1. My First Day in Heaven_Is Heaven Supposed to Be Like This?!

Author note: if you find any mistakes, please point it out!

HINT: according to a couple of readers, this fiction started out rather a bit disturbing but is gold at the end.

so! if you are really disgusted by this, then don't worry, it'll get alot better after chapter 7.

Never mind, its still as disgusting as fuck, and it'll simply get even more disgusting......

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Hello~!♪ ☆

My dear readers, how are you doing in this very fine day?

I really hope you’ll enjoy the first chapter of this series....because in the end, the protagonist is an idiot who died Because he haven’t taken a shit in a weeks.

I, of course, had my bowel expand to the the point where i started throwing up shit.

And by shit, i really mean shit.

Y’know, that brown thingy that comes out of your anus after you eat a hefty meal?

I ended up suffocating on that when my body tried to get rid of it.

Now now, i do have a ree~aally good reason for doing that......

A close friend of mine promised me a million yen if i ended up not taking a shit for a month.

Heck, he went to the point of letting me stay in his house.....and i was......in house arrest........

DIDN’T THAT GUY JUST WANT ME TO DIE?!

He freaking locked all of the doors and let me stay in his place for 3 weeks, 3 WEEKS!!!!

Muu~friendship my ass.

Err~ leaving this poopy conversation aside, i should introduce myself....no?

“Mister Alison Alex........shouldn’t you be ashamed......?”

“Ghey?”

Ahh yes....i shouldn’t forget to mention that when people die, they are sent to gate of the after world, aka ‘Afterworld Registration Office’.

It’s a small sized, two story building like that of your local government office.

“Mister Alex.....you shouldn’t space out when someone asks a question. Sigh. its not like i expected a sound response either you know......better yet, isn’t this the second you’ve come in here? you do realize that when you come here~to the after world registration office, in the state that you died in, right?”

As she has mentioned, i am currently in the state before i died.

Butt naked, mouth filled with shit and a swollen up abdomen.

Huh?

You really don’t care about that you say......?!

Thats not all.....

I can hear some of you feminists talking about how i can make a beautiful, silver haired young goddess see me in this state!?

Muhahahaha~!

For you feminists who thought as much, i have a very bad news to strike you with.

This, silver haired, blue eyed young goddess has actually seen my everything.....twice!

Not only that, she even commented “wow!” when she laid eyes before my best friend!!

She might look expressionless, but she’s a pervert down to the core!!!

“Mister Alex.....did you just think of something quite rude?”

“G-giku....” i swallowed unconsciously

with that.....i swallowed something that should never be swallowed.

With my face turning green, i began rolling on the floor in disgust.

“G-guaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!”

with tears flowing right out of my eyes, i began trying to vomit it out but to no avail.

my fingers refuse to enter the dirty place called my mouth.

“Really, Mister Alex....you never cease to amaze me......with your stupidity of course.”

She said that with a deadpan expression.

it took a few minutes for me to recover, but as soon as i did i continued “Is that really what you say to a person who suffered this much right in front of your eyes?! a few looks of pity or sympathy are way better than that harsh comment!”

“If you want looks of sympathy....” while saying that she pointed to her right, where other similar Office workers in their tidy suits are giving us their pity looks.

No, i should be more precise and say they are giving their looks of sympathy toward the direction of the young goddess, Sophia.

“But they’re all directed toward youu....”

As i said that, Sophia began reaching her hands toward my head but then retracted it as quickly as well.

“I forgot...you stink.” she muttered.

She probably thought of patting Alex’s head to comfort him, but then realized~or more like remembered that he’s covered in human waste.

Alex, gets up from the ground and start sitting on the chair while making an “Uuuu” defeated sounds as tears began to gather in the corners of his eyes.

With a small cough in order to refresh the mood, Sophia began looking for something in the midst of all the files in her drawer.

with an expressionless “Here we go~”, She took out a huge yellow file from the desk drawer.

in case you were wondering how huge it was, it was so huge you will be left thinking how that fit in that tiny desk drawer all day long.

she opened the file and began relying its contents in a monochrome tone.

“Alison Alex, Born in Yggdrasil~the tree of seven worlds. Blessed by Odin, Alex used to be a war hero. he rampaged throughout the seven worlds and killed the corrupted emperors and kings while saving hopeless villages. died at the age of 32 while still being a virgin.”

After Sophia ended her little speech about Alex’s past. he felt as if his body was perished by many arrows while the young goddess reenacts the pose Alex did when he first met her.

She raised her right leg and positioned it above the chair and began saying “Commoner! where is this!?” again and again.

Alex covered his face in embarrassment and looked downward, and thats when he noticed that Sophia’s panties were visible.

“Ahh~isn’t that a white bear kiddie panties~!”

“Wah~!? how did you know?!”

“Look at the pose you’re making at the moment, and you’ll understand.”

as soon as she realized her mistake, she quietly lift her leg from the chair and sat on it again.

“Hey, you perverted goddess. i never actually thought you were cute enough to wear some kiddie panties.....are you really 200 years old?”

while what appeared to be steam raising from the top of her head she responded “At least I’m not some exhibitionist who is butt naked in front of the office, right? so who’s the pervert here?!”

“i’ll just say this, have you ever heard of karma!?”

With a sigh, she continued “The cause of the death is poison. about the moment of his death, he was seduced by a big breasted woman on one night, and he followed her. Just moments before he began the act, the woman stole his first kiss and deep-kissed him which lead to Alex being poisoned. As for the poison location, upon more investigation via the mirror of truth, we found out that the lipstick used by the woman was soaked with a fast acting poison.”

“You cant really blame me there, right?!”

“I can. didn’t you show up here naked as well that time? anyhow, don’t interrupt me. i am paid to say this toward the dead....”

While sighing yet again, she continued “Mister Alison Alex was given the rare chance of reincarnation based on the white karma he has collected throughout his lifetime.”

Let me explain, the white karma is the currency used by heaven.

Ohh?

You’re asking if there’s a black karma?

Yes, there do exist a black karma currency, but that can only be used in hell.

“As for your second life, you have been reborn as Alison Alex in a peaceful place such as japan in earth#1, just as you have requested. you died at the age of 21, a virgin. Although your cause of death is suicide; and normally that will only get you a straight ticket to hell....but by using all of your white karma, i am able to let you enter heaven. is that fine with you?”

What? heaven??

Although i do want to see what kind of place that is, i want to be reincarnated again.

I mean, seeing new worlds and living different lives can be quite fun.....and i heard that heaven is a never changing while the living world is flowing with human changes.

The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

i don’t want to live in a boring place such as heaven......

“C-cant i be reincarnated....again?”

“You cant. the option has been locked for Mister Alex because you have wasted your precious body by committing suicide. the human god is quite furious with Suiciders y’know....after all he went through to make your body.”

Alex drops his shoulders in disappointment when he heard that he can no longer be reincarnated.

Damn bastard...! and i even trusted you.....if i ever see your smug ever again, i’m totally going to bury you with my own two hands!

Alex nodded as he was cursing his back stabbing best friend back in the living world.

***

Alison AlexRankF

“What the hell is this?”

As soon as i entered heaven, a floating screen thingy appeared right in front of me.

By the way, Sophia went out of her way and bought some clothes for Alex.....he truly felt endless gratitude toward her and tried to hug her...although all that was left was a red mark on his left cheek.

As i was saying that, a transparent, shadowless figure came approaching.

As it got closer and closer, i began able to recognize the figure.

Its a humanoid Ghost.

“Welcome to heaven~! i am the acting guard of gate #77. my name name is Drake~ Pleased to make your acquaintance~!!”

And what appeared is a super friendly Ghost.

“Err...excuse me?”

***

after a moment of confusion, Drake the ghost invited me to a bar.

of course, he is already aware that i do not have any karma on me.......

so this time, its on him.

“So anyhow, Drake.....what is this window thingy that appears out of nowhere?”

“ohh~ you mean the one that shows your ranking?”

“ranking......?”

“Yes! in heaven, everyone starts at rank , even though it isn’t the lowest level. they continue to raise their levels in hope of reaching rank SSS and become true gods! although only two people ever reached that rank....”

“ohh....you can become a god......? also, whats this about F not being the lowest rank?”

“Well~ the lowest rank is G...”

“Ahh...does that stand for Ghost......?”

“Yes....”

Drake hangs his head between his hands in embarrassment, and probably in regret as well.

“So anyhow....i would like to know how am i going to live from now on?”

Alex tried to change the subject with the next action he should take, and that is getting a shelter.

“Ahh....you can use your leftover karma to buy a house....or rent a room in an inn......”

Says the dejected Drake, but he soon regains his liveliness and continues “Ahh! this bar also works as an inn! they have spare room above...so you could probably rent one?”

After saying that, i had to remind Drake that i’m already broke.

thats when an old man interrupted our conversation

“Ohh? if you’re looking for a way to get a room even if you’re broke, you can always play a little game i have here!”

i answered with “A game......?” while titling my head.

“Yes. here in heaven, you make bets and try to win them in order to gain privileges that weren’t available to them before, while also gaining ranks. Not to forget, it is also a way to gain karma.”

“If that was the case.....then please, let me play that game of yours!”

While Drake tried to stop me from agreeing without listening to the rules first, i gave no heed to his warnings because i’d rather not live in the streets.

“Alright~! then in that case....if you lose, i’ll have you work here for the next.....200 Years? of course, your rank is going to go down to G. Although you’ll be living here and be given three meals a day....isn’t that great?”

The old man said that while revealing a vicious smirk as that of a predator.

and without a doubt, Alex was its pry.

Alex, not paying attention to the old man’s expression change, suddenly sharpened his eyes and asked “And the game?”

The old man, surprised by the calmness of his pry continued “I have hidden a Big golden White karma coin in the store....the big white karma coin is the highest coin currency in heaven. it is equivalent to 1000 Dollars or 116.5 Thousand yen in earth’s currency.”

“is that so? then is that all.....? nothing else is included right? no hidden rules or anything??”

The man had a shiver ran down his spine when he heard the young man’s attitude, but he quickly dismissed it as paranoia.

“...............Y-yes, of course! although your time limit is 3 minutes~ so good luck!”

it was practically impossible to find a hidden coin in a large bar filled with items such as this in three minutes.

the old man, who owns this bar, uses this game in order to draw out money from short lived gamblers that stumble here, who think they can push their luck beyond its limit.

after signing the contract, the game started.

***