19)

Upstairs, post-battle. A little smug.

Iris was using a damp rag to clean one of her shoes as she glanced down at Envoy’s limp broken body.

“You’re definitely a guy because that was a dick move. I just got out of the hospital this morning. Jerk. I hope you don’t expect me to clean that up.”

: Sorry. But you did start it. I’ll get it once you clear out of the area. :

She glared at the wall. "Is this how it's going to be? Attacked at any time since my house is a dungeon? I can't live like that. How can I sleep, or use the toilet?"

Well, it would be funny. Sending a kobold after her in the shower. Rude, but funny.

: I'm not out to kill you. You're supposed to voluntarily enter a dungeon. Knowing and agreeing to take the risks. :

: Besides, I can't do much of anything up here when you are around. That’s why I started a true dungeon level downstairs. I only came up here because you were asking for me. :

She stopped cleaning her shoe to stare at the wall in disbelief. "You turned my basement into a dungeon?"

: No, of course not. The dungeon is much further down. You can still do laundry in safety. “

Now she had both of her hands on her hips. “So there aren't going to be monsters wandering up into my house and attacking me? Right.”

Well, I didn't think there would be. Maybe I should build a door.

: Wait a moment. Let me check the manual. :

She shouted something about me having a manual, but I was busy looking things up. Learn to judge the moment woman. I'm busy right now taking care of the thing you just got upset about.

: I took care of it. They won't go past a door unless they're chasing someone, and I can put a guard post at the bottom of the stairs to the dungeon area with standing orders for them to stop there :

She stared at the wall for a moment then headed down the hall to the stairs. “I need to see what you did to my house. You better not collapse it. Are you doing everything from a manual? Do you actually have any training?”

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She limped her way down the stairs, pausing halfway down to look around before going all the way to the bottom.

Spotting the new stairs below her old ones she moved around before stopping to look at the sign. Flipping it and jumping back a little when Builder number seven flipped it back. All unseen.

She looked around seeming unsure on where to look before shrugging and just looking out vaguely across the room. “And this is safe?”

From below the fridge, I could reach a four-foot across area on the floor below. I generated a free standing block of wood with lettering made from the black tiling from the bathroom embedded in it.

: Yes, I put railings on both sides and grilled aluminum edges on the steps. They should be very safe. :

She winched, then glared at the wooden block. "Safe for me, you!" She started to yell, then took a deep breath. " …Safe as in nothing from down below is going to creep up here and murder me in my sleep."

Oh… : Sorry. Yes, it is safe. I put a copy of your front door at the bottom of the steps and a small guard room on the landing right in front of it. Nothing should come up. :

Unless she or my wife’s ward are in danger. Then it’s a question of how fast things can come up. But I don’t see any need to mention that.

She looked down the steps. “So I can go down there to fight things. And that will make me level up.”

: Yes. But right now it can only do so much. I have to make it bigger and tougher as you level up to keep ahead of you. You can help with that. :

She gave me a single raised eyebrow. “And how exactly can I do that?”

: I could use samples of different animals. Fur, leather, feather, scales. Just parts. Nothing needs to die. :

: If you fight the same things over and over there are diminishing returns. “

I made a stack of one hundred dollar bills on top of the wooden block after swapping in a new one.

: I changed the serial numbers. But I'm not sure where you can get the samples. Some plants would be nice too, especially anything edible. :

She hesitantly stepped up to grab the cash before taking a few steps back while thumbing through the money.

“This is so illegal. Try for some smaller bills next time. I don’t suppose it would work if I just got samples from a bunch of weak harmless animals?”

: Weak opponents give weak rewards. An adventurer must be bold. :

She stopped to look at me for a moment. “I don’t want to be an adventurer. I just want to level up so I can be healthy again. So I can think and do things instead of just sitting around too weak and tired to do anything at all.”

I thought that over for a bit as she fanned out the money with a smile.

: Leveling up can buy you years, even a decade or two. But I'm sorry, age will catch up with you again and leveling can only make you healthier. Not young again.”

She nodded with a grimace. "It's a better deal than what I had before. I'll take it. Meanwhile, I'll be spending an afternoon on Amazon.”

What?

: The river? Where are we anyways?”

She stopped on the stairs. "Lutherville, just outside Atlanta. I'm guessing you aren't from around here, Tark, just how much do you know about Earth?”

: Mainly from what I read from your encyclopedia, Iris. :

Her eyes went wide. "The red ones? That was my older brother's from when he was a kid. That's older than me." She shook her head. "I don't even know if they make them anymore. But since you're a chunk of gemstone I doubt you can surf the net. I guess the most recent printing is going to be my first order.”

She headed up the steps again. "Just try to stay out of trouble."

I guess women on this world aren't all that different from mine. There she goes walking out of a room while getting the last word in when I can't respond. Not unless I paint her living room with more yellow condiment.

No. It’s her home. I’m just a boarder. Let her have her win.

Meanwhile, I'm going to look up Atlanta and Lutherville. Even if her bother’s encyclopedia is out of date the ground can’t have changed all that much. If I’m going to keep digging down it might be nice to know what’s down there.