24)

The younger police called out from the basement. “Hay Sarge, you might want to take a look down here?”

Or would it be pol if it’s just one of them?

The older man headed down there, while Iris began to look concerned. A moment later the younger pol was sent upstairs to ask Iris to down below as well. She dropped the cat and was now looking a bit nervous.

While her eyes did go a little round as she hesitated for a moment halfway down the stairs. The old woman finished making her way down without even looking at the chains, the rack, the crow's cage, or even the unlit brazier filled with coals and irons.

She seemed more focused on walking over to a spot where she could see the entire area under the stairs.

The amused old man waved at all the equipment I had added to her house. "Ma'am, could you explain all this?"

Iris shrugged, “I have an active sex life and like to top.”

The younger woman turned red, while the old man had to cover up a laugh with a cough. “It all looks pretty new.”

The old woman crossed her arms. "I take good care of my toys. Safety first."

The large man coughed again. “So the kid out front told his parents he got scratched up when he broke into your house last night. Said he was attacked by squirrels in a dungeon?”

He looked around. “I guess this would be the dungeon, but I don’t see any squirrels?”

Iris waved her hand around. “No clue, maybe the squirrels came in the same window they did. But you have a warrant, feel free to look around for blood.”

The police poked around a bit and looked at the screens that had been removed, as well as at the paper Iris had laid out on her table. Then they went out to speak to the boy and his two fathers. A conversation that made all three of them get visibly upset with the older man.

Returning to the house he spoke with Iris again at the door. “So we’re going to speak with the other boy that was involved. But the only other thing we need from you is to know if you want to press charges?”

Iris shook her head. “They’re minors and they didn’t do any damage. And at the least that one's parents look like they make enough money that the courts won't do anything. Just tell them to stay away from my house."

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

Wait, they’re miners? You would think a job like that would leave them too tired to go out that late at night and cause trouble. Are there mines under this area? Are those something I need to keep an eye out for as I dig down?

The last of the police cleared out while I was trying to figure out all the implications of nearby mines. After they were gone, Iris stomped over to the top of the stairs with an angry look while she waved a finger at me. “What the hell was that about?”

I sent Kelvin over with a note. “You said someone might come looking for a dungeon and you mentioned the only other type I ever heard of. Did I get it wrong?”

She leaned back against her kitchen counter and held her hands against her face while she made a sort of growling noise.

Uncovering her face she looked down at Kelvin who was staring at her with his head tilted as Buttercup crouched down behind with his tail lashing back and forth.

Iris pointed at the beast with a stern look until it straightened up and began to lick at one of its paws.

Then she glared down at the floor. “I swear, sometimes I almost believe you aren't messing with me.”

Kelvin ran off to collect another note. “Should I remove it all?”

She read the note and shook her head. “No, I need to let the neighbors see it all get hauled off. I’ll put it up for sale on Craig's list as pick-up only. It all looked good, but the wood was a little rough. You don't want splinters in that kind of playground.'

Iris nodded to herself. “I would appreciate it if you could polish up the wooded parts, and maybe stain it with something dark and shiny. Then remove the rust from everything and break it down so it's easier to get out of my basement. But in a way that it's possible to put it back together.”

Hmm. It might be easier to just dissolve it all and remake it that way. But I saw no reason to mention any of that. I had found it best to just get on with a job without involving anyone else to get it done. Involving my wife had always meant having to wait around for her to make a final decision, which almost always turned out not to be so final after I was well into the work.

My eldest daughter pointed out that her mother just didn’t care about what I was working on and had just slowly been training me to stop asking her. It was a relief to both of them when Larista went off adventuring.

While I had been reminiscing, I also replaced the screen on her window. For all the trouble the police had given her over a story from someone that admitted to breaking into her home, you would think they would have at least done that.

Of course, I had to put all the sex dungeon stuff back together so Iris could take pictures of it with a smaller computer that could be held in one hand. It made a blinding flash of light that I thought she could use in the dungeon to blind opponents. Then she had me leave it all set up as well so any buyers that came by could take it apart after they bought it so they would be able to figure out how to put it back together again.

Over the next few days, several various people of a surprising variety of ages came by. Many of them leaving with some of various things. One couple even asked Iris if she would demonstrate the gear on them, which amused her greatly. But she deferred, claiming to be too old for that kind of thing anymore, and that was why she was selling it.

I’m not sure what that was all about. Did they… No, I can’t really figure it out. Must be an Earth thing.

Iris also continues to put herself through some fierce exercises. Before finally catching her breath after one insane set of movements in various positions. “I think I’m ready Tark, at least for rodents. But I don't think even with Buttercup I'm going to get into two or three fights every day without getting hurt."

“From what I’ve read. Every party needs a healer. So I’m, we’re, going to have to trust someone.”

After getting cleaned up. Iris poked at her handheld computer. "Molly? This is Iris Deslover. No dear, I'm fine. You said you wished you had some way of getting to second level so you could do something besides heal scratches and sunburns."

“If you can keep a secret? If you want in on an opportunity? One that you can know isn’t a scam because I’m not going to try to get money out of you or have you sign something. Then swing by my house this afternoon. Do you remember how to get here?”

“Good. Because I got an offer that you’re going to find hard to refuse.”