They stared at each for a while before any of the two spoke.

“Why are you always naked?” Raven asked, her tone unclear as to whether it was a jest or a genuine question.

“I am a man of freedom and joy,” L said.

Nealon started whistling in the side, but was immediately silenced by a hearty glare.

“Where is Walter?” L asked, glancing around the room.

“He has not yet been able to find a suitable butler suit. He’ll be gone for a while, looking for ‘adequate’ material. As always, he will not show himself until then. And tea. Oh god, where will we get tea for him?” Raven said, rubbing her eyes.

“That guy takes role-playing to a whole new level,” L said, nodding.

More silence. Nealon was in the back, twiddling his thumbs.

“How was the raid?” L asked, scratching his chin.

“Good,” Raven replied, nodding.

“That’s good,” L replied.

Raven nodded again.

“Oh, for sanity’s sakes!” Nealon said, standing up. “Would you two stop this? It’s stupid!”

“Says you,” Raven and L said.

“I’m not stupid. You’re stupid, and you’re stupid!” Nealon yelled, pointing at each of them with giant fingers. As in his physical body, he was a large, handsome idiot. “Just makeup already! Everything worked out--in a way. Ok, so what if you two almost killed each other? Big deal! Not the first time it happened. You’re both acting like hurt children, staying up at night coming up with comebacks so you can make fun of each other!” Nealon said, in one breath

“I pranked her. I didn’t try to kill her, she di-”

“Bullshit! You were on the fence until the moment! You almost killed me too,” Nealon said.

“I did no such-” Raven began, but she stopped midway, an anxious look appearing on her face. It was too late.

“Lier! You’ve been distracted all day long! Both of you have been waiting for the other to start a fight, so you can use your clever words! Oh, look at me, Raven, with the high ground. You know why people do not like you, L? It’s because you have no values. You act like nothing matters to you, like the world is in your hands. But I know, I know you’re just-”

Raven jumped from her seat, her dress flying all over the place. She threw her limbs at him, her face flushed. “I-I-I w-was not going to say that! And I do not sound like that!”

Nealon, easily larger than her by at least a foot and half, covered his head from the blows. “And then L would say I’ve bedded hundreds of people more than you have. Are you sure I’m the unloved one? And then you would--oof! not the eyes, stop that! And you would say, I chose this, you didn’t and then he would say that’s what they all-”

“No! Absolutely not!” she screamed, and jumped, raming Nealon in the chin. He staggered back a few feet as Raven shuddered, whimpering as she gingerly held the top of her head.

L watched all of this with wide, open eyes. “You two...oh...No..No...you two slept with each other!” he yelled, taking a step back. “That’s disgusting!”

“What are you raving about? We did not do such a low thing!” Raven said, snapping her head towards L.

“Yeah! I-I mean, no! We did not!” Nealon said, stuttering painfully.

L looked at Nealon face’s and saw him struggling to conceal a smile. He looked back at Raven, her face now abnormally stoic. L then looked back at Nealon, finding tears in his eyes. His lips quivered, and he swallowed deeply. Sweat glistened on his temple, and he held his hands awkwardly, and for some very, very, odd reason, he had held his breath, too.

“Ewwewewewew!” L said, covering his mouth and shuddering. “He’s still a part of me! He was a part of me! How could you!”

Raven’s face broke into a sneer. “You have no business telling me who to and who not to-”

“I have every right! He’s me! You fucked me!”

“That’s not how it works!” Raven yelled back.

“Oh, and how does it work?” L asked, raising his chin.

“I...It’s Nealon’s body!”

“It’s my soul!”

“Can you two-”

“You shut up!” Raven and L said, once again in unison, both panting with clenched fists.

Nealon scratched his beard. “See, you two are-”

“Don’t do that!” L said. “Only I get to do that with my chin from-”

“With what beard?” Raven cut in, raising one eyebrow.

L glared at her, growling. A mocking smile crept onto Raven’s face.

“See, clever words but no substance! Just like children!” Nealon said proudly, folding his arms. He smiled, nodding to himself. “Now, can you two say sorry and hug each other? Please? Pretty, cutsey please?

“I would, but then she might fuck me like she fu-”

“L!” Nealon said sharply. “We both know why you’re acting like this, so stop it. And you Raven, stop rubbing it in their face,” Nealon said, and then after a short pause, both he and L started giggling feverishly to themselves.

“Hehe, nice one bro!”

“I would fist you, but I feel like-”

“-Like Raven will pound both of you, if you do not cease speaking right this instant!” Raven said, and then instantly regretted it. She crumbled down, her gown stretching below her. “Oh, no...I’m being corrupted by you idiots. Now my innocence is--Gods! I can not stop anymore! What is this madness?”

L’s eyes nearly fell out of their sockets. “Is she…a part of us now?” L said with awe.

Nealon took a step towards him, placing one hand to his chest. “She has begun a journey on a very dark path…”

“Insanity beckons our footsteps, brother.”

“The only thing that will beckon you two,” Raven began, her hands still holding her face in shame, “is my foot up your two lovely butts,” she said with lackluster motivation. “I give. To hell with everything. We’re changing our name from the House Of Luck to the House Of Puns, because why not?” Raven said, peeking out of her fingers.

Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

The fervent look she received from the two of them startled her, but what truly terrified her the tempest of vehement emotions swiveling violently within their hearts.

Raven cleared her throat into her fist. “To business, fellows," she said, standing up and clearing the wrinkles from her dress.

“You’re the one that took-”

“L, or Jack, or whichever you prefer. Do you realize how often we interrupt each other?” Raven said, setting one darkin finger to her lips. She tilted her head in puzzlement.

“Arr, yes, I believe I have just ob-”

“Please do quite then, yes?”

“Eh, of course. Go ahead.”

Nealon’s chuckle was prematurely silenced by Raven’s beaming smile. “Thank you dearly, both of you. Take a seat, this is going to take a while. Now, since you’ve elected to shut down all comms while you did whatever a Jack gotta do in times of need, we will need to update you on the state of affairs in both the virtual and the physical realities. Regarding the--Yes Jack? What are you raising your hand for? If it’s a medical emergency I know just the doctor to bleed you out.”

“Um, ma’am, I believe that medical procedure does not actually-”

“It will do what it is intended to do,” Raven said, smiling further. It was a pretty smile, but the type of smile that you would rather not have it directed at you for reasons of personal safety.

“Could you possibly...you know, if it’s not much of an issue...speak directly without all the...what’s it called?

“Intelligence? grace? beauty? Poise?” Raven offered modestly.

“Clutter, I believe. Beauty resides in simplicity, and intelligence resides in the ability to communicate coherent thoughts in aftermentioned simplicity. Poise is a shallow attempt at concealing fragility, while the absence of grace will save us a couple of precious hours.”

Raven glared at L. She had been doing this quite often, the glaring part, and she had gotten quite good at it. “Fine. The outside world is in deep shit, and this world is in deep shit. The only point of curiosity I have is which of the two is more doomed. You may leave now.”

“Finally, some good news! So, how will we benefit from this? Deep shit is always good for us.”

Raven fell back to her seat, letting one elbow lean upon the handle. She held her head in her hands, straightening out her hair. “I’m not so sure this time. We can’t ride the wave unless we know in which direction it is falling on.”

“We got the chips on both sides, though. We have a base of operation and a point of contact in both the Rojenteem and Gleeten Empire. Whichever the tide turns we can more easily switch sides without much loss or risk.”

“Yes,” Raven said in a whisper. “We do. The plan is to sabotage the war between the two nearest kingdoms, the Jundor and Dluriam, in a way that Gaia’s crew will always gain recognition, while we do the same here, in different parts of the battle. It’s a bit tricky and somewhat risky, as rarely have both faces of our House was shown to the public, but with good planning we could spy for each other, effectively playing four faces instead of two. Nealon, try to stay awake. No, you are not listening if your eyes are closed. Where was I? Oh yes, we will be the heroes and marauders, the rapists and the liberators, as today proved.”

“The capsule messenger system don’t work over kingdoms, right?”

Raven shook her head. “It does, actually, but not for long. That brings me to my next point. Not to scare you, but nearly all of us nearly got wiped.”

L shuddered. “I would rather have not known that.”

“One House, One Law,” Raven said, shrugging.

“That saying doesn’t work, anymore. Aren’t we like two houses, now? With Gaia being a hundred miles away? I propose to forward your suggestion to change our House’s name into the House Of Puns!”

“Motion denied. Gaia currently resides forty-three miles to our west. Back to the main point at hand: The Divers. Where the guilds and nations go, and depending on their number will determine where the chips fall. This is the part of the deep shit we do not like. Everything is uncertain. The League Of Nations reacted favorably to Null Online: they banned the World while each nation allowing its guilds access to it, and by allowing, I mean not wiping out anyone who enters it. That worked for our guild-”

“I’m sorry to interpret you, I really am, especially on an irrelevant point, but why does our guild begin House? Why is it House Of Luck, instead of Guild Of Luck? I mean it doesn’t sound as good but it’s a bit annoying to constantly trade in guild for House, especially when the other guilds don’t do it, other than those House Of Misfits.”

“You’ve been in this guild before you even Dived your first World, haven’t you? And you never wondered why?” Raven said, lifting her face from her hands. Her handprints remained on her cheeks.

“Aw, so cute. No, no, it’s nothing! I’ve been in two guilds, actually, but that’s a story for another time-”

“You’ve been in what?” Raven said, nearly standing up.

“A story for another time!” L said nervously, “You were saying?”

Raven relaxed her back. “I’m too tired to pursue this. Long story short, House Of Luck and the House Of Misfits, as well as third we would rather not talk about--fine, that I would rather not tell you about, though I suspect you already know, were once one unified guild split apart by power hungry fools. Harlo The Lucky was our commander, if you remember him before his mind gave out and, if you were so to believe, his lover and rival was Astrid The Crazed. They were a...colorful couple. The rivalry exists with the houses to today because of them, but without the love...making...L?”

“Umm...Yes, Mother Of Ravens?” L said from beneath the desk.

“Is there something you would like to tell this Mother Of Ravens, who, if I might remind you, will generally find out everything you will do and ever hide, and will only get madder if she does so by her own devices? Anything at all? Maybe regarding the House of Misfits?”

L swallowed. “Commander, I believe we have derailed greatly from the main purpose of this vital meeting. So much so that even Nealon is very awake right now.”

“L. I have shaken my head, rubbed my temples raw, and glared at you so much that my eyes are now a few strands away from slipping off. You have quickly depleted every expression which could denote my sense of disappointment and indignation in your being.”

“Can we go back to the part about the world going to hell? It’s a much more pleasant topic,” L whimpered, still hiding from Raven’s probing eyes.

“Agreed. Now, for the last fucking time, where was I? You know what, every guild will now be called House instead. To hell with all of them. Now, it was good for us, because the moment we heard about the removal of levels, grinding, taxation, and higher freedom, we all knew this was the jackpot...I don’t care. The jackpot of all Divers, and especially so for the smaller guilds...Ahem, Houses. I’m sure you’re well familiar with the game mechanics already? Perfect. I’ll go over it anyway. Nealon, you’re listening, right? Nealon! This is important. Stand up, no more sitting for you! In a nutshell, the system is an observer instead of a rewarder. It does offer assistance in directing the paths we take, but largely, the system comes after our actions, not before.”

“Which does not work for the kings and queens, AKA the pricks controlling our capsules. If there is no need to hunt for gold and experience, then they won’t be able to indulge in power and pleasure,” L finished off. “What I want to know,” L said, sitting forward, “is their reaction.”

“After the ban, and after our little...disagreement-

“You mean the part where you tried to get the previous Nealon to take all the knowledge and skills in my head, combine it with a warrior charismatic archetype, and have your perfect right-hand man?” L said, his smile gone. Though he did not frown, the neutral face of a Jack usually meant utter displeasure.

“I tried to do what was best for the House, and yes, that does mean what was best for me. We murdered Arlon, but I don’t see you bitching about that, do I?” Raven said, and then she blinked. “Huh? He’s...alive?”

L nodded eagerly. “Up and kicking!”

Raven lost control over her tongue. It laid numb in her mouth, collecting bitter tasting saliva. “But...I thought...after all the work we did...How come I didn’t know…For what purpose? That makes no sense,” she said quietly, her eyes searching the floor for her reasoning.

“No purpose what’s so ever, and that is exactly why it worked. Really, it was just a big fuck you from me and him to you, since usually, you’re the one scheming without letting us on. Not nice, is it?” L said.

“Gaia was in it..too?”

“Gaia? Oh no. No way. You would have seen right through her. The beating she gave him, and then the beating in bed she gave him...that’s a big gal. Anyway, we just keep derailing, don’t we?” he said, now with a smug face.

She nodded wordlessly. The words came to her with difficulty. “Nothing worked, in the end. A couple information brokers theorize it was Laidroara, one of the smaller but technically advanced nations. The keys spread, and now nearly everyone is on in Null. There are a million or two of us. That’s a lot of people, L, and nearly all of them are in Null now. There hasn’t been a scale this large to date. The possibilities...I can’t even begin to make heads out of them.”

L nodded. “Now that everyone broke the ban, they either wipe everyone and end most of humanity, or-”

“-they all in on it, and try to strike a deal.”

“But that will be difficult, won’t it?”

“As always,” Raven said, sighing. “The first is that comms will go down. We won't be able to communicate via the capsules or through any other means than in Null's own tools. As usual, the AI will be linked to the speakers, and the surveillance system will make bypassing atrociously difficult. Other than that, nothing is set in stone. Laidroara, if it was them, was wise to create an AI independent of anyone's control. This way no one could pressure them into handing control over."

“Meaning that we won’t be taxed or forced to serve the king...what was his name?”

“I don’t know,” Raven said, throwing her hands up. “Visimir something? It doesn’t matter. He won’t be a king, he can’t program it into the system for him and his lackeys, but he still has our lives in his hands.”

“That’s an issue. I don’t like it when my life rests in the palms of another,” L said, staring intently at Raven. She did not avoid his gaze. “So, what you’re saying, that at the end of it all, is that-”

“-We really don’t know what the fuck we’re dealing with, at this point,” Raven said, placing her hands against the table and standing up.

“So...what do we do now?” L said, standing up as well.

“The same thing we do every night, pinky,” she said with a giggle.

“Try to take over the world!” L said, pumping his fist into the air.

Raven smiled. A genuine, pleasant smile free of venom. “Truce?” she said, extending her arm forward.

L looked at it and snorted. He grabbed it, went around the table and gave her a hearty hug.

“Sorry I tried to kill you, Jack.”

“It’s ok. I’m sorry I almost decided to kill you, Raven.”

“That's sweet of you. What do you say...Will it take us a decade or so before we’re at our throats again?”

Raven chuckled, letting her chin rest on his shoulder. “We’ll both be dead by then, I’m afraid.”

“Not unless we find the key to immortality, Raven.”

“You know that’s just propaganda. The rankings...the rules, the human fabrication, the gene editing-”

“Pleasant topics Raven, pleasant!”

She sighed. “We have a lot of work ahead of us, Jack. So much work.”

“What’s with the feather dress, by the way? You’re dazzling, as always, but for you to wear it on a raid? Looks inconvenient”

“You’re so charming. I mean, you would be, if you didn’t smell like sweat, blood, horse, wasn’t full of mud, and actually had clothes on. It’s a combination of a class and race. I’ll tell you all about it after a long nap.”

“Haven’t really had time to...shower yet.”

“Figures.”

“Raven?”

“Yes?”

“Nealon."

"What about him?"

"He’s asleep.”

Raven twisted her head, then raised a tired eyebrow. “His eyes, they’re still open…” Raven said, and then paused. “Hey, you used to do that in meetings too!”

“Such is the price of his freedom. How will I ever live without him?”

Raven chuckled. She stepped back and took L’s cheeks in both of her hands. “You’ll make it, Jack, you always do, one way or another.”

L stared back at her violet eyes, vivid and intense as he remembered them. “You’ve changed, Raven.”

“Have I?” she said, smiling.

He nodded slightly.

“I guess...falling in lo-...lo--...love...wasn’t so bad after all," she struggled, her face turning cherry.

It wasn't love, Raven, it was seeing your death stop inches away from your face. It was you imagining how you would be squished under metal, how your beautiful figure and wonderful skin would be turned into mush. It was- “What are we gonna do about the oaf?” L said, interrupting his own thoughts. He pointed towards Nealon with his chin.

Raven looked at him for a few more seconds, unblinking. Then, pretending to not hear L's thoughts, shrugged.  “Leave him there. He takes too much of the bed, anyway.”