L’s teeth sunk into the piece of bread in his hands, parting its crispy exterior to reveal the soft, smokey insides. It melted upon L’s tongue, which as he had recently discovered, was slightly slimmer than normal, and with a sharp end.

If L was not entirely engrossed with the warm bread in one hand and the hot potato in the other, he would have came up with at least 6 distinct puns, varying from immature, to clever, to sexual, regarding this minor, but vitally important detail.

“Gee man, slow down. Not sure where you came from, but bread and potato don’t go flying away around here,” Braj said, sounding somewhat concerned.

“Yah yah, yourf da pfun daf shuf slo, ahem, down,” L replied, sending potato and bread crumbs flying.

Braj puffed his mouth, folding his arms. “Translation please?”

“Yeah yeah, you the one that should, ahem, douwf,” L said.

“Fine, whatever," he replied, ignoring his remark. He looked around the shade of the building, the same one L had grabbed him from. A glint in his eye passed as he noticed no one was around. He turned back to L. "Don’t you keep me on suspense, well?” he said quietly.

“Well? It’s a couple buildings down, in the middle of the the village near the barn house,” L said with a bored shrug.

“Stop messing around! Jus-”

“Can’t help the mess, man, the bread and potato crumbs-”

“Are you always like this?”

L became thoughtful, for a few moments. He looked up, down, to the side, and finished with a big bite from the loaf of bread. He shook his head. “No, usually I’m at better than this. Hard to make buns on an empty stomach.”

“Buns? Bread buns?”

“No, my I’m talking about my hairstyle,” L replied, narrowing his eyes.

“That makes no sen-”

“Puns you dolt, puns! Must I explain every little pun to you? You…” L began, struggling for the right word, “...bum! You bum!”

Braj looked back at L inarticulately. Then it hit him. “Fine, fine! I get it!” he said, putting his hands up. "Good pun! Great! Absolutely clever!"

Stolen novel; please report.

“Do you, though?” L asked.

“Wel--I mean yes, I do. Well is for the water well, mess is for the mess you are making, you animal, and bun is bread and a hairstyle.”

L stared back at Braj, his eyes prodding him carefully. Braj stared back, his chest pushed forward and his back straight.

“Adequate. And the last one?”

“I don’t! The hell does bum mean?” Braj said, deflating.

“In North Americatheotherworld, bun also means a person’s buttlocks. Bum is vagrant, who generally tends to be an idiot. You follow, young padawan?”

“Sure,” Braj said, unsurely. "What's a pada-"

“Alright, stop getting distracted and let's get to business,” L calmly said, wiping off a few bread crumbs from his mouth.

“Y-Y-Y-Y-You infuriating litt--” Braj began, his face smoldering. He sucked his lips into his mouth, screaming internally. He then let his back lean against the wooden wall, dropping to the floor. He sunk his head in between his knees. “Please, don’t drag this out any longer,” he said, exasperated.

“She is...totally into you man. You got this!” L said, putting one thumb up.

Braj snuck one eye out, his eyes narrowing. “Stop with your jests, please.”

“I’m serious,” L said, and to prove how serious he was, he stopped smiling and put on his serious face, which was his normal face but without his mouth doing any type of smile. Not even grin or, god forbid, a smirk.

No one said anything for a while. Braj had snuck his head back into his hidey hole, attempting to conceal his face, which did not work particularly well for him. Not much talent is required to imagine what a young man, who probably does not have any experience with woman, thinks of when someone tells him that his childhood crush, who is most certainly leagues beyond his capacities, loves him back.

“Are you sure?”

“Sure,” L shrugged.

“L!” Braj exclaimed, snapping his face upwards. His face was red and his eyes were wet.

L laughed, putting his hands up. “Sorry, that one was just too good to pass on. But yeah, you should definitely go for it.” Braj swallowed, his eyes looking everywhere but at L. He simply sat, flabbergasted and unresponsive. “But, there is a catch,” L said, somewhat quietly.

Braj snapped out of his daze, practically glad that there was an issue. At least then, he would believe what was happening. “What is it?”

“Well,” L said, somewhat awkwardly, “She’s...a bit dominating, you know? She likes to stand over people, if you get my meaning.”

“W-what! She’s a kind soul, caring for everyon-”

“No, no, not that. I’m sure she is, to her gentle soul no doubt, but I’m talking about her...sexual preferences. You catch my meaning?”

Braj shook his head heistainteltly, his lips pursing. “How do you know that?”

“I’ve talked to her. it’s a bit obvious. Think about it, she always want to get own way, she likes to tell people what to do, she doesn’t like being told what to do, and any person uttering any type of disparagement regarding her sex gets her furry. She’s practically running the store for her parents, don’t she?"

“Yes, I guess, but what does that have to do with anything?”

“Fool! Do you not hear? People think it is unruly for women to take over a man’s job. Many people have proposed to her, either cus’ she’s pretty or got a hefty shop to take over, and she has declined them all. You know that too, don’t you?”

“I know, that’s why I’ve held off my parents from proposing to her. But why is her not wanting to get married make her...whatever you call it?”

L sighed, shaking his head. “You have no experience with woman, do you? Rarely do well with them, too, I assume?”

Braj blushed. He opened his mouth for a rebuttal, but then froze midway. “How do you know this stuff?” he whispered.

L put his index finger to the middle of his lips. Because, fool, most guys are just as bad as you at it, and most women don’t like being controlled. Why do you think you’re any different? If I say you like being happy and would hate to die, will you also be surprised I knew that, too? and in a hushed up voice, he told him it was a secret technique he had learned from his master.