” His voice trailed off.

“What? Make the best of it? I have a life I’d like to get back to. Friends, a job, an apartment.”

He leaned forward and braced his hands on the table. “That’s not what I meant. I have a plan. It just takes time.”

“Time. How long have you been here anyway?” Isa peered at him. He seemed to be about her age - late 20s. “I’m not growing old here.”

He lowered his voice. “There are two ways we could do this - a spell or a portal and--”

“You didn’t answer my question. How long have you been here? Months? Years?”

“It’s not as simple as that,” said Joth. “You see in this realm--”

“Thanks for the chat.” She slid across the seat and pushed herself out of the booth. “I would appreciate if you point me in the direction of this Schaffer Stone.”

“Saflof and no.” The wizard crossed his arms. “It’s for your own good.”

“For my own g--”

“See this scar?” Joth pulled up the sleeve of his robe to reveal a long puckered scar that ran the length of his forearm. “I got this trying to reach the Stone. It’s guarded. Heavily guarded. Don’t you think that something that powerful would be a strategic asset?”

Behind her Lund said, “Heras is no fool. He keeps an eye on all the magic.”

Isa looked from one man to the other. If this wasn’t a dream, and that hope was quickly fading, she’d need to make friends with someone. Lund seemed simple and reliable, but then Joth seemed to understand what was happening to her. If he was to be believed, he’d also come from the real world.

“This Heras, he’s in charge?”

“Yes,” said Lund, and at the same time Joth said, “Not exactly.”

Isa turned to face Joth. “Do you ever have a straight answer? What do you mean ‘Not exactly’?”

“Will you sit back down? Please. Heras is just one thing we need to cover. Suffice to say he’s a VIP, but he’s not king or anything.”

Lund shrugged. “He’s not a king. That is true.”

Isa returned to her place in the booth. “OK looks like I have time for a political lesson. Is anyone king here? Or queen? That would be a nice change.”

Joth didn’t answer. He was leafing through a small notebook. Her notebook, Isa realized. “Give it here. That’s personal!”

“Could be worse,” he said. “Could be better, though.” He handed her the notebook. “With these stats, you could be anything, well almost anything. I wish you had more constitution.”

Isa placed the notebook flat and opened to the first page. The first two words “CLASS” and “LEVEL” were still blank, but below that, numbers now sat beside the other words. Strength had an 11, Dexterity had a 14. Constitution was 11, Intelligence and Wisdom were both 13, and Charisma was a 12.

“Wha-wha-what does this mean? I have 11 lives? Like Zelda?”

“His name is actually Link. People get that wrong all the ti--” He must have noticed the stormy look on Isa’s face because he broke off whatever he was going to say. “In a word, no. You do not have 11 lives. No one does. You just have the one.” He touched his forearm through the fabric of his robe. “So you want to be careful.”

“What happens if--”

He cut her off. “If we die? I don’t know, but I don’t think we get to go home. Do you want to risk it?”

The reality of her situation began to settle in Isa’s mind. Not a dream, not some elaborate prank show stunt. No, this was her life, at least for right now. And just like back in school when she was up against a big test or a tough teacher, Isa took a deep breath and plunged into the depths, embracing the difficulties she’d be facing.

She pointed at the top of the page. “So this is my job? That’s what ‘class’ means?”

“More or less,” replied Joth.

“Why’s it blank?”

“I don’t know. Everyone I’ve seen, it’s filled in.”

“You’ve mentioned other people more than once. So it’s not just us? Is anybody here from here?”

“Yes, of course; I’m sure. It’s just not something you ask.”

“So I shouldn’t ask Lund?”

“Good Lord, no! He’s a half-orc.”

Isa blinked in confusion. “A whosit?”

“A half-orc. Like one of his parents was a human and the other was an orc.”

“So that’s a thing? That’s cool, I guess.”

Joth leaned forward and put his head in his head. “What did you think,” he said softly, “when you first met him? Could you not see that he looked, different?”

“Of course, but that’s easy to explain. We - my clinic - has treated patients with prognathism. There’s nothing strange about it.”

“You didn’t think the,” he ran his finger across his bottom lip, “tusks were at all unusual?”

Isa had finally had enough condescension. “Why are you even talking to me?” she said to Joth. “You obviously don’t like me, so what is it that you want? I’m not sleeping with you; I can tell you that right now.”

“You need help; I need help. I’m trying to access the Saflof Stone, and I can’t do it alone. I’ve got a few people onboard, but we need supplies, money, intelligence.”

This didn’t ring true to Isa. Neither one of them knew what she was good at in this world, so why make the offer? He was desperate that much was clear, but then so was she. No money, no change of clothes, no idea about how to survive until she could get home.

To Joth she said, “I am not saying ‘Yes.’ But I’m not saying ‘No’ either. OK? Let’s just take this slow.”

He nodded silently.

“In the short term I need a place to stay.” She didn’t add and a way to make money. She’d figure that out on her own.

“You could do me a favor,” Joth blurted out. “And it might help you figure out what your role is here. I mean your class, your job. The role you play within a questing group.”

“This favor, is it dangerous?”

“Nah, this is like noob lands. I just need you to make a delivery.”