Chapter 18

What the fuck have I done? That was stupid. I am an idiot. I was swearing at myself at Greenwich Street’s stop. I was regretting using the car to get to my destination. I should have used a bus or a taxi. Fuck the pride or the class. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone, so what was the reason that made me use the car? I passed Mason Street and stopped at another stop sign. Pedestrians were passing by slowly, but before doing that, they made sure to check out my car. The young ones were curious about the manufacturer’s brand and were confused that they hadn’t seen it before, and the rest were swearing at me or the car with their eyes. I could tell with the way they were looking at it. Was it jealousy? Who knows? A few of them took out their bulky-sized Nokia or BlackBerry to take some pictures without asking my permission. It wouldn’t bother me if they stepped aside and let me drive. They stood on the pedestrian crosswalk and tried to get pictures. Who does that?

The traffic wasn’t helping either. Good luck finding a parking spot in this area. I was reminding myself how stupid it was to bring my car. After some honking from the cars behind me, the pedestrians started clearing the pass.

I turned right and started driving at Columbus Avenue. The scenery was disheartening. All the way that my eyes could see, there were cars parked on parking spots, and there wasn’t even an inch to let a cyclist park, let alone a car. I crossed my fingers, hoping there would be a parking spot for me when I arrived at the restaurant.

I don’t know who I helped in the past that karma was so kind to me that it let me park exactly at the Cole Hardware store.

I got out of the car, took a deep breath, and enjoyed the fresh air. I looked up at the sky. It was sunny and clear. I went to the other side of my car, opened it, and took out my jacket and briefcase, and after that, I closed the door.

First, I put the jacket on. I looked at my reflection on my car’s window. It made me smile. The natural color of my coat matched my Cadmium-blue shirt. If there was anything I learned in Europe, it was how to dress up appropriately. Then I hung the leather briefcase on my shoulder. It was a little bit heavy because I was carrying a laptop and a DSLR Camera, so no complaints about that.

After looking at the watch, I noticed I still had little time to spare, so I took out the camera and adjusted the lens zoom to 18 mm. I wanted to take a landscape shot from the intersection of Vallejo Street and Columbus Avenue. This picture would be a reminder that I should never take my car for an appointment. It was also inspiring. The light was good, and it made it easy for me to angle the camera up and take the picture. I took several photos to ensure that if one wasn’t good enough, the other could replace it. After I took the picture, I reviewed them and cropped them as I desired. I knew better that I should check them later on the bigger screen. Then removing any noise in it. Maybe, later on, I could use the Adobe Photoshop software to enhance or manipulate the picture too. That part was my favorite.

It was time to go, but when I tried to put away the camera, I noticed some people were looking at me. It kind of made me shy. Why were they looking at me? I wondered. I put the shades on to have a little bit of privacy. Then I looked back, and I noticed that I was standing beside my car. Maybe they were looking at my car, not me, and wondering why I took pictures from the sky and building and not the vehicle. It gave me a sense of relief. I hated to be in the spotlight. However, there was a feeling that made me think they were actually looking at me, not the car. I looked at the watch again and noticed ten minutes passed just like that. I went to the parking meter in a hurry and paid as much as a lunch price for the parking spot.

I headed toward the Molinari Delicatessen. It was right in the corner, but before going there, I wanted to spy on them in the distance to see if they had arrived. It made me feel like a stalker, so with a creepy smile on, I looked at the tables. There they were, sitting and not noticing the creepy guy in the corner. It brought me joy and relief to see them there. It had been years not seeing them. I wanted to capture the moment, so I took out my camera again and noticed the lens that I put on earlier wasn’t proper for the intended photo I was about to take. It wouldn’t be a problem for the group photo, but I knew better that there were too many unwanted elements in the image if I took the shot, so I changed the lens. Using 80–300 mm, I stepped backward until I got my desired frame. I was smiling at my silly behavior. A few shots in and I noticed the facial expression of one of them changed from noticing to inquisitive, then to incredulity, and finally, to a burst of joy. I captured all of them. I couldn’t be happier with the result.

After she exposed my location to the others, the rest of them turned around to look at me. I captured that moment as well.

“Hey, asshole, you are in my way.” I looked up and saw a skinny white dude who dressed up as a punk was looking at me. I stood up and faced him. I knew he was looking for a problem, so I ignored his comment. I cleared his way and let him pass. I was walking toward my friends when he threw at me another comment.

“Hey, asshole, you didn’t say that you’re sorry.”

The second he said that, I knew that I should have my hands free in case a fight broke out, so I put back the camera in the briefcase and faced him. “I’m sorry for not being careful. I hope you enjoy the remaining day.” I was trying my best to de-escalate the situation. He already ruined my mood, and I didn’t want to spoil others.

I kept walking toward my friends. When I got closer, Bernadina came around the table and ran the tiny space between us with open arms. She gave me a firm hug and started kissing both my cheeks, and with that, she lightened up my mood again.

“Oh my God, look at you. You became a man and all,” she said while holding my arms and admiring me from head to toe with her look. She was the one who noticed me first.

“Hey, come here, you bastard,” Marshal said while walking toward me to give me a hug. When I was free from Bernadina’s, Marshal came and gave me a bear hug and started swinging me from left to right.

“Man, I missed you so much, which I shouldn’t be. You don’t call. You don’t write,” he said while having a smile on his face. I guess it didn’t matter what answer I gave him. It sounded like he already forgave me.

“I miss you too, and to answer your question, the place I was, there was no telephone or internet, and the birds that I sent you have been eaten by eagles and hawks,” I said with a smile on, which made him laugh.

“Can you believe this guy? He has no shame whatsoever,” he said it happily. It didn’t take us even a minute to get back where we were.

“I learned from the master,” I said with a beam on my face. He answered me with more laughter.

“By the way, who was the guy that you were talking to?” he asked me, and before I could answer, I heard another voice who had been annoyed with our behaviors. It was Aiko, who impatiently was waiting for her turn.

“You guys never change, and God forbid if you do,” she said while I could see the dimple on her face.

I looked at her apologetically and opened my arms for her. She came in without hesitation.

“Oh, I missed you, missed you, missed you so much,” she said happily.

“I missed you too. Let me look at you.” By that, I looked at her with admiration while holding her by the shoulder. “Look at you. So beautiful. How did you end up with this guy?” I said jokingly while pointing in Marshal’s direction with my head.

She smiled. “We all make mistakes.” We all laughed at her comment, except Marshal, who was shaking his head in disappointment.

“Come and sit. What took you so long?” Marshal said while inviting me to sit beside him.

“I brought Frigg,” I answered. They became joyful by hearing her name. I took my seat right beside him.

“Where did you park it?” Marshal asked.

“Close to the Hardware store,” I said.

“You came with style. Just look at you. You become more and more handsome every second I look at you,” Bernadina observed and gave me a playful wink. We all laughed at her cute wink. “I missed Frigg. It was a good idea to bring her,” she said gleefully.

“The traffic doesn’t agree with you,” I said with a bitter tone in it.

“Isn’t it time to get a new one instead of that old hag?” Marshal said carelessly.

“Marshal!” both Bernadina and Aiko protested.

“When you build up a car from scratch and make it as fast as Koenigsegg and give it the beauty of Pagani or Ferrari, only then you have the right to criticize my Frigg,” I said it arrogantly.

“All right, all right. Chill out, guys. I was just messing around,” Marshal said defensively.

“Tell me again how this idiot became a neurosurgeon? How much they had to dumb it down so this guy can be one?” I said it with a tease. Aiko and Bernadina laughed at my comment. Poor Marshal had to laugh too, or we considered him a person who didn’t have a sense of humor.

“What’s up, man? When did you come back? Why didn’t you call us that you are coming back? And who was that guy?” he asked me after the laughter died down. I looked at him with a smile and answered, “Aiko, I thought you left your children at home, but it sounds like you brought one in here.” When I said that, she burst into laughter.

“Ha ha, you are too funny, but seriously,” he persisted.

“That guy came and confessed his love to me, if that’s what you are asking,” I said jokingly. He shook his head in disappointment. “You haven’t changed a bit,” he said it with a low tone.

“But I think he changed a lot, if you ask me. He looks more serious even though he is joking around,” Bernadina observed.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Aiko supported.

I just smiled in return. I didn’t know that I had become so serious. Here I thought that I didn’t change a bit.

“When did you come back?” This time around, it was Aiko who asked me. I was trying to avoid the question when Marshal asked me. The husband and wife were synchronized. I couldn’t ignore the question anymore and had to give in.

“About three months,” I answered honestly. However, they looked at me in disbelief.

“You are joking, right? You mean, if I didn’t call you earlier this week, you wouldn’t call us at all? Is that it?” he said. I could tell from his facial expression that he was pissed and disappointed. I couldn’t blame him or any of them, but we weren’t on good terms the last time we separated. Just calling him and writing some emails was the most that I could do. On the other hand, I didn’t want to remind them of the past.

“You are right. I should’ve called. But my whole life’s work is on the other side of the ocean. I wasn’t sure that I would stay here this long.” By saying that, a flood of sadness came into my heart. They didn’t know about the secret that I was holding in. That secret was tearing me apart mercilessly.

“So Marshal was right. You didn’t plan to call us,” Aiko said it with a despairing voice.

“Oh, come on now. Aren’t we the one who cut the friendship? Now you are blaming him shamelessly for what we did,” Bernadina said it defensively.

“You girls did, but I didn’t. Last time, if I remember correctly, it was him who stopped calling me or even answering my calls and emails,” Marshal responded. We all knew he said it to defend his wife. He was protecting her from feeling guilty. I didn’t mind that. It was a kind of bittersweet situation for me. Now I knew I was forgiven for the past. Bernadina was the evidence of that. However, the bitterness of the past was shadowing me around. Now that the elephant marched out of the room, I didn’t fear bringing up the past or even using it to stop the quarrel. Before Bernadina could answer him back, I jumped in, “Hey, come on now. If I knew that there would be a cat-and-dog fight, I wouldn’t answer that call either. Saying that, I thought you guys moved on and forgot about me, and before you guys jump to the conclusion again, I should point out that I didn’t forget about you. I only tried to move on too.”

There was deadly silence hovering over us. Even though I was prepared for this outcome, I didn’t have any plan to come out of it. I looked at Aiko; she was still shaken by what Bernadina said, and Marshal was pissed and angry at everyone. I think he didn’t expect this repercussion at all. Meanwhile, Bernadina was looking at everything to avoid eye contact with all of us. I took out the camera and aimed at them, and all of a sudden, I had their attention.

“Oh, come on now. I wanted to take that priceless picture of you. It was going to be my computer’s wallpaper,” I said it playfully.

“Wow, look at him. He came prepared,” Marshal commented. He tried to give me a hand to get us out of that awkward silence.

“I always carry it around,” I responded. We got their attention.

“Really? Since when?” he asked casually.

“Since I went to CERN. I had to carry out a camera all the time to take a picture of damage or proof of the work,” I answered.

“What a show-off. You just had to bring up CERN. It sounds like no one else worked there but only you,” he said it teasingly.

“If one day the theory of Higgs Boson is being proved and many others, then I want to take that picture of your face. Laugh as much as you want now, but the future belongs to us scientists. You are just too simple-minded and materialistic to understand the work we do,” I teased him back.

“Holy cow, I am lucky that the Higgs Boson wasn’t your theory, or I wouldn’t hear the end of it. That aside, materialistic? Who? Me?” he retorted.

“As I said, you don’t have any intellectuality to understand the papers I wrote for mathematics, which revolutionized the mathematics world. Also, yes, you, who ended up being a neurosurgeon,” I countered, and here we go, back to where we were. He started laughing. He didn’t mind it at all. He knew I was joking.

“What about you, Mr. Company Man?” He came back at me with that. He referred to the multiple companies that I founded in Europe and was a major shareholder of them. One of them was a software and chip maker for enterprise business and research and targeting those clients. The other one was backing up and building up start-up research or the idea and expanding from there, for example, cleaning the water or finding a solution for decreasing the cost of solar panels and batteries. The last company was making medical tools for hospitals. However, besides those projects, I invested money in making hotels in Europe as well. Of course, there were art galleries too. Damn the internet and the interview on that talk show that exposed all my life the days after.

“Well, it is all for the science,” I retorted. They all laughed. “I didn’t mean it to be sarcastic. I actually do it for the science, and that is the reason I am doing all these kinds of things,” I defended my position.

“But how?” Aiko asked me and gave me a skeptical look.

“To simplify it, the big chunk of the profit I make is spent on the research and the experiments that may or may not be profitable in the future. For example, Doing research in biology or funding mathematicians who are not trying to find an algorithm for the company’s benefit but trying to understand mathematics better or even answer the millennium problems. That is what I am doing,” I said without holding back.

“Bravo, bravo. That’s the Agustin that I know of,” Marshal said with admiration.

“Wow, look at you. You have my respect. You had a dream, and you just chased after it,” Bernadina said it with a voice that made me a little bit gleeful.

“Thanks,” I said by lowering my voice, which hinted at the shyness for all those kind words. I often heard the same compliments from others, but none of those matched the ones that I received from my old friends.

“You sound so cool and, at the same time, elegant. No wonder why you are so popular,” Marshal said it with an admiration that only a teacher gives to a student. It was like he was the person who brought me up, and now he sees the fruition of his work. It just made me smile nonetheless.

“What else do you do?” Aiko asked me. I thought that she was just curious, but her body language told me otherwise.

“Wasn’t this enough? I mean running multiple companies and, on top of that, doing my own research and study. There wouldn’t be enough time for doing any basic things like inhaling oxygen into my body,” I responded jokingly. Marshal and Bernadina giggled, but Aiko smiled, and her smile was with closed lips. It means that she was faking it and holding back something. She wasn’t satisfied with my answer. On the surface, she was laughing with everyone, but years of profiling and reading the body language of other people told me something else. The young Agustin was gone, and it had been replaced by another Agustin who had to read people’s moods as if his life depended on it. The key to successful leadership was understanding the people who worked for me and what they needed. When a leader understands what it is that an employee or labor wants or even involves them in big corporate decisions and makes them speak up about their concerns, that is where you’ll know if a corporation will succeed or not. The exceeding success from all the companies I was involved in was the evidence of the right pass that I took.

“Aiko, you didn’t like my answer. Are you trying to ask me another question, but you are afraid it is not polite to do so?” I asked her cautiously. I took her off guard. She looked at me in disbelief. She wanted to deny the accusation immediately, but after a bit of pause, she looked at her husband and said, “How come he can read my mind, but you can’t?” That was enough to make us laugh again. Poor Marshal became a tool for our laughing, and I felt sorry for him. “Well, I want you to have that little privacy,” Marshal answered. We burst out laughing again at his response.

“Are you avoiding my question?” I asked her before we changed the subject.

“Okay, if you insist,” she said and made it look like it was my idea to bring up the follow-up questions. “Tell us about your personal life. What did you do all these years? Have you met anyone when you were away? What stories do you have for us?”

“All right, all right, don’t ask too many questions at the same time if you care about the answers. I am just giving you a tip about myself, okay?” I said and gave her a wink to give her approval for what she did. I sympathized with them. I knew that they were curious as much about me as I was to them. “I thought the media covered that part of my personal life when I tried to hit on that pop star, but here I give you an exclusive interview if that’s what you want.”

“Speaking of which, what happened between you two?” Aiko asked me impatiently and already forgot about all those questions she just asked me.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Bernadina sang the same song.

“I just couldn’t believe what you did until Aiko showed me the clip. When did you become so confident and charming? Europe must be the cause,” Marshal told me as a proud friend. Meanwhile, I was trying to remember the questions that Aiko had just asked me.

“As I said, don’t ask me too many questions if you care about the answer. It is kind of difficult to talk to you if I don’t remember the questions,” I protested.

“Yeah, I forgot that you got old,” Marshal said, and before I could respond to him, Aiko and Bernadina protested his untimely comment and asked me to continue. Poor Marshal couldn’t take a break. It wasn’t his day.

“Nothing happened between her and me. As soon as we got out, we went our separate ways. She wanted to sell her new album, and I wanted to raise a fund for the research for our university. The people wanted a show, so we gave them one,” I said and tried to hide my embarrassing moment from them. I didn’t want to tell them that I didn’t like paparazzi spying around me and having no personal life, and I didn’t get a really good impression from her either. Who would believe me that I had a taste?

“So it was staged?” Aiko asked. She tried to sound disappointed, but her body language betrayed her. Somehow, she was happy about it. It was the best way to escape from that awkward question, so I went with it and nodded.

“Oh, I really wanted to befriend one of those celebs,” Bernadina said, but like Aiko, her body language was telling me that she was happy nonetheless.

“Damn it. I knew it was too good to be true,” Marshal said, and only his body language agreed with what he said, which made me laugh. “I thought she really liked you. There was chemistry going on between you two. Are you sure that you didn’t screw this up?” Marshal insisted on it.

“Well, reality sucks an—” I said, and before I could finish it, I noticed the girls looking behind me, and there was a voice inside me telling me who it could be before I turned around. I turned around, and there she was. She dressed up in red with high heels. Her long black hair was tied up to expose her long and delicate neck. She was wearing a one-piece red dress. She didn’t use too much makeup, but her red lipstick was conspicuous. Her sapphire-blue eyes hypnotized me where I was. Her youthful look was gone and had been replaced by a mature one. Other than that, she looked the same way I always remembered her, beautiful and elegant. I stood up to greet her.

“Hello, Agustin,” she said. When those words came out of her mouth, they became soothing, like a lullaby song. Those words came to life and started having their own existence. I knew those words would be burned in my memory and would start torturing me whenever I had time to think. I was aching to hear her voice again, and now I had no idea what to do. I played a scene like that in my head over a million times and still came out clueless about what to do if the opportunity presented itself.

The universe was cruel to put me through such a thing again. I had been tortured by the hands of this vicious woman who put me through misery and agony. My life became hell, and I lived in it because of her. She dismissed all the feelings I had for her and selfishly distanced herself from me. The unanswered questions were boiling up inside me. Those ravenous beasts woke up again, and they were up to no good. They wanted answers. They wanted to know why. Why did she left me? What did I do to deserve that kind of behavior and conduct? If she cried after I left her, why on earth didn’t she call me? Why didn’t she tell her friends the reason behind her breakup? These questions were savages back then, and they stayed brute. She didn’t take even a small step to help me out and then withdrew herself from the problem she caused and left me alone to pull myself out of it. This enchantress was merciless, and so was the universe.

“Hello, Calysta,” I said, accompanied with a fake smile. I knew that she would find me out, but I didn’t care nonetheless. Damn these women who are like living lie detectors. If I had been reading people’s body language for a few years, women were doing it most of their lives effortlessly, and for that, I knew she would notice my fake smile as I did hers. Her closed lips and the muscle close to her eyes gave her away. I didn’t extend my hand for handshaking. I wasn’t trying to be an asshole. Actually, the purpose of doing that was contrary. I didn’t want to force or to put her on the spot for handshaking. I wasn’t sure she was comfortable doing that. I even surprised myself for caring for her after all she had done for me. Then I noticed she was holding her right elbow with her left hand, and in her right hand, she was holding a small handbag. It was like half arm crossed; it would be complete if she weren’t carrying the purse. Her body was telling me that she was defensive. I think I had a pretty good idea why. All these years were enough to make us strangers. Like I thought, she felt like an outsider toward me. It was another blow to my gut knowing that. It all happened really fast. After that, I heard Bernadina’s voice, which was welcoming her by saying hi to her. As soon as Bernadina did that, Calysta let her arm go and opened herself for a hug. Bernadina didn’t disappoint her and gave her a gentle hug while kissing her on the cheeks. It was followed by Aiko and Marshal. On top of that, I noticed that Bernadina heeded to another man who was staying close to Calysta, and the way Bernadina was looking at him was the same way Calysta looked at me. He was a stranger to them.

“Hello, my name is Novak.” He offered his hand in the direction of Bernadina. Bernadina smiled and shook his hand and said hi to him as well. Amateur. That was what I thought of him. He didn’t notice Bernadina didn’t want to do a handshake. Aiko and Marshal did the same. When it was my turn to give a handshake, I saw he gave me his upper hand. Are you fucking kidding me? Who is this asshole? And who does he think he is? I thought to myself and felt about him. That handshake was telling me that he was above me and had more power. I wasn’t submissive to anyone and wouldn’t let anyone do that to me. However, I didn’t want to cause a ruckus, so I gave him a handshake, but a counter one. When I took his hand, I took one step closer to him and invaded his personal space. It got him off guard. It gave me an opportunity to turn my hand up and make it look like we were in an equal position. I did that while I was giving him a fake smile. He shook my hand firmly and gave me a genuine smile.

Imbecile. That was what I thought of him. I have to admit that I was no different than him years ago.

He was tall and had black hair. He was wearing half-rimmed rectangular black glasses. His hair was short but spiky in front. He was wearing a business suit but without a tie. He let the shirt’s collar be open so that it could give him a casual look, but I bet he used the same suit for business. I guess that was his selling point or advertisement to tell people “I am a businessman and have money.” These people mostly came from the management department. All those years, I had dealt with them, and I knew what to do with them. However, they never saw any aggression from me until it was too late.

“Agustin. Nice to meet you,” I said and invited him to sit at the table where we were sitting. The look Bernadina gave to Calysta didn’t escape my perception. She was smiling when she was looking at her, but it was a look that was yelling at her and asking her, “What the hell are you doing, girl?” In return, she gave another fictitious smile. I could see it was awkward for her, but she tried to play it cool in front of Novak and me.

She succeeded against Marshal and Novak. They didn’t notice the look these women exchanged, but I could hear it like a loud conversation.

“So how are you? I heard a great deal about you from Calysta,” Novak commented and addressed it to all of us. He tried to break the ice and show himself as a stylish man. It was hard for me not to laugh at him, so I put a hand in front of my face in an attempt to not be rude, at least, and I laughed without making any noise. It was impossible to hide it from the watchful eyes of these women, so just to tell them I was not an ass, I looked away with my hand on my mouth and looked in a direction that no one was looking. I was avoiding their eye contact. It only took me a few seconds to get ahold of myself. However, I knew the smirk was there. While I was doing that, Bernadina and Aiko were covering for me by engaging him in conversation. I should take note of that and thank them later. Still having the slight smirk on my face, now I looked at Marshal, who was sitting across the table beside his wife and Bernadina. He noticed that I was looking at him, so he responded with a quick smile. During Bernadina and Aiko’s conversation with Novak, I found out that he was a manager at one of the departments that Calysta was working for.

Novak was sitting between Calysta and me, and I had no complaint about it. He just made it much easier for me to be there. The last thing I wanted was to sit right beside Calysta, and it only made us uncomfortable and awkward. I found it so childish of her to bring her date to our reunion. Even Though I was a little sad when I didn’t see her at the table when I arrived, I got over it. The reunion was going well before she showed up. For me, it was kind of surprising to feel so cold toward her. I never knew that a day would come for me to be like that. I could guess why she did it. She wanted to portray herself as a happy person or a person who moved on; however, she missed the mark as the only thing I wanted for her was to be happy. The reason I gave in to her request years ago was to make sure she would have a chance to be pleased with another person, not be like this. I didn’t know the whole story.

What happened to her? What did her romance life look like? The picture I had in my head for her was something like Marshal and Aiko’s life. I thought she deserved it, and I came to be at peace with it, despite the fact that it was killing me for years, but eventually, I moved on. I could guess the deep root of my exasperation and dejection was realizing that she wasted my sacrifice. When I departed her, I thought she knew what she wanted. Still, her action that day showed me two things: First, she wasn’t married and didn’t have the life I always wanted for her, and second, she tried to hurt me again by bringing this man or, even worse, pretending to be someone she wasn’t and thinking I couldn’t figure it out.

I looked across the table to engage myself in the conversation Bernadina had with Novak. I observed she was multitasking. She was talking to him by telling him about herself and what she does for a living and also talking to her friends with her eyes and telling her that she was going to have a serious conversation with her afterward. I almost felt sorry for Calysta. She was an extremely emotional person. Nevertheless, I had a bigger problem at hand than be worried about Calysta’s feelings. I wanted to finish the meeting and go back to my life.

“So why did you choose this place for eating?” Novak asked, and it was directed to all of us.

“When we were students, we usually came in here and had sandwiches. Today was our reunion with an old friend whom we didn’t see for a long time, and we tried to relive those moments,” Bernadina responded, and the bitterness of her answer was also directed to Calysta. Even I got a chill in the bone by her response.

“I didn’t mean to intrude, and I’m sorry for that, but who is this friend who came back after many years?” he asked, and I could see that he wasn’t sorry at all. He came with a great expectation from someone, and he couldn’t care less about the comfort of anyone at present. He came with one goal in mind, and I could see a mile away what it was.

“It would be me,” I answered and tried to have a smile on my face.

“Oh, nice. How do you like coming back here? And where have you been, if you don’t mind me asking that,” he asked me casually. I figured he wouldn’t really want to know the answer, and any response would be sufficient for him.

“It’s so far so good, and no problem for asking that. I was in Europe for study and work, and before we continue this conversation, aren’t you hungry? Should we order something?” I answered and asked everyone. Marshal was the first one to respond to it. He rose from the chair and was ready to order. I asked for the usual homemade chicken salad. Bernadina chose the same. Aiko asked for Renzo’s special. Marshal said he was going for Joe’s special. That was a bold and daring move to have garlic for lunch, but I guess he’d have a gum after that. Novak didn’t know what to order, so he went after whatever Calysta ordered, Luciano Special.

“So how was it there? Being in Europe?” he asked me after Marshal disappeared into the store. He was ignorant about my past and Calysta’s. It was a touchy subject to bring up. He wanted to know about what my life like was over there. Was I enjoying myself over there?

“If I want to describe it in one sentence, it would be ‘It is good,’” I answered and tried my best to be polite and considerate.

“Come on, you can give me more than that, can’t you?” he said and looked at Aiko and Bernadina for approval. They just responded with a forced smile, and both of them looked in Calysta’s direction. Calysta was in big trouble. I could guess what they would tell her after this was over, especially Aiko, who was living with Marshal. She just ruined the reunion for everyone and made it awkward for everyone. Since I knew Aiko’s character, she would defend her friend no matter what, but ruining her day with Marshal would be another story.

“It is beautiful and has a long history. I have been there for over a decade now and haven’t finished all the sightseeing yet, even though I try my best to travel a lot. Lots of countries and different cultures always amazed me. I love the food, and what they do with it is staggering for me. I shouldn’t forget to mention I get to see the live soccer matches. And last, living in stress is much lower than here,” I responded and attempted to be considerate toward Calysta.

“Well, I am glad you are enjoying yourself. Are you planning to stay here?” he said. One look at him and I knew he wasn’t happy for me at all. I’d never met him before, but he had this adversary look in his eyes that wanted me to suffer. What was wrong with him? He had the same look as a person who thought everything was handed to me, that I live in heaven; meanwhile, he lives in hell. It was a pity to see him like that. As a matter of fact, I didn’t care so much what he was thinking of me. I wanted to hear Calysta’s voice. In all this, I didn’t hear a thing from her. She really screwed up. I looked at the table before answering his question.

“I didn’t plan to stay at all, but many things happened that forced me to it, and I am planning to go back there as soon as possible,” I responded, but it wasn’t directed at him. I wanted to let Calysta know that I wasn’t planning to stay for long. Those things that made me stay were personal, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share it with Marshal, let alone this stranger.

“It’s that good, isn’t it?” he said it with the creepiest smirk that I’ve ever seen. I could guess what he was thinking, but he was too stupid to realize that I wasn’t the only one who caught what he meant. Bernadina and Aiko smiled, not because it was funny but for being nervous and not knowing what to do with this creep.

Stolen story; please report.

“I’ve never lived like that,” I countered and tried my best to keep my cool in check. I thought I should take the food and leave and try to find an excuse; however, I felt I didn’t do anything wrong, so why should I go? I was enjoying the company of three wonderful people. Why should it be me to throw the towel?

“Excuse me.” It was not him to say that. It was a voice of a stranger behind me that requested attention. I turned around and saw a beautiful girl with her friend. She looked like a teenager. She was wearing a slouchy pair of jeans with white shoes and a sleeveless Catalina-blue top and wearing a café noir–colored woolen knit hat. Her style matched her chestnut-colored hair.

On top of that, she was wearing sunglasses so that I couldn’t determine her eye color. The friend who was accompanying her didn’t look bad either. She was wearing an olive-green sweater that needed buttons to close it in front but didn’t have one, so it exposed her white shirt. She was wearing a classic black hat that looked like a fedora. It had a long brim and a bond that matched her black pants. Her green eyes matched her sweater. I’d never met them before, and I wondered what they wanted from me.

“How can I help you?” I asked the girl with slouchy jeans.

“Are you, by any chance, Mr. Adalbert?” she asked me cautiously in case she was mistaken.

When she asked me that, I assumed she was one of those people who saw my interview with that pop star girl, and now she wanted to take a selfie with me or ask stupid questions about the relationship I had with that pop star. The fiend inside me was telling me to tell her a lie and get rid of her, but at the same time, another demon was telling me to tell her the truth and, by doing so, hurt back the feeling Calysta gave as her gift to me.

“Yes?” I answered and asked.

“Oh my God . . . Oh my God . . . Oh my God . . . I can’t believe this,” she said it so enthusiastically that I thought she found a treasure or a paragon, which, by the way, gave me great pleasure. A little bit of showing off in front of the person who intended to incapacitate me after all these years was next to nothing.

“I’m studying music at the university, and I’m familiar with your work. Right now, we are studying your Piano Sonata and your symphony. I can’t believe I found you here. I always wanted to come to Italy to one of your Art centers In Europe, but here I am, and here you are. You have no idea how happy I am now,” she said.

I thought she was a typical teenager, all right. They tend to make everything more significant than it is. The work she was referring to was what I was doing when I had a little bit of time. I never thought of it to be that big of a deal. However, I couldn’t resist the shape of the smirk that was forming on my face. At the same time, this kind of behavior this devotee of mine made in front of my old friends made me proud and bashful. Finally, there was someone who knew who I was and the work I did. I was tired of people asking me about that pop star and dismissing that the young singers and artists worldwide were applying to the art centers that I made for education and display. Singers like Taylor Lively would never make it there. Those art centers were so selective and sophisticated that only a few hundred were accepted out of millions of applicants. It was for a good reason because a good portion of my own income was directed to those art centers, which was the only source of income for the art centers, and I made sure that the people who were getting in were worthy of it. In other words, I was the poorest billionaire on Earth who spent most of his personal money on research in science and art. In Europe, I didn’t have a house. I was living in the hotels that I invested in. I always thought having a home was such a waste of money, and it only burned up time and resources.

On the other hand, investing in hotels made me more money, which meant more investment for other projects. It was a cycle of money for me. The more money I made, the more I spent on the other projects or the upgrading. I never let the money sit in a bank for too long. It was the total opposite of what I did when I was a teenager. As a matter of fact, it was the same money that I made those years that made me capable of funding or investing in those companies. Later on, I found it distasteful and prodigal to make money out of nothing and just let it sit in the bank, so instead of doing that, I did something that made me feel good. Despite people thinking it wasn’t a charity act, it was actually a grasping act for my egocentric idea and lifestyle. I didn’t even bother to dissimulate doing welfare. However, I didn’t battle the image they portrayed from the companies that I was involved with.

“So you are a student at the university. Have you applied to study overseas? Or even try to get to one of those art centers?” I asked and was eager to know.

“That was my first choice. Three years ago, while my family and I were visiting Florence, the tour guide suggested that we should take a look at the modern art gallery. We took his suggestion and visited there. I couldn’t be happier than that. I loved the atmosphere. Those arts that have been displayed on walls and the background music were so overwhelming for me that they brought tears to my eyes. That was nothing when I found out that all those displays were made by the students and the people who worked there. It just blew my mind. I just couldn’t believe what I heard. also, I found out that they weren’t for sale either. When we asked the reasons for it, the person who worked there told us that these are the founder’s treasures. As we were confused and did not know the meaning of the founder’s treasure, the representative explained that these paintings and music are loved by the person who built the art gallery and funded it. It just made us more curious about you, Mr. Adalbert, so we asked about you. The art gallery’s guide took us to the place where your paintings were on display and the music you composed and played by other students, and there is no word in any dictionary to describe what I felt when I saw your work. The Atsylac, The Cimasa, The Fur Dich, the Die Traurige Erinnerung, the Meilleur Printemps en Hiver, the Silenzio, and the Cache were all breathtaking. I was in Florence, one of the most beautiful cities in the world with a long history, but even there, your art gallery was standing tall and adding more beauty and attractiveness to the city. Oh, Mr. Adalbert, you have no idea how happy I am now to see you here,” she said and ended her long speech. However, when I heard her mentioning the Atsylac, my mind went blank, and I started sweating like a pig. Atsylac was a playful word for Calysta. That student had no idea the picture of the person I painted was sitting two seats away.

“And I’m grateful,” I said it coolly. Then I continued, “I assume you couldn’t get in, am I wrong?”

“No, I couldn’t. The process was bigger than I could chew on,” she said gloomily.

“I understand, and I wish I could do something about it, but I have limited income, so I can’t support everyone,” I said it in a way that made it look like it was my fault, not hers.

“No, no, I didn’t mean to imply anything here. I just wished I could be one of those that have been chosen . . .”

“Well, I never liked that system for exactly this reason. The people that came with big hopes and dreams just to be turned around and believe they weren’t good enough makes my heart wrench . . .” She was about to interrupt, but by holding up my index finger, I continued, “I can only say I’ll work harder.” I gave her a sad smile and a nod to let her know that I had finished my thought.

“It is only fair to say that I’ll do the same. If I weren’t accepted as a student, I’d try to be one of the faculty in the future. I’m not done with that dream yet,” she said it with determination.

“I wish I could continue this conversation, but as you can see, I am with friends now. If you want, you can leave your phone number with me, and when I can find a time, I’ll make a call,” I said it apologetically and took out my cell phone.

“Sure, sure,” she said it so enthusiastically that it made me a little bit worried.

After she finished giving me her phone number, I looked behind her and looked at her friend who was silent all that time. “And yours?”

“What? Me?” she said it in a way that looked like I just asked her to jump from Mt. Everest.

“Yes, you. You didn’t talk at all, and I have a soft spot for those shy and diffident people. I was one of them once. Who knows? Maybe I’ll enjoy your company more than your friend’s,” I said it so balmy and with indifference that I couldn’t believe it myself. Meanwhile, her friend’s eyebrow behind the sunglasses went up so much that it almost touched her hat.

“I don’t know. Uhm, well, I don’t know,” she said and was biting her lips and looking at her friend and the people I was with.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to put you in the spot. I understand.”

“No . . . no . . . I’m just surprised, that’s all,” she said and proceeded to give me hers.

After I received her phone number, I said goodbye to them and sat back, only to be welcomed by the startled look of Bernadina and Aiko.

“I never imagined. You of all people. What happened to you? I remember you were a sweet teenage boy, as you said, a little bit shy, but Agustin, what was that?” Bernadina said before Aiko could.

“I guess, I grew up like all of you, leaving behind something while doing so,” I said with a smile and indifference.

“Oh my Gosh, but how? Is there someone that I should know?” Bernadina said it excitedly before Aiko again.

I laughed and told her no. Then I continued, “I just had to practice like anything else in life. One hour a day, talking to a total stranger, no matter who, beautiful, ugly, homeless, rich. You name it, and I probably did it. It was just to get rid of that nonsensical fear. After a while, I molded myself into the person that I am today. Sorry to burst your hope for a gossip.”

“So you can do it anywhere and anytime?” she asked and made me wonder if she forgot that I just did it there and on that talk show as well. How many examples did she need?

“It would be kind of narcissistic to say yes. I just kind of hoped to catch up to you especially. You had it all and still have it, beauty and bravery. I dare say even more now. You seemed to know what you wanted and didn’t care what other people thought about it. You know what I’m talking about,” I replied.

“Oh, come on, I wasn’t like that at all,” she said bashfully.

“We all beg to differ, and we liked you the most for it.” I paused a little bit for a dramatic moment before I continued. “Me, more than any of them,” I said and drew a cycle in the air to emphasize the latter statement, which meant all of them. Then I saw her blush, and I smiled wryly.

“Oh, wow. Look at the master at work. I think Bernadina is over the moon by now,” Aiko said with a big smile on her face. Bernadina, who just realized what I just did, pressed her lips firmly and gave me the eye of disappointment. “Come on, try it on me too. I feel like being left out in this flirting game,” Aiko said without care for what she just did. I looked at Bernadina apologetically, and she pointed out that she wouldn’t have none of it by shaking her head.

“Aiko, are you trying to ruin this reunion? After many years, I just saw my best friend. You don’t want me to leave him in a bitter mood, do you? Don’t tell me he takes you for granted. That bast—” I looked beside me and looked another way to say “We are in the companion of a stranger, and I don’t want to badmouth Marshal in front of him.” Then I continued, “That creature called dibs on you before I could open my mouth years ago,” I said and shook my head in disappointment and looked down as if I were ashamed that I wasn’t good or fast enough the time needed to be. I knew that statement would confuse all of them. Was I interested in Calysta last? Was I interested in Bernadina or Aiko at first? Whom did I really want to be with first? I could see the confusion on both Aiko and Bernadina. That was enough for me. I saw Aiko’s eyebrow crease together to show her confusion at the matter. “You guys are shameless. You two treated us like a prize or as a thing . . .” When she saw my smug and wink, then it clicked. Her mouth was open wide in disbelief. “You, you . . . you are a depraved and evil man. How did you do it?” I took it as a rhetorical question and just smiled.

“Wow, wow. Amazing. I just got pregnant with that flirtation,” Bernadina said. We all laughed at her comment.

“You are good. You are so good. That is scary,” Aiko continued. By bringing my arm to my chest, I bowed my head to show appreciation as a showman.

“Saying that, I don’t like what you did to those girls. We know you were playful with us, and thank God you let us know that, but those young girls . . . I can’t believe you changed so much that you forgot to consider others feelings,” Aiko said. I knew it was a sisterly consideration, and I didn’t mind it.

“Who said I played them? Like I said before, I am not shy or scared to talk to them and pick their brains and life ideas. Just a simple talk. Aiko, it’s not always black and white.” I held my hand up before she interrupted and continued, “Believe it or not, it happens a lot to me since I teach in a university, and I know how to handle them the way it doesn’t hurt their feelings.”

“Oh, come on, you just admitted in front of them that they should compete or even fight for your attention,” she retorted.

“That’s a separate issue altogether. What is that to do with what I think you thought?”

“Please enlighten me of what I thought since you know,” Aiko said.

“Come on, Aiko, we all know you thought he was going to sleep with them,” Calysta’s new date said. Even though he was right, I felt kind of dirtier than before his clarifications.

“Or maybe I was trying to break their friendships. Am I wrong?” I asked her. I didn’t want to be in the same boat as that bastard, even if it meant being food for the sharks. I gave her a slack so she doesn’t lose face in front of this guy. If she was angry and saddened before, she was furious and inflamed then.

Who was this guy to meddle himself in other people’s affairs? That was my thought, and without a doubt, that was what the others were thinking.

“It doesn’t matter. If you call them, you make one sort of problem. If you don’t, you just make another kind. You just doomed their relationship and gave that girl who has been rejected another blow. You were her hero,” she said.

“Maybe a test in their relationship is all they need. Either they come victorious from one side or are better off from each other on the other side. I learned that lesson the hard way.” I knew it was harsh of me to say that and threw shade at them for what they did years ago when no one was wiser than others, but that grudge, that stupid man sitting beside me were enough fuel for me to burn an entire world with it. After I said that, I didn’t feel triumph and victorious. Even though that made me sad, I was glad to stand my ground and not be contrite for my own beliefs.

“And who’s to decide what test is good for them?” she replied. She wasn’t backing off.

“Does it matter if their relationship is not based on bias and is not one-sided?” I said it coolly. I wasn’t trying to pick a fight with her. It was just that she should know what my thought was. After many years of staying away from each other, our union was turning sour. We were pointing fingers at each other for who was at fault, like children. However, what bothered me the most was, they didn’t talk to my parents. I knew that because every year since I went to CERN, I sent my parents a two-hour video highlighting what I was doing there. It was another great thing that I picked up on. Learning new software and technical photography and many other things came with it. It was that habit that made me carry a camera with me all the time. My mom loved the idea, and according to my father, she played each one repeatedly, and she showed it to anyone who came into our home. If they talked to my parents now and then and asked them how they were doing, I wouldn’t be that much sad. They would know me better. How was I doing? It was like we were all trying to erase the past and pretend that it didn’t exist at all. Even though my parents were visiting me now and then, they had no idea how my friends were doing. After a while, I just stopped asking them about it.

“Agustin, Aiko,” Bernadina said and continued, “you two should stop poking each other like children.” Then she smiled. It was like she was the only grown-up in this gathering, which wasn’t far from the truth.

“I was only trying to put some light on another side of the argument. It wasn’t intended to offend someone,” I said with some detachment.

“I think we’ll continue on that another time,” Aiko said. She wasn’t happy about it, but she was willing to back off for the time being.

“I always enjoy a good and educated argument with smart people. It always helps me to be open-minded. Also, it doesn’t hurt if that person happens to be as beautiful as you are,” I said with some appeal to it and with the right amount of wink. She couldn’t help it. Even though she was shaking her head for my absurdity, everyone could see her beautiful smile.

Marshal came back with drinks for everyone. “What did I miss?” With that, everyone burst to laughter. Then Bernadina started telling him her version of the events. Marshal, who was awestruck, was looking back and forth between Bernadina and me. After Bernadina finished telling him, he let us know how sad he was that he wasn’t there to see it himself, which brought him a sour look from Aiko. After that, the food came, and we ate gleefully with some laugh now and then.

When the time came to say goodbye to one another, Bernadina asked me if I could drive her home. She told me that she missed Frigg and was wondering if I could let her drive it. Even though it was tearing me apart, I accepted. That wasn’t the only thing that lacerated me. All that time, I learned nothing new from Calysta, besides the fact she was still willing to hurt me.

Once we got into the car, she drew a deep breath and looked at me. “Well, that went well, wasn’t it?”

“I don’t know, Berna. Everyone was on edge. I’m only glad we came out of this bizarre situation as friends without killing each other.”

As soon as she started the car, a calming piano piece started to play. She looked at me in a way as if to tell me, “What the hell, dude? Can’t you find a better taste in music?” Which made me laugh.

“Do you know what the music is called?” I asked.

“No. What is so funny about it?”

“Because it’s called ‘Just for You’ by Giovanni Marradi,” I continued laughing, which made her laugh as well. Just to annoy me, she pushed the forward button, and it jumped to another song called “Enchantment” by Chris Spheeris and Paul Voudouris. It made me laugh harder. She tried her pouting face but wasn’t successful. She couldn’t hide her grin.

“I see that you haven’t changed at all. What if we get into an accident and this music was on loop? The police would blame us for impairment driving.”

“Yeah, I should listen to your music, which has the side effect of losing hearing and sanity.”

“You are hopeless,” She said with a twinkle in her eyes.

I took out a cassette collection of Ocarina by Audin and Modena so that she could enjoy the ride as well. It wasn’t even close to what she would be willing to listen to, but it had beat to it, so we both compromised. The way she tapped the wheel and moved her head, I knew I had made the right choice.

After driving for a while, she broke the stillness between us by a question.

“You are still thinking about what Aiko said?” she said.

“She was my friend, and I like to believe she still is. However . . .” I shook my head in disappointment and took a deep sigh. I didn’t finish my thought and just looked outside. People were bustling about their daily lives. The Earth was orbiting around the sun, and my problems had me as their only companion.

“You know how Aiko is, lots of emotions and fewer thoughts. It’s like taking a shower either in extremely cold or super hot, and there is no dial in between.” She smiled, and it was one of those painful smiles when she was in a dilemma. However, it didn’t stop me from chuckling, but then I remembered she only does that to a stranger. Aiko would be more considerate toward her friends’ circle.

“I don’t know why I came. That selfish part of me wanted to see you all and hoped we passed the trivial past, but the damn thing has been chained to us. It doesn’t matter what kind of conversation we started. It could be religion, philosophy, political, or engineering. It wouldn’t matter. It would end the same way. All the rivers end up either in the ocean or sea.”

She shook her head and gave me another sad smile. “After all these years, you are still protecting Calysta.”

That took me by surprise. I looked at her with a suspicious eye and tried to see where she was going with this. Was she fishing for something? What was her end game?

The sad leer was there when she looked at me again only to see my reaction. Then she looked back to the road and continued driving with the dejected smile still hanging. “I’ll tell you all about it when we arrive.”

I was too shocked to voice any objections. Now and then, I looked at her to see any changes in her facial expression, to find a clue. Why did she want to talk about it in her home? Oh, she knew how to keep me in suspense and torture me with it. Was it payback? Payback for what she knew that went on between Calysta and me? Maybe like me, she wanted to get it out of her chest. I couldn’t blame her for that if that were the case. I looked outside, and it dawned on me that I didn’t know where she lived or any of them. In fear of not bringing up the past, that old petrifying culprit, we didn’t go into details about our lives, especially me being conservative on any subject related to my personal life.

It didn’t take us too long before she stopped in front of her home. It was a townhouse, which was normal living in the city. She was doing fine if that was her house in that part of the city. It was not glamorous in the sense that it stood out from others, but not substandard to show negligence. It was the total opposite of what Bernadina was all about. She was a head turner wherever she went. Maybe this was her inner wish, to be like everyone else.

“What a nice place you’ve got here. I really like it.” The beam in her eyes and lips was enough reply for me.

“Thanks. Who knew talking to a computer and bossing it around to do this or do that allows me to buy this.” She smirked, and it was impossible for me not to smile back. “At least you found a company to pay you for being bossy. Now I feel bad that you did all of that for free for all of us,” I added. It was enough to get her to bust a gut.

After she wiped the few tears on her cheeks from laughing, she led me to her living room. “Do you want a drink?”

“Just water.” I knew she wanted to tell me if I wanted to drink wine or spirit.

“Is that all? Don’t you want anything else with it?”

“If you are offering a dance while I drink my water, who am I to refuse that?”

“Ha ha, funny. Is there a reason you don’t want a drink with me?”

“It’s not what you think. I just don’t want to drink and drive, especially when Frigg is with me. Also, saving you the headache of me dying in a car crash and you start feeling guilty for forcing me to drink.”

She shook her head, but the chuckle was locked on her lips. She left to bring me a glass of water and a drink for herself. Meanwhile, I was absorbing the beauty of her house. Her rug wasn’t a fancy rug from Iran, but it combined well with the interior design. The white cycle beside each other and the space between them was colored black. It was in a way to elevate different shades of colors like gray and milky white. Her three-seater sofa was gray, and two single armchairs were creamy. The three-seater sofa was facing the two single ones, which had been separated by an oval-shaped table. Between the single ones was another table with a night lamp sitting on it. On the right side of the armchairs and the left side of the three-seater sofa were two gray chairs. Facing all that and the fireplace was another purple two-seater sofa. On the fireplace wall, there were two paintings that were hanging. On the oval-shaped table, there was a vase that had some different-colored stones in it. There wasn’t any TV set to be seen on that wall, which was a good thing. It brought the aura of Zen and tranquility with the modern touch to it. Maybe what she wanted was a place for discussion and no distraction at all. A convocation for her friends, perhaps? I could easily imagine the friends gathering, the conversation and gossip they brought with themselves, the nonsensical argument about this or that, the laughter for silly jokes or teases. Even thinking about it made me grin like a Cheshire cat.

“What are you smiling at?” Bernadina said with two glasses in her hands.

“I like your house and the way you set it up. I guess someone took it seriously when playing in the dollhouse with friends,” I said while accepting my glass of water.

“It’s really nice of you to say that,” she said while sitting right beside me on the two-seater sofa, gathering one foot under the other. Her whole body was facing me. It made me a little shy, so I put one foot on the other, hoping it would give me more space.

“I’m serious, Berna. I really and truly like your house.” This brought me another beautiful smile of hers.

“Thanks,” she said and took a sip from her drink.

The glass of water in the palms of my hands was turning from cold to mellow. I was glad that I chose the water. The way Bernadina was behaving was making me really uncomfortable and anxious.

“You are still as shy as ever,” she said while showing me her beautiful set of teeth. I knew she was goading me, and if I did accept her invitation, there wouldn’t be an ounce of resistance. But for what? At what cost? There was a line that I didn’t want to cross. Even my body was disappointed in me. The voices in my head were screaming at me and calling me names—stupid, moron, not a man, degenerate, deserving to be extinct, a waste of good genes, masochist, chicken, a dog shit, and the list continued on and on.

“Berna, you said something in the car. Do you want to continue?” I said instead, and I could see the hurt in her eyes.

“It’s always about her, isn’t it?” she said. I didn’t know if she shamed and guilted me on purpose or unconsciously, but whatever the reason was, I didn’t want to hurt her more. However, I didn’t want to give her the wrong impression either. She made the situation impossible. What was I supposed to do?

“Talk to me. What is it in your mind?” I said and hoped what she wanted was a listener.

“It’s just that it’s always about Calysta. What should I do today to make the princess happy? What is going on with Her Majesty? Is she in distress or something? God forbid if she is depressed because it is the universe’s job to make her happy,” she complained. I stilled my laughter inside because that was my thoughts exactly and tried my best to be attentive to her complaints. She took another sip from her drink and looked up to see my reaction toward her badmouthing Calysta.

“Please continue,” I said.

“She is a shameless creature. After all, she had done, after all she hadn’t done, and after all the sacrifices we made for her, how did she repay us? She invites herself to our little gathering and brings that asshole with her. Like I care who she is dating,” she said vehemently. She took a long sip with disgust. It was like she wanted to wash away that bitter memory with a more pungent drink. It made me wonder. Was that her true feeling toward Calysta? Or was it for my own sake? How could she repeat what was on my mind on that meeting right back to me? What kind of sorcery was she involved in? I was nodding without knowing I was doing it.

She drank the last bit and was ready to get up and pour herself another one.

“Here, I haven’t touched it yet,” I offered my glass of water.

“No, I think I’ll have another one.”

“It is for my sake. I don’t like to see you drunk.”

She laughed. “You don’t trust me around the drink.”

“Right now, no. You are too emotional to notice how many glasses you had before blacking out. I guess you were right to say I haven’t changed much. I still care about you a lot.”

“But not enough to be with me,” she said with sadness that I had never seen before. There was silence between us, and I was afraid to say any word to her. She was emotionally unstable, and anything could be misinterpreted. I was thinking logically, and she was holding her soul in her hands—two things that don’t mix well together, like water and oil. What could I say that wouldn’t make me sound condescending? She was about to stand up when I said,

“Tell me about your feelings.” I invited her to sit back and continue. My wording was with care and diligence. I was walking on thin rope. It wasn’t the first time I talked to an unstable person, but the stake for a friend was much higher than some stranger in the street.

She sat back and looked into my eyes and searched for something. Sincerity? Curiosity? Whatever she was looking for, I didn’t know I had it or not, so I prescribed her a smile. I smiled in the hope she would ignore other things and continue telling me about her feelings.

“Do you remember the first time we met?” she said with a wry smile.

“Do you hate me that much to make me remember that fiasco?” I said while having those memories revisited again.

“Why did you choose me between all three of us?” It took me by surprise. I never thought that there were actions on my part that made someone confused. I knew the feeling too well just to pass over it.

“Because you were the most beautiful one, and I remember that you looked down on me like ‘What does this peasant want from me?’” It made her laugh.

“I’m serious. Tell me, Agustin, what made you talk to me first?”

I thought I was serious, but if she didn’t take it seriously, it meant she had an inferiority complex or my explanation had holes in it.

“You ARE the most beautiful of the three.”

“Then why did you choose Calysta, not me?” It was a question she had been asking for a long time. Really? I didn’t even know or have a clue that she felt that way toward me until this moment. How could she hide it for so long without me noticing it? Well, the teenage me wouldn’t surprise me, but what was my excuse for today?

After a lengthy consideration, I continued, “Because at that time, I was superficial and didn’t know what I wanted from a girlfriend. I didn’t know any of you, as a matter of fact. But with a little time, I got attracted to someone who was like me a bit. At that time, I wasn’t ready for a challenging relationship. You were strong and brave, dishing boyfriends left and right. I was afraid to be cast out of the group because you casually didn’t want me anymore. That was the case if we were in a relationship, let alone if the feeling was unacquired and made the situation more awkward.”

“I was a stupid teenager too. I was hoping by showing my new boyfriends, I could make you jealous. You didn’t like my personality then?”

“You make it sound like I had a chart for each of you and made a pro and con content in it. Because of my low esteem, I chose a safer option. It wasn’t that Calysta had any lack in beauty, but she was more forthcoming about her feelings than yours by teasing me with her mischievous smile and the way she called my name that no one could repeat.” It was harsh and firm, to say the least, but at least she would know where she stood now. There was no lack on her part for me choosing Calysta, but rather, something more ancient than me and her was involved.

“What about now? Is my approaching not enough for you yet?” she said with a tone of sadness in it. I felt the frustration she had, but someone between the two of us had to act at his or her age.

“Back then, I hurt you unknowingly. Today I can’t hurt you knowing that it only benefits me, not you.” I looked at her. The disappointment was screaming at me. I continued, “I can’t compete with a dreamy image of me in your head. That Agustin is perfect, and I am not. That Agustin never breaks your heart as this Agustin does.” There was a deadly silence between us.

Then She looked up and asked me, “What do you mean it only benefits you?”

“It means what it means. Knowing that this relationship wouldn’t end anywhere, I’ll use this vulnerability of yours for hurting someone’s back, using your body and soul for my end. After all that, I’ll discard you like anything else that’s past their usefulness.” She looked at me with disbelief. Maybe she was looking for an excuse to convince herself that I would never do that to her. After all, How much could she bet on me to not be truthful to her, or more importantly, did she ever care? With that much sentiment and passion, all that anger and vexation, A sane person would choose the most illogical approach.

“I think it is better for me to leave.” I was about to stand up when she held my hand. My body threw a dictionary full of swears at me from A to Z for being an idiot, an incompetent, a contemptible, a fallacious being without any redemption on his thought and posture. My body was willing to do anything that meant having that moment of sweetness between a man and a woman, disregarding any philosophical ideas that could prevent it—an instinct of sort that was necessary for enduring all the hardships we put ourselves through. I thought I reined in this beast of mine, but contrary to my belief, it pretended to sleep to just jump on any opportunity. I don’t know if the women ever understood the nature of this ogre and how difficult it was to control it.

Simply put, the brain and the whole body are fighting with simple logic that can be ignored totally. For every reason that we convince ourselves we shouldn’t do it, our brain gives us thousands of counter reasons why we should do it. For example, after all that talk I had with Bernadina, now my brain was telling me that I did my job, that she was an independent grown woman who had the rights to make her own mistakes, that I was just simply hurting her feelings by not accepting her, that I shouldn’t shelter her with something that I was not so sure if it was going to hurt her, that I should meet her halfway, maybe all that she needed, and the list of reasoning went on and on. The brain itself turns against us and makes us feel like horrible people if we don’t reciprocate. That’s where all the problems come from. When someone cheats, all the reasoning has been dismantled by the brain itself. How can someone fight with all those odds against them? It would be much more difficult if it isn’t even cheating to anybody if we just give up and answer her needs without regarding the consequence. It is true what they say that it is easier said than done. Suppose someone wasn’t through it and wasn’t genuinely tempted on that level and had no idea what they were talking about. In that case, they should shove all those advices that they came up with additional salt and pepper in their asses, so maybe that way, they would shut up about whatever moral sense they came up with on that day. All this and some people gloss over it as if it’s something to be expected from a gentleman and someone chivalrous. Not understanding that some people are frail and not trained for it at all, the expectations are always there. So when I say I sat and hoped that she didn’t go further than that, it would definitely go over some people’s heads, not grasping the gravity of the situation. The difference between being a good friend at a vulnerable time or just being simply human is a fine line.

I handed over my glass of water. She accepted it graciously and took a sip.

“It’s a bit warm,” she said and was confused if she gave me warm water instead. Meanwhile, I was wondering how the hell all that water didn’t evaporate yet, with all the heat that I was sure was emanating from me.

She looked at me and wondered for a moment if she should take the next step or not.

“Berna, did she tell you the reason she broke up with me?”

She looked at me in disappointment.

“I hate Calysta.” By saying that, she took another sip.

“You were supposed to be with me, not her. She never understood you. It doesn’t matter what you tell me. You can’t convince me otherwise,” she said stubbornly.

I was sure she was emotional at this stage, and I didn’t want to hurt her by insisting on something that I knew would hurt her.

“Maybe you never understand this, how important that piece of information is for me and how long I waited to know the answer, but I’ll never trade it for anything that will make you sad and uncomfortable.” I looked at her. There were tears in her eyes. “I wish you’d understand how important you are to me. Berna, look at me.” She looked at me with teary eyes, still as beautiful as ever. “In a few days, I’ll come back here and talk to you like old times, but at that time, we won’t even try to talk about that question of mine again. It is going to be about you, what you were up to, and all the goodies and gossip you gathered all this time. On top of that, I’ll bring pictures and videos and explain my part of seeing the world. How does that sound to you?” I looked at her and waited for her answer. One middle age was crying, and the other middle age was comforting her. Maybe it is true that we are children in our hearts and that only the games change.

There was a back-and-forth between us. Now she wanted to share the information, and I knew that if she did, it would be a kind of manipulation on my part, so I refused to hear about it. I also explained why I didn’t want to listen to it. That look of gratification she gave me, the firm hug she shared, the trust I got from her were as good as they could be. When we said goodbye to each other and I was driving home, The thing that was in my mind wasn’t the question. It was Bernadina’s smile.

It took me a while to arrive home. I was tired from the day’s events. The streetlamps were turned on, and they were glowing yellow on the dark asphalt. The pitch darkness from above was swallowing the rest of the light. It didn’t stop people from working on that hours. I felt the sadness weighing on me. I just wanted to sit on that curb where I sat many years ago. The decision I made that day affected me more than a decade later. I felt I could cry now without somebody knowing. I sat on that curb and looked right and left. The tears were coming down. Now and then, there were cars that were passing by. I hid my face behind my hands and let my heart empty itself—for this unjust world, this never-ending pain that we carry all the time, for the departure of those dear to us, and the memories we have from the past. After a while, when I was ready to get up, I remembered to take my bag from the car.

I took it and walked to my parents’ home. Carrying my bag and all those computer and camera with it, I walked inside, and I heard the TV was on. I could hear my own voice when I was narrating something for my parents. Probably they were watching one of those tapes that I sent here every year.

My dad was sitting in the wheelchair with oxygen tubes going around his ears to his nose. My mom was lying down on her bed with closed eyes. Her chest was rising up and down. My dad noticed me entering the room and shushed me to be quieter since my mom was sleeping. She wasn’t getting much sleep these days. The number of pill bottles was a testament to how many parts of her body weren’t working properly, besides her memory loss of me. And my dad had to deal with mutated cell in his blood that was spreading and adventuring everywhere it wanted to. Both of them were in a twisted race to see who went first and had no regard for their only son. I quietly went to my dad and kissed him on top of his head and quietly, as he requested, asked him if he had his supper. He nodded and, by waving his hand, asked me to go outside.

They didn’t even tell me about their situation until it was out of hand. I was blissfully benighted of all the things they were dealing with. My mom was diagnosed first many months before my dad. She was losing her short memories with each passing day; meanwhile, her immune system was attacking another nerve system in her body. She couldn’t stand up. She didn’t recognize my aged face at all. Her son was talking to her through those videotapes. That was how my father kept her calm when she asked to see me.

My father, who knew me well and knew I would drop anything to come back there or force them to come to me, hid it all. He liked to be where he and my mom made their lives. That was his plan until the good doctor informed him that he wasn’t doing well either. They suggested he live his remaining days at the hospital bed where he could have access to the nurses and doctors. They thought it was a good plan for him and my mom. What they missed was, what was the point of all those troubles they went through to have a roof above their heads? What was the point of making all those memories if they were going to be discarded so easily? On that spot where she made him smile while he was having a bad day at work. The silly dances she made while she was holding me to make me quiet. The guests and the friends they made through all these years. Their memories were still hanging around. The scenery they both made as they liked the house to be. Our friendly neighbor made a nest close to our home in trees, and they were coming and going for many generations. It was their dream, like the birds, to pass on their house to the next one in line. However, their only son and their investment was on the other side of the ocean, far from where they wanted him to be, far from any celebration they made, and he wasn’t able to come.

Their celebration ended by seeing their son on TV. It was then when my father decided to tell me about the situation. After all those years, he never asked his son for anything; he simply asked his son to come for a visit, asking him as a favor for the old man’s sake.

Then His realized that everything wasn’t okay. His heart was broken to see them like that. His mom would never know that his son came back for her in the end, showering her with kisses that she thought was coming from a stranger. He would read her a bedtime story, which she thought was done by someone who looked exactly like his son. He would sing for her while combing her hair. She would never know the world was nothing to that stranger without her in it.

I walked to the kitchen, then I noticed the young doctor sitting in one of the chairs and drinking a cup of coffee.

“Hi, sorry I didn’t notice you were here,” I said sheepishly.

“No worries. I was just taking a break. I sent the nurse home. I didn’t know that you were going to be this late,” she said nonchalantly.

“Thank you. It means a lot to me,” I said admittedly.

“Well, good, let’s see how you can repay me.” By saying that, she gave me a mischievous smile.

She was a slender, tall, beautiful woman in her thirties—the type who never had a problem finding a partner if she wanted to, the kind who made my father whistle in front of her when he saw her nonetheless.

However, I was tired of the day’s events. I wanted to end the day as it was—no more drama. However, I couldn’t be rude to someone who was treating the most valuable people in the world for me.

So even though I was tired, I played along. I looked at her beautiful brown eyes and said, “Nah, I’m going to sit here, and you are going to make a cup of tea for me.” It took her by surprise; her eyes were bulging. She couldn’t believe what she heard, so she said, “Excuse me, what did you say?”

And for her answer, I only smiled. She probably had never seen anyone talk to her that way. She had most certainly never been treated like that. To be challenged in a way that made her feel alive. After not hearing any response from me, she asked me with a smile, “Why did you say that?” I knew she was fishing for me to say “I’m sorry,” but the truth was that she wanted to see if I was bluffing or not. If I double down on what I said, that would only make me a rude person, but if I continue standing my ground, it would mean a lot to her than saying sorry.

“I shouldn’t have taken the car. It was a foolish decision I ever made. There wasn’t a parking spot to park, but I got lucky at the end.” She was baffled more when she realized that I wasn’t even answering her questions. Saying something totally out of whack and nonsensical made me smile more and made her grin more as well. I continued talking to her like that for a while. The more she was looking to make sense of the situation, the more I made it much muddier until she forgot what the discussion was about. When I was sure I got her attention, then we talked about the events of her day. Casually, without her noticing, I prepared a supper for both of us and put the remaining in containers for her to take home or to work, telling her if she liked the supper, she could come back again in the hope that I was in the mood to make another one, with no promises.

With her gone, my day came to an end. The darkness of night had one more secret to keep in its dark heart and one more night for me to keep it there and not let my friends know about it.