Marshal and I went upstairs to check on my mom. She was awake and singing my childhood lullaby. I felt so terrible to leave her like that, but that was what she wanted. She wanted a private time with her child’s memories.
“Do you want to go to the bathroom?” I asked her as a courtesy. She didn’t have any control over her body. With Marshal’s help, I took her to the bathroom. While he was waiting outside, I cleaned her and replaced her diaper. When she was ready again, with the help of Marshal, I took her to her own bedroom. Like always, she didn’t ask much but to see her child on a videotape.
The gang gathered in her room. Even though Marshal asked my mom many times, he asked her to tell him about her child in the video, and my mom, with different words, told us the same story. She was proud of me, and she wanted everyone to know about that. She sometimes told us about my misbehaving and how prideful and stubborn I was. She told us stories, until in the middle of it, she slept.
We left her there and went to the other room and continued our conversation until it was time for them to leave. Marshal and Aiko said goodbye first and then Bernadina. When they left, Calysta turned to me to say goodbye.
“I think you should stay here. Last night, I was at yours, and tonight is my turn,” I said before she could say anything.
“I really like to, but I don’t think that would be a good idea with Meleta and Valerio around,” she explained.
“So you are saying I have to wait until they are eighteen?” I protested. She laughed at my jest.
“You know what I mean.” She tried to get away with that explanation.
“Let me make it clear. Nothing will happen tonight as well, but if you are just insisting and resisting because you are not comfortable here, I won’t stop you,” I said with a serious face.
“I don’t know what to say,” she said.
“Don’t you want to get used to being here?” I said, and I threw her off guard. Was I too forward for my request? Maybe. But I needed her. I saw the hesitation in her. “It’s all right. I’ll see you later,” I said and went to give her my goodbye kiss. I kissed her on both cheeks. “Are you sure?” she asked with concern. I nodded. I saw Meleta was already rubbing her eyes. Valerio was yawning.
“Where do you plan to put them if I stay?” she asked.
“My old room. The bed is big enough for both,” I responded.
“Do you want to sleep here?” she asked them. They shook their head in protest. She looked at me apologetically.
“What if I buy a video game console tomorrow?” I asked. That woke them up in joy. If she was going to play dirty with me, I showed her that I could also play dirty.
“I don’t know if I agree to that,” she protested. It brought resistance in her children like the rise of the people of Russia against the Tsar. Those two that saw the idea of a video game console that was about to be demolished in front of their eyes were begging their mom to stay.
“I should have added that your mother has to approve of that. If not, the whole deal is off,” I explained. I didn’t want to let those little demons turn a good night into a nightmare. However, they pressed the nuclear button by showing their puppy eyes and repeatedly saying, “Mommy.”
In the end, Calysta, whose tooth and claw was pulled out, agreed to stay. The kids jumped for their victory, and I joined them in my thought. I showed them my room and led them where to sleep. They went and slept on the bed. After they settled down, I went to Calysta. She looked defeated.
“Thank you for staying,” I said. It was a reconciliation. She gave me the look that said “I can’t believe you did this.” After we brushed our teeth, we went to bed. I lay down on the bed and was just so happy that she was there with me.
What a difference?
One night, cold and unattached, and the next night, being beside myself to have her there.
“What a day,” I said offhandedly. She nodded in confirmation.
“Are you still angry at me?” she asked me with concern.
“Why?” I asked back.
“I don’t know. Last night, you hated me, and tonight . . . ,” she said and bit her lips. “Tonight, you are different.”
“Last night, I slept with my enemy. Tonight, I’m sleeping with Calysta,” I responded. She nodded and came closer to me.
“I’m not going to give you this side of the bed. This side is mine,” I said, and she looked puzzled.
“This is what I see in TV and Movies. The women take a big portion of the bed,” I explained. She laughed at my stupidity and came closer to me. She put my arm under her head, and her hand was on my chest. That was how fast I lost that portion of the bed not knowing it.
“I promised you that tonight nothing will happen, and I will keep my promise. You can go to sleep now.” I think I said that to myself to slow my heartbeat, but I heard a protesting noise from her. After so many seductions and trying to convince me otherwise, we both went to sleep.
The next day, as I promised, I bought them a video game console. We made lunch and supper. I took care of my mom. I was massaging her from her head to toe. I read her one of her books on the shelves. In the end, I put back the videotape as she requested. From there, I went and helped Calysta with housework. My day passed as fast as it came. I was happy to have her there. That evening, Marshal and Aiko came back again. They were delighted to see Calysta there again. They started their gossips, and Marshal and I started our own. In a blink of an eye, the night came to an end. Marshal and Aiko said goodbye and left. When It was Calysta’s time to leave, I was divided to let her go or not, but I decided against my desire.
“Thank you for staying here last night,” I said to her. I saw disappointment in her eyes.
“No problem. You can call me anytime,” she said. The sadness in her voice was unmistakable.
“I really like you to stay, but I won’t force you like last night,” I said to her apologetically.
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because you are going to work the day after tomorrow, and I don’t want you to get exhausted by working here as well,” I explained to her.
“Oh, that. Thank you for thinking about my well-being,” Calysta said, but this time, the sadness in her voice was almost gone.
This time, when she told her children that it was time to go, they were the ones who wanted to stay without any of my persuasions. She didn’t know what to do.
“Do you like to stay?” I asked her after seeing her children insist on staying.
She looked at me. “Do you really want me to stay?” she asked. I smiled and nodded.
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to worry about us while you are attending to your mom,” she explained. Was she serious? I would move a mountain for her, so I told her that I wanted her to stay.
We went to bed again, and this time, she was at my side and made herself comfortable. I held her closer to myself.
“Do you still have the painting that I made for you?” I asked her.
“I do, but it’s in my mom’s house. I guess you know the reason why,” she replied. I understood.
“I made another one, but it wasn’t a portrait. It was a miniature painting. The back of a girl who was looking at the fogged and steamed mirror. Her picture would be only revealed in one of the droplets in a mirror. Unless someone used a magnifier glass, no one could see the picture of the girl.” Then I continued, “I named it Atsylac. It was my companion for a long time. I was forgetting your face, Hence the steam on the mirror, and if I wanted to see you again, I had to use a magnifier,” I explained.
“I’d really like to see it,” she said with excitement.
“You could if you go to the Florence’s Art Museum,” I said coolly. She raised her head from my arm and looked at me in disbelief.
“You put my picture in the museum for everyone to see?” she said that and slapped me gently on my chest.
“Don’t worry. No one knows that it’s you. Do you remember that fan girl who interrupted our meeting? She saw the painting and didn’t put together that it was you,” I said calmly.
“By the way, what happened to that girl? Did you call her?” she asked. She quickly forgot about the painting.
“I did call her. I called her friend as well,” I told her truthfully.
“What? Why?” she asked incredulously.
“I said that I would call them, so I did. I took them out for dinner, and that was it. I didn’t see why I couldn’t talk to them. They were fresh air for me. Everyone was curious about what happened between me and that pop star that they forgot I had another life as well,” I explained to her.
“What happened between you and Taylor by the way?” She just jumped from that topic to another.
“What do you think happened? I already told you that I’m a virgin. What is all this fuss about?” I explained to her gently.
“Oh, nothing . . . ,” she said. Her smile was cute and mischievous. I smiled at her devilish smile.
She looked at me in the eye and stoned me just like Medusa. Her hot breath on my cheek and chest drove me to insanity. Then I felt her lips were touching mine. She was biting and suckling my lower lips. I returned the favor. She mounted herself on top of me, and like a lioness going for her kill, she kissed my neck and gave me a gentle bite there too. I was getting sweltering, and each part of me she was kissing was aching to be kissed again. She pulled my shirt up and started kissing me from my lower ribs to the upper. Just like that, she removed my shirt and came back up again. She looked at my eyes and saw I had no power at all and I was at her mercy. She smiled and locked her lips to mine. I just wanted to be closer to her, if that was possible, so I hugged her more tightly. She moaned while our lips were still locked. It was as if I did this more than a thousand times. I maneuvered her under myself. Now I was on top, and she was under. Her hot body underneath me drove me crazier. I started kissing her on the cheeks when I saw she exposed her neck to me. No words needed to be said. I went for her neck and her jugular. Her neck was made to be kissed. I moved from there to her collarbone. I tried to do the same and copied her move. I pulled her shirt up and started kissing her from the lower ribs to the upper. Her body arched under mine each time I kissed her on the chest. I removed her shirt, but there was another piece of clothing. Her bra was there. I continued kissing her instead of removing her bra. My hands cupped her breast, and I kissed around it. She moaned a bit more. My lips touched between her breast, where she arched up more. Then slowly I exposed her left-side breast; the already erected nipple popped out. I don’t know how I knew, but I started to suck her nipple. She moaned at first, but then she jolted and held my head with her two hands. “Oh, oh . . . more gently, please.” I did as she commanded. Good thing that I didn’t bite. Something was urging me to do so, but how could I? If she was uncomfortable by sucking hard, how could I go for something more severe? My tongue found it pleasurable to play with her nipple. She liked the work of tongue more than sucking by letting her moans out. My other hand exposed the other side of her chest and instinctively went for that one too. Her body was arching up and going left and right as if to escape from a predator. That movement became rhythmic, and she was grinding her hips to mine. That felt much better, so I did the grinding on top of her. She held my head with her hands again, and I wondered what I did wrong this time. Those sapphire eyes held me like a prisoner. Somehow, she made her eyes look bigger and turned them back smaller in a matter of seconds. I don’t know what kind of sorcery she was using at me, but whatever it was, it enchanted me fully. I was acting like a madman. That duration she held my head with her hands was close to milliseconds before she kissed me again. That moment for me was like an eternity. She locked her lips to mine again and expertly turned me to the side, and she came on top of me again. She started kissing from top to lower part. She kissed my cheeks, neck, chest, and abdomen. She continued kissing until she arrived at my pants. Just her touching that area made me crazier. The feeling of her fingers touching my belt made me sit up. She kissed me on the lips to cool down the beast inside me, but how was such a thing possible? The thing that started all was calming me down while she was dexterously undoing my belt and button. She smiled and turned up the heat again. Her hand went under and started kissing my abdomen. I just wanted to hold her there. Her hot breath and her hair touching my skin was a joy beyond anything that I imagined. By one hand, she pushed me down gently. It was like a command. She unzipped my pants and slid her delicate hand in there. She grabbed what she was looking for and started stroking it. My penis was already erect with all this excitement. Nonetheless, she stroked it. Then she pulled down my pants and underwear altogether with a little difficulty and little help from me. Now I was exposed to her physically and spiritually. I was truly and fully naked in front of her. After she pulled down my pants, she started stroking my penis again. This time, she brought her head close to my penis and her hot breath on it. It made me harder. The mischievous smile was shown again on her lips. She puffed on it on purpose to tease me more. I moaned and grabbed the sheets with full strength. To tease me more, she brought her mouth close to my penis and took it away. Like a snakebite, she kissed one part and pulled back. She knew exactly what she was doing to me. Those teasing were on purpose and on point. I moaned more. I was asking for mercy by moaning, and she, like a good torturer, enjoyed hearing my pleas. Then her tongue touched my penis and pulled back. She licked again, and this time, it was longer than the first time. Then to my surprise, she took the top of my penis in her mouth and pulled back. I was over the moon and didn’t know what she was doing. Then she started stroking me by her mouth. She was sucking and licking at the same time. She was doing that continuously. I thought that a torrent inside me was coming up.
“I guess I’m coming,” I said to her so that she could go easy on me. She looked up and looked at me directly. She smiled, and without remorse, she sucked and licked continuously. In felicity and elation, my body released itself from that torment. The merriment and gaiety that came afterward were beyond anything that I imagined or dreamed of.
I was panting after that much ecstasy and exultation. I was smiling like a big idiot. I looked at her and saw that she was wiping her mouth and coming up to kiss me, but I refused. I told her to go and wash her mouth. I wasn’t trying to be insensitive, but I didn’t like something as foul as that in my mouth. She looked hurt. It was like I was judging her, but it wasn’t true. I didn’t know what I was doing there and gave the lead to her. She knew what she was doing, and I didn’t.
“Do you like it that way? I mean, being dirty?” I asked
“What do you mean?” She was offended more.
“I’m just trying to understand if you did it for my sake or you just like it that way,” I asked with more clarification.
“What if I like it?” she said and stood up to go to the bathroom.
“Then I have to try it to see if I like it too,” I said. She looked at me with suspicious eyes.
“I’m serious. Don’t forget. This is the first time for me,” I said to defend my lack of experience. She smiled. Somehow, she liked the sound of it. Now she was better at something that I wasn’t.
“I’ll be back,” she said and went to the bathroom. I lay back and thought about what had just happened. After a few minutes, she came back. She kissed me on the lips, and I smelled the fresh smell of toothpaste in her mouth. I smiled back.
“Do you still want to continue?” she asked with concern.
“I didn’t have the main course yet,” I said in agreement. She laughed at my silly response, but then she came and kissed me. This time, I kissed back and locked our mouths together. I pulled her half-bent body to the bed, and in one move, slowly she was under me. Our mouths were still locked. I started kissing the top of her nose. Again, she exposed her neck and cheek to me. I brushed my lips against her soft skin. Pecking her cheek and neck, I moved to her earlobe. She liked it and moaned with pleasure. I worked on it more until her body told me to go down on the lower part. I moved down to her beautiful, long neck. The hotness that was emitting from her neck was dazing me. I pushed her face on the pillow to expose her neck more. The whiteness and the pleasant temperature were startlingly good. I just wanted to stay there forever and kiss her to my heart’s content. However, by moving her head, she signaled me to move on, but I hung around to kiss her shoulder bone to her chest. I kissed the clavicle exposed to me by the gap in it made on her shoulder muscle. Then I moved to the manubrium and sternum. Even though they were bones that every human has, those were different for me. They were more pleasurable kisses. My head was between her tits. The softness and bounciness of them made me more playful. I used her own technique on her when she played around my penis. I huffed on her nipple. She whined deliciously. She arched up to offer either of them to me. I smiled and pulled back my head, but to my surprise, she pulled my head down to one of them. The softness and bounciness of her tit made me open my mouth involuntarily and have her nipple in my mouth. She cried in joy. The lesson I learned earlier, which I shouldn’t suck too hard, I applied again. I did what she did down there, sucking and licking at the same time. Playing with the tips of her nipple with my tongue, I noticed she was moving her head right and left. I enjoyed seeing her like that. From one side, I moved to the other side of her chest and repeated the process all over again. Then I moved down underneath her tit and, from there, to the abdomen. She was shivering in pleasure. I moved slowly to her lower part until I arrived at her jeans. Just unbuttoning her jean was empowering for me. I continued kissing on the area above her jeans. After, I undid her jeans, unzipped it. It wasn’t like I didn’t see women naked. I saw them everywhere, from the beach to the pool in Europe. When women sat beside me naked, I didn’t feel the same excitement as I did when I exposed her panty. Using the same technique she used, I slid my hand there and tried to find her private part. First, she moaned and then started laughing. She giggled sweetly. I smiled and kissed her soft skin, but it didn’t stop her from laughing. I raised my head and watched her laughter. Then I moved on. I tried to pull down her tight jeans by grabbing it from both her hips. I tried to pull it down, but the damn jeans was glued to her skin and pulled down her whole body. It was a kind of pleasurable resistance in that piece of clothing. She raised her hips to make it easier for me to remove it. It came off easily after it passed her bottom. She was still laughing and was playful by moving her body around. She teased me by not making my job easy to take out her panty. With little help from her, I removed her panty as well. Now I saw her shaved vagina. I smiled at her silliness and playfulness. I put my hand on her vagina again. The soft and warm skin in that area was so intoxicating. Again, I used her technique to tease her, but her reproductive tool was different than mine, so I made an improvisation. I put one finger on her vagina and started rubbing it sideways and up and down and sideways. She moaned again, and I didn’t notice when she stopped laughing. It was enjoyable to do things to her. When she was getting aroused, I was getting aroused as well. Her wailing and moaning made me more focused on the task. While I was playing with her Vagina’s lips, I went up again and gave a quick kiss to her pointed nipple. I kissed it again and moved down from there to her groin. Then I inserted a finger inside her vagina, and I felt the wetness in there. It was sticky. I let my finger feel inside her vagina; with my thumb, I played with her clitoral hood and clitoris. The wailing continued. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to do that, but I went for it. I went down and put my mouth on her vagina and started sucking and licking it. While I was there, I continuously pushed my finger in and out of her. The moaning and wailing got louder than before. She continuously arched her body and dropped it on the bed. I realized I was doing it right, so I continued until her body tried to get away from me. She put her hand on top of my head to keep me there. She closed her tight and locked my head there, yet I kept going until I felt something came out of her, and she slumped on the bed. She was breathing hard with laughter.
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“Where did you learn that? You told me that you are a virgin. Did you lie to me?” she asked me like a marathoner who just reached the finish line. She was out of breath.
“No, I just did exactly what you did with a little modification,” I said defensively.
I sat up and opened her legs. I brought my penis close to her vagina, but I saw that she convulsed as if she were in a seizure.
“Are you okay?” I asked with concern.
“I’m . . . I’m . . . I’m fine . . . just give me a second,” she begged. Even though it was difficult for me, I pulled my back. Then I tried to touch her breast, but it was like she was electrocuted. She shook and tried to stay away from me, but my animal instinct was forcing me not to let her get away. The amount of will going against that instinct was unsurmountable, but her comfort was more important for me. It was the same instinct that told me to bite her tit off as if I could do that. I pulled back and let her have her break.
“You are amazing like always. Everything you do is amazing. Wow, I never felt this good,” she complimented me. Maybe it was for my bruised pride and confidence. I didn’t want to ruin her moment if there was a chance there was truth in it by accusatory questions.
“Thanks. I had a good teacher,” I replied. She smiled at my compliment.
When her breathing got slower, she looked at me.
She nodded her head and said, “I’m ready.”
Once again, I brought my hip to hers. She put her delicate fingers on my abdomen to stop me from doing something stupid. My body, like a trained dog, obeyed her.
“Just go easy on me,” she requested. I nodded.
I rubbed my penis on her vagina. It was so pleasurable doing that. The heat from her groin was intoxicating. The tip of my penis was itching to get into her. I slowly slid my penis into her vagina, and I found a new kind of pleasure, a wholly unique experience, as if whatever I did before that moment was a massive misunderstanding about sex. That sensation, that feeling I had inside her took me to another place. All these years, I starved my body to that sensation. I was like a person who hadn’t tasted salt or spice all his life. Now that person couldn’t imagine his life without it—what war and blood were shed for having that taste again.
I pushed my hips more forward to let in more of my penis. She inhaled through her teeth. It was like a hissing sound. A moan followed that. She grabbed my hips to adjust the speed of my motion. That way, I wouldn’t move my hips too fast or slow. My body, as she instructed, moved forward and backward. The heat inside her was gratifying and fun. It was just a body temperature; it couldn’t exceed thirty-seven Celsius. Maybe it rose to thirty-seven and a half, yet it felt like a hundred. Inside her was hot and wet. Her legs looped around my waist. She pulled me toward herself. I went down and kissed her lips. She was panting and whining at the same time when she had time to take a breath from my kissing and thrusting hips. The more she whimpered and moaned, the more I added speed and thrust. She held my body closer to herself. She hugged me with her whole body by looping her hands around my neck and her legs on my waist. Her breast was pressed on mine. I lifted her entire body up with a push-up movement and brought her down on the bed slowly. She took a breath and started pecking my cheek, neck, shoulder, and biceps rapidly. She gave me a leeway to raise my hip again, and as I did, she started biting me gently. I thrust hard this time. I wanted the whole thing inside her. It made her arch back her neck and raise me by her body. That alluring neck of hers was exposed again, and it was an invite to kiss her there. I kissed her throat and chin. She dropped her body again.
“Go faster . . . Go faster,” she begged me. I sped up more. By her moaning in that speed, in that body heat, I felt another torrent coming up.
“I’m coming,” she said before me.
“I’m coming too,” I confessed.
“No, don’t come inside me,” she begged.
I moved faster, and she started to bite me harder in the shoulder. She was trying not to scream in the middle of the night, and she took her revenge on me for that, but I was too excited to feel any pain. When she released me, I kept pounding her with more force in my hips. Then I slowed down.
“Faster, faster, faster . . . ,” she was saying, and by each word, I added more speed, and then she dropped and screamed inside my mouth. Then she released me from her grip and slumped herself on the bed. I was about to raise my hips again when she bit me and screamed in pain. After she stopped biting me and lay back to bed, she put her shaky hand on my chest and wanted to distance herself from me. The sadist inside me ignored that polite request, so I thrust again on her.
“No more, please, stop. No more . . . ,” she was begging, but that demon inside me was blind and deaf to any plea. I thrust one more time with more force behind it.
“Please, please, stop,” she begged me again, but I was about to have my climax. That ogre inside me insisted on continuing, but I pulled it out. I sat on her abdomen and started stroking my penis on top of her. I looked at her beautiful breast and tried to touch it, but she shivered like before. It was like my hand was a Taser gun. That sudden move of her and irresistible eyes made me come on her abdomen and breast.
After that, I was exhausted even to sit. I had to lie down. I wanted to kiss her, but she put her hand in front of my mouth like I was a repulsive person, but I saw the smile.
“I can’t take it anymore,” she confessed and breathed heavily. I nodded and just lay back on the bed.
“So this is what I was missing all this time?” I asked no one in particular. She laughed her beautiful laugh. She was still catching her breath and gulping any moisture left in her mouth.
“You are good. Actually, you are too good,” she said between her heavy breathing. “Truly, you make me wonder if you told me the truth about being a virgin,” she said pleasantly.
“You were the one who was leading me, remember? You pushed my head wherever you wanted me to go, and then you showed me how to tease. All of that, it was your doing. I thought you realized it when you started laughing,” I said defensively. She laughed at my response.
“I didn’t realize that I was teaching you. I just wanted to let you do whatever you wanted to do because it was your first time,” she explained diligently. That made me laugh, and with my laugh, she laughed as well. We lay down on the bed and stared at nothing.
“That was the last thing that I held on to. I think there won’t be anything close that can happen ever again. I won’t have this first-time experience ever again,” I said it offhandedly.
“What do you mean? Just let me catch my breath, and I’ll make you eat your words,” she protested.
“Another sex with you or anyone else won’t bring back that first-time experience. I think that’s the reason we do stupid things like cheating. We are starving for that experience. The experience of the first time trying out something enjoyable can’t be replicated. After the first-time experience, we try to have that jolt of excitement again, but it won’t come back. It’s ferocious and very unfair. However, knowing that, we try again and again to see if that experience will be back, with the same person or another person, and the more we try to relive that moment, the more mundane it becomes,” I said.
“Thank you for being a downer after having sex,” she said. She tried to be funny, but the pain behind it was apparent to me.
“You didn’t get it. I shared that experience with you. The most important moment in my life has been given to you. Please take care of it,” I clarified it for her. She had a big smile on but a teary eye.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t give you the same thing,” she said. I nodded.
“It was my choice to live like that. I don’t expect anybody else to do the same. It won’t be a gift if it is expected from everyone,” I said calmly.
“You always give me the best gifts,” she said in her tears. She leaned over and gave me a kiss.
“You do too, but you never realized it. You were the one that gave me those feelings. You were the one that became my first girlfriend. You were the one who gave me my first kiss. You were the one who made me think about someone else besides myself, and you are the one that let me experience this feeling for tonight. I had many chances with different people, but somehow, I was locked out and couldn’t do it with them. Even though they were willing to do it, but somehow, I felt bad about it if I did it,” I explained. She came on top of me, laid her body there, and listened from there while her head was resting on my chest.
“Do you really mean it?” she asked.
I played with her hair. I drove my fingers into it and started massaging her head. “I do. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t know if I ever would have that chance. It’s been a while that I thought that I would have the same fate as Isaac Newton or Nicola Tesla, and I came to be at peace with it,” I said honestly. She nodded on my chest, and her breath was alluring again. As much as I wanted to do it again, but the day’s task took its toll. I was barely able to open my eye. I kept massaging her head to cool down my desire. She kissed my chest and put back her head in the same place. The sleepiness made my eyelid heavy. I thought to close it for a few seconds, but my body took me to dreamland.
I opened my eyes. My mom was standing right where we were sleeping. Her hair was messy and wild. Her eyes were deep inside her skull, which shadowed the eyeballs and added to her eerier appearance. The wrinkled face of hers with loose skin under her chin made her look more terrifying. The eye socket looked like they had been bruised. She was breathing heavily with a whizzing sound. The aroma of disease had already filled the whole room. She was looking at me with disappointment.
“Agustin,” she said with difficulty. It was hard to hear any sound other than her whizzing sound.
“Agustin,” she said again. She was looking for my response.
“Mom? What are you doing here? Are you all right?” I asked with concern.
“You couldn’t even wait for me to die?” she asked. I could see her veins bulging in her neck. Her dehydrated lips had cracks in them. She was smacking them together to run a little bit of life to it. Maybe she was smacking them to get some moisture there. Her heavy breathing made me more concerned.
“Was I a bad mom to you? Is this my punishment?” she said with difficulty.
“Mom, what are you talking about?” I asked. Now I sat on the bed. I wanted to let her sit on the bed.
“Wasn’t she the reason you left me?” she said and pointed at Calysta’s naked body with her bony finger.
“It wasn’t her fault. I’m to blame for all this. I was too weak. I shouldn’t have left you or Dad, not for her and not for anyone else,” I confessed.
She nodded. Blood streamed down from the corner of her eyes. The blood droplets on her dress made me more nervous. What is going on? I thought.
She smiled. Her smile on that bloody face was unnerving.
“My poor boy, you always had a gentle heart,” she said with more difficulty.
I woke up with tears on my face. Then I noticed a movement on my right side. I turned my head to see empty eye sockets looking at me. A slashed face revealed the inner muscle and fat, which was covered by gory red blood. That naked body beside me was the cause of that movement. Someone behind her with a bloody knife was stabbing the lifeless body beside me. That individual was stabbing repeatedly, and with each pull, a trail of red blood was coming toward my face and my naked body. I touched my face and looked at my hand. The things that I thought were my tears turned out to be blood. That individual didn’t stop stabbing. Even though I registered this whole scene late, my body was ready to fight. I rolled over and jumped out of bed. Then it dawned on me, the person who was getting stabbed was Calysta. A paralyzing sadness and anger came over me.
I didn’t know what to do. By the looks of it, she was already dead, and her body was moving like a dead body. There was no life in it. That individual raised the knife, and down it came with a thumping sound. A pool of blood covered the bed and drenched everything in red in the moon’s light. That individual didn’t stop stabbing. Then I noticed the bony figure who was stabbing her. She was covered in the blood of her victim. That messy hair, which clung to each other because of the wet blood, was glued to her face. She continuously stabbed the dead body. Deep down, I knew who was stabbing. She was slashing and stabbing.
“Stop it!” I yelled. I felt the deep sadness in my voice. However, that individual didn’t stop. She continued her stabbing as if nothing had happened. It was too painful to watch the body of a person I had strong feelings for being violated just like that.
In that moment of insanity, I didn’t care what would happen to me. I just wanted to stop that act. Those movements were easy to predict. It had just one motion, up and down. I went and grabbed the wrist of the hand holding the knife. I held it firmly. However, that hand wanted to continue its momentum. I stopped the hand from going to any direction. I stopped one hand, but the other one raised as a fist. Now that individual wanted to pummel the lifeless body of Calysta. I grabbed the other hand and stopped it from hitting it. However, that individual didn’t give up. That individual was about to attack with her teeth. By crisscrossing those arms, I pushed back her whole upper body. Now I could see the attacker’s face, and for sure, I knew who she was. My mom, with berserk eyes, was looking back at me. What happened to her? Why was she doing this? She was struggling to free herself. I was in too much shock to understand anything. There was no logic inside me. The moment that I realized that my mom couldn’t do any of that because of her condition, the spell was broken.
I woke up. I looked around. Calysta was sleeping peacefully on my side. There was no one else in the room. I checked again with more cautious eyes. No one besides Calysta was in the room. I took a deep breath, just like when I surfaced from a deep pool. I relaxed as soon as I realized the horrible nightmare was over. Calysta’s closed eyes were toward me, and she was breathing so close to the right side of my chest. My mind was in a haze after all that. I wanted to hug Calysta tightly, but I decided against it.
It was difficult for me to leave Calysta’s side, but after that nightmare, I was worried for my mom. I wanted to check on her. I tiptoed out of the room. The sun wasn’t out yet, but the darker blue sky was transforming into a lighter one. I walked to my mom’s room with excitement. I felt heavy in my heart. When I saw her lying in bed with closed eyes, it made me relax and anxious. I was worried that something might have happened to her, but when I saw her chest rising and falling under that blanket, it made me have a relaxed breath. I went close to her bed to look at her closely. She was sleeping peacefully. She looked much different than what she looked like in those nightmares.
“Mom, I’m sorry that I wasn’t a good son to you,” I said to her. Her eyes were still closed.
“Just wait a bit more for this foolish son of yours. I’m not ready to let you go. The world is mundane. Nothing has replaced those beautiful smiles of yours. I wish you could scold me for leaving you alone for this long. The world doesn’t have any music to replace those lullabies of yours. Our garden flowers don’t smell good without you walking in them. You were my best friend when no one wanted to be my friend. Your chest is full of my silly little secrets. Please, forgive me again for the thousandth time,” I said to her in despair. It was hard not to kiss or brush her hair, but I didn’t want to wake her up, so I left her there and went to the kitchen.
I started cutting the potatoes, onions, and bell pepper. A mixture of paprika, black pepper, salt, garlic, and dried rosemary was added to those chopped vegetables. Then I poured some olive oil into it and put it in the oven. Since I didn’t know what kind of protein they wanted, I put aside their portions and fried an egg for myself. Then I made porridge for my mom. I minced some fruit in it as well.
The daylight was up now. A new day started for me. My breakfast was done before Calysta showed up in the kitchen.
“Hi, how are you today?” she asked me in a good mood.
“I’m good. Thanks for asking.” The formality in my response was a surprise to me too. The smile on her lips dried like a drop of water in a hot Sahara.
“Agustin, is everything all right?” she asked with concern.
“I had a nightmare last night. I can’t remember the detail, but it put me in a bad mood,” I said to her and lied at the last part. I didn’t want her to feel guilty for a silly nightmare or overthink about it. She nodded, but her smile didn’t come back.
“What do you like with this? Eggs? Sausage? Bacon?” I asked her and showed her the breakfast that I had prepared.
The fragile spirit of hers was as stubborn as a mule. “I don’t feel hungry,” she said with distaste and sadness. Probably, she thought that she had done something to tick me off. That was what I thought.
“Do you want me to force you by kissing or by tickling?” I offered my solution to her foolishness. That childlike spirit of hers came back. She smiled in a way as if to say to me, “I dare you to do that.”
I took a step closer to her, and she took a step back.
“I’ll chase you, and if I catch you, I’ll tickle you nonstop, even if you pass out,” I threatened her, but she smiled in response and took another step back. I was a man of my word. Two grown-ups were running around the house. Her laughter lit up the whole world, and when I caught her, she was laughing and begging me to have mercy on her. I laid her down on the floor to make my job easier. She was continuously laughing her heart out. I started tickling her as I promised. She tried really hard not to make her laughter loud, but I was merciless. I tickled her from both sides, and she tried to free herself fruitlessly. In her pleas, while she was laughing, she called me names many times. I stopped a bit to give her a breather and let her collect herself. Even the threat of starting over made her laugh and beg. She was underneath me and at my mercy.
“What should I do now? Should I continue your punishment?” I asked her. She shook her head for no more punishment.
“Are you going to eat your breakfast, or do you need to burn more calories?” I asked her and showed my finger as a threat.
“All right, all right, I’ll go and eat my breakfast,” she promised.
“Are you sure? Because I want to continue this for a while,” I threatened her again. She nodded as a sign of surrender.
“The terms of surrender follow this:
1. You’ll kiss me after I release you.
2. You go and eat your breakfast.
3. You won’t tell Aiko and Bernadina about last night.
4. You are going to stay in this house until further notice.
Do you agree to these terms?” I asked her playfully. She was still under me.
“What do you mean that I have to stay here?” she asked cautiously.
“Do you want to stay here? Do you think your children will be comfortable here?” I asked her back.
“Agustin,” she said with a sad tone.
I just lay down beside her. I slid in one of my arms under her head and looked at the ceiling, looking at nothing in particular.
“Don’t you think we stood apart for a long time? Wasn’t that enough?” I asked her. I didn’t want to see her response.
“Agustin.” She put her head on my chest when she said my name. I played with her hair.
“Every day I have a reminder in that room to tell me how little time we have in this life. I thought I was making her proud, but she doesn’t give a damn about that. She only wants her child to be with her,” I said and tried not to break down in front of her.
“I don’t know what to say,” she said.
“Don’t worry. You’ll know when you know,” I responded. She climbed up and kissed me on the cheek and lips. After that, she put her head on my chest again. I continued playing with her hair.
“What’s going on?” a little voice asked. Calysta lifted her head to see her little angel.
“Nothing,” she disclaimed. She was like a child caught red-handed in doing something that she shouldn’t. I didn’t even bother to look up. I just lay down. Calysta sat beside me.
“Are you hungry?” Calysta asked her.
“Good. Augustin already made breakfast,” she said and looked at me, but I was looking at the ceiling. I was looking for an answer. If I couldn’t find the answer down here, shouldn’t the answer be up there?
“Mel, what do you want with it? Eggs or sausage?” she asked her the same question I had asked her earlier.
“I don’t know,” she responded.
“Let’s go and see what you like,” she said, with a gentle touch on my chest. She stood up and left me where I was. I didn’t see if Meleta followed her or not, but I stayed the same and lay down.
“Why are you lying down on the floor?” she asked me with curiosity.
“Because it is fun to do that,” I answered her.
“Really?” she asked me in disbelief.
“It is for me,” I responded.
“Mel, are you coming?” Calysta asked her. She followed her mom to the kitchen. I stayed there for a little bit more before I went to check on my mom. She was still asleep. I sat beside her bed and looked at her peaceful face.
“I wished I could ask you some questions. I miss the time when I could tell you anything. I’m looking for guidance, but my friends don’t have your wisdom. Momma, I feel so lonely even though I’m surrounded by friends,” I said to her and watched her for a little bit more. It didn’t take much before she opened her eyes.
“Good morning,” I said with a smile on.
“Good morning, who are you?” she asked me with searching eyes. I wanted to tell her that it was me, her son, but I couldn’t. I tried that before; it only made her more distressed. She didn’t believe me in the end. From that day on, I introduced myself as her personal nurse. Maybe this was my punishment for breaking her heart, to see her every day and not be able to address her. It was just like what I did to her. She watched me on those videotapes, but she couldn’t address me directly. I had to go through it to understand it, but it didn’t matter if I learned my lesson or not. The torture continued.
“Are you hungry? We have some porridge with different fruits,” I asked her patiently.
“Where is my husband? Have you seen him?” she asked me. Since she had no sense of time, I gave her an answer that wouldn’t stress her out. I usually told her that her husband had gone back to work. She would only nod her head and go back to her shell.
“Do you want your breakfast here or in the kitchen?” I asked politely.
“Anywhere would be fine,” she said indifferently.
“There are two kids and a young woman in your kitchen. Do you want to go and see them?” I asked with a lot of caution.
“Who are they?” she asked. I didn’t know if I should answer her honestly or keep lying to her.
“She is a friend of mine with her kids. I hope they won’t be any bother to you,” I asked for her permission.
“She has kids?” my mom asked. I nodded to her question.
“I like to see them if it isn’t any problem for you,” she said so tenderly. This was how carefree and lovely she was. Even though she considered me a stranger in her house, she still welcomed my friends and relatives.
“Do you want to see them in here, or should I take you there?” I asked her.
“I don’t want to bother them while they are eating. Could you take me there if it is possible for you?” she asked me nicely, like always.
“Sure,” I responded. I put aside her blanket and lifted her into her wheelchair. I wheeled her to the kitchen and introduced the guest to her all over again. The only thing I didn’t mention was Calysta to her. I just introduced her as the mother of those children. She loved seeing children and being with them, but she never asked any of them to come to her so she could touch them or play with them. She was the opposite of my father. She didn’t like to put people on the spot for her needs, which was her philosophy in her entire life. I never learned where she picked that habit. Was it her nature, or did she nurture it? I spoon-fed her breakfast. She was watching the kids while chewing and swallowing her food. After her breakfast, I asked her if she wanted to hear any story read by me, which she didn’t want. As always, she wanted to see me on TV.
As usual, I did what I had to do in the office, and after I was done there, I spent some time with Calysta and her kids.
Then I attended to my mom. If she needed changing, I did that. The time passed like crazy. The afternoon came, and I helped out Calysta to prepare for lunch. The afternoon time passed as it came, and in the evening, Marshal showed up alone. He was surprised to see Calysta there for the third time in a row. Even though we didn’t have that man-to-man conversation, we both welcomed the new change. The time was in a race to finish the day. The time that Calysta was about to go came.
“I enjoyed your stay here,” I said truthfully.
“It was enjoyable for me too,” she said and tried to hide her smile.
“I did have fun too,” I answered her shyness.
“I really like to stay, but my work dress and everything else are in my house,” she said apologetically.
“I understand. Next time, come prepared,” I said to her.
“Can we take the console with us?” Meleta asked.
“And give away the only reason you want to come here? Nice try,” I told her. She showed me her protest by stomping her foot on the ground.
“Can’t we just stay here?” she asked her mom. Calysta was shocked to hear that, but to salvage the situation, she gave the grown-up reasons why she couldn’t, like “Mommy needs to go home and have to dress for work” or whatever they had back home. When she couldn’t convince her that way, she threatened that they wouldn’t be back if she continued that behavior. That threat calmed her down but didn’t quench her anger. I promised her that the next time she came, I’d read her some books.
I looked at Calysta for the goodbye. She looked at me quizzically. What was my plan now? I could read it in her eyes.
“Come here,” I said and offered my open arms. She came and gave me a hug. She gave me a quick kiss and left.
I went back home. I went to my mom and stayed there. I sat beside my mom and started thinking. I thought about life and anything in it. Looking at her peacefully sleeping, I thought about the past, the nights I couldn’t sleep peacefully as a child. It was this place that gave me a haven—the place where my mom gave me soft assurances, which now turned to trepidation and restlessness. Everything became upside down. It was nature at its best work to turn something sweet to sour.
It was in one of these peaceful looks that she slept and continued her sleep. Maybe in that dream world, her son would understand her needs more than I did.